Knees in the Breeze

By Jason L Thomas

This is a story I had started to explain to my children about my time in the Army. What transpired as I wrote this book is a journey of self examination of my own spirituality. From a broken marriage to drug and alcohol abuse and coming to terms with unforgiveness.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Jason L. Thomas
• Release date: Aug 11, 2023
• ISBN: 9781088255063

Book preview

Introduction

My children have been taught not to ask Dad what he went through in Iraq. I have kept many secrets from my children over the years and decided it would be easier to write this than to explain. As you read this, know now that I am a Christian and the things in this book may not seem holy. My life without the Lord was a terrible situation. It is only through God that I am able to explain. At the beginning of each chapter is a verse or two from the King James Version Bible. When you read the chapter, remember these verses. At the end of the chapter, I will try to explain how it relates to what happened or should have happened. I hope through this that my children will know why Dad always seemed distant. I will start from the beginning of being when I stated to run from Gods calling until my most recent memory.

Chapter One

James 5:16 Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

As my recent 44th birthday came, I felt it was time to explain myself to my children. My life has had ups and downs, but all together I have had an amazing number of experiences. Growing up, I had a better life than most of the people that would later become my friends. I had one of, if not the best, mother a boy could have. My father worked a hard job and ruled the boys harder at times, it seemed. I didn’t grow up with parents that hugged me or even told me they were proud of me. They did the best they could, and always made sure we had plenty to eat. As the baby of the family, I was a momma’s boy. I would get bullied by my big brothers, but usually they didn’t say much to me. They were older, and by the time I started to remember, they were married and out of the house. It was a different time then. Things moved a lot slower, and we were made to stay outside until dark. Growing up in West Virginia, I had no idea we were considered poor until I was older. We would entertain ourselves by hunting, fishing, and generally just being rowdy kids, being as mean as possible.

I will always remember the words my dad would tell me to live by: Son, work hard in this life. Remember God is first, family second, and then pie. I never knew what he was talking about until I was older. Every Sunday morning, Sunday night, and Wednesday night we were at church. Our little church on the hill was always full. The day I gave my heart to the Lord will always be burned into my head. I don’t remember the exact date, but I remember the preacher said, If you’re not saved, you will burn in hell. As a kid it scared me, and I ran to the altar with tears running down my chubby cheeks. I remember crying so much that you could see the tears on the old green carpet. The preacher said, Son, God loves you, and those tears are one of the best blessings you could ever give him. Life has a way of making you remember things like that in the hard times. They are there to help us remember a more peaceful life.

To say I was a good little Christian boy would be hitting the nail on the tip instead of the head. As years passed, I was in and out– not what God wanted from me. I rededicated my life back to God once, and was doing well. I would read and study, go to church, and participate in church activities regularly. As a young Christian, I knew from reading that I could mess up but the Lord was there to help me back up. One night, I had a dream that I was in front of the church preaching. I could see it plain as day. My mind started wondering, so I asked every preacher I could what it could mean. I wasn’t eating, and was scared for a couple of weeks. I had worried so much that year I had given myself an ulcer. I was 16 and didn’t think anyone would take me seriously. I swallowed all emotions and thought that I must be crazy to think I could be capable of speaking as a preacher. This was one of the biggest mistakes I made in my entire life. I do believe this choice set a precedent for what would happen throughout my life. I let the devil have his way and walked away from the Lord, and I regret that decision even now. I was 16 and thought I was free from what, at the time, I thought was a burden. The devil had me fooled into thinking that I didn’t need God anymore, and that I was going to do life the way I wanted. I didn’t walk away as much as run away from God. I started stealing, cursing, drinking, and even dabbled a little with drugs. I was trying to fill the hole in my heart with what this world offered. I ended up in a relationship that was troubled. I didn’t know it at the time, but the girl had been molested by a family member. I thought I could help like I was actually able to. One night this all came to a head, and the girl went into a state of rage and tried to kill herself. It came out later that she had planned to take me and her mother with her. I decided that I was not her saving grace and she needed real help.

The Bible says God is always with you– that He blesses the just and the unjust. I had no idea He would bless me that summer after the way I had been acting. I had been working in the hay fields putting bales of hay away for the Greene family that year. At the end of the day, we would stop at the gas station and the oldest would go in and get beer and cigarettes to give us. If Jean Thomas knew her little boy was drinking, I would probably still not be able to sit down. I had worked hard that summer and saved money to help buy my clothes for the upcoming school year. My choices were not great: 90s grunge with a skater-boy look. Our shorts were bright-colored and way too big. I was always walking the dirt road we lived on so that I could get away from sight to smoke, listen to my Nirvana, and be away from everyone. I didn’t want to be caught smoking. I was a troubled youth and everyone knew it. I was out one day strolling around when I saw her in the passenger side of a car. The car was a little way up the road, but to this day I can still see her blonde hair in a ponytail and her piercing blue eyes from far away. My life was about to change, and I was amazed at the beauty I beheld. Before I knew what was happening, the car stopped in front of me. As it pulled up, I couldn’t stop looking at her. Stunned, I stood still not breathing, wondering what kind of beautiful voice this angel had. It had to be a hundred degrees out and my temperature had just blown the thermometer. My cousin was in the driver’s seat talking,