The Right Daughter Speaks: Healing after Abuse

By Lynn D. Nel

Writing this book was an attempt to free myself from the guilt I felt when I left my parents.

Here I was, claiming to be a child of God, when Jesus is all about love and forgiveness. While writing my story I came to truly understand what it meant being saved by His Grace and not by keeping the ten commandments.

And although it does not give us free rein to do as we please, I'm picking up my cross and I'm following Jesus. Christ died to save me from bondage, any and all. My history of child abuse and my life's experiences made me question everything and everyone in my life. I now use that energy to trust in God and life has become a lot more exhilarating.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lynn D. Nel
• Release date: May 18, 2018
• ISBN: 9780639929910

Lynn D. Nel

We as women have so many roles. I am a provider, a single mother, a friend, a counsellor at times and so many more. The role I embraced the most, is that of a Mom. My son passed his matric in 2017 and I love spending quality time with him. I live in what I am sure many will agree the most beautiful city in the world; which is Cape Town in a suburb called Thornton. Hiking in our beautiful mountain trails is what makes me feel closest to God. I always say that God Himself wrote this book, so my hope for sharing my story is that it will heal and not break anyone down. May God bless you richly!

Book preview

The Right Daughter Speaks: Healing after Abuse

Lynn D. Nel

Published by Lynn D. Nel, 2018.

While every precaution has been taken in the preparation of this book, the publisher assumes no responsibility for errors or omissions, or for damages resulting from the use of the information contained herein.

THE RIGHT DAUGHTER SPEAKS: HEALING AFTER ABUSE

First edition. May 18, 2018.

Copyright © 2018 Lynn D. Nel.

ISBN: 978-0639929910

Written by Lynn D. Nel.

In memory of my beloved sister and; Mr A Boezak, the teacher who showed enormous faith in my writing ability right up until the day he passed away.

May your souls rest in peace.

In memory of my beloved sister and; Mr A Boezak, the teacher who showed enormous faith in my writing ability right up until the day he passed away.

May your souls rest in peace.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or any information storage and retrieval system, without prior permission in writing from the author.

© Lynn D. Nel, 2018

ISBN: 978-0-639929-90-3

ePub: 978-0-639929-91-0

Mobi: 978-0-639929-92-7

Published by Lynn D. Nel

Email: [e-mail]

Editor: Colleen Figg

Cover designer: Gregg Davies; www.greggdavies.com

Typesetting: Book Lingo

Contents

PREFACE

CHAPTER ONE

Growing up

CHAPTER TWO

My mother by name

CHAPTER THREE

The missing piece

CHAPTER FOUR

I was not alone!

CHAPTER FIVE

Was she the reason?

CHAPTER SIX

I just stopped caring

CHAPTER SEVEN

When common sense failed me

CHAPTER EIGHT

My relationships

CHAPTER NINE

His name shall be Zander Lee

CHAPTER TEN

The one who helped me grow the most

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Finding myself

CHAPTER TWELVE

I needed a strong father

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Why I mostly needed her

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

The right daughter

THANKS

Dear Reader

PREFACE

People may or may not like the naked truth of this book. It may certainly hurt some people but it can at the same time help others heal and provide them with a sense of understanding. My hope for this book is that it would change hearts for the better.

