Sequential Dynamics

By James Wes

We will cover thirty-five advantages that children either directly or indirectly acquire from correctly measured discipline during their first years at home. Types of advantages will include earned, learned, gotten used to, realized, built, and motivation with things that can help them. Of these, I’ll explain how two of the learned (understanding authority and the concept of expectations) are mentally retained by a child and how all three of the gotten used to advantages (comfort with others being in charge, with self-restraint, and with the difficult type of effort) transfer as personal and emotional assets to form their coping mechanism, which significantly helps them and their teachers starting in first grade. I’ll also explain how these five things follow teenagers into the work force as their work ethic. Once this is completed, the two things that weren’t learned at home and the three transferable liabilities that follow children into first grade as disadvantages, and again into the work force from being denied discipline become obvious.

While explaining the above, I’ll construct an equation by extracting evidence from commonly observed situations like the first interactions between a mother and her infant. I think you’d agree that emotions motivate a mom’s attention and the smile from her infant is evidence that shows we’re all born with emotions. Our born with variables will be placed in the top of our equation, and things we acquire from our discipline-defined experiences will be placed in the bottom. Once you have the completed equation, you’ll not only be able to separate born with feelings from learned facts quite easily regarding this subject, but you’ll also be able to identify where your perspective originates from (feelings or facts) when considering other controversial subjects as well.

All of which will be respectfully presented and very simple to understand!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Nov 10, 2021
• ISBN: 9781098064013

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Sequential Dynamics

James Wes

Copyright © 2021 by James Wes

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.

832 Park Avenue

Meadville, PA 16335

www.christianfaithpublishing.com

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

It All Begins Here (the Equation)

Think about How We First Think (Knowledge)

Building the Bottom of My Equation (Adding Facts)

Think about How Our Thinking Progresses (Understanding)

My Eventual Thinking Pattern along with My Next Choice

Think about How We Think Simultaneously

The Concept of Expectations (Our New Relationship)

The Day That All the Dots Connected

Think about How Our Thinking Changes (Wisdom)

Recap: Emotions x Desires

The Key to Trust Is in the Realized Advantages

Children Are Not Naturally Trusting

Discipline is Not Too Hard on Children

Trust Has a Foundation

The Evidence for Trust, Self-Worth, and Everything Else

Humility x Patience and the first Two Transferable Assets

Recap: Innocence x Childlike Faith

The Candy Test

The Coping Mechanism

Acclimation to the Difficult Type of Effort

Transferable Assets versus Transferable Liabilities

Recap: Intelligence x Imagination and the Coping Mechanism’s Parts

The Conflict Begins (one participant is Fear)

The Conflict Begins (the other participant is Pride)

Recap: Fear x Pride

The Complete Discipline-Based Progression (Sequential Dynamics)

Recap: Be Respectful

Taken

This Child Has Connected Some Dots!

Recap: Interactions Are Evidence as Well

I Just Knew That I Had to Take Control for Them Both

My Child Actually Forced Me to Spank Her

Recap: Solving Indecision, Restoring Security, and Canceling Out Guilt

When You Know What’s Right, Spotting What’s Wrong Becomes Automatic

Why Are the Children of Our Country Behind Others in Math, Reading, and Science?

ADHD

Personalities Play a Part

Certain Words Serve as Evidence

Research That We Can’t Validate with Our Own Observations

Do You Have the Balance?

Recap: Final Statements

Principles for the Purposes of This Book

Introduction

I think you’d probably agree that the things that affect us most frequently and most deeply are invisible. I mean, love plays a part in practically all of our family decisions, and it can even motivate us to help others in danger who we don’t know even though we risk serious personal injuries (or worse) in our attempt. But have you ever seen any in a test tube? Then I think you’d also agree that pride, greed, anger, and various desires are responsible for the vast majority of crimes in the world. But in like manner, none of these things are seen in test tubes either. As a last example, the most significant invisible influence of all cannot be overlooked by even the most superficial and nonchalant study of humanity. A bit more specifically, no matter where on the earth you study the human race, we are always considering God above. In this particular case, a person can be affected so strongly that their dedication to what they rightfully or wrongfully believe can far exceed not only their concerns for their own life, but even the lives of others. But again, we do not see what influences us with our eyes, which I think defines the basis for an inevitable two-part occurrence that the overwhelming majority of people regularly participate in.

