Lost: A Teen Fiction

By Aaliya Shahreen

A teen fiction that talks about the major changes and struggles of the emotion of a normal teenager who fights the odds of her life, and tries to figure out the mess her life started to go into. 

Ahana Singh is an extrovertish, bubbly and straightforward girl with dreams to aspire and reach the top only if there weren't unexpected entries in her life. She was already adjusting to her emotions when she also had to adjust to the new environment and new people.

 The book is written with an intention of conveying the message that 'all the teenagers want to be understood but they're taken wrongly, while they themselves are suffering from their anger issues and learning to lose, 'what they thought would stay.'

• Language: English
• Publisher: Blue Rose Publishers
• Release date: Nov 29, 2022
• ISBN: 9356283648

Book preview

Acknowledgement

Foremost are my parents of course, who never stopped believing in me, then is my brother who kept pushing me to complete my work.

I would then want to thank the BLUEROSE PUBLISHERS, who gave this book and me a chance. A big thanks to Komal, my publishing consultant and Pranavi my Publication Manager , who have been very supportive and sweet in helping me get through the procedure and guided me with each step. Muskaan my cover designer, who got all the ideas together, Mansi my editor who helped giving this book a shape.

Then are my friends of course, Avanie who got me at Wattpad and made me realize that I could write too, then are Aaliya and Vishakha who have been a constant support system in the journey of LOST. Aaliya, my name substitute helped me with different ideas while Vishakha wrote the book description.

Lastly I am placing the biggest thanks to my favorite human, Ashutosh who played the greatest role in all this process by listening to all the ideas and then correcting wherever I went wrong.

Also he plays another role by allowing me to use his name in the book that brought the character to life.

One

That’s when I was growing up, from a little girl to a young lady. From daddy’s princess to my own support.

It all started from the day I got familiar with all these words.

Love

Hate

Anger

Happiness

Embarrassment

Sadness

Shame

Excitement

Frightened

Passion

Irritated

Elated

Terrified

Delighted

Cheerful

Attractive

Brave

Comfortable.

Blah blah.

Combination of English letters, that seemed to be just adjectives but turned out that they became a part of life, all those words that were meaningless until grade six, but then they meant everything to me.

I never wanted to experience a lot of them but you can’t really predict the future, who knew I’ll be going through them. Some of my feelings or emotions can’t be named or either can’t be expressed, it’s vast, as vast as the universe expansion.

These may just still seem adjectives to a lot of people but for me, they played slightly a different role. They built me, the girl I am, strong or weak.

Recalling back to those days when I had difficulty in pronouncing/spelling them but then things changed, for good or bad, I don’t know but it brought a gigantic change.

How everything and everyone changed around me.

How I LOST everything I wanted to have in my life, my life started to feel as if it was being shattered into a thousand pieces, but all I could do was just look at the things breaking that ways.

And then there are times I feel.

*For once in my life I want to be good enough*

But now when I read back, the statement changes to.

"I once again want to be the old Ahana I was."

Two

Today as a grown up, I realize that how stupid yet memorable my childhood was.

Though all these years are proof that I did grow up, learning things that are still helping me, while somethings just broke me. Even though all those bad incidences, from being seduced by someone very close, to being touched by a stranger and then being judged by my own people.

I was a kid, a mere 6-7 year old when I started facing hatred. I was a human too, I still am but the question isn’t that. The question is that did they ever consider me one?

The answer may vary, however all they wanted was me to act or react the way they wanted. With ‘they’, I refer to everyone who was close to me, and everyone who has hurt me till now. Talking about my parents? They wanted me to be a perfect daughter, it’s not I didn’t try but my fears turned out exactly how I didn’t want them to. I have done mistakes and maybe I’ll continue to, after all we are all humans.

One of those ‘sweet’ incidences, I remember is when I first learnt what the word ‘love’ meant. This word in itself has various meanings, because different people define it in different ways.

It’s about Mother’s day when I made a card, really ugly card, but my mom somehow found it to be very sweet. I might never know this but my mom said I’ll only know when I become a mother, as if I ever will.

"Aww, my lovely daughter. It’s so pretty!

I love you so much, my baby." That’s how she replied.

At that very moment, I only hugged her but an hour later, I realized that there was a new word I heard of that day. The word ‘love.’

I grew up into a person with stubborn nature and curious mind to get to the answers of things that troubled me.

I might not have turned into a rebellious kid, but I learnt to fight against all my friends because all of them made me feel, insecure much.

That attitude of me have brought up so many things to an end.

(End of what? This is Ahana Singh’s life, there’s a lot more to know than you think.)

Hehe, keep reading. Don’t kill the suspense by turning to the last page.

Getting back to all those questions I had to ask my mom about ‘love’ , but in spite that questionnaire, I am still not very clear about it, never can be. The word in itself is very much complicated and most of us are never going to know what deeper meaning this four letter word means.

The only reason we fail to love is we bind conditions and ruin the pureness of it.

Most of us, mainly.

We often fail to prove the love.

Maybe it need not be proved, but then let’s just call it, expressing.

It’s so tough for me as a grown up to rationalize or understand the meaning of it, how would a six year old me know it?