This is a testimony of God’s amazing Grace and I dedicate it to my Heavenly Father. Throughout my life it was only God who kept me sane and standing. Even when I did not see nor acknowledge His presence, He was there, to guide me and to keep me. I have a story to tell. In fact, we all have a story to tell. Writing my story was part of my healing process. I needed to heal completely. I have a son that looks to me and up to me. Broken people cannot make anybody happy. Broken was what I had been for a very long time. My intention is surely not to hurt anyone through this testimony, but rather to introduce you to my journey and show how I’ve reached what everyone in this world is seeking. This book is the next step towards everlasting happiness and peace I deserve. We all deserve that, and we must do everything that is within our power to help ourselves along. I believe it’s what our journey is all about. Most of us, I think, get stuck in life. We all have these dreams and visions in our head, but we do so little to support those dreams and visions. We are just so humanly clueless. We need godly or spiritual intervention. On my very first CV, I created a heading, Future Plans: Writing a book. This is my attempt to update my CV to include a brand-new heading, Job Title: Writer. It is so much more than just that, though. It’s about clearing out my closet so to speak. It’s also about using my spiritual and intellectual gifts. One of my English teachers once said that he would be so very disappointed if I didn’t study journalism one day. I didn’t but a spiritual gift is a spiritual gift nonetheless. I have always questioned myself; I still do, and I see myself as different. I have learned along the way that everybody seems to think of themselves as different. It just goes to show the vastness of our Creator. Might it be that He is telling everyone, who cares enough to listen, Hey, you are mine and you are so unique? There is nobody else in this world that I want to have what you have. There is nobody that knows what you know. There is really nobody else that I want to do for my Kingdom what I chose you to do. That is how special you are to me? God in His awesomeness has developed and grown me from anger to gratitude and I am so grateful to Him for my journey. I trust that He knows what is best for me, just as He always has; just as He always will. To God be the Glory!

CHAPTER ONE

Growing up

When you are almost fifty years old, it is difficult to really remember your childhood clearly. One thing you do remember is whether you were a happy child or not. I was not a happy child. I recall other things too. My mother use to tell people that I cried a lot as a baby. I used to regularly start crying for no apparent reason up until about the age of five or six years. Timeframes are blurry at my age. One thing I do know, though, as sure as the sun rises, it was not to seek attention as my mother thought it was. My crying somehow angered my mother a lot. Why in hell’s name are you crying? My answer was always the same: I don’t know, and I really did not know. I just felt like crying, and it was not a naughty cry, but a deep weeping that stemmed from a profound sadness. Nobody saw that because there was the general perception that children do all kinds of things for attention. She ordered me to stop crying immediately or she would give me something to cry about. My mother was very harsh. She seldom, if ever, used kind words in getting her point across. I could never understand why she was always so unsympathetic when we were alone but very different when there were people around. It was only later in life that I would start connecting the dots.

Besides being an unhappy child, I was also an alone child, not lonely, just solitary. I hated it when we had visitors, even family. I hated it even more if there was a child that I had to play with. I did not fight with them, I just never knew what to do with them or say to them. I just wanted it to be me, my dolls and my books that I loved reading. I read a lot. My nose was always in a book. That also angered my mother at times. I adored my dad and always wanted him to pick me up. When he did I would make myself comfortable on his hip. That was stopped when I started school, not by him but by my mother. I guess I did get too heavy and too big to be carried around like that.

Apart from my sadness, the first eight years of my life were not too bad. I saw my dad as someone special. He was my hero, loved by all, very involved in the church, helping those in need; my mother blossomed in her central role alongside my dad in the church and welfare services. I loved her too. Yet we never had the mother and daughter connection I saw in other such relationships. My dad oversaw the finances of the local church and with his charming personality, he always managed to get sponsors for church events, even from his work. That was my dad! In the small community we lived in, they were one of the power couples. And when my friends told me how handsome my dad was, my heart rejoiced with pride. My mother was there too, right by his side, serving as a Sunday school teacher and part of the leadership team in the women’s associations. People saw us as this wonderful family and there was never a shortage of visitors at our door.

This is what I remember from my early childhood and the fact that my mother once took me out of church during a sermon to give me a good hiding with a stick she found under a tree. At that age, I always fidgeted in church and seldom sat quietly. Church was boring as any young child would testify. When telling the story of the hiding to people—and oh how she loved to tell the story, my mother sounded proud of how she stopped that annoying habit of mine. I was the perfect child in church after that incident.

For most of my childhood, there was just my older brother and me. My younger brother was born when I was twelve years old. My older brother and I had the typical brother and sister relationship. There were three years between us. We fought, we stole each other’s things, we blackmailed each other and, the most endearing part, protected each other when we needed to. Our home appeared happy and normal, but it wasn’t. Beneath the exterior were two very unhappy children. Behind closed doors, we grew up in a toxic and abusive home. When you grow up in a damaging and abnormal environment, thus starts to feel and look normal. Our relationship was