As Quiet as It’S Kept—Shhh . . .

By Jacquelyn Dortch

As Quite as Its Kept is a journey into the heart, mind, and soul of the author. Jacquelyn Dortch has used writing as a means of dealing with lifes joys and challenges. This book is a compilation of short stories and poems that depict major events occurring in Jacquis life. She credits these events as the driving forces for how she stumbled into her purpose. The ultimate reward for this author is that someone might be inspired or encouraged by her words.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Jun 14, 2017
• ISBN: 9781543427103

Book preview

As Quiet as It’s Kept—Shhh…

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Jacquelyn Dortch

Copyright © 2017 by Jacquelyn Dortch.

Library of Congress Control Number:   2017908590

ISBN:   Hardcover   978-1-5434-2709-7

             Softcover     978-1-5434-2708-0

             eBook          978-1-5434-2710-3

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Rev. date: 06/28/2017

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Contents

As Quiet as It’s Kept

Last Friday

She’s Perfect

Loving Me

I Wanna Be Bad

Life and Death

Not for Profit

Suddenly I Was Black

Same Old Me

Drowning

Man, Of God

Man, of God 2

Separate, but Equal, Not Equivalent To

Dear Bill

5947

The Storm is Passing Over

Baby Girl

A Mother Just like You

Jaxxon

A letter from my son

For my darling wife

My Current Situation

Moving Forward

A letter from my mom

It’s all Good

As Quiet as It’s Kept

As Quiet as It’s Kept, is a book of my little secrets. It is a journey into my mind, heart and soul. It is about triumph. It is a compilation of personal healing. The book is comprised of short stories and poems relative to events occurring in my life. I use poetry to deal with and overcome death, loss, betrayal, disappointment and to celebrate.

Life is unpredictable. No matter how much we try to control the narrative, things happen. We must find ways in which to cope or we risk sinking into the abyss. This is my book. It is my memoir, if you will, so it is written from the lens through which I view the world. It is my sincere hope that I have shared something that is insightful, uplifting and inspiring to others.

In this my 50th year, the time is now. I lived well within my normal, but when I step back and look back in, I am amazed at how I have progressed in life given my very humble beginnings and daunting circumstances. I owe no credit to myself. I give all thanks to the omniscient one, my parents and my grandmother. The best lesson I learned early on in life was to have faith in Christ and to believe in myself. I have been blessed beyond measure and the best is yet to come!

Gratitude

I have a sizeable network of family and friends. There are people who have shown up on my behalf through the years. There are a few people however, that I credit with my very life. I would be remiss if I didn’t specifically highlight the names of the people who have meant so much to my life’s journey.

I would like to thank the following people for your unconditional love and unyielding support:

Family – Bertha Holley, Jessie Martin, Earnestine Harley, Andrea Woods, Vivian Holley, Marcell & Carmen Holley, Monique Savage-Russel, Maurice Holley, Sylvia Mahone, Charles and Rosie King, and Jessica Spencer.

Extended Family - Earline Fecther, Pinkie Harrington, Jacqueline Zanders, Jacqueline Rainey, Valin Rainey, Dulcinea Wright, Nadine Wright-Woodson, Betsy Miller, Bridgette Carter, Karen Yeager, Karen Felix, Barbara Barnes, Jacqueline Willis, Oscini Barnes, Karen Goans, Pam Abby Lawrence, Valerie and Reggie Beavers, Ann Baham, Sharon Cobb, Deborah Hendricks-Black, Sharifa Townsend, Janice Scott, Jackie Smith, Joyce White, Myra Pickens, Dawn Samson, Precious Blake, Sonya Douglass, Ruben and Lisa Pettiford, Valencia Kalu and Etheal Gore.

Special Thanks

Deepest gratitude and thanks to the love of my life, my husband, Donovan Thomas. Thanks for putting up with me during this project.

Where would I be without my heartbeats, my children, Jocelynn, Candice and Jaxxon? Thank you all for allowing me to zone out and focus on this project. Thank you for listening and giving me feedback; more importantly thank you all for believing in me.

Thank you Jocelynn Yvette, for throwing me a 50th birthday party!

Thanks to my siblings Cassandra Yancy, Robert Dortch and Derrick Dortch for always showing up for me.