Umm so where was I? Sorry got digressed from the main story.

I rushed to my mom and sat beside her immediately, my mom saw the curiosity in my eyes and within mere fraction of seconds she asked.

What happened Meethi?

Who’s Meethi? Used to be my pet name once, but then I started disliking it and then of course I changed slightly different, okay maybe a whole different from what that word exactly means.

It means sweet, I changed that self in me.

That’s because my tongue works faster than my brain.

Umm, maa something is troubling me. I replied to her.

"I can see that dear. But what’s troubling you?

How can I help you?"

Yes mom only you can.

Ok, so let me know what’s troubling my little baby?

"Mumma it’s love." The expressions she gave me were very obvious but also funny at the same time.

What do you mean? she asked looking at me, as if I just cheated on her with another mother. Just saying.

Oh and the word ‘cheated’, was very much unknown until I met him again and someone dogged a seed in my head. Still unaware of what it would cause but I learnt that word when I turned 19.

She was shocked and amused at the same time.

:p

Oh and before you think I time traveled to recall these things, because it’s almost impossible to remember all of it, but no. I remember it and then time travelling kind of stuff don’t exist sorry to break your illusion.

Mum, I want to know it’s meaning? I said very impatiently not knowing what greater meanings or impacts it was going to show in my own life.

But why dear?

"Actually you said ‘you love me’, so I don’t know the meaning of love. If you could tell me.

You used it so you must be knowing it."

She chuckled a bit and placed her hand on my head, I asked her again because she didn’t seem to give an answer.

She asked me to calm down and sit at a place, but I was being fixity like always.

But the way she explained things to me, I couldn’t have asked for more.

" So you see, ‘Love’ is not just a word.

It’s not something that can be expressed by saying or just proving, it’s beyond a word you know.

Love means to care for someone.

To not want to lose someone.

Love is when you chose to live your whole life with someone..

You’re ready to sacrifice for the person you love.

Love is priceless indeed.

The way I am ready to do anything for you, because I love you my baby."

OH! I replied still being clueless how to react.

But I wanted to know what does emotion means? I continued.

Emotions are what you feel.

Oooooooo.. I replied because my mind went blank by thinking of something that meaningful, or meaningless maybe.

By the way what’s making you ask all of this?

I don’t know mom, but it’s my stupid conscience that was troubling me, so I asked you.

Umm, I see. she said before getting up her place.

Maa, you said for someone to stay forever, but when I get married will you still love me? I so want to slap myself for asking that.

God, where you learning that from? My love for you is priceless and I’ll love you at any cost. She said two contradictory statements at the same and as a six year old again I was dumb much to ask another question.

You said it’s priceless, but then you added at any cost. How much does the love for me cost then? She laughed, but I know she wanted to cry for me being her daughter, and I feel she still wants to cry for getting a daughter like me.

Ahana, that’s just a phrase and before you ask what’s a phrase, go sleep.

But maa.. even though it was going to be a different question, but since she was already tired of answering the questions. I gave her a slight hug and left to my room.

I have been talkative, always. Maybe I still am or just curious.

Three

‘Maybe’, became the first best word to describe my life, because of the uncertainties of course. All my answers have lied in between a ‘Yes’ and a ‘No’, in short confused and unsure a lot of times.

But I am sure about this one thing I am talking about here, because these are all true incidences from younger Ahana I was.

I can clearly remember the last day of my first school in Euro Kids, Ghaziabad.

I wasn’t sad or regretful about leaving the place, but the only question that I had in my mind was how the new place was going to be, what new adventures were to come in my life? Only if I knew one day whole life of Ahana Singh would be an adventure, maybe. A lot more is yet to come or it could be a silent storm.

Before I left the school I saw Niharika, my first best friend. Why? Because we shared seats and tiffin’s. Though I am still unaware of what a true best friend looks like.

I did not know, if I would ever visit Ghaziabad again but at least I had someone to call friends from there.

Before leaving for final time, I turned around looked back and waved at my school as if it would wave back, sadly it did not.

Last sight of my first school.

We packed up in a week and almost ready to move.

Oh! I missed my younger brother Ahaan, sweet but overly talkative who came with a destiny by birth, to get me in trouble.

Sometimes, his pranks could have killed me, unfortunately they didn’t.

It was going to be a new state, the capital city of Madhya Pradesh.

We shifted to a real big house which was a two story and I examined a lot of parks around the house but no signs of human. What if we were among zombies now? Nah, they don’t exist. Or maybe they do.

I finally traced a human figure, a boy who was probably same age as me but taller, he was at the terrace of the house in front of mine. We started talking but before our conversation could go any longer my mother called.

At the dining table, daddy broke the silence by telling that he has a friend who stays in front of our house, and they have kids of our age.

I reconfirmed by telling the name of Divyan, the boy whom I just met.

The same evening we were invited to their place.

All of us had a nice introduction session, a few games that included the board games.

The whole atmosphere was interrupted by Divyan, who said that I was a real shy person, but before I could clarify, Ahaan kept my reality in front and made me feel ashamed.

