When God Isn't in It: The Fourth of A Beautiful Sequel (My Life in Christ)

By Venus Michelle Pilipovic

When God Isn't in It is the fourth of a series. My books are to glorify the Holy Trinity. My books are for atheists to Christians, black to white, rich to poor, and everyone in between. I cannot say young to old because they get a bit rated R the deeper you journey with me. We discuss everything from sin to salvation; well, God does. In my series, you will encounter addicts, the throne of God, revivals, fighting giants, battlefields, blessings, demons, politics, visions, hallucinations, dreams, zombies, yoga, meditations, chants, time traveling, voodoo, portrayals, prostitutes, night terrors, chains being broken off, black magic, sorcery, witches, warlocks, Wiccans, pagans, Satanists, possessions, sex, LGBTQ, evil deeds, satanic attacks, Juggalos, prophecies, poetry, arguments, debates, enchantments, Illuminati, Freemasonry, biker gangs, adulterers, human trafficking, a King, and so much more. You will always encounter God's good grace, mercy, love, compassion, and limitless wonders in every story. So...Dare to Walk With Me into my series A Beautiful Sequel (My Life in Christ), if you are feeling brave.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Sep 14, 2022
• ISBN: 9798885402071

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When God Isn't in It

The Fourth of A Beautiful Sequel (My Life in Christ)

Venus Michelle Pilipovic

ISBN 979-8-88540-206-4 (paperback)

ISBN 979-8-88540-207-1 (digital)

Copyright © 2022 by Venus Michelle Pilipovic

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Christian Faith Publishing

832 Park Avenue

Meadville, PA 16335

www.christianfaithpublishing.com

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments

Prayer

Introduction

Resting in His Grace

To Look upon His Face

The Father's Enduring Love

A Tender Foot

A Tender Hand

A Tender Guide

He Has…He Will…

He Never Stops

He Is Making a Way

He is Moving Obstacles

He Is Shifting Hearts

He is Opening Doors

He is Lighting Pathways

He Is Tearing Down Walls

He Is Building Up Bridges

He is Moving Mountains

He is Turning the Hands of Time

Driven by the Spirit of God

Covered…Shielded…Protected

You are my Glory, O God

A Beautiful Mess

Taste and See

Set Apart

Prodigal Son

Lazarus Come Forth

Maid, Arise

The Body of Christ

Come, Lord Jesus, Come

The Throne of God

Without Measure

Our Load is Not Light

Can You Blame me?

Can You really?

Honestly, Can You?

Father Sees Everything

He Searches the Heart

Living Waters

Sacrifice

About the Author

To the believers, nonbelievers, and the somewhere-in-betweeners

Acknowledgments

I thank my glorious God, the Great and Mighty Three in One.

Prayer

My God, always and forever, for all eternity, I give You all my thanks. All my love to You, my God.

Introduction

Bored? Then let Me bump this up a notch.

You better hang on tight to your seats because Father has plans that I am completely unaware of. He is about to knock our socks off. I don't know about you, but it has already been a challenge to keep them on. I can only imagine what He is about to do next. I know He can do so much more. It is not that He gets any greater because He absolutely cannot, but He can sure reveal more and more of His greatness, and He is about to do just that.

You will notice frequent interruptions of my present throughout this book. In my present, I am doing as much editing as possible before sending in my manuscript. My interruption dates may seem scrambled. This is because I have been going through my book several times trying to check for names, quotes, commas, etc. So, during this process, I add present thoughts to past topics. I figured I should explain all this so I don't scramble your brain as well as my dates.

1

Resting in His Grace

Are we ready to kick this off? I asked the same question too: what is this exactly? I don't know, but let's stick around to find out.

August 6, 2018, cont.…I thought to myself either in the dream or subconsciously, When will I begin my third book? I then received chapter 1 to my third book called Blending In. Father knew I would be confident in the placement of this title to let me know that He will give me my chapter titles for my second book in time. I wanted desperately to be excited, and I was, but I was overwhelmed that I haven't completed all the work that I have done. I was concerned about what was going to fall beneath me now.

I was so overwhelmed with concerns, anxiety, anxiousness, and all these topics that I have added to my journal. Then my next thought was, Is this the end of my journal or is He going to have me on a fourth book eventually? My thought after that was, I can't handle a fourth right now. Then the word overwhelmed came to me, and I knew He didn't want me to close out my journal. I was absolutely relieved not to have a title yet, because then it becomes more real.

La la la la la la, I can't hear You, with my fingers in my ears. Just kidding, I would never close my ears to Father; I love His voice too much. He knew I was not being serious, and plugging my ears wouldn't close Him out anyway if He had something to say. Forget it, people; Father is Spirit, not flesh. He is God Almighty. Our little fingers can't stop Him.

