Are You Looking for Joy?: Where?

By Isbelia Belloso Leyba

Who has not felt frustrated or sad at some time? Who has not experienced any situation that has caused confusion? In this school of learning that is life, I believe that none of us has escaped one or many of those circumstances. The important thing is to face each uncomfortable event that occurs to us in the best way to avoid being affected for a long time, subtracting the joy that motivates us to create, to smile, and to enjoy every occasion.

Ignoring the inconvenience, we feel only the discomfort increases, and we are in danger of harboring destructive feelings. Sometimes just by changing the glass with which we look at an event, the perception of it changes.

We train for the jobs we are going to do; however, we intend to face the world without even knowing ourselves. Only by knowing ourselves and taking responsibility for our actions we have the ability to live in harmony.

In three chapters, you will find many of the reasons why you sometimes feel uncomfortable. You will also find how to solve many discomforts and how to fill your life and the ones who surround you with joy.

Quién no ha sentido frustración o tristeza alguna vez? Quién no ha experimentado alguna situación que le haya causado confusión? En esta escuela de aprendizaje que es la vida, creo que ninguno hemos escapado a una o muchas de esas circunstancias. Lo importante es encarar cada evento incómodo de la mejor manera, para así evitar que nos afecte por un tiempo prolongado, restándonos la alegría que nos motiva a crear, sonreír y disfrutar cada ocasión.

Ignorando lo que nos molesta, solo sentimos como la incomodidad crece y corremos el peligro de asentar sentimientos destructivos. A veces solo con cambiar el cristal con el que estamos mirando, la percepción varía.

Nos entrenamos para los trabajos que vamos a ejecutar, sin embargo intentamos afrontar la vida sin ni siquiera conocernos. Solo conociéndonos y tomando responsabilidad de nuestras acciones, tenemos la capacidad de vivir en armonía.

En tres capítulos encontrarás muchas de las razones por las cuales algunas veces te sientes incómodo. También encontrarás como resolver esas incomodidades y como llenar tu vida y la de quienes te rodean con alegría.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Newman Springs Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Mar 24, 2021
• ISBN: 9781648016226

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Are You Looking for Joy?

Where?

Isbelia Belloso Leyba

Copyright © 2020 Isbelia Belloso Leyba

All rights reserved

First Edition

NEWMAN SPRINGS PUBLISHING

320 Broad Street

Red Bank, NJ 07701

First originally published by Newman Springs Publishing 2020

ISBN 978-1-64801-621-9 (Paperback)

ISBN 978-1-64801-622-6 (Digital)

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Capítulo 1

Capítulo ii

Capitulo iii

Dedication

To my dear son, Alfonso, and all the authors that helped me understand my own divinity, by describing their experiences in their books.

Acknowledgments

Iwould fill out a book naming each person to whom I am grateful, so I will then refer to those who have led me to carry out and conclude this project. To my parents for giving me a home where peace reigned. To my teachers for offering me their knowledge and wisdom. To every person that has crossed my life, giving me the opportunity to learn something different from what I already knew. To those who, with their love, have added joy to my life. And finally, I want to especially thank Adriana Rodriguez, my sweet Spanish editor, who has gently accompanied me in my first steps in writing, and my friend, Graham Latter, for his kindly and constant support in each of the phases of my first book. From my heart, thanks!

Chapter 1

Programming

We Are Programmed

Since we were born, we began to be programmed by those who received us in the world. The teachings they gave us are the sum of what they received from those who instructed them and their own experiences. This is how the teachings and beliefs go through generations.

The training we receive is according to what they consider should be our needs and not necessarily our needs. How could they know?

At an early age, we are totally dependent on others. We do not have points of comparison or the possibilities of choosing anything. We accept what we are taught and imposed upon us, and we form customs and habits from that whether we liked it or not. We start applying their training without even thinking if it is convenient or not for us.

We hear things like, «If you had done as I told you, that would not have happened to you.» This phrase seems harmless, and there may be the best of intentions behind it, but let’s think about what the child could interpret. They can interpret many things. For example, only the teacher knows the right way or the child does not have his own right to make their decisions without asking someone else or they can hurt someone else by making their own decisions. If a child consistently listens to similar phrases, they can develop insecurities in themselves and limits their choices to select and learn from their own experiences. This can create dependence on others and the need to ask before they make their own choices.

Other phrases that we hear repeated often without thinking of the effect on the child are «That is not the way to do it,» «Do not touch,» «If you touch it again, I will hit you.» Imagine then the results that other abuse can cause to a child.

Words that are spoken in front of them while assuming they don’t understand or believing that our aggressive behavior imposes respect.

As the individual grows, habits become stronger and more difficult to recognize and change. Therefore, it is important for the children to get to know themselves at an early age and be treated with love with as much freedom as possible. This establishes the necessary rules for a good relationship, respecting their individuality and their right to choose and at the same time giving them appropriate responsibilities according to their age.

«Only by listening to our soul can we be free.»

How Does the Programming Manifest Itself?

When we started interacting with people outside the home, where we were instructed, we begin to experience surprises when we meet behaviors differently from those we learned.

Each person then applies their own learning. The automatic reaction to those differences are similar to this one: «Hey, what is that person saying? How wrong he is! Why is he doing that? Why is he saying that? How crazy! He doesn’t know how to do it!»

Not to mention, it may occur to someone to tell us, «Hey, why are you doing that, that way? That is wrong. «Let me tell you how it is done.» At that time, the mind can interpret something like, «Besides telling us that I am wrong, he wants to impose what he prefers,» and quite possibly that can generate confrontation.

