Think about this: You don't know your value

By Lucio Hernandez

Book

This book is a compilation of writings that the author tells of how he came to know God’s grace and mercy. His life was filled with physical and mental abuse as a child. He writes about the unrest in his mind and how God gives us peace that surpasses all human understanding. The writings will show that no sin or situation in anyone’s life is so great that God cannot conquer it. Each writing tells a story and how God turned it around for his glory.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Covenant Books, Inc.
• Release date: Jun 8, 2021
• ISBN: 9781636307299

Book preview

I Will Kill You

That is a title that puts you on your heels and gets you thinking. I have lived with that through many of years at the back of my mind. As I look back at life and all those things that I went through, I can only imagine what other kids have gone through during their younger years. There is no such thing as too young or too old for the things the human mind can conceive. Yes, we do our best to hide all the pain and scars that we carry as if it is our fault. I want to tell you, and I hope you understand, what I was feeling back then in my heart.

My family lived in Chicago, Illinois, on the East Side of Chicago on Orleans St., about the three houses from the southeast corner. It was a red building with a fire escape on the front overlooking a tavern. Our family lived in the attic apartment in the back. I remember it was very cold in the winter and very hot in the summer. There was nothing in the attic. We would use my grandmother’s house for water and everything else. One day a man came up to our apartment drunk and fighting with my mother. All I remember was the pounding on our door and that we were scared. When my mother opened the door, it was like as if she just vanished. He reached in and dragged her by her hair. My brothers and I ran out to help her: my older brother grabbed the stranger’s arm, my other brother grabbed the stranger’s leg, and I was holding my mother’s leg. There was a lot of crying and screaming in the hallway. Then some other people came to help my mother. He was trying his best to throw her down the stairs. She would have died.

We got older, my brother and myself. My older brother went to Vietnam, like everyone at that time. Then he came home, and one day he was at my uncle’s bar and saw the man. My brother dragged him out by his hair and beat him silly. Next, my other brother and I found ourselves working with that same man. Then at a Christmas dinner, a fight broke out. My brother grabbed him and beat him. As I pulled my brother off, he called my brother son of a—. I looked at him, and he never knew what I was thinking all my life till that day. I looked at him and said, You’re lucky that’s all you got because I’m going to kill you.

As time went on, and I became a Christian, I would run into the man. He would get scared because he knew who I was and what I was capable of.

It’s so amazing what God is capable of doing, and you would never know, not even in your own life. Wild as I was, trying to keep anger and hate in my heart, God was doing a great work. Most of all I never knew He was removing all the bitterness, hate, and anger from my heart ever so slowly. I didn’t even know it was gone. Then the moment of truth came. I ran into him with some friends of mine. They just looked at him and looked around. I looked at him and just smiled as the craziest thing came out of my mouth. I told him, Hey, what’s up? Would you believe I became a Christian, and I go to church. Me of all people. No one understood it, but I did, and I knew why. God alone did it. God is my great I Am. Once God talked to me and said, I Am, I Am everything and anything you need. God to this day has never failed me. God has not left me nor forsaken me. Only God has kept my family and my house. Choose this day, but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.

Give Me a Break

There are incidences that happen in your life that are engraved into your heart and soul forever. People always have something to say about everything, and I respect their opinion. There are those that will say, You have to give it to Jesus. That is so true. I have given it to Jesus. That is why I am so blessed now. Yes, I will not deny it. I was not the best kid as a little boy, but at the time that this happened, I wasn’t making my own decisions yet. This one occasion had a lot to do with the outcome of my life. I was in third grade by then, and I was getting into much more trouble.

My family was from Mexico, and when my grandmother was still living, they used to always take a trip in the summer to see her brothers and sister. One year they took my oldest brother, and the following year they took my other brother. So the following year I was so sure they would take me. As I helped my uncle load the car, I carried a little thing for him. He was talking to me as if I was going, then the big question came up. Can I go, Uncle? He smiled, looking at me. He told me to go home and get my cloths and he would wait for me. I ran so fast one of my shoes came off. I got home and told my mother, Get my clothes. I’m going with my uncle. She looked at me with a sad smile and kept doing what she was doing. I got my clothes and ran back to find out that they were gone. My older uncle owned a bar where the family lived. It was a three-story home. One of the bar maids called Juanita came out because she knew what happened. I was crying and holding my paper bag with my clothes.

