Shhh! Don't Tell: This Is My Story

By Terri Wells

To All those I've loved and Lost, you are missed.

Lord, if you can use anything, use me.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Page Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Nov 23, 2023
• ISBN: 9781662467660

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Shhh! Don't Tell

This Is My Story

Terri Wells

Copyright © 2023 Terri Wells

All rights reserved

First Edition

PAGE PUBLISHING

Conneaut Lake, PA

First originally published by Page Publishing 2023

ISBN 978-1-6624-6765-3 (pbk)

ISBN 978-1-6624-6766-0 (digital)

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Dedication

Acknowledgments

Introduction

Chapter 1

When a Family Member Crosses the Line

Shhh…Don't Tell

Chapter 2

A Change Is About to Come

Chapter 3

It's a Boy

Chapter 4

God, Where Are You?

Chapter 5

My Life Is Out of Control

Chapter 6

Where Were You? My Side of the Story

Chapter 7

In Spite of It All, My Side of the Story

Chapter 8

I Almost Let Go

Chapter 9

The Victory, Crossing Over

Don't Forget

Chapter 10

Lost Time

Chapter 11

God Stepped In

Chapter 12

God Sent Mary

Chapter 13

It Is Finished

He Heard My Cry

Chapter 14

They Don't Forget

Chapter 15

When It's All Said and Done

Chapter 16

Where Is the Love?

Chapter 17

When Your World Comes Tumbling Down

Chapter 18

Turning Your Test into a Testimony

Chapter 19

What the Devil Meant for Bad

Chapter 20

The Fight

Dedication

Joel 2:26–28

You will have plenty to eat, until you are full, and you will praise the name of the Lord your God, who has worked wonders for you; never again will my people be shamed.

You then will know that I am in Israel, that I am the Lord your God, and that there is no other; never again will my people be ashamed. And afterward, I will pour out my spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your old men will dream dreams, and your young men will see visions.

I've written this book for all my children: Donald, who is my oldest son and is now deceased. He had a massive heart attack at the age of thirty-eight. My identical twin daughters Sharon and Karen—who are also deceased—are the second oldest who died at birth. And to my youngest son, Steave, who is the youngest—my baby.

Because of the hurt I carried from my childhood, I poured that pain into my children's lives.

It wasn't anything I did on purpose, but I know it hurt them just the same.

This book is also in remembrance of my twin daughters that died and left a void in my life, but I have been able to release them over time because I know they are with God and I will see them again. I had an abusive relationship with my youngest son's father.

This man beat me with every child I had by him and had me in so much fear because he threatened to kill me if I left him. I thank God for bringing me through the trials in my life, and I also thank Him because I know He will do the same for my children and you.

I understand now that I can't change the past and that God is a healer and a deliverer. God has called me to a ministry—a yoke-breaking ministry—that can restore wholeness where people have been broken. I'm talking about the type of pain that goes to the very core of your being. God knows your pain, and He wants to heal you. There is nothing too big for God. All pain is real no matter how small it may seem to someone else.

If it is something that holds you in bondage and is something you can't do alone, that's where God comes in. People wonder why people stay in abusive relationships, but you must understand the fear that is in the person's life. I wanted out and thought about taking my own life because I couldn't see any other way out. If this is you, I understand what you are going through. But I wouldn't tell you to stay in it because no one has the right to put their hands on you. Get out of this relationship as soon as possible. These types of things can affect your whole life.

May this book be life-changing for anyone that can see themselves in my stories.

God healed me that I may be able to share my story. It wasn't just for me and my healing but for all the people that are still in bondage and feel they have to stay there.

God wants you to know that there is hope, and you, too, can be free of anything that has tried to hold on to you from the past no matter what it is. God doesn't hold your past against you, but He wants to heal you if you accept Him and allow Him to come into your heart, and after the healing process, He will use it for the building of His kingdom.

Acknowledgments

God

I would first like to honor God for making sense out of my life and allowing me to use it to help someone else. What almost killed me, God has used it to give life to someone else. I think just when I was coming to the breaking point in my life, just when I thought I was on the verge of going over the edge, just when I was suicidal ready to end my life, God stepped in. At the lowest point of my life when I felt that I didn't want to see tomorrow, God had plans for my life that would change me forever. This is a true story, and it can be the story you can share about how God brought you out of life's clutches and you found yourself at your breaking point. You couldn't see a way out. God reaches out and takes control because He knows that He has to step in because that's what He has done for me. I didn't know it was Him because I was in such a dark place it was like I wasn't there. I was on the verge of losing my mind. I had been in trouble for a long time, but there was something about this time that was different, and I couldn't handle it. If you have felt this way or if you're in this place, find someone to talk to, someone that will not add to the problem. Just don't give up.

