Stopping a dangerous Revolution: Providing insight into some of the biggest cultural and social challenges with solutions

By Stuart Miller and WandaSue Bozeman

I provide an in-depth, analytical, and philosophical explanation of why specific cultural and social issues exist. With each topic, I discuss what it is, give examples for each, and break down each example providing more detail of just some of the possible reasons as to why people do them (possible mentalities). I also give some of my own experiences and everything discussed in this book, I have personally witnessed and or have gone thru. I included the following:

* Situations based on personal experience and or witnessing them, with some online research to support specific issues.

* My perception, perspective, and mentality on various issues that affects everyone to some degree

* Quotes that further support certain chapter topics

* Philosophies, analogies, and comparisons to provide better contextual clarification on certain issues

* Detailed breakdown of the examples provided within each chapter

* Explanation of what it will take to help fix each of these issues

* Some of the many possible reasons why people behave the way they do and some of the possible motives, intentions, and life experiences from both sides (the person doing the behavior and the person receiving the treatment)

* Solutions to all the topics that are discussed (changes that we need to make with how we think and act towards others)

Furthermore, I provide much thought-provoking material to challenge the way we think and view society, in ways you might not have considered. I discuss many unhealthy mentalities and behaviors which is damaging to people on a much larger scale and it's having a much greater influence on others both directly and indirectly in ways that we do not even realize.

I see the world differently, and the purpose of this book is to share different ways of looking at situations and the numerous possibilities to take into consideration. I share my perception and perspective, viewpoint, mentality, and some of my own philosophies. I provide a more in-depth perspective of looking at a variety of life situations and the possible reasons why people choose to treat others the way they do. I think a lot of people might find this content in general interesting, beneficial, inspiring, and or even life-changing.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Apr 21, 2022
• ISBN: 9781387918799

Book preview

Table of Contents

Introduction

Special recognition

Chapter 1: Dishonesty

Chapter 2: Taking what is not ours:

Taking what is not ours part 1: Stealing

Taking what is not ours part 2: Looting

Chapter 3: Being unfaithful:

Being unfaithful part 1: Cheating

Being unfaithful part 2: Cheating and taking a spouse for granted

Chapter 4: Trash-talking the other parent

Chapter 5: False advertising of ourselves (bait and switch)

Chapter 6: Bullying (with and without harassment):

Bullying part 1: Face-to-face

Bullying part 2: Electronically

Chapter 7: Being judgmental

Chapter 8: Freedom of Expression:

Freedom of Expression part 1: social media & Mr. Trump

Freedom of Expression part 2: Being (easily) offended

Chapter 9: Ratting people out:

Ratting people out part 1: Being a snake

Ratting people out part 2: Snitch(ing)

Chapter 10: Wearing a mask (to conceal our true emotions/feelings)

Chapter 11: War on Race and Religion:

War on Race and Religion part 1: Race

War on Race and Religion part 2: Religion

Chapter 12: Peer Pressure

Chapter 13: Favoritism

Epilogue

References

Preface

I am 37, and I've gone thru or witnessed firsthand many social issues that have not only affected me but also the way I view the world and people. I consider myself a warrior and survivor, not a victim. As the saying goes, God gives the toughest battles to the strongest soldiers and I never knew what this meant until I experienced the things that I have. I have lived and visited various locations across the country (one of those visits being outside the country for a roughly 2 - 2.5 week visit to Jerusalem and Tel Aviv, Israel which was a business trip for my father and he took me and my mother with him as a one-time treat, giving us the opportunity to learn about and sightsee another country, our religions homeland), and not only experienced but also witnessed domestic violence, favoritism, peer pressure, bullying and cyber-bullying, restricted freedom of expression, among other things. Every topic I discuss in my book I have experienced and or witnessed, and always looked at situations from only one perspective, my own (and who does not). It wasn't until I had some friends and family share words of wisdom, and I took specific college courses which not only opened my eyes but also my mind to looking at situations from many different angles and taking numerous factors into account before jumping to an accusation or conclusion and running with my first thought and or feeling that I was having about whatever was going on in that moment.

I have been labeled weird, quirky, strange, from another planet...go figure..., odd, nerdy, a geek, bizarre, and many other delightful words and phrases, which I used to take negatively. Though I realized that people had been describing me accurately the entire time, I simply was not taking pride or being proud of who I am. So instead, I was trying to change into someone I was not just to please others who did not legitimately mean anything to me and vice versa, though I thought the friendship or association was authentic, which in time, I realized it was fake which backfired on me big time. I realized that everyone is uniquely different and God created everyone to be who and what they are and each person can either choose to accept themselves or change (hopefully, for the right reasons for themselves and not to simply make others happy with them) but either way, they have to live in their shoes and go thru life in whatever way they choose and live with the consequences and successes of their decisions and choices (yes there is a difference between the two).

