Happy Chemicals: A Neurotic Memoir

By Christian Rivera

This is a book about a person writing a book and the challenges that come with writing a book. I guess it's also about a person trying to better understand themselves by outputting their inner dialogue into a book to try and better understand the parts of themselves. It's a neurotic memoir because it's about letting loose and seeing what the brain truly comes up with, complains about, notices, figures out, makes absurd, wants to dismiss, and wants to hide. This book is about bringing all of those thoughts, even the scary ones, up to the surface to bounce them around a bit and make some sense out of it or better yet, nonsense.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Feb 18, 2023
• ISBN: 9781329384019

Book preview

Happy Chemicals: A Neurotic Memoir

Copyright © 2023 by Christian A. Rivera

All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced

or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of

the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or scholarly journal.

First Printing: 2023

ISBN 978-1-79489-189-0

CNote Studio

50 Harwick Rd

Rochester, NY 14609

www.happychemicals.org

Preface

I don't like prefaces for books. It doesn't make sense to me that there should be a mini chapter of the book leading into the book…I explain or express what the book is about! But I suppose it's like the gondola into the theme park before you get to the main attraction but I also feel like the book itself should be good enough to include that on ramp, so why the extra on ramp? That's like foreplay before foreplay. At some point you just want to get on with it. But that's just me being neurotic and impatient.

It's amazing that I wrote a book at all actually but to also write a preface is like asking me to write about the beginning of a relationship after the relationship is over. I mean, I wrote the book. It's done. What else do you want from me? This was hard and I've gotta write more! C'mon, man! This stuff isn't easy otherwise everyone would do it. Yes, I know that a lot of people write books these days and have a lot of wonderful things to say about crystals and The Beatles and alternative vaccines or how to eat mud properly.

This book? Oh well this book has all of the secrets to universe embedded within it. Yup, everything you need to know about everything lays upon the pages before you. Right now you're stuck reading these words and they don't mean much but oh the words that are coming they're going to change your life forever.

So am I supposed to give a preview? I wasn't given an instruction manual so I'm sort of just flying by the seat of my pants here. I'm not sure why that saying makes sense but it really shouldn't. Flying by the seat of my pants. I thought I'd write it again so you get to experience the absurdity of that statement one more time.

So, oh yeah, the book. What's this thing about? I'm not entirely sure. I'm calling it a neurotic memoir because it's an intentional process of letting go and being neurotic. I know that being neurotic is all the rage in comedy this last decade since The Office came out and every boss character is designed after Michael Scott. I suppose what's different here is that I'm not managing anyone other than myself. And that's really it. It's a book about how the different parts of myself interact and what they have to say. Not really about anything specific other than sharing human thoughts out loud for you to witness in their full madness.

Yeah, I wanted this book to be funny but it gets into some serious bits as I spelunk into the depths of my being just a tad. Ya know, some light reading. But mostly this is to embrace a comment that my high school English teacher said to me which is that I have a gift to write a whole lot about nothing. And she's totally right because this book, to me, is a whole lot of everything about nothing and we're not going anywhere.

So I wouldn't approach this book with any sense of what's the point? or what's the goal? or what am I going to learn from this? BECAUSE I think everyone's reaction and journey is going to be different. Treat it like a TV show you visit once a week or binge it or read it in your down time or on the toilet instead of scrolling Instagram and feeling bad about yourself. I understand the narrative that comes up...these people are living their best life and I'm just here shitting. You don't have to do that to yourself anymore. Just read my book instead.

I'm not sure how long a preface is supposed to be. This whole book writing process surely has an instruction manual that I certainly refused to read and I'm sure there a few screws loose as a result. Don't worry, it's still usable and will probably do what you need to do, which is to entertain you for a while, maybe teach you something or at highlight some of my madness to alleviate how you feel about yours.

Whatever you end up feeling, my only hope is that it takes out of the rat race for a little while, slows down time for you, and is something you sit with for a while.

Welcome to the show.

I Guess It’s Time to Write a Book.

All of my favorite people have done it at some point in their careers. They did a bunch of things, started a podcast then wrote a book about it.

Why should I be any different?

Sure, I don’t have quite the clout of a Tony Robbins or Malcolm Gladwell but I’m smart, right? I can write a book about stuff. It’s my time.

This is the moment for me to say a thing or two about a thing or two. It'll influence the masses and change the world. Who knows, perhaps I’ll bend it to my will. Or I’ll find out that I don’t have that kind of power or want it.

Maybe I’ll get rich all of a sudden and be the talk of the town? If that town turns out to be someplace in Ohio then I suppose that’s fine with me. Dave Chappelle lives in one of those small towns. Who wants the attention of a big town anyway? That’s a lot of people all turning their attention toward me all of a sudden. Body snatcher vibes. I don’t know that I’d want that.

So, why write a book then? I suppose it’s time and I should do it. All the stats are leading in that direction.

But should I? I mean, what’s this whole should thing? Who is saying that? I’m talking to myself here, so why am I telling myself that I should do something? Hello? Who’s really in charge here? It’s me, right? It’s probably me. Whoever that is. Whatever that is. Anyway, I got sidetracked. I just think it’s time.

One thing is for sure, if I write a book then everyone will respect me for the serious human being that I am. They’ll know that everything I’ve said and done can be put into 300…100 pages…and I’ll finally be something like my parents said I would be.