The first part of this occurrence is that we all form opinions. Of course, you’ve probably heard the statement, Opinions are like noses, everybody’s got one? Well, barring some unfortunate circumstance, I think this statement is true because we are all somewhat motivated to think about what influences us due to the fact that all of us are directly and continually affected. Sure, and it doesn’t even matter much what the behavioral types of doctors might correctly or incorrectly say. This is because we can all personally learn from the everyday evidence that is made available to us as we not only move forward in life and learn more about why we do the things that we do, but I’d say it’s also because we continually learn from the additional evidence gained from interactions with family, friends, and others as we see them act upon the acceptable influences and restrain themselves from acting on the unacceptable ones in like manner as the vast majority of society does.

The second part of the occurrence is that because there is so much disagreement over why we do the things that we do and because the disagreements leave so much to our own interpretations, we share our opinions. I think we do this because, we might not only want to see how our opinions stack up with others so that we can grade ourselves and maybe gain a bit more insight for better personal choices, but understanding our influences better also makes us more capable of giving good advice to family and friends as they progress through life and make choices right along with us. Additionally, understanding these things makes us better able to choose and then vote for political candidates who will develop policies that will more effectively serve and protect us all as our society and country progresses along in our history. As a last example, if we are moms and dads, well…we have the additional responsibility of identifying certain influence-based behavioral patterns in our children for the purpose of correcting them in the most beneficial manner as well. Although I won’t try to cover all of the just mentioned subjects in this book, I will attempt to cover the last one that is the very sensitive subject of discipline for children, which brings me to the problem, the purpose, and the structure for this book.

Here’s the problem, have you noticed that a well-intentioned attempt to share your opinion on the subject of discipline and children can end up where no one wanted the attempt to end up? Have you also noticed that it can happen rather quickly? Sure, you have observed an issue many times. You recognize and can accurately predict the consistent bad results of the child’s parents not correcting the issue as soon as possible. As a consequence, you bear the burden of your silence possibly making you somewhat responsible for the inevitable disadvantages to the child. So your caring for all involved compels you to respectfully attempt to share your opinion of the facts that you have obtained by adding up the many observations and experiences that you have gained throughout your years. But even though it was the last thing that you meant to happen, as you begin to share your facts, the invisible influences that make all of us up begin to convince the person with whom you are attempting to discuss the issue with that you are actually not sharing facts at all. Nope, the person starts to feel as though you are attacking them personally. Oohhh Maannn, this defines the critical point at which well-intentioned and potentially meaningful discussions can quickly regress into emotionally charged (feelings based), unrecoverable, and spiraling down and completely out of control arguments, which often leaves all involved with no other choice but to eject! Yep, a person’s invisible influences can make them take things personally. They can become completely—or you could say, emotionally—invested in defending themselves against what you never meant for them to take personally and go off on you. As a consequence, the only option can often be a quick exit. This is a shame because not only are the people who have the facts prevented from sharing the facts, but the people who have never been exposed to these particular facts will not be able to hear the actual facts that could have helped them. Consequently again, everyone loses, which is especially true and most unfortunate for the children of the parents who don’t have the facts.

Here’s the purpose for the book. Because of my personal frustration with failed attempts to share what I think to be the facts about discipline and children with certain persons who are a bit more prone to going off from time to time, I’ve constructed a very simple equation. I did this because I think that I can now identify two distinctly different and completely opposing but equally as necessary perspectives. First, many people either exclusively—or much more narrowly—see things from the perspective of their emotional attachments to their children. Secondly, others can just as exclusively or just as narrowly see things from the perspective of what children factually are in terms of their invisible influence producers and from how choices produced by their influence producers can get the children hurt in the dangerous world that we were all born into. With these different perspectives in mind, the finished equation has proven its worth by serving as a visual aid that allows me to show what makes a child up, which in turn allows me to far more efficiently explain why children do certain things and how they mentally process and take discipline, along with explaining the many ways in which discipline positively affects them. Additionally, because we keep most of what influences us for all of our lives, it can also be used to show where both adult perspectives come from as well. By getting both perspectives and the value of each fully separated and understood in the first place…well, this allows for more impartial opinion-sharing, and, maybe best of all, it makes sure that no one can take things personally, which significantly decreases the potential for any person in a discussion to feel as though their perspective and opinion was being personally attacked. If you can do this, then emotional balance is exponentially easier to maintain during discussions, the potential for spiraling out of control is greatly decreased, the possibility for someone having to eject is greatly decreased as well, and maybe best of all, the parents who didn’t have the facts get a chance to learn the facts, which ultimately results in their children receiving the advantages of having parents with both feelings and facts—or you could just say, parents with a balance.

