Thats Not My Fight: Freedom from the Opinion of Others

By Terrell Monger

Many people will try to give you advice on the type of mate you should have, the type of job you should pursue, or the type of life you should live. If you are not careful, you will let someone put their own goals and expectations on you and have you chasing a life you do not truly desire.

The most frustrating thing in life would be to work hard for an idea that was placed in your head, only to achieve it and find out that it is not what you really wanted. Your natural instincts, gifts, and interests can lead you to the exact place that you desire to be if you would stop looking for someone to agree with you before you start going after it.

This book is designed to challenge you to return to your original form. It will help you develop your best self so you can live your best life. Love awaits. Life awaits. The world needs to see who you are!

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Oct 29, 2015
• ISBN: 9781504958936

Terrell Monger

Terrell Monger is Senior Pastor of One Accord Ministries, a thriving and innovative church located in Memphis, Tennessee. He has a passion for reforming, rebuilding and strengthening the image of the Christian community. He profoundly understands the challenges of the human nature that causes people to fall short of God’s plan. Through the ministry God has given him, he recognizes that being led by the Spirit of God can prevent those mistakes from becoming a lifestyle. Therefore he teaches biblical principles that produce social change agents dedicated to winning the influence back for the Kingdom of God. Terrell Monger is an author, songwriter, playwright and agent for social reform through the gospel of Jesus Christ. He shares his life and ministry with his wife, Tiffany and his children Tylon, Makayla, Terrison and Madison.

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© 2015 Terrell Monger. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

This book is a work of non-fiction. Unless otherwise noted, the author and the publisher make no explicit guarantees as to the accuracy of the information contained in this book and in some cases, names of people and places have been altered to protect their privacy.

Published by AuthorHouse 10/27/2015

ISBN: 978-1-5049-5894-3 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5049-5893-6 (e)

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and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

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Scripture quotations marked NIV are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved. [Biblical]

Contents

Fight For Your Life

Shadow Boxing

Sparring Partner

The Real Fight

Round One

Round Two

Round Three (Tko)

The Corner

Going The Distance

Freedom from the opinions of others…

Fight For Your Life

LIFE… This is a simple word that has so many meanings to so many different people. The most difficult thing is that each person believes their definition of life is the absolute correct one. I support the thought that this thing that we call life is a compilation of occurrences, interactions, information, successes, failures and overall experiences that shape the perception and understanding of each individual person. It is very difficult for two people to have the same definition because no two people have had ALL of the EXACT same experiences.

A natural human desire that many of us have is to be understood. We want to feel like our views and opinions matter. Conflict comes when our desire to be understood is perverted and morphs into a need to be accepted. Feeling awkward about the understanding or definition of life that has formed in our own mind often makes us look for other people who will agree with that definition of life before we can comfortably live it. This causes us to inadvertently force our views on others so we won’t have to stand alone with this resolution that has been formed in our mind. This causes us to have an internal fight in our head; or as some would call it demons. Let me simplify this term demon. What are demons? Demons are negative or unfavorable memories. They are the sum of what you remember of those adverse life experiences and how you remember it. If the memories you hold adversely affects life’s critical decisions, those are the demons that you end up fighting. It is not always the people and situations in front of you. Many times, it’s the people and situations in the past that have affected the way you view what is currently in front of you. The solution is deliverance. What, then, is deliverance? Deliverance is when someone or something helps you to process your thinking in a way that enables you to see more solutions to what is in front of you, rather than see problems because of what happened behind you.

These demons cause us to connect with those with similar experiences to gain a sense of normality. If we cannot find those with similar experiences, we sometimes inadvertently instill our experiences and opinions in others. To help us freely live our lives, we unintentionally move to take the freedom of choice away from others so that we may have the support to be who we want to be. It would behoove us to take into consideration that we came to our understanding freely and everyone else deserves that same privilege. People will push their views, interests and biases on you and cause you to have issues with things that do not and should not matter to you at all. Sometimes the most liberating thing to do is to evaluate the situation and just say, I understand you, I empathize with you, but THAT’S NOT MY FIGHT. If not, you will find yourself lost in a meaningless fight that has no chance of success. Constant battles that do not bring the feeling of personal growth and fulfillment only lead to bitterness. J

A healthy view is for us to not get so lost in our differences at all… but instead find things that we DO agree on and establish relationships and interactions based on that. If we do this, we can grow to understand and respect each other even if we don’t quite agree with each other. I obtained this insight from a favorite passage of scripture in the Bible that says, All of us, then, who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained. - Philippians 3:15-16. I happen to believe that the Bible is an excellent tool for shaping a healthy form of thinking if we use it to correct ourselves. We can then be an example for others and not force change on others. Throughout this book I will reference a few passages of scripture that helped shape my thinking. I encourage you to research it for yourselves to see if you receive the same encouragement.

It is not what we know or believe that connects people in and of itself. It is the motives of people that connect them. Similar goals, similar desires and similar experiences help people establish relationships. Gaining knowledge is good but the mindset or intentions of how you plan to use that knowledge is what shapes the person. A person learning how to use a gun in order to serve and protect in the army or police department is totally different from a person learning how to use a gun to rob a store or assassinate a public official. The knowledge of using a gun can be good but the wrong motives can make it dangerous. Many times people agree or disagree on certain topics or issues based on the premise of Is it right or wrong? Whether a thing is right or wrong is based on many view points; maturity level, intentions, timing, and many other things that factor into the right or wrong’ conversation. It is all about the motives. Our connections are established and bonds are built on how we mentally or emotionally unite on any or all of these particular factors. I do not believe we can make the necessary progress in moving in a healthy direction by limiting any act or thought merely on it being right or wrong. I would lend the question of if it is beneficial to the betterment of your life and lives of those around you. This thought cannot be limited to the betterment of whom we like or who we know. Our best results come in thinking, Does it better humanity?" Does it make the world a better place? Will it benefit my children, my children’s children and leave the world in a better condition than the way we received it. I know this is a very expansive view but I would like for us to consider that we are all connected and everything we do adds to or takes away from our environment. Our environment adds to or takes away from society. We make statements that OUR SOCIETY has issues. We must also understand that WE are OUR SOCIETY. If you don’t see yourself as important to the shaping of society you will become more a part of the problem than the solution. YES…. YOU MATTER!

Shaping an argument of whether a thing is right or wrong, cannot be done without applying critical thinking. Critical thinking is the art of thinking about how you think and why you think that way and determining whether that thought process is beneficial. I know some may have to read that line a few times but that is the simplest way that I could explain it to get individuals to understand themselves and their thinking pattern. Your thinking pattern