He never gives us more than what we can handle, so if He wants to give me another book title, well…He's in charge and I like it like that.

I was trying to work again and had my first two books on my mind. Suddenly, Wait Patiently came to me, and my first thought was chapter 11 to EHG. But I quickly questioned it, and then, On the Father followed. As oddly as this sounds, well, not you now, I felt it was chapter 12. Then I just knew. I went back in and added these titles.

I was talking to my mother, and I was telling her about all this. She then said, I wonder where your third book went? She said this before wondering if it could be retrieved. I just randomly said, He's got this, as I was pointing up, meaning He will restore this, but not thinking much on what my answer was going to be.

Then I thought, That has been the answer right from the beginning. He has had it all along. I don't just mean that He will restore it but that He gave it and took it back for a purpose. This right here to say, What I give, I can take away, and I can give it back double than before just as I did for Job.

Same day. After dinner, I went in to work on my journal. I then looked down at my chicken scratch and caught a glimpse of chapter 1 for my third book. Then it finally hit me. I already have a chapter 1, and even though Blending In is fabulous and brilliant, I like my first title much better.

I went in and told my mom about this. I was certain of this chapter and its placement, and now I am terribly saddened because, somehow, I must not have heard Father's voice properly.

I said to her, And here I thought I knew it all, jokingly, of course. Then following that, I said, I am just kidding because only Father knows it all, which I believe is the whole purpose of Him sending me this fraudulent chapter title, only to cause this discussion to be brought up. Only He knows it all to those who think they do!

I was then concerned about the word fraudulent and couldn't imagine directly associating it with my Father, so I scratched it out. I thought once again that I must be losing my connection to Father. It continued to lay heavy on my heart.

I went back and added it back in because I knew then that He sent a fraudulent title to set someone off course. I am as baffled as you are, but He is not because He is God.

August 7, 2018. I absolutely did not want to get out of bed because my head was hurting, and I barely had five hours of sleep. I finally got up and did my regular oral routine and got a cup of coffee. I laid back down and sipped on my coffee. I suddenly saw something small and cute laying on its side looking at me sympathetically. I then could hear two sweet little angelic voices gently saying, Come on, Mammaw. Get up, while gently tugging at my hands. I kept giggling as before but still denying the reality of it.

Interruption: Today for me is October 15, 2019. I have waited fourteen months for this. Today, I was riding with my mother to my daughter's home. I was telling her about this entry into my book. I told her that I still don't know if those were my granddaughters. In the exact moment that I made that statement, the Spirit fell heavily on me, and I was given full confirmation that they were. Now, as when I was telling her, my heart exploded in joy.

Same day. I was upset about something and went to my daughter's house for a while. While there, my granddaughter came home from school with a book. It's called 101 Things You Wish You'd Invented…And Some You Wish No One Had by Robert Horne and Tracy Turner.

I had no interest in it at all, but I picked it up anyway and page 52 pulled me to it, and I am not patriotic nor am I not unpatriotic either.

Anyway, I saw a bunch of colors like the American flag and opened it all the way. As soon as I looked at the paragraph title, I got excited; I immediately thought the author was Christian. I then read from the top to the bottom. Boy was I wrong. They were directly and intentionally attacking the Bible. The paragraph title was highly and intentionally deceptive. Deception is wicked, so is attacking the Bible, but that goes without saying.

The deeper into the paragraph and fully apparent that any true Christian could see that this was a slap in God's face. In case you can't purchase the book, not that I recommend it, but I took the liberty of adding these paragraphs for you. I cannot make my points of view regarding the scientific aspects of this garbage, but here's your opportunity to make yours.

In the Beginning was the Word.

"No one knows when people—or our prehistoric (prehistoric? Ummm, really? Genesis 1:1 doesn't ring a bell?) ancestors—first used language. It's possible the humanlike creatures (If you want to claim Dr. Zira, Dr. Zaius, or Dr. Cornelius as your ancestors, that's your choice, but leave me out of it, thank you very much. I will stick to Moses and Abraham, sounds more sensible and logical to me. According to this garbage, you almost had me convinced your ancestors are monkeys, but I have enough sense to know who your Maker is. Has Mommy and Daddy not taught you the difference between fiction and nonfiction? These intelligent characters are just that—characters made up by intelligent human beings created by God.) that existed 1.5 million years ago had already developed some kind of verbal communication, because the areas of the brain associated with speech had evolved by then. But most experts (that is questionable) think that language probably developed about 50,000–60,000 years ago, because that's when lots of different innovations like painting, sculpture, and complex social organization appeared in human society."