Linda

Linda was my aunt, and we had a special relationship because we both felt we were the black sheep of the family. We had each other to talk to and that was okay because we didn't have to feel that we were alone. Back then, everyone played together; and because there were so many of us, you always had a good time. Linda was very smart, and a lot of people just enjoyed talking to her. Linda was just a year older than me, so we could relate to each other. Linda carried a lot of pain in her life, and she died at a very young age. Linda died at the age of thirty-four years old. I was afraid to turn that age because of fear of dying.

Linda was violated as a child, and she also tried to tell everyone what happened to her, but no one would listen. But today, I am telling the story for both of us. Finally, even though it didn't help us at the time we needed the help, it can help someone else. I know you are with the Lord because I never saw a person with so much peace after they died. Linda looked younger when she died, and she had such a peaceful look on her face. I had never seen that look before and will never forget it. For the first time in thirty-four years, she had peace. I love you and just know that I plan to finish this race, and I will see you on the other side. You are missed.

Evelyn Ernestine DeBerry

Miss Ernestine was a member at Cornerstone and began to invest time in my life.

She was always praying with me, encouraging me, and making me feel loved.

I don't remember feeling this type of love for a long time. I didn't have anyone in my life at the time, and I was very lonely and depressed. We didn't have a very close family so that left me with lots of time to put into drugs. I was so deep in addiction when I met her, and she really blessed my life. I will never forget you, Sister DeBerry, and now that I am drug free, I think of you a lot because I know that this was your desire for me all the time. I thank you for allowing God to use you to speak into my life. You are missed, and I will never forget you.

Pastor Clifton and Antionette Sawyer

These were my first pastors. They taught me about love and healing, and they also introduced me to God. For the first time through all my anger and feeling that God could not be real because of all the pain and suffering I endured in my life, I thought that God would not allow such a thing to happen and so He couldn't be real. God looked past my understanding and came into my life, and I saw Him in a way I never saw Him before.

Because Pastor Clifton and Antionette Sawyer allowed God to use them to minister to a stranger, I am here today. These are not just words, but because of the destructive lifestyle I was living, I know that I would not be here to tell this story. Pastor Clifton and Antionette Sawyer, I thank God every day for placing you two into my life because you were my first hope of being free.

Pastor Michael and Michelle Thomas

God then opened the door for me to join Pastor Michael Thomas's church, which opened new doors and took me to another level in God. I began to get involved and allow God to use me in ways that I never expected. I began writing plays and skits and learning another level of God that I didn't know.

It wasn't that they didn't have this at the other church. It was that I was in the healing process in my life and wasn't ready to move forward, and it didn't happen overnight, but over some years, it manifested. I began stepping out and sharing my skits with other churches, completing the books that I had started, and walking into the place that God was calling me to. God hadn't just started calling me, He had been calling me. It took me this long to get on course. Pastor Thomas and Michelle, thank you for allowing God to use you to get me to this point in my life, and may God bless you.

Bishop George and Edna Brooks

I will never forget Bishop George and Edna Brooks. It is just like it was yesterday remembering them looking past my faults and seeing my needs. I was not a member of this church and had never even gone to their services, but as an addict, you learn from other addicts who will help you.

At the time, I was in deep addiction, angry at the world, and went to this church, and they helped me with my bills. They also prayed with me. Like I said, they looked past my faults and saw my needs. That has been over fifteen years ago, and I remember their act of giving and want them to know that I never forgot.

Thank you so much, Bishop George and Edna Brooks, for planting into my life, and I will never forget the two of you.

Rev. Gregory Headen

This man saved my life. I can say that for every pastor God placed in my life. Each stage of my life was critical, but on this day, I was in deep depression but didn't know it at the time because it was normal for me to feel this way, and I had been this way for a long time. On this day, I was going to take my own life. I was just tired of life.

There was a church across the street from my house, and I was led to the church that day. I had never been in this church and had never thought about going, but this day, I went across the street and asked for the pastor, and he was there. I don't remember how long I talked with him that day, but when I did leave, I left with a spark of hope. He also planted the Bible on tape in my life at no charge to me, and it blessed my life. I still have those tapes today. I could have sold them for drugs, but I kept them, even with my struggle with addiction. Those tapes were never an option for me to sell for me to support my habit. I thank God for Pastor Headen for being at the church that day, although today, I know it was ordained by God. Once I got myself together, Pastor Headen helped me to do a play. That was my first big play performed, and he made it a perfect one. I performed it at