From Bondage to Freedom: How God Turned My Pain into a Purpose and My Mess into a Message

By Aline Umutoni

From Bondage to Freedom was written to portray the faithfulness of God in every season I walked through from surviving the genocide at five to surviving sexual abuse at nineteen. This book is not to magnify the traumatic events I faced but to show the power of transformation through Jesus Christ and his everlasting love. The book also shows the mighty ways of God, who can turn our pain into a purpose and our mess into a message to help others overcome their pain and walk a life of freedom.
The book was written to bring hope and healing to every person who experienced pain and rejection, who always felt like an outcast to the society because of their past. This book may help a victim or a broken person to know that they don’t have to love in bondage forever, for there is a way to freedom where they can experience joy and peace in the midst of their situation. From Bondage to Freedom is also a message of hope that shows how one can move beyond being a victim and become someone who overcomes the pain they faced.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Dec 17, 2019
• ISBN: 9781973681694

Aline Umutoni

Aline Umutoni is a young lady who was born in Rwanda and raised in many countries. She is a survivor of the Genocide against Tutsis of 1994. At 5 years old, she encountered many traumatic events and was forced to run for her life in order to survive. After surviving the Genocide, she faced more pain with the betrayal of trust from her family. But her encounter with Jesus allowed her to embrace her past and no longer be ashamed of it. She learned to receive the healing of God and allowed God to turn her pain into the purpose that would encourage anyone facing pain and in need of healing to know that God is able to turn their mess into a message. Her goal is to encourage every person that their struggle is not the end for there is hope in their pain and they can rise above it and overcome it by the power of Jesus Christ.

Book preview

FROM BONDAGE TO FREEDOM

How God Turned My Pain into a Purpose

and My Mess into a Message

Aline Umutoni

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Copyright © 2020 Aline Umutoni.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

This book is a work of non-fiction. Unless otherwise noted, the author and the publisher make no explicit guarantees as to the accuracy of the information contained in this book and in some cases, names of people and places have been altered to protect their privacy.

WestBow Press

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

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Unless otherwise indicated, scriptures taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The NIV and New International Version are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™

Scripture quotations marked (NKJV) taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked AMP are taken from the Amplified Bible, Copyright © 2015 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

ISBN: 978-1-9736-8168-7 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-9736-8170-0 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-9736-8169-4 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2019920138

WestBow Press rev. date: 12/05/2019

This

book was written for all the people who once felt they had nothing to give and felt unworthy because they went through painful situations that shut down their dreams. It is for all the women who were told that they could never achieve their dreams because of their painful past. This book will bring light to all who were broken and are still in need of healing. This light will restore all that the enemy has stolen from the lives of the readers.

Acknowledgments

I cannot thank God enough for trusting me to write this book for His people. I am grateful for the opportunity to share my story with the world and to let God impact one life at a time as I lay down my life to serve the one and only Savior, Jesus Christ.

I would like to thank all the people God put in my life who encouraged me through my pain and the healing process. I cannot name every person who supported me, but I would like to name a few who, by their obedience to God, made this dream come true. I would like to thank my family in South Africa, Rwanda, Norway, and France for helping me with my healing process and for encouraging me to write this book when I thought I could not do it on my own. I also thank my spiritual parents who risked their lives to protect me when I left the house of oppression. To my late Aunt Umulisa and my late Uncle Claude, who went to heaven before this book was published. I love you and miss you so much. Lastly, I would like to thank my friends and family in Christ who prayed for me and walked with me through the process. I thank Nida and Rico Almodiel, Kemi Duro-Emmanuel, Ingrid Sidibe, Danielle Vario and Diane Gibbs. I love you all so much and pray that God blesses you mightily.

Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1     Hidden Truth

Chapter 2     A Child in the Making

Chapter 3     The End of Clear Sky

Chapter 4     New Life, New Hope, New Darkness

Chapter 5     The Reunion

Chapter 6     A Strange Place

Chapter 7     School Experience

Chapter 8     A New Environment

Chapter 9     Beginning of Sorrow

Chapter 10   Growth and Encounter with God

Chapter 11   Beginning of Ministry

Chapter 12   Failure to Obey

Chapter 13   Innocence Taken

Chapter 14   New Life

Chapter 15   Persecution and Trials

Chapter 16   Trials in School and Church

Chapter 17   Failed Attempts

Chapter 18   Trials and Tribulation

Chapter 19   The Renaissance

Chapter 20   The Way Out

Chapter 21   A New Beginning

Chapter 22   First Trip Back to Rwanda after the Genocide

Chapter 23   Back to School

Chapter 24   Difficulties

Chapter 25   Main Goal

References

Introduction

My name is Aline Umutoni. I was born in Rwanda and raised in many countries. My story is one of learning to trust, and of overcoming through the grace of God.

From an early age, I learned to survive and fight battles that were brought through horrific events in my life. I lost my mother who died in a car accident when I was thirteen months old, and then my father who was killed in the Rwandan genocide against Tutsis of 1994 when I was five years old.

Left with no parents, I turned my love and attention to my grandmother, who always showed me love and care. She passed away a few years after the genocide. After her death, I went from being loved to being sexually abused, and went from being an innocent child to a being a broken teenager. I lost hope in life and contemplated suicide. But, my hopelessness never stopped God from sending help through people who always reminded me of God’s love for me. God still loved me in spite of all the hurt and brokenness I faced at a young age. Even at times when I lost my faith in God, He used people to remind me of how blessed I was in Him. This helped me believe that all the pain I was facing was not intended to destroy me, but that one day I would look back and see a purpose in every step of my life. I started to believe that I was not suffering because of my pain alone, but for those who would one day see God in every step of their lives as they would hear my testimony and about my walk with Him.

After my first encounter with Jesus, I decided to fight for my freedom with everything I had. Three years later, when the day finally arrived, I took my first step to freedom. I finally learned to live in a place where no one was there to hurt me. I took my first breath of freedom after thirteen years of bondage.

I wrote this book as a testimony of God’s faithfulness and triumph, and will share the events that shaped my life and led to my freedom. For the sake of privacy, I will not mention the names of people to preserve their identities in the book. This book was not written to be a succession of events that portray atrocities done to me, but to share the goodness and love of our Lord Jesus Christ and His faithfulness through it all.

Although life may sometimes overtake us, we should always be reminded that Jesus overcame the world. I pray that as you read this book you have healing and hope in God to deliver you from any situation you have faced in the past, face in the present, or will face in the future. I pray that this book will give you endurance and perseverance in God to know that nothing is impossible with Him. I pray that all the dreams that were killed or destroyed through abuse and past hurts will come to life and bring a greater purpose for everyone who faces their pain. I pray that you will embrace who you are and what you went through so that God can heal you, and most importantly, impact other people as you walk in wholeness seeing yourself as an answer to someone else’s pain.

I believe that I faced all the pain and trouble in my life so that today I may be healed and write this book to bring healing to other women like me who were once hurt and lost all hope for the future. God has something greater for you than your pain. You can only see God’s plan, when you allow Him to heal you. God will then reveal the purpose behind the pain and hardships you had to face. God has great plans for your life.

I pray that all abused women, men, orphans, and rejected persons who read this book will get a revelation about why God allowed all the hurt they faced and will give them the purpose behind the pain. I hope my testimony brings healing to anyone who reads this book. I believe that my story will encourage an orphan to know they are not alone, a rejected person to rise above the rejection and know that they are loved, and an abused woman to know that she matters.

Whatever situation you are facing, you should never stop believing that there is a brighter future in front of you. God’s mercy and power is available for you to find joy and healing in all areas of your life. Always know that God is with you. Although we may not have similar pain, I believe that God will heal your pain and you will find meaning in your trials. He will set you free from every chain and will heal you as you read this book.

May the Lord bless you and encounter you in every line of the book. To God be the glory and power forever and ever. Amen.

In God’s love,

Aline Umutoni

CHAPTER 1

Hidden Truth

I fought God’s direction for me to write this book. It took me five years to realize that I could not do it on my own. I was afraid to share my story with people because of the fear of rejection. I was afraid that people would see me differently after they read what happened to me: how I survived genocide and how I was mistreated and abused in my teenage years. I felt that my story was too painful to share. I never liked being a victim and certainly did not want my story to portray me as one. I thought exposing my scars would bring more pain to me, so I chose to keep my story to myself, my close friends, and my family.