As far as the structure for the book, with the goal of building the equation to completion, I will present real-life situations starting from my earliest days that contain consistently observed, simple-to-understand everyday evidence. I’ll then use the evidence to support the placing of each of the parts in the top of this equation that produces a specific invisible influence (like love) or provides a specific ability that we have. And since it was a valued part of my upbringing, I’ll also include situations from which I’ll extract additional evidence that supports the adding of all of the thinking processes and other advantages (parts) to the bottom of the equation that my parents’ use of correctly measured discipline established for me as I progressed through my life. Then once the equation is completed to the extent that it can be tested, I’ll give you additional real-life situations for accessing its effectiveness and value, which will be determined by you in respect to how simply, quickly, completely, and accurately its parts can be used to show what is influencing children to do what they do, why they take things the way they do, and how they are actually affected by discipline. If you noticed that I just wrote completed to the extent that it can be tested, it’s because the equation will be lacking just one part at this point in the book, which will be added during the testing. Because I think we do indeed keep most of the parts of the equation that we have when we’re born, I think you’ll agree that it can quickly show where adult perspectives come from in respect to this topic as well.

Lastly, I think you may be surprised with how well the finished equation—or you might say, our equation—identifies where any person is coming from (perspective) when considering their opinion on basically all of the invisible influence-based subjects, like the previously mentioned best political candidate that are commonly argued among family members and on daily news channels as well, which will probably all become very evident to you as you move forward through this book. I mean, that is if you do indeed choose to read it.

Fair Warning

Now that you know what the book is about, I want to warn you about me. I know, as unusual as that may seem, you need to know a few things before you make a decision to read this or not.

First of all, I am not a medical doctor. Consequently, I do not have the formal education that you might normally expect as the basis for not only writing about a subject like this, but for writing as thorough of an opinion as mine is. In like manner with what is available to everyone else, I only have my experiences and observations. So if you consider that to be strike one, I can’t say that I blame you.

Secondly, I’m not an author. Accordingly, I don’t have the level of language or writing skills necessary to impress you. From my perspective—and although not every author is out to impress—not having these normally expected abilities is not a problem because drawing attention to me is not my intention. It’s just that I’ve heard That makes so much sense! and If I had only known this sooner too many times. The simple issue for me at this point is that the amount of positive feedback I’ve received while sharing this information has had the cumulative effect of pressing me beyond my reluctance to make my inabilities more publicly known. So my wording may not be exact or even correct at times, the structure of the book may be a bit unusual, and I tend to not only use quotation marks incorrectly for drawing extra attention to something that I am having difficulty making as clear as I’d like, but I also use them for marking two competing interest that I want to contrast, associate, or emphasize a bit more than I am capable of doing with just words. A quick example would be what I wanted to do as a child was not always reconcilable with what was expected by my parents. So if that’s strike two, there’s nothing that I can say or do better.

Then thirdly—although I do have two degrees and one professional license—everything that I will write comes from my previously explained common experiences and ability to observe myself and others. Additionally, you need to know that the analogies, examples, and made-up terms that describe personal advantages I will use have been developed by me for the purpose of keeping things as simple as I could during my time as a Christian Sunday school teacher and just plain regular friend who was asked for an opinion about the normally encountered issues in life. So if you don’t believe in God—even though I will only use every day simple to understand evidence-based reasoning throughout this book and not verses—you still need to know that my conclusions are consistent with what the Bible teaches. I will only make some Bible connections in the last chapter and I will remind you that the last chapter is for anyone who wants a few verses in this chapter’s introduction. Now if that’s another strike or two…well, there’s nothing that I can say again.

Next, not only because of the intricately connected nature of what I’m about to try to untangle, but because so much of the information builds on itself and I want to make it all as easy to keep up with and follow for the younger persons who I normally teach in Sunday school, there is a fair amount of repetition. I will indeed try to keep it to a minimum, but some of it is unavoidable due to the content. And if that’s another strike, I don’t have a choice.

And lastly, if you have never received an up-front warning like this before, consider this not only as the first bit of evidence for supporting the fact that I was not kidding about not being an author and not knowing how to properly structure this book, but consider it as simultaneous evidence for the fact that I have zero respect for people who use broadly appealing expectations at the beginning of something like this—to only at the end of what you thought you were reading to be given something that satisfies the writer’s agenda. I don’t do things like that. So if all of the above is about strike five or more, then this is out. But, more importantly, for my conscience and your expectations, you were respectfully warned.

Part 1: Why We Do the Things That We Do

Why we do the things that we do in conjunction with the first ten things that can be directly or indirectly connected to Discipline.

