Stories of a Caged Girl

By Trix Joyce

She was different, and not in the way anyone in the little village could understand. She was the sunshine everyone tried to cover up, the gemstone who was too rough to be loved. The girl nobody wanted near. Except him. The first person to take her in, the first person to abuse and use her, and one of the hundred people guilty of making her condition worse.

 

This is the story of one autistic child who became an autistic teenager, and then finally an autistic adult. It’s a dark story as well as a story of hope. A story of anger and grief as well as love and compassion. This is her story and she won’t let anyone tell her she can’t express herself anymore. This is the story of one forgotten child who refuses to be silenced anymore.

 

In this book, I share thirteen memoirs and thirteen poems, all related to dealing with trauma. Here I also want to put a content warning: this book includes themes of ableism, child abuse, domestic violence, rape, suicidal ideation, and other similar, dark topics. I suggest you read with caution and although these are important things to talk about, I know this warning needs to be here.

 

I'm Trix Joyce, an author and blogger based in Sweden. This is my first English collection of personal essays and poetry. I have been using different names in my Swedish work, though always had a poetic and reflective style of writing according to other people. I write books in the categories of philosophy, poetry, personal essays, and other nonfiction, but also fictional novels and collections of short stories and mainly mystery and fantasy when these come alive!

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookRix
• Release date: Aug 31, 2023
• ISBN: 9783755451594

Book preview

Foreword

I’m not writing this book to gain sympathy from anyone. I am simply writing it to 1) tell my story to help other survivors of trauma feel less alone, 2) to make an impact on this world, and 3) because I don’t have a hand covering my mouth trying to silence me anymore… Because, yes, once I did have a hand trying to silence me. And the people who abused me told me to never tell. That’s why I’m now telling you!

I won’t write anyone’s real name in this book, any real city or location, or something else that can make the people I’m writing about to be found. I respect everyone's privacy, even my abusers.

This book is a collection of both poetry and memoirs, and that is because I use both memoir writing and poetry writing to tell my story. To give the full picture. Sometimes I give a clearer picture in a poem. Sometimes I prefer telling just what happened in a personal essay. It depends on what I need to tell, and also what topic I’m writing about. Some things can’t be said in a personal essay without giving me some bad thoughts about myself, and in these cases, I write a poem instead. And I can’t deny the fact that I’m a big fan of both poetry and memoirs, so why not combine them both?

This foreword won’t be long, probably it will be the shortest foreword you’ve ever read. Because I want you to start this book now, and read it without me talking in this foreword for centuries…

But I guess here is where I should put a disclaimer. Read this book with caution if topics such as abuse, sexual assault, gaslighting, and other dark topics like those are triggering to you.

I hope you find this book helpful, and interesting, or maybe give you some insight into the mind of an Autistic person.

Disclaimer

This book is not professionally written, and English is my second language. That means that there might be some grammatical errors between the lines. I don't have the budget in which I can hire a proofreader. Because of that, I have decided to make this work very affordable (in some cases entirely free!) for anyone to read and download.

And another thing: please don't use my poetry or writings for anything other than personal use, if it’s not - of course - a review of my work or anything else that falls under fair use.

Thank you for your understanding.

Part I: Memoirs

Part I: Memoirs

Abused

I felt so incredibly sad. I was thinking about old memories and old non-fiction tales that were floating in my mind. Not even tales, it was more like fragments of an ancient event, and it wasn’t even that long time ago. But it felt like it was coming from another period.

The grip around my neck was sudden, just like the punch in my face. He had convinced me to make love with him, and I agreed even though I felt a bit awkward. Maybe he noticed I felt uncomfortable, I don’t know, but the harsh grip and the sudden punch made my body completely freeze and I couldn’t even move any longer. I stopped to move out of fear.

When my body reacted in that way he seemed to be even madder. Several more punches in my face and when my tears started to flow, his moves just became