"It's not surprising that we don't know how language came about [that's not surprising when you have monkeys for ancestors. Genesis 11:7 states, ‘Go to, let us go down, and there confound their language, that they may not understand one another's speech.' If God can confound their language, then obviously He is the Creator of language. You must really work on your reading comprehension. I have enough sense to admit that mine isn't up to par, but that verse is pretty simple], either—no one wrote anything down that might tell us [again, if your ancestors weren't monkeys than your reading comprehension would have been a bit more educated when you quite obviously read the Bible], perhaps hand gestures were used before speech, and then words gradually developed from noises made to accompany them. Or perhaps language evolved from cries to warn others of danger [I know this language sounds like it came from your monkey ancestor's behinds]."

"However it happened, language soon acquired a wide vocabulary and completed grammar, which we need to express all the clever [we all have our own opinions of clever, now don't we?] thoughts we have. It was only about five thousand years ago that people started writing things down, and not long after that, someone invented spelling tests!"

I began searching more in this book and found a list of needed items for the readers (naive children or victims of insanity). That was a short paragraph explaining why you need particular items and item examples. One of these items was a mischievous (demonic) spirit. Pretty sick suggestion even for a nonbelieving parent.

I went on to the list and discovered two more disgusting items. One was a lying tongue. Pardon me, but don't we correct and reprimand our children for lying?

The second was a suspicious (cautious—careful) mind. Philippians 4:6 states, Be careful for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. Proverbs 3:5–6 states, Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not on thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy paths.

My daughter and I both agreed this book was straight from hell. It was meant to be educational (or entertaining), not religious.

August 8, 2018. I called my daughter to check on her since this was my granddaughter's first day back to school. I was pleased to hear that she did throw the book away. But I needed it to complete my journal entry. I discovered more in it that I detest.

Page 51 had makeup suggestions. You may be fine with it, but since I found Christ Jesus, I am not okay with zombies, devils, werewolves, vampires, and Frankenstein.

Page 15 was tattoos with mummified written in a heart and a skull. I do not want that wretched crap on my kids or grandkids anymore. I burned the book and sent my daughter a picture of it burning. She said, Nice. I said, Lighter fluid was and is an excellent invention.

Nighttime. When I went to bed, I knew I was going to get attacked over that book and I was right. As soon as I closed my eyes, I was watching a tarantula slowly creeping up my Mustang windshield in an intentional intimidating manner.

August 10, 2018. I had been out running around with my fur baby Samuel. When I got home, my mother and stepdad were, in a sense, having Bible study with the Jehovah's Witnesses.

I heard my mother telling them that she does not agree with our church doctrine. This made me sick because the Holy Ghost moves over our congregation, so they must be doing something right.

I don't see her in the Spirit as I do our pastors. I should have asked her if she agrees with the Jehovah's Witnesses doctrines to feel comfortable enough to criticize the doctrines of the Church of God to them.

The Spirit of God certainly does not flow over them because they definitely do not have the Holy Ghost. How could they when they have not received the blood of Jesus? And how could they receive the blood of Jesus when their faith doesn't stand in Jesus as Savior but Jesus as a disciple?

Same day. I took Samuel to Victor Ashe Park for a while. When I got back, a few people from the church showed up, including our pastor. They were out discipling and did not know this was our residence. When they left, I got on my knees to pray for a bit.

I prayed about ministering and wanting to be more equipped with wisdom and knowledge. I prayed about how much it hurts me when I feel I am not lifting my Savior up as He deserves.

I told Him that He deserves me to lift Him up all the time, and that after all He has done for me, I should be able to respond on demand. But after all this time, I have been hindered by the fact that not everyone receives the same answers in the same way. I cried so hard because I have yet to understand the Bible enough to minister.

My heart was breaking so much because in the beginning, I wanted to fly out the door and start screaming of what God, Jesus, and the Holy Ghost had done for me. I didn't realize that not everyone would understand. I had no idea the different beliefs, religions, unbelievers, opposers, and denominations. I had no idea what I was up against, no idea at all, completely clueless, completely!

I guess the Lord had to stop me all the time because He knew I would, and He knew that I needed to be more prepared.

If I did it my way from the beginning, it would have been a problem and things would not have turned out as I had hoped. He had to anoint me and prepare me to do things His way (the right way). I just know my Jesus deserves more from me, and I feel I fall short and it hurts tremendously.

Nighttime. I was attacked all the way until about two in the morning. I kept feeling movement on my legs again no matter how tight or loose my blanket was. Whether I was on my side or my back, legs up or legs flat. I even felt a quick jab to my back side right after I fell asleep and I jumped awake quickly, very startled.