1

It All Begins Here (the Equation)

I trust that you have seen a mother’s first interactions with her newborn. She will always speak to her infant. Her words may sound a bit funny and are often impossible to understand, but her words—or you could say, her sounds—can accomplish her meaningful purpose, which is a smile from her baby. She never expects her baby to respond with a sentence or even a word. But no matter how incorrect her wording might be or how funny sounding it is, she always expects and usually gets the smile. Why?

When I first asked myself this question many years ago, I could only conclude that it’s because every newborn has emotion as a born with characteristic or you might say, an inherent trait. Sure, no baby has to earn it. But unlike emotion, babies are not born with the use of words. That’s because…of course, words and then the eventual use of spoken language have to be earned by the learning process. They are not inherent. So I think it’s safe to say that the first human-to-human interactions are on a purely emotional level. This is because…well, that is all that is held in common between a mother and her baby for interacting and bonding or for saying anything with at that stage of the baby’s life. Yep, emotion can be expressed with a tone of voice, a smile, and by the essence in the eyes of the mother. Its expression—or you might say, the communication of it—will often involve all three. We all understand. We also notice that it doesn’t take long before Dad, brothers, and sisters get in on this communication medium—or you could even say, in on using this born with language—as they also interact with the baby. Dad usually has a certain protective quality present in his interactions, and brothers and sisters usually have an implied we are in this together, and I have a great deal to teach you quality or tone in theirs. Grandfathers, grandmothers, aunts, uncles, etc., are usually next, and it quickly becomes obvious that everyone possesses this language no matter what their age might be or what amount of education each might or might not have. Even when considering all of this language’s many variations, along with all of the specific qualities that are expressed by each of the family members, it also becomes quite clear that the baby can understand them all. And, of course, we can know this because they too can get the smile.

Now I think we’d all agree that this particular emotion, bonding agent, or the inherent language that is being used is love. Very basically, it is primarily affection, importance, and belonging from the mother, protection from the father, companionship and interest from the siblings, and a combination of it all from the others. Even though it is obviously expressed a bit differently according to each family member’s specific relationship to the baby, I think it’s safe to say that it’s all unconditional love. I’m saying this because, of course, no one places any conditions on their freely expressed love toward the baby. Yep, I guess the best way to put this would be, love just looks and sounds a little different depending upon whom it is being expressed by, and it’s all unconditional (at this point). No matter though, the baby arrives equipped and can easily recognize it in all of its forms, sounds, qualities, and tones, and the baby proves its recognition ability and acceptance of the efforts of each person’s interactions with laughter, a wiggle, obvious excitement, and, of course, the smile.

Consequently, I think the question then becomes, how can every person, no matter what their age might be or what level of education each might or might not have, communicate in this manner with a newborn? I would say it’s because love is an emotion that is present throughout every person’s entire life. Sure, it’s not only a part of us at birth, but we don’t outgrow it. It stays intact. That’s not only why it is understood by all, but that is what makes it the only means of communication available between any newborn right on up to the most senior person. In the earliest part of the baby’s life, we expect nothing else because there is nothing else that we can expect! The baby has emotion but is totally dependent on the adults who are responsible for protecting it and for supplying all of its needs. I’ll just say perfect! So at this point, because of all of the evidence for us being born with it, for it being our first inherent language, and because it stays intact throughout our entire lives, I think that we could only conclude that emotion would have to be the first part that we would start with when considering our equation. Additionally, every time you see emotion being expressed, I think you’d agree that it indeed has a meaningful purpose. Sure, for the baby, the interactions satisfy their emotional needs like bonding; for all of the others, the interactions satisfy their desire to express love toward the baby, which includes bonding again. Accordingly, I think it’s not only safe to say, but I think that we actually have no other choice but to say that we would have to start with the following:

Emotion = Meaningful Purpose

Along with the above, I think you could also say that emotion not only communicates the baby’s acknowledgement and delight during all of the attention from others, but it communicates the baby’s needs at this point in its life as well. I mean, if the baby needs or wants more attention, gets hungry, or feels frightened, the baby has one tool available it can certainly use (Waaaaaaa, waaaaaaa!), which, of course, is crying and perfectly acceptable. Because we cannot—and consequently, do not—expect anything else, only the smile. We all understand again. Now, fast-forward a bit. The baby starts to crawl, and things have to change. I’m emphasizing the word have here with quotation marks because I just don’t think that there is any other choice. So maybe a better way to put this would be, by way of necessity, it now becomes absolutely unavoidable that things have to change! I mean, we can wish that things were different in our world, but we all know that the baby’s need for protection cannot depend on wishes. That’s because the