Paying the Tuition Getting Life's Lessons

By Christy M. Alsandor

Paying the Tuition Getting Life's Lessons is a passionate account of gains and losses through the lenses of disillusionment. So often in this society, there is a hefty price paid for the accumulation of "likes," material possessions, and artificial perceptions of reality. Without proper clarity, powerful les

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christy Alsandor
• Release date: Sep 1, 2022
• ISBN: 9781684896547

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Title

Paying The Tuition Getting Life’s Lessons © Copyright 2018 Christy M. Alsandor

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

The author intentionally changed names and identifying details only to preserve anonymity. This story foremost is being told from the author’s perspective, along with their own individual opinions. However, nothing that was changed affected the basic structure of the people or events in this story.The author and publisher do not assume and hereby disclaim any liability to any party for any loss, damage, or disruption caused by errors or omissions, whether such errors or omissions result from negligence, accident, or any other cause.

Adherence to all applicable laws and regulations, including international, federal, state and local governing professional licensing, business practices, advertising, and all other aspects of doing business in the US, Canada or any other jurisdiction is the sole responsibility of the reader and consumer.

Neither the author nor the publisher assumes any responsibility or liability whatsoever on behalf of the consumer or reader of this material. Any perceived slight of any individual or organization is purely unintentional.

The resources in this book are provided for informational purposes only and should not be used to replace the specialized training and professional judgment of a health care or mental health care professional.

Neither the author nor the publisher can be held responsible for the use of the information provided within this book. Please always consult a trained professional before making any decision about treatment of yourself or others.

For more information, email [e-mail]

ISBN: 978-1-68489-653-0

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$2.00 from every book sold will go directly to the Enola & Anna Alsandor Foundation

You can get more information about this foundation by visiting:

www.enolaandannaalsandor.org

I dedicate this book to:

My sweet Sissy Anna, you are certainly not forgotten and never will be. You are always in my heart.

Most of all, Nanny’s girls, Kaitlyn and Camryn. You two are my heartbeat and the reason my soul has expanded!

"Dearly beloved

We are gathered here today

To get through this thing called life

Electric word life

It means forever and that’s a mighty long time

But I’m here to tell you

There’s something else

The afterworld

………’Cause in this life

Things are much harder than in the afterworld"

-Prince

Table of Contents

Introduction

PART ONE: TUITION

1: Tuition Paid in Being a Rookie: Career & Personal Relationships

2: Tuition Paid in Hardship & Discontent

3: Tuition Paid in Service & Sorrow

4: Tuition Paid in a Life Interrupted & Ill-prepared

PART TWO: LESSON

5: Lesson Learned About Relationships: Friends & Lovers

6: Lesson Learned About Religion, Spirituality & God

7: Lesson Learned About Grief

8: Lesson Learned About Parenting

9: Bonus Lesson: Purpose & Path

Conclusion

Acknowledgments

Bibliography

About The Author

INTRODUCTION

I have grown to become quite the lover of words, especially quotes and phrases. I love it when I get inspired or moved in such a way that charges me to see things just a little differently. The saying that would best describe the totality of my life up to this point is this: When the student is ready, the teacher will come.

If I had to add anything to that, I would say that even if you are not aware that you are perhaps ready, your teacher is always front and center for you if you are truly paying attention to your life. In my case, I have been in a virtual classroom for years - unbeknownst to me - and the lessons were coming at me with lightning speed. Unfortunately, most of the lessons were ignored and chaos ensued.

What resulted was some ugly behavior of self-centeredness and an enormous amount of negativity. All of which I was completely oblivious to, of course. The bigger picture in all this ugliness was years of anger, bitterness, and resentment that had been brewing since I set out to find my place in the world. I absolutely did not know just what kind of person I was all that time and the impact it had on every single piece of my life. The effects of all these negative emotions showed up in every position I held in the workplace, my lack of sustainable, intimate relationships with men, and all my friendships, both old and new.

Because I had absolutely no idea how to even try to help myself, life as it always does, showed up in such a way that I could not have fathom for no amount of love nor money. There is a quote by Cheryl Richardson that I’ve really come to appreciate over the years it says: Expect help. A Divine power more magnificent than anything else that exists on the planet is ready to support your every move.

Well, help, in fact, came and not at all as I would have planned it. Through a series of crushing trials and errors, I was literally shaken awaken!