I told my mom that I knew people would think it was my imagination. She said, Of course not, it's RLS. Well, that just proved my point.

I told her, No, it isn't. She said, Yes, it is. I said, No…Mom…it…is…not. Mom, I have suffered many times from RLS, and when I detoxed, it felt just like RLS. This is not RLS, and it isn't my legs. It is on my blanket that is on my legs. I can lay still five, ten, fifteen, or twenty minutes scared to go to sleep, and then it will happen.

I can move my legs quickly in another position, praying it will stop, and it will start up immediately again. Satan makes sure that I know it is real, but to convince others that I am not crazy is another program.

I have prayed, rebuked in the name of Jesus, sang, recited verses, cast it at the feet of Jesus, and looked up at the Father begging Him to make it stop, but it continued. I have repeated Jesus's name over and over. I have rebuked the spirit of fear and of torment.

We all have different battles and different levels. We all get stronger on our own time. Only God truly knows our strengths and weaknesses. And many times, well, hundreds of thousands of times, I have felt so weak, and He told me how tremendously proud He is of me. So don't give up and don't beat yourself up. Satan has got that covered.

August 11, 2018. I drove to Dollar General and got some interior car polish. I met a gentleman outside that was reading my car. He said that he loves the writings on my car. He said that I was anointed and that I have no shame in Jesus's name. He kissed his fingers, touched my cross on my neck, and blessed it.

Same day. My mom asked why I missed discipleship class. I explained again that I was up until 2:00 a.m. being demonically attacked and that I didn't get up until a half hour before class.

We began discussing it again, and she said, Not too many people will understand, especially in your own family or church. She said she has even wondered if I was going through menopause or going crazy. Thanks, Mom.

I said, Everyone wants to run to a medical explanation for everything. She began talking about the two witnesses in the Bible and that people will be trying to kill them. I said, Why, because they are menopausing? She asked if I was trying to make an enemy out of her. What, my mother threatening to be my enemy after she called me crazy? I believe I had more reason to present that question. I already feel estranged from her, yet we live in the same house.

I said, Satan is already trying to make me think I am crazy, and you are siding up with him. I need support. She said, I already support you. I said, I need spiritual and mental support. I should have summed it up to motherly love.

I said, If it's just my imagination, then does that mean I just imagined that I was healed by the blood of Jesus? Did I imagine that I received the Holy Spirit? Did I imagine that I quit smoking? Did I imagine that I quit drugs? Did I imagine that I was led into celibacy? Or that I passed out my testimony? Or that I am writing books?

I could have asked, Should I blame or credit menopause for all of my healings through the blood of Jesus? Or should I blame or credit menopause for all my deliverances? Should I blame or credit menopause for my Holy Ghost guidance and teachings? Do you suffer from menopause in imagining all the same? Maybe you, too, are going crazy as you assume I am.

Either way, she said, No. I said, I just had to defend myself and open your eyes because it all goes hand in hand.

August 12, 2018. During service, I had two thoughts I jotted down. One was again that God hasn't given us the spirit of fear. No, the Holy Ghost isn't fear, but He doesn't move in and kick us out. He teaches us not to fear and He is patient.

I suffered from thinking I lack faith in Christ. People made me feel like crap from feeling fear. I again want my readers to understand that God isn't going to be mad at His children and cast us away because we feel fear. Jesus isn't going to stop loving you because you battle fear, and the Holy Ghost isn't going to vacate your vessel. Our flesh isn't our own personalities, our spirits are. Our spirits have many attributes that gives us our own personalities, so why can't fear be one of them?

Some of us love skydiving; some of us have a fear of heights. Some of us love deep-sea diving, and some of us fear the ocean. Some of us love caving, and some of us are claustrophobic. Some of us love spiders, and some of us have arachnophobia.

I have the Holy Ghost, and I still scream when I see a spider. I have the Holy Ghost, but you won't catch me jumping off a roof or bridge or out of a plane. I have the Holy Ghost, but you won't catch me jumping off a ship to kiss a shark. I have the Holy Ghost, but I bet your bottom dollar I will scream if I come face-to-face with a gator or snake. And I am certain my Father wouldn't expect me to kiss a shark, jump out of a plane, pick up a spider, wrap a snake around my neck, or crawl into a cave.

Sometimes fear is a good thing. It can save our lives. Consider godly fear. Flesh or spirit, either way, not everyone is fearless. You say you are completely fearless? You're gonna learn something you never knew about yourself when you face my God.

My second thought was regarding my uncle and the young man whom I spoke with for several hours at the park.

