Struggling to Survive

By Vinnie Keller

Telling your sons, you still don’t feel right for the past 20 years and you don’t know what is going on is hard to do. How do you assure them that their dad will be ok? He doesn’t want them to worry more and keep being upset.

Vinnie has had a hard life. He’s been through major health issues and had to battle them to survive. He’s had to deal with his demons to live for his sons. How does he do it? How does he live a life that isn’t a life?

Vinnie thought he finally conquered his demons but feels he is being pulled back into that world he thought he had left. On top of all that is going on, other obstacles have risen for him to battle. But he knows whatever comes his way, he’ll have to conquer these obstacles to be here and to keep being a father to his sons.

Struggling to Survive tells the continuing story of Vinnie’s life and what is going on now and what he is battling. His journey is still ongoing and he feels like it’s never going to end. How much more can a person take and deal with? The never-ending physical, emotional and mental feelings and pain still has a hold of him.

How is he surviving everything, how is he feeling inside? To know he is still dealing with everything for the past 20 years has Vinnie very tired. But one thing about him, Vinnie will never give up or quit in getting what he wants and getting to where he wants to be. What he is looking for is an end to this nightmare of a life and live the rest of his life pain-free, happy, and with his sons.

Vinnie’s saga continues. Let’s take a look on how this courageous man deals with life and how he is going to overcome this life that has been handed to him. The continuing battle he endures for himself and his sons and how he is set to end his story. No quit in him, he’s a warrior.

Vinnie says, “I feel compelled to continue telling my story in hopes of helping others who are struggling in life. I do struggle to survive. We are not promised tomorrow, so live your life to the fullest. LIVE…”

• Language: English
• Publisher: Austin Macauley Publishers
• Release date: Nov 30, 2022
• ISBN: 9781638298328

Vinnie Keller

Hi there. This is Vinnie, you may have read my first book named Lost Life. It was about my previous experiences and journey with a life-threatening heart infection that led to major heart surgery and the complications that arose from it. I was young at the time, 35 years old, and also at 49 years old I had another heart surgery. And then years later, I had a battle with cancer twice. If you haven’t read Lost Life yet, that’s OK as I will be recapping the story for you.

Book preview

Chapter 1

Remembrance of a Painful Past

It all started in August of 2001. I was not feeling well and eventually wound up in a hospital. I was sent home and told I had a viral infection and to stay home a couple of days. I had gotten worse and went to another hospital where I was diagnosed correctly. The first hospital misdiagnosed me. After tests, it was found out that I had a severe case of Endocarditis, a horrible heart infection. I was in horrible shape and the odds were against me to survive as my liver and kidneys had shut down. Before surgery, I was given last rites by a priest.

After a few obstacles, I had heart surgery to replace a valve. During the surgery, I had 15 strokes and minimal brain damage. After the surgery while rehabbing, I had to learn to walk and talk again and also learn how to use my hands and fingers too. Working with therapists was a hard, painful and a grueling ordeal. It took a lot out of me. But besides the physical part of it, the emotional and mental part of everything played with my head. That was worse than the physical part.

Over the years that followed, I was not myself. I had a hard time dealing with the trauma I went through, what my body went through. But what got me through it were my two sons. They kept me pushing myself to be here. Not just for myself but for them. I do what I do for them. They are my angels.

Years go by and I’m feeling lost. It’s hard to explain, but I felt detached from life, family and friends. My sons live far away from me sadly, but when I am with them, I didn’t feel this way, I felt good, alive, and felt like my old self. That was because they were my therapy, my purpose.

But there was a side of me no one knew. Being I felt detached from life, I hid things from people. Hid how I was feeling, hid my aches and pains. I had to act in front of people. Why? Because I didn’t want anyone seeing the real me. I wanted them to think I was the old Vinnie. I even hid things from my sons. I didn’t want them to think something is wrong with their dad. So, I pretended I was invincible like they think I am. I have to show them I am strong.

Doing this for years, as I got older it was getting hard to hide and pretend. It was tiring and wore me out. I had no choice but to continue the best that I could. I felt like I didn’t belong here because I didn’t feel like a part of this world. Struggles and obstacles had me in a dark place. I felt suicidal, and a few times, I tried to end things. I hate that I did that but I couldn’t help myself. Why did I feel this way? I find out at a point in time that I was struggling and diagnosed with PTSD and depression. So now I know why I did the things I did and felt the way I felt. How do I stop feeling this way? I tried therapy and medications but nothing helped. So, I just dealt with it all my way. Staying busy, keep pushing forward and any time I was with my sons, just engrossing myself with them. They made me happy and took my mind off of everything.

A second heart surgery happened to me in 2015 to replace the same valve. I wasn’t sick like I was the first time. This one was easier to get over, but it was hard because it of the emotional and mental game it played with me. A few years later another, the end of 2018, my world came down again. I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. I was stunned, but at the same time, I wasn’t shocked. It was like whatever, just another obstacle to overcome. I had gotten use to bad luck. Luckily, my cancer was stage one. I had surgery to remove it, did many sessions of chemo which I lucked out I did not get that sick.

For some odd reason, having cancer didn’t bother me or worry me. Maybe because it was stage one. Or maybe I just didn’t care because of those demons I had. In 2020, my cancer came back. Just like last time, stage one so I wasn’t worried. More chemo and being tired this time around, not just from cancer again, but tired of everything that has happened to me. Telling my sons was upsetting, they were