El Santuario: Struggle, Hope, and Perseverance: A Memoir

By Rev. Jeannine Leister M.Min.

El Santuario means "The Sanctuary." It is a culmination of years of personal battles and the perseverance to overcome them. This book is about learning to depend on God and rely on His strength to forgive, even in situations where you can't see a way to do that.

It's about hardship. It's about hurting. It's about hope. It's about healing.

My desire is that this book will encourage you to see the positive in negative situations and to look deep into your heart when you are tested by trials and torment, to see all that God has for you when we break free from fear and pain and move to forgiveness.

This book has been a work in progress for five years, and in that time, I have grown tremendously as an individual as well as growth emotionally and spiritually. El Santuario will take you through personal struggles and outcomes that you may be able to relate to your life situations as well.

May this book be a guide in helping you understand that even though we cannot always change what happens to us, we can choose how we react to it.

Everything in this life prepares us for something else!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Dec 16, 2021
• ISBN: 9781638447542

Book preview

cover.jpg

El Santuario

Struggle, Hope, and Perseverance: A Memoir

Rev. Jeannine Leister M.Min.

ISBN 978-1-63844-753-5 (paperback)

ISBN 978-1-63844-754-2 (digital)

Copyright © 2021 by Rev. Jeannine Leister M.Min.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.

832 Park Avenue

Meadville, PA 16335

www.christianfaithpublishing.com

Names and some identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals.

All scriptures taken from the Care and Counsel Bible (Caring for People God’s Way), New King James Version, Thomas Nelson, Copyright 2001 by American Association of Christian Counselors. The Holy Bible, New King James Version Copyright 1982 by Thomas Nelson.

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Foreword

I was always afraid that God would use my story one day, that He would make me tell it. But as I’ve studied over the years and read many books and counseled so many people hurting, I realize He has been preparing me to tell my story—His story of redemptive healing work in my life and an example of what He can do in yours.

I am no longer afraid but proud to share what Christ has done in my life and eager to help others who are struggling in theirs.

You are not alone and you don’t ever need to be.

God is preparing someone’s heart to help you—even as you are reading this book right now!

Trust Him!

This book will help you realize who those people are for you and help you to see how God has placed them in your life.

This book is something I have wanted to write for many years. I never found the courage or the strength to do so until one day in 2013 when I met someone who helped me to change my life and set me on the right track again—someone who believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself, someone I didn’t even know I needed!

There are no strangers here; only friends we haven’t yet met. (William Butler Yeats)¹

God often sends significant people into our lives and allows our paths to cross at different intervals. Unfortunately we are sometimes blind to the reality of the needs that we are experiencing because we allow ourselves to get so caught up in the messes that we have created, making it difficult to see our way out. There are so many people willing to help us if we will just open our hearts and our minds to accept the help and accept the truth that needs to be spoken by someone else to us.

I am truly grateful for those that God has allowed to cross paths with me and help to make me into the person I am today. And I will be forever grateful for those closest to me who never gave up on me and always believed in me.

I hope that all those who will read this book will be inspired to reach out to someone else and extend a hand to those who are hurting and lost in this life because sometimes we just can’t see our way out of the dark woods alone.

I want to be able to help others because I know people suffer in silence for years, just like I did. You feel ashamed and guilty to tell anyone your deepest secrets because some people just don’t understand and will make you feel like it is all your fault when, in reality, you were a victim of the abuse. No child should ever have to endure abuse of any kind. Sadly, many do.

I want you to know, it is not your fault. You are beautiful and you are loved and there is hope and healing.

One of my favorite movies is Les Misérables, the story of Jean Valjean, a prisoner on parole who breaks his parole to create a new life for himself as he runs from the ruthless inspector Javert.

Years later, Jean Valjean adopts a young girl named Cosette, whose mother, Fantine, a former employee of his, became a prostitute and died a horrible death in the gutters after being fired from her only source of income.

The scene that made the most impact on me that I can relate to my life, is when Fantine has been run out of a factory job which provided her monies to live on and support her daughter whom she believed to be ill. Fantine was then forced to do unthinkable things to earn money. She knew these things weren’t right, but she felt so desperate and felt she had no other choice. At her lowest point, Jean Valjean sees her situation and looks through the hurt to the beautiful human being that Fantine really is. He sees beyond the ugly and shame and reaches out his hands to help her. She accepts, trusting him wholeheartedly.