They asked why God would create war in which people get killed. I didn't know how to respond. I have an answer now and not to say it is perfect, sufficient, or acceptable to you or others, but it is all I have right now. This too will bring me to another topic shortly.

God's people kept turning on Him. These were His chosen children. He was trying to give them the land of milk and honey. They complained and started making idols (example, a calf) to worship because they were impatient and lacked faith in God. Out of anger, frustration, and jealousy, He destroyed them.

If you told someone you were going to buy them a car but it would take a while to get it and they turned their back on you because you didn't do it right then and they deceived you for lack of faith, selfishness, impatience, and greed, how would that make you feel? And what if your children kept spitting in your face, shaking their fist at you, cursing you, and forsaking you for their lack of faith in you, their lack of patience, ungratefulness, greed, and turning others against you?

The same after the others made it to the promised land. They began worshipping handmade idols and casting their children into fires after all God did for them and in proving His might and strength. Even after fulfilling His promise.

Yes, God was furious and with good reason: He is God and a loving God, and He had been betrayed by His own creations. He put them at war to punish them and lead them into captivity so that they would cry out to him for deliverance to see that a calf can't deliver them but that only He can.

The young man made a statement about God expecting us to bow down to Him. He is God and worthy of all our praise and worship. He molded you with His very own hands and breathed His own life into your lungs. He created the world around you. He created all the heavens. You better believe He deserves all your reverence.

You bow down to flesh and technology, yet you question whether your God and Creator deserves your praise. Wait until you stand in His glory and presence and you won't be able to control your weak puny little knees, I don't care how powerful you think you are. And in that moment, you will wish you had hit your knees while you were still in your worthless rotting flesh.

Our great and mighty God is holy and eternal. If you had a personal relationship with Him, then you would know He is worthy of all your praise, honor, and adoration. But your vanity in your uncontrollably aging worthless flesh keeps you from standing before His eternal glory. And don't act like you do not desire or demand respect from someone somewhere at some time. And let me just tell you plainly, you are missing out!

I told my uncle, You haven't heard His side of the story. Not that He has to or even will explain Himself. You don't have to and may not explain yourselves to your kids, yet you know that you are right in your decisions whether they do or not.

For the past week, I have been beating myself up over this stupid statement because that is the same as saying God's Word is false. If my uncle has read the Bible, then he has read God's side of the story.

What God showed me is that even if someone reads every one of my books, that does not mean that they will not misconceive every word. You don't understand it as you should either because you do not have a relationship with the Author. Do you want to talk with the Author? Do you want to understand the Author? Do you want to ask the Author questions? You know the way, through the blood of Jesus Christ starting with repentance.

Same day. Something has been bothering me for a while that I haven't mentioned yet. I was sitting in service one day, and a child was in the pew in front of me. He was playing on a phone. I do not know if he was just simply not being supervised or that the adults simply did not care, but this child was playing a zombie game in church. I found this highly offensive.

I do not go to church to watch brain-eating, mindless, demon-driven, rotting corpses while I am in church. Children have remarkable imaginations. So, instead of a child sitting in church viewing adults in a good clean manner, they are seeing a bunch of mindless zombies. When I was still in sin, that was how my imagination worked. I was always seeing stupid things like that.

One difference between Christians and the unsaved is how we view death. I used to view death in a very gruesome way, scary dark earth and rotting flesh coming back to life. Yes, we rot when we die, and it is gross whether we are Christians or sinners. But we all die, and it shouldn't be our focal point.

Now as children of God, we think of death as sweet release: we know that we are going home to our Father. Sure, we get down hearted when we lose a loved one, sure, we fear death (at least I do), but we know what awaits our arrival after our earthly departure.

For you morbid people, we Christians are not going to have a mass suicide just to get the job done quicker, because we are not morbid. Plus, if we do, then how are we going to bring you morbid people to Christ?

August 14, 2018. This morning on the way to M-Way, I was telling my mother that last night I was loving on Jesus's beard during praise. I told her how soft and beautiful His beard is. I also told her that I could feel His love pouring out of His beard. I told her that just a couple of weeks back, I remembered something that happened. You may remember the day I mentioned that I was ribbon dancing around the thrones.

I kept sneaking kisses on the Father's and Son's faces. I remember just last week that when I kept kissing Jesus's face, He had no beard. This was the first and not since. I told Mom I had no idea why, but as I was explaining it, it all came to me. As much as I love Jesus's beard, and believe me, I do so much, He gave me the blessing of feeling His skin beneath my lips.

August 15, 2018. I intend to call my friend and read something I wrote to him. He told me that he will not call me again but that I can call him. He has fallen for a woman whom he has been counseling. She was bound to an oath she had made to her pastor regarding marriage.