I would not have the space to thank all those who have touched my life in one way or another. Please accept this global thank you to everyone who has journeyed with me at some point on this road to self-discovery: My Stand Family, my Church Family, my AFC family, my mother’s friends, my grandmother’s friends, and my family-in-law.

As Quiet as It’s Kept

This book is dedicated to the memory of my mother, Mary Jo Dortch. My mother’s last day on this earth was July 15, 2005. Having just seen and spoken with her the day before it was like having the life snatched out of me when my hysterical father called to inform that Mary Jo was gone. Not in any way hearing the tension and urgency in his voice, I asked, gone where? He said these words and they have permeated my thoughts ever since, he said, Mary Jo is dead.

Reflection…

I am eight years old. We are living in a one-bedroom apartment, all of us, my mother, father, two brothers, two cousins, grandmother, and frequently my aunt. My mother is asleep in the open area just outside the kitchen that has been turned into a sleeping area. Because she is asleep, she has strategically placed my siblings and me in the various corners of the room. This was to keep us from bickering and fighting, while she got her rest. In my corner, I am dreaming about my future. I am a college graduate, I live in a big house with stairs, and I have a wonderful husband and two beautiful children. My daughter looks just like me, and my son looks just like my husband.

My brothers are trying to get my attention to play the little weird noise game they have created to pass the time while we are cornered. I cannot be disturbed. I have my pen and paper putting all my dreamy thoughts in writing.

My mother, whom we affectionately refer to as Mary Jo, was always curious about what I was writing. When she awoke on this day, she asked, girl what are you writing? I anxiously told her what I had put on paper. I told her about my house with the stairs, my kids, going to college and before I could get through with my dreams, she said, girl what are you going to do with all this stuff you write? I told her one day I was going to be famous and I was going to write a book about my life and how I had accomplished my goals. She said, I hope so, don’t end up like me, having kids too soon and struggling to make ends meet. I said, no way, you will see. She said, I can hardly wait.

Present day…

It is Saturday July 9, 2005. We are at the Outback restaurant to celebrate my father’s 60th birthday. Mary Jo is there along with my husband, my 11-year old daughter, my 1-year old great niece and I am nearly six months pregnant. The conversation is about my parents’ deaths and what I should do if they were to pass away. My father states if he should go first, I must promise that I will help support my mother and my great niece whom they were raising. My mother requests that if she should go first, I should raise my great niece and help support my father. With no inclination of the reality I was about to face, and in the spirit of moving on to less morbid conversation, I uttered a sarcastic yes. My parents confirmed my answer with my husband who stated he would support my decision.

During this dinner, my mother looked at me with eyes that are indefinable. It was as if she was looking through me as she said, I am really proud of you. I asked what brought this on. She said, You are getting ready to move into your second home, you have two college degrees, you have a husband, you have a beautiful daughter and now you are going to give birth to a son, I am so proud of you. Ever since you were a young child carrying your notebook around, you scripted this part of your life, the only thing missing is your book, you told me you were going to write a book; now all you need to do is write that book – and you better dedicate it to me!

Less than one week later my mother was gone.

Not only do I dedicate this book to her, I thank her for her role in my life’s journey. For if things, had not been the way they were, good and bad, I might not be the person I am today.

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In loving memory of my mom – this is for you Mary Jo (mom).

Last Friday

It is Thursday July 14, 2005. It has been an uneventful day at work. I left early to pick-up some items needed for our impending trip to Milwaukee Wisconsin. I along with my husband, daughter, great-niece and nephew had planned to attend a family event being held in honor of my grandmother, who was celebrating 74 years on July 15, 2005.

After picking up some snacks and other supplies, I stopped by my parent’s home. They had been caring for the children that day and I needed to pick them up to prepare for our trip. Once I arrived, out of nowhere I became ill. So ill that I had to lie across my parents bed to get myself together. My mother was extremely concerned since I was in my sixth month of pregnancy. She insisted that it was the July heat contributing to my sudden feelings of sickness and that I should drink fluids and relax. After an hour or so I felt better, and was able to drive home.

Once home, my mother called to inquire about my health. I told her I no longer felt physically ill, but that I felt sad. It was indescribable how I