The Journey: A Road in Life of Being Broken, Molested, Lost, and Having Low Self-Esteem to Becoming Healed, Restored, and Completely Redeemed!

By Sabrina Kelley

This is a book that shares many stories of pain, rejection, and emptiness but also shares many turns along the way to feel acceptance, wholeness, and most of all, love!

This book is about a life journey that teaches you how to survive in the deadliest of storms and who the anchor is (the Creator) in those life storms. This book is to be one of encouragement to your life, your heart, and even your soul!

I am a survivor! You can survive too! God bless you!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Covenant Books, Inc.
• Release date: Jul 1, 2021
• ISBN: 9781636307688

Book preview

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The Journey: A Road in Life of Being Broken, Molested, Lost, and Having Low Self-Esteem to Becoming Healed, Restored, and Completely Redeemed!

Sabrina Kelley

ISBN 978-1-63630-767-1 (Paperback)

ISBN 978-1-63630-768-8 (Digital)

Copyright © 2021 Sabrina Kelley

All rights reserved

First Edition

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Covenant Books, Inc.

11661 Hwy 707

Murrells Inlet, SC 29576

www.covenantbooks.com

Table of Contents

A Lost Little Girl

The Search Continues

An Independent Woman

Love Struck but Tormented

I Just Needed Peace

My New Book

Strength from Within

A Message from God's Heart to You

The Journey

A Strange Turn in the Journey

He Redeemed Me!

Church Persecution

A Pathway to My Identity

A Life Flipped Upside Down

Rescued to See Truth

I dedicate this book to my dad, Kenneth Paul Goutierrez. He lived his life showing unconditional love to all he knew. He never placed an expectation on anyone. No matter how long time went by without a visit, a phone call, or a text message, he always had his arms wide open to you. He never judged you or spoke to you in an ugly way. He was definitely A MAN WITH A PURE HEART!

His unconditional love was the best reflection of the Creator’s heart and unconditional love for his children as well. I will always be grateful for the time I personally had with you, and I promise to continue your legacy by following in your footsteps. I will show unconditional love, forgiveness, and kindness just as you did.

Until we meet again, I will run my race here on earth with the goal to make you and my Creator proud of me!

LOVE YOU ALWAYS DAD,

YOUR DAUGHTER

Acknowledgments

I would like to begin by saying how grateful I am to the Creator, His Son, and His Holy Spirit for always loving me, guiding me, and protecting me!

To my children, Bryana and Keegan, thank you for being patient with me throughout this roller coaster called life!

Last but never least, to my husband, Chad, thank you for always loving me! Thank you for never giving up on me even when I wanted to give up on us. Thank you for being my husband, my best friend, and most of all, my life partner! I will forever be grateful that the Creator created you just for me!

Chapter 1

A Lost Little Girl

I would like to share with you the story of a little girl who came from a broken home. Like most in our society today, I was very young when my parents got divorced. Actually, I was just a baby. My mother remarried when I was three and a half years old. I have only a few memories of my biological father as a young girl. I remember times of visitation, but it wasn’t all the time.

My mother remarried and that man became my stepdad; he raised me and my two siblings. As a young girl, my stepdad became my whole world and he taught me so much. When I was around the age of five or six years old, I remember my stepdad working on their vehicle. I was outside with him and he said, Bean, come see and open your hand. So I did and he put this big blob of grease on my hand. I remember being so grossed out and running inside to tell my mother what he did, and she came out fussing at him. Still one of my best memories! Another fun memory was when we had family barbecues and he would hide behind one side of the house and throw a bucket of water on us to start water fights. I had an okay childhood for the most part.

My parents raised their kids in church and even sent us to a private Christian school. As I grew into my preteen years, I was like most little girls who dreamed of being a beautiful Cinderella one day and marrying her Prince Charming. Well, I can say that dream came crashing down. At the beginning of my preteen years, I was sexually molested by my brother’s friend. That day, my parents were out of the house and I only remember it being my brother, his friend, and myself. They were watching a movie and my brother had fallen asleep. His friend called me over to him and said, Hey, wanna come lay and watch the movie with me? I didn’t think anything would be wrong with it as he was one of my brother’s best friends and because we all went to school together.

