The More I F*ck'd Around, the More I Found Out

By J. Moise

Base on a true story.

It's Moe's 30th Birthday, and he wakes up to his parents singing "Happy Birthday" to him. He is still a virgin and has been hiding his virginity from his friends and family for many years. As his parents sings Happy Birthday to him, it was at that

• Language: English
• Publisher: Moduv Management Enterprises
• Release date: Nov 21, 2022
• ISBN: 9781088067215

Book preview

The More I Fu*ck’d around, the more I Found Out

By J. Moise

Copyright © 2022 by J. Moise

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written consent of the copyright owner, except in case of brief quotation embodied in critical articles, reviews, and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

Table of Contents

CHAPTER 1

CHAPTER 2

CHAPTER 3

CHAPTER 4

CHAPTER 5

CHAPTER 6

CHAPTER 7

CHAPTER 8

CHAPTER 9

CHAPTER 10

CHAPTER 11

CHAPTER 12

CHAPTER 13

CHAPTER 1

      Today had been a day like all others, with bad weather, work was boring, unentertaining, and unfulfilling.

      The car was parked and I ascended from it.

      I was excited to arrive home to my empty apartment with my dog just like every other day to just pig out in front of my T.V.

      I would pet her and catch up with something that was actually entertaining to distract myself from the grey cloud that was my life. As I opened the door, I saw what could be described as the most pitiful thing you’ve ever seen.

      My parents, a birthday cake in hand.

      I fixed a smile on my face as Andrea Kensley, my sixty year old short Haitian mother, and my sixty three year old tall Haitian father walked toward me with that birthday cake.

      God bless them, for he had not blessed me. Wasn’t there an age you got to where you just stopped putting the amount of candles on your cake that matched your age?

      I mean, I get it, you’re having a birthday, but do I had to be reminded how old I am all the time with all the candles on the cake?

      Shouldn’t I just be celebrating that I’ve lived another year? You may be thinking, what’s pitiful about that?

      I’ll tell you what’s pitiful about it, the fact that they put so much effort into it to make me feel special, like I mattered. In reality, l had nothing else going for me.

      I made my way over to the table and I knew the routine by now.

      It was a great bet that my parent’s voices could be heard in the next apartment over lively singing Happy Birthday to me.

      The cake was laid in front of me and they waited expectantly as though something magical was supposed to happen.

      I stared at the cake knowing what came next I felt nothing, but discomfort and my mind started to drift.

      Hello, my name was Moe Kensley and yes you guessed it, today was my birthday. I turned thirty. And no, I’m not happy about it.

      My life was still a mess. I had no friends at all. My eyes floated around and the only family that bothered to come were my parents.

      A sad fact that I had not denied.

      I mean seriously, how sad was this birthday party. A sigh escaped me, but I tried to not make them see it.

      I’m grateful they were here and they cared, but I mean, come on, it’s just my parents. Not even my siblings, who had a way better life. To complain about them felt petty, since they were busy.

      I got that as much. What impact have I made in people's lives? I had not been great at that.

      My relationships with people were non-existent, and naturally my skills at starting relationships with people were always bad.

      That was why, the worst part of my life was I had no girlfriend.

      I only had two serious relationships in my life. Well three, if you counted that one girl in high school that only lasted for three days.

      In high school, I hung out in the library and studied a lot. You would think that was a good thing, but it seemed to work against me when making friends and talking to girls. I mean, I thought I was interesting enough to get to know, but when I started talking they just seemed uninterested.

      Then, I met this girl when I was fifteen years old.

      There she was, long grizzly hair, deep brown eyes, fitted blouse with tight jeans that gripped her luscious hips. She was beautiful, and talking to me, of all people.

        Hey, you’re in my biology class right? she asked.

      I stumbled over my answer. Yeah.

        And you’re pretty good at it?

        Actually, yes, I enjoy it quite a lot… I was about to go into one of my spiels, but she cut me off quickly.

        Could you help me? I really need to pass this or else I’m going to be in big trouble with my parents.

        Um..sure..what..do..when?

        Are you free now?

        Yeah. My lips were stuck in a creepy smile I bet. I jumped at the chance to hang out with her and due to exams being just around the corner.

      Joyous thoughts ran through my mind of us becoming great friends. The next day, she met me under the trees. She decided it would be nicer to study outside instead of a stuffy library.

Of course I agreed. I didn’t mind the library, it was comfortable for me, but I guessed I needed to step out of my comfort zone and so I had.

      We were sitting next to each other and as I explained plant reproduction to her she turned my face to her and gave me a peck on the lips.

      I was so shocked, but excited. What was that for?

      She said, I felt like it.

        Oh. I blushed. That night, I