Jean Valjean gave her hope and meaning once again.

He reached his hands down to where she was and she reached back and took his pure gift of love.

And so, when my husband died in 2011, I went through a very emotional time in my life. I became depressed and I walked away from everything important to me and basically gave up. I knew I had to fight my way back and I also knew that I couldn’t do it alone. This time I asked for help. I prayed daily that God would send someone into my life who I could trust completely and be 100 percent honest with. By 2013, He answered that prayer with Conrado. Conrado reached out his hands to me at my lowest time. He did not know me or my story but he saw beyond my situation, through the pain and hurt, to the human being that was inside. He offered me life and hope and gave meaning once again.

I would not be here today without that intervention. Conrado saved my life. I opened up to him, I began seeing a counselor with the support of my pastor, and we went back into my past to begin the healing that needed to be done a long time ago.

All these years, I have kept this secret and have hidden these things in my heart between my God and me. God knew all along what I needed each step of the way and delivered on His promises to never leave me or forsake me.

He could have kept all of this from happening, but what would I have learned? Nothing. Without going through the pain of it all, I would have learned nothing.

In 2014 my world became very dark. It was a bad place for me and I began to feel no way out. I went for a drive and I remember thinking that if I end it all, my personal affairs would all be taken care of. Everything was in order; I would have nothing to worry about. I felt desperate and lost.

I headed on a road that would lead me to our church, contemplating calling the pastor, but I really didn’t want to talk to anyone. I kept praying and crying. I pulled off the side of the road and I decided I would call Conrado.

Once again God placed him in my life and he answered my call. It was truly God working in this situation because Conrado can’t always answer the phone and often is not in his office, but this day, God made sure he took my call. And had he not answered, I most likely would not be here writing this now. Conrado and I spoke for about fifteen to twenty minutes, and I began to see things more clearly. I left that spot after hanging up with him and drove to the church cemetery to talk with my grandfather at his grave.

My grandfather passed away in 2013. When he was alive, he was one person that I could talk to about life. He always had time for me and always offered advice. Sometimes when I’m sad and hurting, I go to his grave and talk to him and I pray to God. This was one of those days.

After leaving the cemetery that day, I went home. I knew this wasn’t God’s will for me to end my life this day. I just wanted the pain to stop. Without the support of people like Conrado who believe in me and push me forward, it would be hard to continue to live each day.

Writing has been a great outlet for me. When I first told Conrado I wanted to write a book, he pushed me to do that too. Sometimes I get busy with life and try to put it on the back burner, but then he is there, asking, How is the book coming?

There have been so many influential people that God has placed in my life, each in their own unique way and each with their own purpose to help me. I pray that God will use me the same way in someone else’s life to help them and encourage them to keep fighting! It is hard, but it is worth it.

Like Jean Valjean, you have lifted me from the gutter and saved me from my wretched ways. You gave meaning to my life.

To love another person is to see the face of God. (Les Misérables)²

1

El Santuario

If you could see yourself as I do now, you would know that you have value and worth. I am speaking these words to the hurt and wounded soul who is reading this book. You are worth it! Maybe you’re a male whose parents have all but abandoned you and now you have to face life basically on your own. Or maybe you are a mom who feels like they have no place in this life anymore. You feel like you aren’t needed or wanted by anyone who is important to you and now you feel alone and dejected. Maybe you’re in a relationship that’s been abusive and crying daily for a way out. Maybe, you are the one who has been carrying a secret that haunts you day after day. Maybe you were a child whose innocence was taken away by someone who has molested you. Maybe you think that everything that has happened to you is all your fault and now you just want the pain to stop!

I’ve been where you are now. I’ve known pain and hurt and abuse from an early age, an age when no child should have to know these things. Children are a precious gift from God and should be honored and loved and never have to feel deep pain. Sadly, many do. And as I write now, I hope you can understand in reading this book that God has allowed me to go through these things, not to hurt me but to help you! There is a lesson behind every hurt that we experience in life, no matter what age we are. It may be a lesson of hope, it may be a lesson that teaches you how to help others, or it may be a lesson in forgiveness and healing.

I was so young when the abuse started, both of them preying on me at the same time. I guess