PART ONE

TUITION

noun | tu·ition |\tə-ˈwi-shən, tyu̇-\

: the price of or payment for instruction

1

Tuition Paid in Being a Rookie: Career & Personal Relationships

I was born and raised in New Orleans, which for me is a fantastic place to be from and I will always call it home, but I knew early on that I did not want to spend the rest of my life in the Big Easy. I grew up like most girls, dreaming and planning for the day when I would become a noble wife and outstanding mother. You know how the tale goes we sell ourselves on: land the fantastic job, fall in love, get married, move into a house in the suburbs with a white picket fence and 2.5 kids. I’d been an idealist most of my life, riding on the assumption that my life would somehow simply line up just right if I did my part - following The Golden Rule philosophy and putting in proper virtue that would gain only good back.

In May 1991, I graduated from college in northern Louisiana and returned to New Orleans to hang out for the summer while I contemplated what my next steps would be to get me started on the right path headed for that fairytale life I just described. Much to my disillusionment, life came at me like someone throwing darts on a target board in a bar after a 2 for 1 happy hour all over the damn place! I remember feeling quite bitter and confused most of the time. I think I’ve always known, at least in theory that is, that life mostly is not fair, but I never considered the true reality of that fact because I held tightly to my belief that putting good out will always yield good back no matter what while blocking out the bad stuff. As my Daddy would say, Just keep keeping on and people will see your honest efforts and reward you kindly. That is not always so. I believe that is more of a variable concept than a constant one. So began the story of my life in what has felt like an eternal classroom in which I am paying tuition out the ass for, while desperately trying to grasp all the lessons.

By the fall of 1991, I headed to Houston, Texas, where my big sister Anna lived, as she too was hoping to get a fresh start toward a significant life as well. So, I loaded up my little red Toyota Corolla and drove I-10 going west. My degree is in Apparel & Textile Merchandising, so I figured I would take that and try to make a run with it to see if my choice of study would reap the benefits I imagined it would. I really focused on keeping an open mind, even though I received multiple rejections for internships in the apparel/retail industry while I was still in college. I landed a job at Lord & Taylor department store as a stylist on their visual merchandising team.

This was my first genuine job and my first dip in the reality pool of entry-level work. Not sure what lead me to believe that I would come out of college, toting a Bachelor of Arts degree and the world of employment would receive me in a blaze of glory as if I was holding a PhD. I was far too supercilious in my expectations as a recent college graduate; I had imagined that having a degree would somehow automatically put me in charge of folks in a commanding way. Instead, I was somebody’s subordinate. My naiveté was on full display, and that was not a good look for me at all. I guess when explanations about what it means to be entry level were being taught, I must have stepped out of the class for that one!

I really learned a lot during my time there. But after the first over- the- top store makeover for the holiday season, working weekends, bad ass kids destroying my pristine displays, and coming in to do mandatory inventory after hours, I realized the world of retail probably was not the career field for me. What I did not know at the time was that this would be the beginning of a life constantly on the run while paying for it dearly and completely missing out on getting the intended lessons. It would also be the kickoff to my slow downward spiral into a toxic pool of resentment, bitterness, confusion, and negativity.

It did not take me long to land another job. This time, it was working with one of the major beer brewing companies in their community relations department. My first thought was that this was going to be a fun ride, one that I could really get used to. This new work environment allowed me the chance to get my feet wet learning to use interpersonal people skills in a professional setting, for it was quite obvious I could use some improvement on my social skills, especially with older and more experienced adults. I could engage with a diverse group of people through various events the company would put on and boy, was I having fun doing it too!

It was during this time where I was first introduced into the world of inappropriate adult relationships within a corporate environment. I was the youngest person working in our office, 22 years old, with little life experience. This was a small regional office for us, as we only oversaw the state of Texas and a few parts of the Midwest; one rep was in Detroit and the other was farther out in west Texas. A large part of the job involved attending social events to promote the brand and, of course, whenever alcohol is infused with the party, things can easily take on a life of its own. Never was there a dull moment at the events or in the office, and most of our conversations always carried some sort of salacious undertones to it. It was not long before I dabbled in exciting flirtatious relationships with married men. Of course, this was all very new to me, and I had no experience in how to handle these situations, especially if things were to get out of hand; I was really nothing more than being a lot of bark and absolutely no bite. Luckily, things never escalated into sexual affairs, but still most definitely inappropriate in a business environment. There was one positive aspect to this awkward situation. One of the local reps in our area was an older man that took to me in a sort of life coach kind of way; he never came at me in any inappropriate manner. He was very perceptive and could see I was swimming too far into the deep end with some