Based on what I have gone thru, witnessed throughout my life, gained thru experiences, and learned thru those positive and negative situations, I realized the snippets of information and viewpoints which I have shared with others in person and online had resulted in mostly positive feedback and gratitude. So, I decided to author a book sharing more of my insight but more in-depth regarding some of the popular social issues that I have experienced and witnessed firsthand thus far and share it with the world (which these 13 topics also affect billions of people around the globe, frequently, if not daily).

This book is for those who…

…want to have a deeper and more analytical way of understanding why people treat others as they do.

…want to view situations from multiple perspectives that you might not have thought to consider.

…want to understand some of the possible motives, intentions, and reasons behind the actions of others.

…want to understand some of the possible situations and factors that can cause unhealthy habits, behaviors, and poor choices which can hurt others and or ourselves.

…enjoy the fields of psychology, philosophy, and ethics.

I discuss what I have witnessed and gone thru in my 37 years. I share my perception, perspective, opinion, mentality, and some of my philosophies. I have a more in-depth way of looking at situations, which I think people might find interesting, beneficial, inspiring, or even life-changing. I just see the world differently!

Special Recognition

A very special thank you to my friend WandaSue Bozeman for her incredible talent and assistance with designing the cover.

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Chapter 1:

Dishonesty

There are countless reasons why people feel the desire or need to lie. Whether it is to further their career or job role, make someone else feel good, seek revenge, disguise, or hide an embarrassing truth about themselves (or lack thereof), impress one or more people, to protect someone (family, friend, stranger, etc.), to get someone to be interested in us, to level the playing field, etc. When I was growing up and throughout my youth and teen years, I encountered my first experience of being lied to by my father which was quite painful, though I did not know any better at the time. My father lied so much, and it was not the kind of lie that parents use such as if you don’t do a particular something (routine or common activity) before you go to bed or whatever the situation is, then *some fictional character* will get you (i.e., boogie man, etc.) or something like this. It was the kind of lie where the parent is being untruthful to their spouse/your other parent and they do not want their child(ren) to find out about it, because of what it might do to the family. My experiences of being lied to by my father were of the extreme, regarding business trips, people he met up with at these so-called business meetings, people he would have private phone calls with (often using affectionate language), mysterious errands he would have to run at odd times (mainly morning and night), and many other suspicious behaviors.

As kids, we were taught to be honest and speak truthfully; otherwise, we would get in serious trouble and be grounded for however long. Yet, as we become teenagers and adults, we still feel the need or desire to lie. What I find so ironic is that we feel it is acceptable to lie to other people for several reasons, but if we are lied to by someone, we tend to get upset and or confront that person. Why is it acceptable that we lie to other people for the same reasons that we get upset when someone else lies to us? One likely reason is that we are only out for our own selfish benefits and wants. We do not really care how we affect or make someone else feel, yet we tend to care more about how we feel when it is happening to us…funny how that works, as adults, though as kids, we tend to follow the teachings of our parents to be truthful if we do not want to get punished. What about being an adult suddenly changes the moral code of honesty? Is it because we are forced to do something that we really do not want to do as kids, but we have no other choice because of the consequences that will follow if we do not do what we are taught to do, or is it because we are rebelling as adults against the teachings of the adults in our lives (parents, teachers, etc.) to do what we want despite what anyone else says or thinks, or otherwise accepted by society?

So, the main benefit of lying is to promote so to speak, or support yourself by becoming your own unique person (to create your own identity) and not be held down or restricted by other people’s standards or rules as we become adults. For example, someone who is under the age of 18 would be dishonest and create a fake driver’s license just so they can trick a business into selling them adult products, rather than just waiting a few years until they are old enough to legally make the purchase. Or to get into a Rated-R or PG-13 movie when you do not have any adults to accompany you. Or you tell the person who you are interested in that you are 18 when you are really 15 (though you might look older) just so you can convince a person to be a certain way with you because you do not want to wait until you are old enough to legally do mature behaviors that come with being in a relationship. People seem to be determined to break the mold or non-conforming to what people expect of us because we desire to live our life how we want, come, and go as we choose, see who we want, and not be told:

Including many others. Is it that you just have no regard for what is right and demonstrating integrity (having moral standards and honesty)? If you choose to do something wrong, just be accountable for what you did rather than pointing a finger and shifting the blame to someone else. You were not forced to do what you did, you could have declined the other person, and if you end up disappointing them, then you do. They will get over it, and if they do not, that is on them. Your true friends will understand your situation and not hold it against you; however, your fake friends will hold a grudge and take your decline as a lack of loyalty to them, and it will prove the trueness of your friendship, which was likely fake all along. Your friendship only existed while you had something they benefitted from, and once they have exhausted what you provided them, your services (the friendship) are no longer desired.