Throughout five years of denying my purpose, God still blessed and sustained me in all my works even though it was not His plan for me while I was walking a path that He had not created me to walk on. I was a people pleaser and needed to be validated by others. I wanted to be acknowledged, and I worked hard to be the best in all my endeavors so that I could have the praise of people instead of God.

The more I ran toward my personal goals, the emptier I felt. I always wanted to show the people who hurt me how I could succeed without their help in my life. I was grateful that God delivered me from the house of oppression (where my innocence was taken) as He promised, and I was determined to work hard so I could be independent and do the work of God on my own terms. I wanted to serve God with my life, but I was not ready to surrender my life fully and give Him my career and my dreams. I was praying and serving God in my work, but I did not realize that God had more in store for me. I was reaching out of my comfort zone by giving to His church and to people in need, but I had not given my heart fully to God.

I always told myself that I went to church, tithed, and shared the good news of the Gospel wherever I went, I was doing what God wanted from me, but I was wrong! I was pursuing my own dreams. I would share the good news and pray for people around me without sharing my story because I thought it was only for me and my family to know about. The secrets must remain hidden was the lie the enemy made me believe.

I knew God and loved Him with all my heart because He had shown me His face and His goodness when He delivered me from the house of oppression. I knew God had saved me for a reason, and I was determined to never forget Him in all my works. I knew His presence was with me, and I vowed to follow Him all the days of my life.

I never prayed to God to ask Him my purpose because I was convinced that His purpose for me was in my dreams and my personal goals. I was focused on myself and fulfilling my dreams. It was only in 2016 that I began to ask God if my dreams were His plan for my life. A part of me did not ask God about His dream for my life because I did not want to hear anything in opposition to my ideas.

My dream job was to be a hydrogeologist. Hydrogeology studies the occurrence, distribution, and effect of groundwater and the geological aspects of surface water. My goal was to provide clean water to remote places in Africa where people must walk many miles to get clean water for their families.

I had this dream since I was a teenager. When I was sixteen years old, I started having dreams of rivers and streams flowing with treasures underneath. It made me a lover of nature and water from a young age. To me, nature was a representation of the glorious power of our God. When I was finally given the chance to pursue my dreams, I gave my all because I believed my dreams were God’s. I was given a chance to study geology and hydrogeology eventually when I was out of the abuse. My passion for water and rocks was the best opportunity to pursue what I had always dreamed about. My vision was to help people who could not help themselves by pursuing a career that makes a difference in communities; however, I did not realize that God’s plans for me were not as obvious as I thought. Jesus says in John 4:13-14, that He is the living water, and whoever drinks of Him will never thirst again. I did not realize that as I drank of His living water, and as I experienced His power, Jesus wanted me to share His goodness with the world just as the Samaritan woman did in John 4:39. The Samaritan woman did not keep to herself what happened to her at the well. She chose to share her testimony with the entire town and with the people she was hiding from when she came to the well at noon. She shared the good news with the people who would mock her because of her lifestyle. The Bible says that she went to the well at noon so she would not be disturbed (John 4:6). Her life was not the best example in her community, and she was not a normal woman like other Samaritan women. She had had five husbands and was with another man when she encountered Jesus (John 4:17-18).

When I studied this story in John 4, I identified with the Samaritan woman. I had not had five husbands, but I did have an unusual past that made me different from other women in my community and in my family. I did not look like the people around me wherever I would go. I had many scars that I tried to hide from people. I always thought my scars and my story were not worthy of sharing. I tried to hide it as much as I could, and I would choose to share some parts of it, but not the full story, because I was afraid of being rejected. I tried to fit in by hiding what I had gone through so I could be loved and accepted.

Then, in 2016, after a few years of running away from my ultimate purpose and not listening to God about writing this book, He opened a door for me to go to the United States to pursue my studies, as He had promised. I was excited to see that all my dreams were coming to pass, and I was grateful that He gave me the opportunity to do what I loved.