Well, that is my usual first impression on everyone I meet. I’m not a shy type though but I tend to shut my mouth, trying to do this more often now, as I said my mouth works faster than my brain.

Four

How things started to settle in another two months, because I very much adjusted there, found good friends but then one fine day one of those words came into my life, unexpectedly at a very young age but then I felt wrong that day. I was merely a kid of seven, when I was forced to feel that I was loved less.

Mistakes are what makes us all a human, we all have done mistakes but there’s a person, sitting on top of all us counting our ‘sins’, but I do not know what were mine, that I was being left out irrespective of how I worked on myself to be a better person.

It was any normal day at my house when me and my brother started playing, I ran past him because he hit me with a pillow, but then he fell down and got hurt in the leg.

"Enough of you Ahana, I know you are jealous of your brother, but you don’t go on hurting him." My mom yelled at me without even asking what really happened, he slipped by his own and I had nothing to do with it but my mom cared least to listen to what I had in my defense.

The word was ‘jealous.’

Why would I be jealous? I asked because till that time I really didn’t know what ‘being jealous’ feels like, but after that I knew what it felt like, exactly.

Because you think you get less attention. She snapped at me, I cried that’s all I knew, but later I started to seek more attention from them. I was the elder daughter, I needed some perks, of course.

But why would I push him? I asked with wet eyes, because even if I needed their attention I would never harm Ahaan, he is my brother and I love him so much.

For the same reasons. That wasn’t true, but she didn’t want to know what the reality was so I left. I learnt two things that day, ‘jealousy’ and ‘escaping.’

I grew up to feel the need of fighting for myself and things I felt were right on my part, but I also learned to escape. I escaped from myself, from reality and found myself in a tiny bit bubble. Something that only belonged to me and it was never going to burst until one day.

I was only growing up to realize that Ahaan was loved more and then just another incident happened right after to prove it and that seed never got out of my head. Not even till the present day.

It is about Diwali holidays, when my grandparents were home and my mom left me with my grandmother, took Ahaan with them and my grandmother asked.

I called her mumma, because she was closer to me than my own mom.

Didn’t you want to go to the market? She asked me and I replied.

But you know I am elder, so I can stay alone, I am a brave girl. I know I wasn’t brave, but today I am. Even though I was hurt on that day but I did not want to show it, and won’t do it till date, I don’t want to tell them how bad I feel every time I am told that, ‘I may not land anywhere because I am too childish.’

I presumed that keeping feelings to yourself were more helpful, that is exactly how I grew up and never learnt to show my feelings.

It’s okay, if they don’t love you, but I will always love you. She said it and I thought that I have her for life so I took a promise. I felt that there was at least one person to love me, and also that no one else loved me.

Promise me, that you will stay with me always.

I promise. She promised.

Only if promises turned out as they should have.

Fears.

And

Fates.

Five

Ahaan found a new school, while my entrance was yet to be taken, but it was in a girls school because my mom decided that it is the best I could get for myself or more like my mom wants me to grow more etiquettes.

You know INDIAN PARENTS, (not defaming but most people have set their mindsets, decided everything not willing to understand the mindsets of their younger generation.)

Well, then it’s about me visiting the school which wasn’t the nicest place, because it was kind of scary, even though I wanted to deny her, but I could not have done anything as my mom only wanted a girls school for me. She forgot that it wasn’t her generation, girls weren’t sweet anymore, they only wanted to act like a ‘bitch.’

My dad didn’t like the school either, but it was a real tough task to convince my mom, she is as stubborn as I am. For a few times when my luck works, one was this, when my father’s friend called him to inform that he could get me admitted in a school, his daughter was studying in.

Who knew I was going to find someone so much better there, but also someone so worse.

Six

The school was quiet one of the best places I think I ever visited, till then of course.

Over the years or maybe that’s how my soul was born, stubborn and courageous all at the same time.

It was certainly the perfect thing, imagination of what I wanted. But perfect things break. Because either it were only in your head or they weren’t meant to be.

Well I didn’t know what was coming next but I definitely knew that I was going to enjoy this place. I was taken to the school for the entrance exam and for the first time I felt I knew less than others because I couldn’t clear it with great marks, but I promised to make it a good start when I do.

At that age my parents didn’t care as much as they started doing later, till then I didn’t learn to lie nor hide things, but with growing up I learnt lying, started fighting for myself over every little things.

The rebellious version of me stands up now, because in the past I was a timid person who used to be super shy. At that time all that mattered to me was watching cartoon and buying different colors.

As I did mention about me being stubborn, one incident is that, when my eyes landed on a pack of colors, but my mom refused for and I wanted them no matter what, for those colors I cried, shouted and yelled. Whatever I could have done at that age and my dad being the loving father he is, took me to the shop.

Just for those colors at 11 in the night. He was too loving, still is.

Seven

What a pest I’ve been, says when I couldn’t dress myself till 5th grade.

Even though it’s a shameful thing but I least thought of it as I was always been pampered and before I could even realize it turned into a habit.

A bad one.

That is probably the first reason for me being too sensitive over things.

Being loved by everyone made me think, all my life it was going to be the same and no one would ever ignore me, but reality stands just opposite of what I thought.

So who knew