I want to show my gratitude for you being a good mentor and a wonderful friend.

I am fully aware this may be in vain, but I would like to try.

I know I am not a Bible scholar, but I feel that maybe this quite possibly could be applied to yours and her current situation.

Do you know the same Father as I? Then you know that He does not lack compassion and that He is more loving and compassionate than all flesh (Ps. 103:8).

Matthew 12:1. Jesus's disciples ate corn from the field on the Sabbath, correct?

Matthew 12:4. Have you not heard that David ate shewbread that was meant only for the priest?

Matthew 12:5. Have you not heard that the priest profane the Sabbath and are blameless?

Matthew 6:12. Jesus told us to ask God to forgive our debts, so why not our covenants to men?

Our glorious Father will not toss her into the pits of hell if she honorably asks her pastor to release her of their covenant because she isn't breaking their covenant or defiling the Sabbath.

She is a woman of God, correct? Then your Father may have been leading her to you this whole time.

After I read this to him, he said he already knew all this. But he did say that it was confirmation to what he already knew. I told him that I wanted desperately to do something to say thank you and all of it was coming to me last night and this morning. So I believe the Lord gave this to me to put my heart at ease in an attempt to show my appreciation.

At the end of our conversation, I told him that I had another gift for him. I told him that I am going to do as him. I told him that I will never call him again so he can put all his focus on her. But I told him that he can call anytime he desires.

2

To Look upon His Face

August 16, 2018. My ex called asking if I could go pick up his check for him again at Bonitz Flooring. My daughter had to take me.

When I walked in, there were two men and three women sitting at a table. The lady who gave me the check last time invited me into her office to get it. She was very kind and friendly. She asked my name again. I told her, and she said she should have remembered such an easy name. I told her that we have a few hundred names in the church, so names are hard to remember.

I was happy to mention church and the table was not too far from the door, so I know the others heard. Plus, to God's advantage, I talk loudly as I have mentioned.

I told her that by the time I think I have the majority down, there are new names to remember. I told her that our church picks up the homeless on Sunday mornings.

I threw in at this point that I have went downtown and have given my testimony to the homeless. I told her that I pass out my testimony in pamphlet form and have given out thousands in Knoxville. She got a very surprised expression on her face.

I then explained that I am writing my autobiography of what Jesus has done for me. I told her that I have quite a testimony.

The others were listening by this point, and I was making eye contact with them all as well. I had a Holy Spirit-filled smile across my face as I spoke. I went back to speaking about the homeless and explained that I hug them and ask their names, which some come again and some do not. In other words, we are always having new guests, so names can be a bit challenging.

I told them I would bring my testimony when I get some more made. I then said I used to be a call girl and a pill addict. She was very intrigued by my story by her expression. I was so happy to have been able to talk about my Lord and Savior as I did.

Nighttime. I struggled, whether awake or asleep I don't know, both I believe. I just remember seeing writing on my door. It was invisible, but somehow, I was able to see part of it, but I couldn't make it out.

What I did see and was able to make out was my sister's signature at the bottom. And what I did know was that the writing was a curse.

August 17, 2018. I had a dream this morning that I found funny. I know why I had it and you may also find it funny, so I will share.

My mother and stepdad were watching WKRP in Cincinnati, and she told me that the black man's name is Venus, which I already knew. I told her that when I attended South Middle School, one of my peers was a guy named Venus. His last name was Bird or Byrd, and we had the exact same birth month, day, and year.

He was very cold to me, and I do not know why. I was never mean to him, and I was a very quiet shy girl outside my home. There was no way that people could have thought I was a snob because I was very poor, and peers made fun of my clothes. I told Mom it would be funny if he didn't hate me but rather liked me.

Imagine if we got married and let's pretend his middle name was Michael (Venus Michael Bird or Byrd and Venus Michelle Bird or Byrd). I find this amusing. Just to clarify, I never liked him as a boyfriend either, but we could have been friends. I wouldn't bother looking him up on Facebook. I already tried for the fun of it.

Back to the dream. I was in the hospital with my oldest daughter and someone else. We were on a ride. Yes, I know, in a hospital, it was a dream reader. I saw the bumper of a car exactly like mine, same color and writings. It wasn't my car, and I knew it. And though the writings were used by the exact same type of pen, the words were different.

As I passed, I realized it was a van, but the bottom looked exactly like my Mustang. I couldn't read the words, but I still knew they weren't the same because they were in different orders than how mine were written. I only got a quick glance as I was flying by. I was shocked and thought someone was copying my car and ministry.

