Journey of My Life

By Brenda M. Uhler

Journey of My Life started many years ago. My journey had great veils of years, but also many joyous memories. In my journey, I did not understand why a loving, caring, and gracious God would take a little girl’s daddy at such a young age. What was the purpose? What was He thinking?

Overwhelmed with grief, it was difficult for me to see that all things happen for a reason. I believe God’s using me so His work can be seen through me. I truly believe this book was an inspiration from God himself so that I can help someone in their agony. It aims to be an inspiration so they won’t go through all I did, that they might turn to Jesus instead of wallowing in anger, frustration, and grief and will continuously call on the Lord for His peace, joy, and deliverance.

Looking toward heaven, I realize now that I do have a Father who loves me and who is still alive. He will never leave me or forsake me! Thank you, Heavenly Father!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Jun 10, 2021
• ISBN: 9781098051570

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Journey of My Life

Brenda M. Uhler

Copyright © 2020 by Brenda M. Uhler

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.

832 Park Avenue

Meadville, PA 16335

www.christianfaithpublishing.com

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Thank You’s

I’d like to thank all the people who had a part in the starting and completing of my book.

Sending a special thank you to Catherine Bair and Connie Little for the inspiration they gave me almost 25 years ago to start this book.

The pages of this book layed in an old gray suitcase until just 2 years ago when I decided to open it up. I started reading through the pages and I knew without a doubt I needed to finish the book. God sent me an angel who I can’t express enough what she has done for me. For past 2 years, Jennifer Staub, has been by myside helping me with computer, typing, sending emails to the publisher, and giving me the encouragement to finish my book. We have had lots of laughs and tears, saying We got this! So many peaks and valleys until we finally completed the book and it was accepted.

Praise God! Thank you, Jesus for a daughter, not a blood child, but a chosen child!! May God also bless my readers!

May God Bless you all,

Brenda M. Uhler, author of Journey of My Life (With and Without Faith)

Introduction

Iwas born on March 8, 1954, in Hanover, Pennsylvania. I had two brothers and four sisters. My mother always told me she earnestly prayed for an active little girl with big brown eyes. She also said she had to be as bad as she could. To my mother’s surprise, I fulfilled that prayer completely! My older sisters and brothers said our home was warm, fun, and filled with friends and lots of noise.

As a child, my memories are hazy, but I do remember the parties and the alcohol only too well. It was the alcohol that finally took my father. He passed away due to cirrhosis of the liver. I was only nine years old when Daddy died. The anger consumed my very heart and soul toward God, family, and everyone. I was a complete mess from the shocking loss of my father.

The years following my father’s death were extremely difficult. I was so confused. I felt so abandoned and distraught. I didn’t know which way to turn or what to do. As the years went on, I purposely became pregnant at fifteen years old just to get away from my mother’s live-in boyfriend I didn’t like or understood at the time.

Getting married to David Sr. was my ticket out. He was so anxious to be my husband. I really did feel safe with him. I knew he was my knight in shining armor. I loved him so much. He was always so protective of me. After our first son was born, we had two more sons in succession. As time marched on, the pressure of life became overwhelming. Up to this point, my life consisted of a series of wrong choices. Every time I turned around, I either said the wrong word or did the wrong thing. Life was a puzzle, and I seemed to have all the wrong pieces. Trying to connect the pieces seemed impossible for me. After reviewing my past experiences, I wouldn’t change any part of my life even if I could. Now when people are hurting, I can feel their pain and frustration, knowing I have been there and done that. Sometimes I’m tempted to do it all over again.

The struggles of life are real and sometimes unrelenting. The most important thing to remember is that this is Satan’s world. We will all struggle till God calls us all home. Remember, God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble (Ps. 46:1 NIV).

The hard times have given me insight and understanding, which moves me to help those who hurt and are lost. I have faith in Revelation 21:4 (NIV), He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying in pain, for the old order of things has passed away.

Chapter 1

Sitting feverishly at my typewriter, my stomach was fluttering inside, just wondering where to start with all my pent-up emotions. Reaching to the very depth of my soul, I pull out old memories that bring pure agony and torment to myself. I pray that through all these experiences that are flashing before my eyes, maybe, just maybe, I’ll be able to help someone else to avoid a little unnecessary pain in their lives.

Thinking and reflecting of one memory that I had at the age of seven seems to really stick in my mind. The words were, Daddy! Oh, Daddy, I’m so sick! Lying down in Mommy and Daddy’s big full-size bed, I was drenched and cold with a high fever and swollen glands.

Daddy was sitting beside me, his fingers running gently through my hair. He reached into his pocket, pulled out a shiny nickel, and stretched it toward me. As I reached out, our eyes met. I think we were both remembering the day before when I asked for a nickel for candy and he refused. In his own way, I could feel he wanted to tell me, Forgive me. I love you. He was trying to express to me that day the language of love by giving. In that brief second, we both knew exactly what the other one was feeling without saying one word.

Now years later, the memory of Daddy and the nickel is all so very disturbing and confusing, and not really knowing just who or what I am in myself or with God.

On November 28, 1963, Daddy entered his new life. His eternal destination is still very hard to grasp. Relatives and friends were laughing, talking, and expressing sorrow all at the same time. All of a sudden, everything was over. Daddy was gone. He left me all alone and unprotected forever. Shortly afterward, I remember wandering in the middle of the street in front of my house trying very hard to breathe. Why did Daddy have to leave me? What did I do wrong? What kind of a God would let this happen? Did I tell Daddy how much I loved him? If only I could tell him now and hear him say it back to me. Oh, God, will I ever be able to breathe right again? The pain in my heart was so unbearable. Where are you Daddy? I need to talk to you Daddy! I need you now!

When Daddy died, my whole world came apart and fell on me like an avalanche. No one even knew the depths of my agony, the great mental and physical pain, or the stress I was feeling. I didn’t even realize the depth of it myself at the time, being so young. I couldn’t handle or understand what I was facing as a nine-year-old child. All I knew was that my mom, brothers, and sisters couldn’t be in the torment I was in. It wasn’t long before