But I’ve already done a lot of stuff! That’s why I’m writing a book. I suppose I’m already something. Right? The greatest human that ever did human. But what I’ll be…oh, what I’ll be!…is something to other people! That’s the ticket! and then I’ll get all the monies to sleep on.

There is a bit of a problem with this whole writing-a-book thing…I’ve got dyslexia. So, this might take a while. BUT persistence is an admirable trait, right? That’s what I’m hoping to convey despite the bevy of typos and skipped words that will inevitably arise. However, resting is also good and popular amongst my millennial brethren, so if I take my time writing my book and I don’t tell anyone that I have dyslexia then I’ll become the king of people who both persist and rest. That’s like, everyone.

So, yeah, great, I’ll just write this book little by little, and I won’t tell anyone that this is the case.

Excellent plan.

What will my book be about? Should I cover something so universal and human that it will just fly off the shelves and create a revolution of thought so profound that even the Dalai Lama is like, Maybe it should’ve been you sitting where Im sitting all the time?"

I can talk about personal growth. I love telling people how to live their lives! Or I can talk about the Enneagram. People love numbers and cryptic symbols. I can tell people all about personality with no personality. What about astrology? Hmmm, I fear you, the dear reader, will think that Mercury wrote this book instead of me and I can’t have that. I need all of the credit. Planets have had their moments in the sun. Maybe a cookbook? I can make artisanal peanut butter and jelly a cultural phenomenon. I just have to learn how to do that first.

OR maybe we should just transcend genre altogether and become Disney’s The Marvel Universe(™?) of books!

I can write a fantasy story about a warlock woman named James who cooks artisanal peanut butter and jelly for The Beatles when they were babies.

Book 2 will be a vast religious text, with mostly pictures, telling the true (not true) story of a 7-year-old boy who was given the gift of eventually becoming Santa Claus by his future self in a riveting causal loop story of death, sex, scandal, and despair.

Book 3 involves an Egyptian Pharaoh who travels to 2016 to run for President of the United States and to avoid any political favoritism I’ll make it a choose-your-own-adventure story!

Book 4 will be about what it’s like to work at Bath & Body Works and Taco Bell at the same time.

And Book 5 will bring all of our heroes together in a Twitter conversation about the future of Twitter.

It could have some potential.

Ah, who am I kidding? Those are all washed-up ideas. Politics? Egyptian Pharaohs? It’s been done. And while Marvel movies are something I do genuinely enjoy, I feel my version would be more like a hit show on The CW and I don’t think anyone wants that anymore. RIP.

Well, then what do the people want? Do I know what they want? Do THEY know what they want? I clearly don’t know what I want. Perhaps I should get a consultant to point me in the right direction. Hmm but I’d probably have to know someone first, wouldn’t I? That’s a lot of work. It’s fine, I’ll figure it out on my own. Tale as old as time. But I think that makes me relatable and I’m sure the reader will be able to tell how confident, worldly, and knowledgeable I am by not consulting with anyone about how to write a book or what I should even write about. It’s like a podcast but with text. I mean, as I said, I’ve done things so, therefore, I know things and therefore it’s time to write said book and influence the world with the essence of my worldliness.

What kind of voice should I use? I’ve always heard that you should write the way that you speak. I’m not entirely sure how to write in a monotone toned-down Philadelphia accent but I’ll give it my best shot:

Lez get a hoagie. Jeetyet? Dip the pretzul in the wooder ice.

Eh, that doesn’t translate well and is too specific of a joke. What if I tried a different voice altogether?

Maybe a 1940s newscaster.

THIS JUST IN: A MAN IS WRITING A BOOK THAT INVOLVES DIALOGUE ABOUT HIS BOOK-WRITING PROCESS. IT’S TRULY RIVETING AND 16 PEOPLE WERE KILLED IN THE PROCESS. WE DON’T KNOW THE DETAILS OF WHAT THIS MAN IS DOING BUT HE’S JUST LETTING IT HAPPEN. GOD HELP US ALL. MORE AT 11.

Seems too aggressive. What if we took on the affectation of Queen Elizabeth II…

Hurlo mui loyal subJECTs. It is thyme for yur rrroyal highness to wroite a boook. A boook about twut? Hwell, let’s exploor that togethur shawl wee?

That was a bit more Julia Child than I was hoping for.

I'll stick with my voice for now. It's my book after all. If people want to read my book then they should hear from me…the kindest, greatest, smartest, most loving, and most attractive human on the planet. This is at least what my mother tells me and my wife. Let’s not think too hard about that.

No matter what anyone says, I just think it’s time to put it all out there.

Pleasing The Critics

Occasionally when I write or am working on some sort of project I feel like I can hear a barrage of typewriters from critics clicking all at once. I know that typewriters aren't the thing anymore but there are probably some critics out there still doing it for the clout and sense of self-importance. I mean, I empathize with self-importance, so that’s what I would do if I had that level of concentration in me. But I’m a bit all over the place. As a millennial, my vision is constantly blurred by the color-clashing confetti interstitials of early 90s Nickelodeon representing the ever-present push to save the universe.

Do I fear the critics? Maybe a little bit. When I put this book out there, a book I've put very little effort into, and it gets squashed by someone who has made a career reviewing Stephen King's latest Netflix adaptation, I will be devastated. So I should set the tone that this isn't going to be high-brow art. You can put your museum curator hat away.

Mostly I’m just wanting to make a 13-year-old laugh. I expect that a 13-year-old can give me