I was way passed when I jumped off the ride to go meet this person. I had to go to different offices asking because the place where I saw the van was in the hospital parked in front of a place of business, similar to Starbucks or a gift shop.

After much searching, I found it. I asked the guy if he got the idea for his car/van from someone else: displaying no accusation. He said no, and I knew he was being honest. I then pulled up pictures of my car and showed him. I could tell he was a true man of God.

The place he was in was his, and it was called a pantry. I believe it was his other ministry, possibly giving food away. He was built very beautifully like my husband before age and alcohol took over. Needless to say, so I won't. You did see that coming, didn't you?

Same day. I began thinking about yesterday when my ex asked me to go to Bonitz. He said that he had told the lady I was his girlfriend. He said it wasn't a lie because I am a girl and his friend. I knew why he did it. He didn't need to tell her that. He could have told her that I am the mother of his son and still his friend.

Girlfriend was not necessary. I could have shown my ID. I had been bragging about Jesus and all He had done for me. Yet the whole time she is thinking that I am his girlfriend, so according to her, I am probably having marital affairs.

I also told her that I was going to bring my testimony when I get some more made. I never mentioned celibacy, but they will read it in my testimony. God has been restoring my name. My name now is Venus, the daughter of Christ, not Venus the dirty harlot. She is going to read the celibate part and view me as a liar.

I called him very upset and told him why. I also told him that my name will be on my books and I may be on social media someday talking about them. This woman may see and view me as his partner having intercourse. I told him people don't view girlfriend and boyfriend in the old-fashioned way as Grandma did anymore and he knows this. I told him that I had every intention of taking her my testimony when I get them, and I will explain that part and he needs to fix it before she sees either of us as a liar. I told him we are friends and I love him, but he needs to clear my now good name.

He said he will tell her that we broke up. I said, You can't do that. I said, If she ever reads my books, then she will see that I became celibate April of 2016 and obviously she won't see me as celibate anymore, which would be a big fat lie. He said that he will straighten it up, but I know either he won't or not as I expect it to be done.

My real thought is that he will just walk away from the matter, mannerly speaking, and never send me back, thinking I won't go there other than to get his check, so the situation will just dissolve. It is just petty to him. Maybe so, but I don't appreciate nor do I like it. It makes me feel dirty.

I shared this conversation with my mother. She then brought up my oldest sister and how she thinks I went back to our ex for that purpose. My mom said that she calls me filthy names, I told her that I already knew this. The ignorant part is that she knew this already also. That deserves a duh, sorry, but it does.

My mom started telling me that our ex texted my sister about going to Florida and said that they can get together for sex. My mom told me that my sister said the only reason she wants to see him is for an apology. My sister said if it isn't for that, then she will kill him. I kept telling her that I don't want to hear any of this. Why does she insist on forcing me to hear these foul things? One of my reasons is because they are so dark and negative. The other reason I do not want to hear this is, who is to say she is or isn't lying?

Mom does not want to see her daughter (oldest daughter that is) as being capable of any wrongdoing. She is a good little girl in the eyes of Mommy. If someone is capable of speaking all that filth that spews from her dirty little mouth or writing it out in text from her dirty little tainted finger or threatening lives, then they are certainly not above lying or making up lies any more than he is.

August 18, 2018. I picked up my granddaughter and took her to my brother's house for my nephew's birthday party. The kids were swimming in the pool while my brother was tidying up. His house is dust, clutter, and fingerprint free for having preteens, no woman in the house, and being a roofer. If the crime lab had to check his house for any criminal evidence, it would be in vain.

I was telling him how I got to testify the other day at Bonitz. I was going to stop, but he said he can listen as he cleans. I then wanted to tell him how I got to testify to the bus riders from downtown. I was having a difficult time because he was moving around everywhere, so my thoughts were scattered.

His house is cleaner than a single woman's home with zero children that suffers OCD. It would not have destroyed him one bit to sit down and talk with or listen to me a little while.

My nephew came in and talked to him, and then my brother started talking about something else. After my nephew went out, I attempted to pick up where I left off. My brother rudely started rushing me and said my stories take too long. I said never mind and went out to my car for at least twenty minutes.

I struggled to put my mind on My Refuge. I could see my Lord, but I struggled to put my pain aside and know that They truly love me. I fought to get past what my brother did to me and only since I have been saved.

My granddaughter was getting ready to leave, so I went in to get her. I walked up to my brother and hugged him. I said, I love you. I forgive you, and the blood of Jesus can heal that cold dark heart of yours. He reacted angrily, of course, but I was serious.

