The Intern's Manifesto

By Matthew Cross

‘You don’t have to be mad to work here … but it helps!’

Being an intern in the modern world of corporate and creative offices is – without question – one of the most challenging, rewarding, enjoyable and frustrating jobs in the world. Young, talented and hard-working, interns and apprentices are the future of business, yet are often treated as cheap labour whose name no one can be bothered to remember.

The Intern’s Manifesto is the only survival guide for all first-time workers entering into the work sector – and the perfect present from the concerned parent!

Expertly written by a former intern, the book delves deep into all you need to know to make it in the big bad world. From the world of daily commuting (be prepared to get swine flu) through to the different types of bosses and shifty staff to keep an eye on, right down to the all-staff emails you should NEVER send, this book will prepare your mind for surviving the working day, even if your body and soul have given up many hours before that.

• Language: English
• Publisher: HarperCollins UK
• Release date: Nov 19, 2014
• ISBN: 9781909396890

Book preview

Illustration

You’re an intern. Congratulations. Despite how hard it felt getting to this point, the hard part is still left to come. Surviving an office job is stressful enough, but being the intern – the lowest paid and least respected member of the workforce – is even harder. But don’t worry – you have youth, good looks and cheerful enthusiasm on your side. Let’s celebrate those first baby steps towards becoming employed and, therefore, a valuable member of society.

BEST INTERN ADVICE EVER #1

Never turn up late and just say, ‘Sorry, but I overslept.’ That’s rubbish. Always blame the trains.

HOW TO BECOME AN INTERN

I’m guessing that because you bought this book (or, more likely, somebody bought this book for you) you are either a) interested in becoming an intern, b) keen to learn more about becoming an intern, c) curious as to what an intern does, or d) already have an intern placement lined up and this book popped up in Amazon because it has ‘intern’ in the title and you had a tenner spare in your account.

There are many qualities you need to become an intern: the main factor obviously depends on your enthusiasm and passion (and desperation) to gain vital work experience during or after your university or school career. And there are many online avenues you can explore to find out the best places to be an intern. But first you need to do one simple thing:

YOU HAVE TO DECIDE WHAT YOU WANT TO DO FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

That’s it.

Honestly, this is your biggest challenge. Once you’ve nailed this, everything else will sort-of fall into place. So…

• WHAT INTERESTS YOU?

• WHAT DO YOU LOVE TO DO MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE?

• WHAT CAREER DO YOU WANT?

For instance, if you want to become a vet, proactively investigate local zoos close to you and look up veterinary schools and practices in your area – reach out to them and enquire if they offer any work experience or internships. Speak to the local vet, pop in to see them armed with loads of questions. If you want to work in fashion, visit ukfashionintern.com. If you want to intern in publishing, keep your eyes peeled for Google alerts or the jobs section of the broadsheets.

At the risk of sounding flippant, deciding how to become an intern is UP TO YOU. This book is your guide to help you once you've become an intern. There are so many ways of getting internships these days that to explain them all would fill this book. Use the internet as your first point of call – see what’s out there and what’s not. I don’t know what your career dreams are, so it’s hard to tell you how to achieve them. All I can tell you is that THERE ARE SO MANY OPPORTUNITIES OUT THERE that the only thing HOLDING YOU BACK IS YOU.

The hardest decision to make regarding your career once you graduate or are ready to take that first step up on the career ladder is the first one: working out what job you would like to do for 40-plus years of your life. If you know this, great. You can begin. If you don’t – DON’T PANIC. At the back of this book is a section on websites and books to check out that will help find the right path for you.

QUOTES TO MAKE YOU SOUND EVEN MORE EDUCATED

I learned the value of hard work by working hard.

MARGARET MEAD

NAMES OF INTERNS

Your co-workers will have a habit of not remembering (and misremembering) your name, even though it’s a cardinal sin (which they’ll always remember) if you forget theirs. As a Matthew, I was forever remembered as Michael or Martin (and still am) – and I used to respond to both, instead of correcting them.

For the first few days of your internship people won’t take the time to remember your name. Instead, you’ll end up being known by one of these beauties below instead. But don’t worry, once you do a good job and start getting a reputation for being a hard worker, everyone will want to know your name. But be careful, these nicknames could stick…

• Lackey

• Minion

• Pawn

• Flunky

• Slave One

• Tea-boy

• Teasmaid

• Tea-machine

• Trainee

• Runner

• Newbie

• The intern

• The new girl

• The new boy

• A scrub

• The ‘New John’

• The ‘New Lucy’

• The kid

• Champ

• You there

• Oi

• Tricky Dickie (if your name is Richard)

• Babs (if your name is Barbara)

• Dave (if your name is David)

• Little Lord Fauntleroy (if you’re posh)

• Cameron (if you look like Cameron Diaz, for example)

• Charlie (if you look like Charlie Sheen, for example)

• Mate / girlie

• Chap/Chapess

• Darlin’/Sweetie

THE SIX THINGS YOU MUST DO BEFORE YOUR FIRST DAY AS AN INTERN

Before you wake up on your first day of being an intern, may I just remind you of the six things you needed to have done before this point. I’m sure you’ve already done them – you seem like you have your head screwed on in the right place. But just in case you haven’t … just in case you forgot … just in case you have no ruddy idea what you are doing, let’s just quickly go over them, shall we?

1. CREATE A LINKEDIN PROFILE (WWW.LINKEDIN.COM)

Linkedin – let’s be blunt about this – is ‘the work Facebook’. You may never check it, you may check it all the time, but it’s useful to have set up so that in the first week of meeting everybody, you can then immediately create connections with people at your work placement. Don’t worry if your profile is light on experience or connections, just focus on filling it up with as many useful and relevant skills, experience and hobbies as possible. Unlike Facebook, it all counts. Once you gain more experience and more internships, jobs or placements you can start deleting your older jobs. Try and connect to as many people as you can, as early as you can – especially if your internship is shorter than a month. Pretty soon all those connections will add up and you’ll start noticing how everybody in business knows everybody else. Employers of the future will gaze upon your Linkedin profile with wonder at all your connections, so get in early and do this NOW!

2. START A BLOG AND SET UP A WEBSITE

If you’re a creative (writer, designer, etc.) person you may already have a website or blog that you update regularly. If so, great. If not, get one up and running quick-smart. This is a great opportunity for new people – who will be fascinated by who you are anyway – to check you out in more detail, without having to ask you directly. And, who knows, they may start regularly reading your work and passing it on.

3. INVESTIGATE THE COMPANY YOU’RE INTERNING FOR

This is vital. In fact, I don’t know why I didn’t stick this at Number One. Print off the company’s history, details, products, staff structure, motto – all the juicy stuff that most companies display proudly on their website. Also, do a Google search for any negative associations with the company, for example, you may find an article labelled ‘So-and So Company MURDER intern number five’, in which case, you may want to call in sick.

4. JOIN RELEVANT CLUBS OR EVENTS

Whatever and wherever your intern placement and no matter for how long you are doing it, it’s always productive to sign up, join or tag along to a relevant club, event or venue; it may help you learn more about that industry sector, and also lets you meet like-minded souls.

5. THINK ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS NEXT

Before you begin your internship, have an idea (and it only needs to be an idea) about what you’re going to do when it ends. If the