Pretty Wings

By Natasha Renee

Pretty Wings is a captivating journey detailing the miraculous, life-changing experiences of extraordinary women. These true testimonies of overcoming abuse, trauma, sickness, anger, and fear are inspiring to all women in the process of life's complications. Our journey can be dark like a cocoon, but God knows the end from the beginning.

G

• Language: English
• Publisher: J Merrill Publishing Inc
• Release date: Nov 1, 2021
• ISBN: 9781954414075

Natasha Renee

Natasha Renee lives in Northern Virginia with her husband and two young kids. She has always been a lover of books since the moment she learned how to read. Her writing career started out with poems and short stories and soon she decided to try to write a full novel. So putting pen to paper she got to work and wrote her first story, Chasing Luna. It took a lot of encouragement from friends and family to share those stories and her imagination with the world.When she's not writing, she spends her time reading, and traveling the world with her family. Happy and excited about becoming a new author Natasha looks forward to sharing her vivid imagination and the lives of the characters in the stories that she has created with everyone that reads her books.

Book preview

Chapter One

The Process to Becoming a Diamond

Throughout my life, many people have told me, " Tasha, you don’t look like what you’ve been through ." They were absolutely right! I made a special effort to ensure my outer appearance was as immaculate as possible, dressed in the latest fashions and pristine nails and hair.

Unfortunately, the inner me was shattered into a million pieces. A master at wearing the mask, I knew how to pretend that everything was fine whenever I needed it. Portraying a false image of a perfect life was my specialty. Finally, in the comfort of my home, away from the noise and outside world, the mask was discarded, the burden of the act leaving me exhausted.

The beauty of my exterior didn’t match the inner me. Deep down inside, I felt completely and hopelessly damaged. Many restless nights of tossing and turning left my pillows soaked from the trauma I felt within. I knew only God could help me, so I cried out to the Lord, asking Him to heal my broken heart and to make me over.

My stress level was so high that my weight fluctuated up and down. Please allow me to be transparent with you. There were moments when I wanted to throw in the towel and give up on life. However, the pressure of this world weighed me down and was taking a toll on me.

The events of my life were getting the best of me. At times I wondered, Why me? What is God trying to create out of this broken vessel? Am I cursed? What did I ever do to deserve all this unbearable pain? When will the storms be over? Why is He taking the people that I loved so dearly away from me?

On October 1, 1989, my mother Ernestine departed this world at the young age of forty-six due to complications from Lupus. One thing for sure, she fought until she just couldn’t anymore. Her strength was dauntless!

I was seven years old when my mother passed. Despite her vigorous battle with lupus, she made sure all of my needs were met. She truly loved and cared for me. Being the youngest of five siblings, I was her baby girl. Though our time was short, I’m grateful to the Lord for allowing me to be blessed with a mother so strong and caring.

My life was forever altered after my mom passed. I was filled with great emotional and spiritual voids. In addition, my living situation changed when other relatives had to take me in. Though they did their best, my adolescent and teenage years were stripped away from me. As loving as my family was, they could not fill the place in my life that my mother held. She defined the epitome of what a mother should be: protective, nurturing, and her strength was impeccable. Her smile was infectious, and her heart was pure and true. Above all, her love was one in a million. She was truly the perfect mom!

There is an old saying stating, "Time will heal all wounds!" Those words sound good, but they are not at all accurate. Losing the person who nurtured me both in and out of her womb not only created overwhelming pain but also created a lifestyle I never envisioned for myself. Mother’s Day is also extremely challenging for me. The emotions tied to this day make such a struggle that I can barely keep from breaking down.

When I see little girls or women with their mothers, I see the relationship I didn’t have and the experience that was taken from me. Of course, at seven, you can retain some memories. Still, the thoughts and memories of a child are not fully aware of all that is happening around you, so the memories are more like snapshots only. I have so many questions that only my mother could answer. I wish I could have thought to ask, but what can you expect from a seven-year-old.

I often wonder what our relationship might have been, and it makes me smile. With more time, mom could have taught me even more about how to pray. I would have cherished every time we prayed together. There would have been mother and daughter tea parties and dinner dates. Those treasured moments when I could have shared my deepest and innermost secrets with her as a teen and adult. I would have loved to have experienced her comfort and assurances. And how complete my world would have been if my mom had shared my wedding day and known my current husband.

Now that I am a mother, I give myself and my love to my children, and hopefully, they will never have to grow up without me. My children hear me tell them how proud I am of them when they do well. They know the comfort of my kisses and hugs before they go to sleep. I get the joy of teaching them life lessons and sharing things they may not understand now but will when they get older. My mother would have adored my children. But in her place, I can pass on her love and insights about life to my children.

Many changes took place after my mother passed away. A year later, at the age of eight, I was molested by a family friend. Because she was a teenager, and I was practically still a baby manipulating me was easy. She tricked me into playing house. You know the game; little children pretend to be married. The difference in this particular game is I was violated in ways never imagined. This teen took advantage of my innocence and used the game for her own sexual gratification by manipulating me to perform sexual acts with her. For years this remained a dark secret for me, and not until I became an adult was I able to understand the magnitude of what took place until fully

After my mother passed away, my grandmother Dorothy got full custody of me. We lived month to month on a fixed income, so this lifestyle prevented me from staying current with the latest fashions. I didn’t have the best, but grandma made sure I had a roof over my head, clothes on my back, and food on our table. Grandma Dorothy was strict. Her no meant no! She had me on lockdown with the master key thrown deep in the jungles of