This happens to us daily in different aspects of life and affects us with varying intensity according to how we interpret it, our mental flexibility and breath, and also to the intensity of the person making their point.

Is it that we are only right? Are the rest of the people wrong? How come there are so many successful people with ideas and thoughts contrary to ours? They are simply programmed differently.

«Each individual is unique. We think, feel, and desire things differently.»

How Programming Causes Us Conflict

Although programming inclines us to repeat what we have learned and believe other ways are wrong, there is a part of us that have our own unique needs. Those needs can match or disagree with what we have been taught. If our needs match with those who instructed us, we feel comfortable following their program. If, however, our wishes are different and we act by habit (applying the script learned), we will feel it’s annoying because it is not really what we want. Therefore, a contradiction is produced within us, generating a conflict.

Those conflicts occur unconsciously and exist in all of us in lesser or greater degree. They persist until we study, discover, and do what it takes to get rid of them by defining what is in reality what we want. Hence, the importance of studying to know ourselves better and thus eliminate or handle those conflicts that are causing us confusion, sadness, anger, frustration, or any other discomfort.

Let’s visualize a simple example. Let’s say that in our environment, dancing is frowned upon, or even worse, «it is prohibited.» We go to a party and see people dancing, and it looks fun. We join in the dancing, and despite having fun, the programming reminds us that we are doing something that is wrong or prohibited.

Automatically incurring a discomfort that causes us confusion, because within us there are two opposite inclinations at that time. If the person has been opening their mind to new experiences, they will probably handle it and accept it as a new experience without making judgments or feeling guilty. Instead, if your programming is rigid, you will feel upset about having accepted to dance. Someone extremely rigid will not even go out to dance and will be judgmental about dancing, even finding an excuse, although in reality they would like to join in.

Those who match the programming they are taught will be happy in the place without even thinking about dancing.

Rigid or radical teachings produce greater conflicts in people and make it more difficult for them to integrate into different customs and cultures. We observe again the variety among human beings and the way they are influenced by the programming they received, which is not only the programming received at home but also in the school, country of origin, religion, local culture, TV shows, etc.

What to Do When Knowing that Our Programming Affects Our Well-being?

By understanding that we are programmed, we realize that part of our decisions are made automatically as if we were machines without thinking and without choosing what we really prefer, proceeding in the way we were told was convenient.

Having the knowledge that joy or sadness or fear or frustrations and all other emotions are the product of thoughts we have and that those thoughts come from our programmed beliefs, it is easier to find solutions to our discomforts.

We can take care of our feelings to transform them into what we want in the now and not allowing them to direct our lives or make us blame others for the way we feel. It depends on us the amount of time we dedicate to a feeling which brings us no benefit and is preventing us from flowing in harmony instead of changing that feeling for another that motivates us and produces well-being.

Knowing ourselves what we want and what we don’t want to accept brings us security and allows us to recover our balance faster when some undesired situation has affected us.

Therefore, knowing the origin of our confusion and the possibility to live with greater tranquility and joy, to develop all our potential, it is in our hands to seek to know ourselves thoroughly and to eliminate the programs and the conflicts they create in us.

In that way, we can make choices with freedom and surround ourselves with what we really like in the now.

We Are Unique

We are unique, and as such, our needs, tastes, desires, feelings, customs, etc. may resemble those of others but can never be the same.

By becoming aware of that, we learn that each individual that we come across also has unique characteristics, different from ours, allowing us to look with respect to their individualities.

Many of the relationship breakdowns originate from not accepting the differences in behavior in the other person and considering it an error. After that consideration the person tries to impose his point of views as the only possibility.

Another scenario occurs if we express what we feel, listen, observe the other person and try to understand the reasons for their behavior.

I recognize myself and respect myself as the only being that I am and understand that everyone also deserves to be respected.

Reprogramming

Now we have studied the way we were programmed and how it limits us, we will look to perform an internal review to discover the unconscious behaviors that are obstacles to the flow of peace so we can enjoy life to the fullest. The following is a metaphor that will help us visualize the transition process from programming to reprogramming.

Imagine that we are organizing a wardrobe and we want to see clearly what we have inside. We take everything out to clean the inside and then look at the items one by one before reorganizing. We review each item, studying whether it works for us or not, if it suits us enough to save it or if we want to modify it or discard it. Then we put back what we consider useful.

Maybe during that process we realize things that we lack and would be important to add to the existing to make it more colorful and pleasant.

Well, that’s exactly what we will do with our feelings, habits, and beliefs. We will review each one, paying attention, feeling if we like them or if they are burdensome. Then we will decide which one we stay with or if we want to modify it or discard it.

Like any project we start and from which we want to obtain the best results, the most important thing is to prepare and assume responsibility before we begin. This way, success is assured.

Preparation before Starting the Reprogramming

Before starting reprogramming, it would be useful to create an enabling environment in our mind and heart. Repeating the phrases below will help.

I decide to get rid of any sadness or pain that is hampering my joy.

I decide to take time instead of ignoring myself.

I decide to love myself, take care of myself, and respect myself in every way.

I decide to eliminate old and annoying beliefs and give way to those that provide peace of mind.

I choose to live in wellness.

Chapter 2

Behaviors that are Obstacles to our Tranquility

In this chapter, I will refer to forty-three behaviors that ruin our tranquility.

Despite how different we humans are from each other,