He started shouting that I am the one that will babysit a dog and not my grandchild. He said that I bless everyone but my family. He said that I need to check my heart. I kept telling him that I love him as I was walking out.

I went back to a few verses on this issue.

Think not that I come to send peace on earth: I am come not to send peace, but a sword. For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a man's (or woman's) foes shall be they of his own household. (Matt. 10:34–36)

I also sent him a text that said, Sorry to say this, but I am not the one that has had the nickname Rude Dog since the '80s. My brother is only two years older than me, and I still consider him rude and hateful. I am not going to stop doing my Father's will to make everyone love me or see me as pleasing to the eye. I am no longer here to please man but Father.

I shared this with my mom, certain she will say something in his defense, and I was correct. But as I reminded her that my nickname was never Rude Dog, I reminded her of the verses. Then I began to tell her more of what was being said and what occurred.

She began to say I do talk a lot. How many times have I admitted this? But as I told her, I have also always been a listener. I was the family counselor; I was me, Venus.

My brother has told me many stories of him, his wife, and kids and their struggles. I have and I still listen. He has read me letters. I may not be a fantastic listener, but I try because I care. I was the family counselor or therapist because I cared. My problem was not being able to fix problems.

I was sentimental and stayed in close contact with even our distant relatives. I would write long letters to everyone in the family all the time. Even when I was raising my family, I always made time for everyone else.

Before I gave my life to Christ, I hated, despised, and was basically disgusted with myself. I thought I was worthless crap other than my big heart and cleaning abilities. I love myself now. I am pleased with myself because I know who I am, whose I am, and my placement. I am a child of God, and my placement is in His kingdom. I have value now. I am highly loved and adored.

Satan is trying to destroy my confidence as a child of Christ and make me feel that I am a horrible Christian to draw me from my godly duties and into the flesh.

He is trying to convince me that my Christian duties are to serve the flesh. I serve God and He puts me where He wants me, and He tells me when to move. That is all that matters, and that is my duty as a whole, to obey my Father no matter what anyone else thinks or says.

August 19, 2018. Through the past few years that I have been testifying, I am careful of whom I approach and how I approach them. I myself know that I do not discriminate or pick on anyone for any reason. Don't get me wrong, sometimes someone's appearance or obvious lifestyle may draw me to them.

If it is unmistakably obvious that someone is lost (for example, homosexual or Satanic), then I will do my best to approach them as delicately as possible. The reason I am cautious in my behavior and timing is because they do not know that I will approach someone that is dressed like a lawyer or the president. I do not discriminate because Father does not discriminate.

No matter how upper class you look, does not mean that you aren't a filthy lost mess on the inside, like a pig that just wallowed in the mud. I choose people through convenience and availability. I am not going to drag someone from the Kroger's aisle and begin preaching at them just because I know without a doubt that they are gay, because the seemingly goody two-shoes next to them is more than likely just as desperately in need, so therefore I would just need to gather up everyone in Kroger and start preaching the love of Christ to everyone in Kroger.

Let's take a crazy guess at how that story will more than likely end. I am guessing straitjacket or jail. I prefer to hit groups, if at all possible, so they know I have several copies, and no one will assume that I am singling them out.

The Lord has given me peace through showing me that He knows I cannot minister to everyone I see. I do the best I can, and that is the best I can do.

August 20, 2018. I went to Dollar General for a snack. A lady made a small comment as she passed me that Halloween prices keep increasing. I am certain that I came off as a snob. My response was nothing more than a teeny tiny itty-bitty giggle, I mean barely, and I kept going.

I had to refrain from sharing my feelings because she may have gotten offended. It would also be possible that we could have landed in a heated conversation. I have expressed my detest for Halloween openly before, but she spoke to me directly.

As much as I desired to explain that I am not a snob, I would have had to explain why I reacted the way I did. I knew this could possibly cause debate or offense. Sometimes it is better to remain quiet.

August 21, 2018. I went to West View Park to read my Bible for a while. There was a very beautiful young woman there with her dog and husband. She reminded me of a black version of my youngest daughter: her hair, weight, and stature. She was at the tables, and he was walking the dog. I made sure she wasn't saving the pavilion for a gathering. She said, No, so I asked if she minds me sitting at one of the tables. There are about three picnic tables under there, but I did not want to intrude.

I told her that I like to sit there and spend time with the Lord. I already mentioned Jesus, so I knew she was probably thinking I would start preaching. Not for any particular reason. It's just that everyone gets that impression when you mention Christ. I love to share my testimony with everyone, but as I said, I like to be cautious.

Within a few minutes, another young couple came by and asked if I knew where a particular store was located. I said yes, but it isn't super close, so I offered to take them. They asked the other young