I did not know that my trip to the United States was not to fulfill my dreams, but to discover my purpose and to surrender to God completely. One evening, as I was praying for direction, the Holy Spirit asked me to give Him all of me and all my crowns (everything I held dear: my career, my job, my family, etc.). That was one of the most painful things I’ve ever had to do because I loved and I was devoted to all the things God asked me to give to Him.

When I got to the United States, I felt like I was at the peak of my life. I was pursuing my dreams walking in the path I had always prayed for and things seemed to work according to my plans, but I did not have the peace and the joy of the Lord in my heart.

On the outside, everything looked well, but I was at the end of myself, was tired of running after futile things that could not fulfill my heart, was not affecting people around me, and was focused on what I could get to promote myself. I was tired of trying to fit in and wearing a mask to hide my scars, not being true to myself and who I was in Christ.

I had a painful decision to make that would require me to let go of everything I knew and reach toward the unknown. I prayed asking God to have His way in me and surrendered everything that I thought defined me. This decision was not easy, but was scary and unpredictable to me because I had always planned every aspect of my life.

I chose to surrender and follow God’s calling and purpose for my life, which required me to let go of many things that I had built and held dear in my pursuit of what I believed success was, to focus on what God created me to accomplish on the earth after the realization that His plans were greater than mine. So, I put my life and future in God’s hands, not knowing what would be next. Geology had been my joy and fulfillment on the outside, but not from within. I then turned to God to find my joy and fulfillment in Him. Laying down my whole life at the altar of grace was the most difficult decision I have ever made, but the level of fulfillment I had afterward was priceless. The peace of God in my life was beyond reach and understanding. I was walking on the waters of faith, but had more joy and peace than I ever had when pursuing my dreams.

After repositioning myself to what God had created me to accomplish, in November 2017 God gave me a word that it was time for me to write this book. I was no longer afraid to share my entire story and had been healed of the scars that I had in my heart. God redeemed me and gave me the healing to share my story, so that many may find hope and healing as I did.

God used one of the friends I was fortunate to meet, and she provided all the tools I needed to write this book. I believe she was the hands and feet of Jesus in my life, and she pushed me to start writing a few weeks after I met her. I started to write my first chapter on December 2, 2017 and could not stop writing until it was finished. The Spirit of God gave me the words to write and gave me the revelation behind this book. While writing every chapter, God was healing some part of my heart that still needed healing.

As I wrote every word, I felt the breath of the Holy Spirit flow into the lines. That’s where I had a deeper revelation of the true author and owner of this book: it belongs to God, and I am just a vessel used to write all that He desires for His children to know so that they can find healing from their pain and see the purpose behind it. The Spirit of God gave me the words to write every chapter so that God may be glorified and His name may be lifted in the lives of all who read it. I believe this book is carrying His presence and His living water that will fill your heart and satisfy your thirst forever.

I finally understood why it took me five years before I could write this book. It was because I had to heal from the inside out and lay down my life so that God could use me to write it. I had to die to myself so that I could focus on what God would do through me and not on what He could do for me as Paul stated in Galatians 2:20. Moreover, since I had very low self-esteem, I had to learn to see myself the way God sees me and heal me from all the words that were said to me when I was growing up. Until I was fully healed, I could not see my story and my pain as a purpose to show God’s faithfulness and bring hope to others. Because I was ashamed of my roots and my past, I was defined by it and had not found the peace to take up my cross and follow Christ. I compared myself to others and always felt damaged and irreparable as my standards were described by the world and not by God. Because of my need for validation and acceptance, I did not go against my family’s decision to keep my story private. I was compelled to keep it for myself, so I could please many and be on everyone’s side.

My perception as a survivor was not as a conqueror, but as a victim. I thought I was ready to move on with my life without sharing my story, but the enemy would always remind me of my past and show me how I could not run away from it. When I surrendered all of myself to God, I realized that I was not saved to survive, but to thrive and bring healing and hope to others by sharing what God has done in my life and where He took me from, so that many may see His faithfulness through my walk with Him.

I doubted that God could use my story to inspire other women until I was given an opportunity to share my story multiple times a few months before I started to write the book. That is when I started to see the impact it had on women I never knew, which gave me the peace to write this book. I