I Put Away

By Jennifer Anderson

On June 1, 2019, my grandmother, Christine Helen Wallace, went to be with the Lord. This life-changing experience led me on a journey resulting in a shift from operating under a childlike system to an adult one. This journey occurs over a three-week period where God gives me an opportunity to change how I spoke, how I understood, and I how I thought. After the passing of my grandmother, I realized I could no longer continue to operate under my childlike system. It was time for me to grow up and be the daughter that God intended me to be! God gave me this opportunity by opening the door for me to take a three-week leave of absence from work. After my grandmother’s funeral, the journey began.

This journey involved changing my operating system, which led to the development of I Put Away. I Put Away comes from the biblical scripture, 1 Corinthians 13:11 (KJV), that says “When I was a child, I [spoke] as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became an [adult], I put away childish things.” I Put Away is about me moving from a childlike system of speaking, understanding, and thinking to an adult one.

I am an adult; however, I was using my childlike SUT (speaking, understanding, thinking) system. No, I was not having temper-tantrums, but my speech was incoherent at times; my understanding was not logical, sensible, or rational; and my thinking was muddled, unclear, and confused! Yes, I was a bit of a mess, “But God!” God began to take me through a transitioning process where I move into this adult system—a system where I am able to speak, understand, and think clearly. I will not discard my child SUT system because it is what made me who I am today. I will just keep it in my back pocket. However, operating under my adult SUT system is what is making me a better me.

I invite you into my transitioning journey of I Put Away. You never know, my testimony may make you a better you!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Page Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Mar 21, 2022
• ISBN: 9781662471575

Book preview

Chapter 1

SUT Clouds

On June 1, 2019, my life forever changed. My grandmother, Christine Helen Wallace, whom I have known for over forty-five years, passed away. My grandmother was more than just a grandmother; she was my friend. Whenever I would go to Virginia to visit her, we would talk for hours about everything. It is hard to imagine continuing with life without my grandmother, but I do because I know she is finally at peace with her husband of more than fifty years and her son, my father. My grandmother’s passing engendered so many changes in my life.

Early part of June, after my grandmother’s passing, I was listening to a sermon by Bishop T. D. Jakes. His sermon was based on the scripture, 1 Corinthians 13:11 (KJV), which says, When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. Bishop Jakes talked about how we have a system that we operate under, using the acronym, SUT, a system of how we speak, understand, and think. Bishop Jakes showed me that I was not a child; however, I was using a childlike system to speak, to understand, and to think. In other words, this SUT system did not make me a child; it was just a system that I was using to speak, to understand, and to think. Let me illustrate how I was operating under this childlike system.

Approximately two to three years prior to my grandmother’s passing, I lived with clouds of fear, anxiety, depression, loneliness, and lack of confidence. Because I spent over 50 percent of my time at work, a lot of these clouds I created were a direct result of my work environment. I am not going to go into detail about my work environment in terms of certain individuals. As the title illustrates, I, not anyone else, put away. God will use anyone and/or anything to get our attention, and that is exactly what he did. God needed to bring my clouds to the forefront, and he used my job to do so.

I had so many fears, which resulted in the cloud of anxiety—fear of failure, fear of disappointing, fear of not being accepted, fear of what others were saying about me, and fear of making a mistake. I know that I had several anxiety attacks but really did not define it as such until much later. However, I do remember one incident, in which after reflecting on what happened, I now define it as an anxiety attack. I was trying to complete tasks at work and get home at a decent time because my husband and I were going on a trip. I left work without accomplishing all I wanted to accomplish prior to leaving. Driving home, I started crying and called my mother. She could not understand what I was saying. I was trying to talk and breathe at the same time, but it was not working. I felt like someone had a bag over my head and I was trying to talk, but everything coming out of my mouth was incoherent. My mother was afraid because during all this going on, I was driving! She got me to stop trying to talk and just breathe. After calming down, I explained I had to leave work, and I was not able to complete everything before leaving. My mother provided me reassurance and told me this was a sign that I needed a break from work! When my husband and I got on our merry way, as the passenger, I began to reflect on what occurred. I realized how fear had just completely overtaken me, which resulted in a full-blown anxiety attack. I probably can write a whole chapter just on all the fears I had. This fear literally negatively impacted how I spoke, how I understood, and how I thought.

There were so many signs of depression, but I did not see it as depression,