As I laid there under the blanket with him, he began to touch me in my private areas and he whispered in my ear, Don’t say anything to anyone ’cause no one will ever believe you! As the molestation took place, I began to feel so dirty and began to break on the inside. I tried for a long time not to think about it and pretended that it didn’t happen, but that plan failed. The daily torment in my head and my heart was so unbearable. I made a decision that I would never even talk about it.

While at school one day, two friends of mine pulled me to the side and asked me if I was okay. They both said that they had noticed how I looked sad all the time and were very worried about me. I tried very hard not to say anything, but they eventually got me to tell them. They both encouraged me to go to my parents and tell them, and I did. The next thing I remember was my parents having a meeting with our pastors, who were also the owners of the school. Then the young man was expelled from school and I never saw him again.

As the next few days, weeks, months, and even years went by, I did my best to not think about the molestation. I had made the choice that I was not going to let that moment in my life define me! So I did the only thing that I could do: I suppressed it.

I continued on with life like most teenagers, being involved with my church youth group and doing what I loved the most: cheerleading! Even though I kept myself busy with life, I knew there was always something missing on the inside.

What always looked like everything was okay on the outside was not the case on the inside. The holes in my heart grew every day. I felt like I was on a search mission. I was not sure if I would ever get the answers to my questions, but they were still there.

The biggest question that would follow me most of my life was Why? Why would someone want to hurt me? Why do I feel so rejected? Why do I feel so empty, and why do I feel so unloved? Little did I know that one day, the Creator would lead me on a path and that all those answers would come.

During my teenage years, there were many women who were placed in my life by the Creator to speak into my life, which I will forever be grateful for because little did anyone know, I felt like I was dying on the inside. I will always be grateful that the Creator was always watching over me as He is watching over you too!

In the beginning of my teen years, I would have another traumatic, life-changing experience. This would change me for a long time: My sister left home! That day will stay engraved in my heart and on my mind forever. I remember it raining that day. My sister and my mother were arguing—I’m not sure what about—and the next thing I knew, my mother was calling my stepdad at work, and I heard her say, She’s gone! I don’t know where she went, but when I find her… Let’s just say the rest of that statement is not something I want to even write down.

I went to my room and broke down crying. Then my mother came in and said, Let’s go! We got in the car and started driving to a town called Abbeville. I remember her stopping at a Mr. Cook (fast-food place) and then my mother getting out to use the pay phone. We then proceeded to my aunt’s house, where my sister was at.

As we arrived at the house, my mother told me to stay in the car. I could hear them all yelling so loudly and then, the police showed up. I was so scared! Well, my sister never moved back home and even then, the feeling of being abandoned by her too grew inside of me. There were many times in my life I could remember as a young person asking the Creator, Why am I here on this earth? Please take me to heaven. I don’t want to be here anymore! The pain in my heart was just too much.

As time went on, I still struggled with many other questions. One of the biggest questions I had in my heart was Why did my biological father not want me? As I asked my mother that question often, she decided one day to toss me her divorce papers and she said, Look in the section of the children. It says Abandonment! My mother always told me that my father never wanted me or my sister and that he only wanted my brother because it proved his manhood. Later on in my adulthood, my father and I would talk about my many questions. To this day, some things still do not make sense, but that’s okay.

Even though I had a good stepdad who raised me, that still could not change the fact that my foundation in life was broken from conception; and from that, I now know that was the first destructive seed planted in my life.

Chapter 2

The Search Continues

As I continued on in life, there was always a love for the Creator deep in my heart, even though I felt so broken. I have learned over my life that the safest place for me is just sitting in a quiet place with my Creator so that I can be loved by Him. Though the Creator was always tugging on my heart, my search to fill the void continued. At the age of seventeen, I was introduced to a guy by some people who were in