The following year, once again they were getting the car ready. Once more I helped pack the car. Once more I ask the great question, Can I please go? I have my clothes in my bag. Then I was told go to the store and buy some bread so we can eat before we leave. I thought it was only two blocks away. I ran so fast that I could hardly breathe. When I got back, once more my bag was on the street curb. I threw the bread down and stepped on it and kicked it, crying. Once more Juanita sat holding me and said, When will you understand, they don’t care for you? Come inside, and I’ll buy you a soda. Then she said, Wait until I finish. I will drive you home. When I got home, I just looked at my ma and went outside in the yard. I have never looked at the family the same on my mother’s side again. I would fight with my cousins with all my heart to hurt them. After that I started spending more time on the streets with my friends and staying at their place.

God found that little boy by the street curb and put his arms around him. God said, I will never leave you or forsake you. I think back to my childhood, and sometimes it breaks my heart what people can do to little kids and never Think about It. God has never abandoned me in my hour of need. I have walked away from God, but even then God didn’t walk away from me. God was always tugging at my heart. I can say with my heart that God is so faithful. The Bible says, Who can take you from the hand of God. All I know now is that my God is always comforting me and talking to me through His word or by His Holy Spirit. I don’t look or live in the past because I will lose the present. God and only God has taken all my pain away.

You Made Me This Way

People sometimes ask why or why didn’t my children turn out the way I really wanted them to. I like to tell you a short story about a little boy and the life that was created for him. Whenever his family had a big family gathering, they would invite friends over. In those day the men would be one place in the house and the women in another place. There was one place that the men would gather with the little boys in the basement of the house. That’s where they use to keep all the beer and where the men would drink and smoke with each other, laughing and joking.

Most of the men would have their sons with them, but this one little boy didn’t have a father, so he would sit with his uncle. The men would start playing cards, and then they would start giving the little guy a little drink of beer. Then all of them would boast about their little man and tell everyone his was the best fighter. So the little pit bulls would be pitted, and the good times would roll. They would bet money on whose son would win the fight and whose son was the best fighter. I’m sure the women knew but closed an eye to it because they felt their sons would someday be a great fighter. But little did they know they were setting a course of destruction.

That little boy knew he didn’t have a dad boasting about him and that hurt. Well, the little money his uncle would give him and the attention that they gave him was all the edge he needed. As time went on, that little boy grew up with hate and anger raging in him. There were times that people would call him Crazy because over any little thing he would lose it and get into a fight.

One day he was drinking at his uncle’s bar with his uncle. One of his uncle’s closest friends was getting mouthy with his uncle. He walked over to him and hit him with a beer bottle. He beat him like a dog. It took his uncle and two others to get him off the man. His uncle told him, Are you crazy? You know, you really are insane. Later on in life that kid told his uncle one day, "Remember that fight in the bar I had with your friend. Did you ever think that you made me this way?"

That little boy one day came to God because of the hopelessness in his life, a life filled with endless darkness. God broke his heart because of the love and gentleness in his voice. His words were filled with so much life and light he knew he had to follow him.

When God held him, the tears just started to fall as raindrops with no end to them. Lord, he said, I am so filled with anger and hatred. Please don’t look at me. But when God put his arms around him, he fell to his knees, crying even more. All he could do was cry so loud that the very heavens heard him. God looked at him and said, I understand. Just hold my hand. I will walk you through all your trials and tribulations. I will never leave you or forsake you. I know this to be true. I am that little boy.

Little Ears and Little Eyes

My father passed away four months before I was born, so all I ever knew about my father was just hearsay. As a little boy there were things said that crushed my spirit. Only God knows how many years. Many nights I would cry myself to sleep. Looking back, that started my downfall, long before I ever had a chance to live. I remember telling my mother many of things about when I was a little boy. Once, she said, How can you remember so much? You were just a little boy, maybe three or four years. How do you do it? Knowing every little detail. I did a lot of reading when I got older to see why there were things that I could remember from such a young age. I came to find out that little children with some traumatic events do remember emotions, images, and things. These can trigger something inside that would cause them to get angry.

As a little boy my mother told my two brothers and myself that our grandmother on my mother’s side killed our father. She said,