Every day, people are lying to not just other people, but also to themselves. We try (put in the partial effort) or do our best to keep track of all the lies that we have told to others and maintain those lies for days, weeks, months, or even years at a time until we either no longer need to keep up the lie, we (finally) reveal the truth, that person is no longer in our lives, they pose a threat to us, or for a number of other reasons. You strive to maintain all the details, not slip up and show any signs of inconsistencies, contradicting information, or information that can be seen as a ‘red flag’ to whoever you decide to share the information with or provide it to. Also, that information is then shared and passed on to someone else who might figure out that the information is flawed and start asking questions to the person that you told the lie, and that person to whom you lied is possibly advised to dig deeper or clarify the parts that do not add up or which do not make sense. The chain of information and possible people involvement that gets created from one lie can be monumental because it not only affects your relationship with the main person (you told) but also your reputation with any other people that now become directly or indirectly involved. Though, the necessary level of juggling so to speak that it takes to keep and maintain numerous lies of varying severity with others who have varying levels of insight, intuition, common sense, and critical thinking, typically requires a high level of accuracy, mental organization, self-discipline, and control.

At some point, when maintaining numerous lies with one or many people, it is kind of like a Jenga tower, because you can only keep the tower standing for so long but with each piece that is pulled out, it begins to lose its stability until the one piece that is pulled out which causes the tower to finally collapse (the lie falls apart and the truth is known). Unlike a game where you just pick up all the pieces to start over, by lying to someone, you have just jeopardized your credibility with that person (whether by a little or a lot). You are now an untrustworthy person and as the saying goes trust is one of, if not the hardest thing to earn, but the quickest thing to destroy, and can take a long-time to recover. Think of it another way, you have a dish plate that you have dropped a couple of times and it has not broken yet; however, the next time you drop it on the ground, it shatters into dozens of pieces, and you determine you are going to repair it by gluing all the pieces back together as best as possible until it is a whole piece again. Well, the plate might be whole again, but the cracks and damages are still there (like scars), and the plate is not as durable, nor does it have the same credibility it once had.

People tend to lie because they think it is the best way to get ahead, achieve something desirable, make people believe something (convincing), sway people in a particular direction (manipulation), and many other reasons. People seem to be too afraid and or insecure with themselves to just be honest and trustworthy because they are worried or afraid of how other people might view and think of them. People go in chat rooms, on the dating sites, etc. saying they are 6’ or taller, about 225 lbs. or more, muscular, or perhaps even athletic, 6 pack abs, have their own house in a nice neighborhood, making 6 figures a year and have a big package because they think that is what a lot of people of the opposite or even same-sex want to hear. They might feel like they would not otherwise be given a chance with someone if they told the truth about their appearance saying that they are 5’5’’, wear braces, about 300 lbs. or more, works earning a minimum wage, lives with their parent(s), and has an average or below average size package. People feel like they must lie just to be given a chance at talking to someone virtually (and even in person), because they are used to rejection and or being overlooked for a variety of reasons, without being given a fair chance.

We have put so much weight and value on looks and appearance that people who would normally be themselves are tired of being rejected constantly over things that are outside of their control (genetics). As the saying goes, looks will change over time, though our personality and heart will remain the same (for the most part). People are focused on the wrong aspects when it comes to one another and even ourselves that we are willing to lie just to try and change the outcome that we know we would be facing if we were honest from the start. Since when does beauty come from the outside? There is a popular saying eyes are the window to the soul which is true. Ask yourself, would rather have someone who will treat you right (how you desire to be treated) though they might not have the best looks or would you rather have the hot and sexy stud or the great looking person though they mistreat you and do not genuinely care about how they make you feel? It is not about finding the absolute perfect person in every aspect who has it all, it is about finding the person who has a lot or most of the qualities that you are looking for and accepting the imperfections and flaws just as you would want someone to accept your imperfections and flaws (which you have) in return.

People can have the most beautiful inside though not have the most attractive outside, and they are turned away because of their looks/appearance and or other factors which they have no control over (i.e., physical disability, genetics, etc.). Granted, physical and or sexual attraction are important factors (for intercourse), and if you both do not have a strong, deep enough, or a good connection, then there is not likely to be any spark or chemistry. However, this is not about trying to find someone to have sex with (online or in-person), this is about being honest with who we are and people being more accepting and less critical because of the description we provide (information we share about ourselves) is not what they were hoping for or does not sound attractive [enough] for them, which this applies both ways. We must be willing to give the same chance and opportunity (fairness) to someone that we would want someone to give to us.

Let us look at lying in the sense of advancing your job/career. People that try to advance their jobs, feel the need to lie to make themselves look more interesting to the company or to the new department. People feel it is necessary to lie on their resume about their job-related experience, skills/abilities, education, etc. I did this not just once but twice and it backfired on me in a big way. After the second time, I finally learned the value and importance of not doing this anymore.

I had a job with a home-sharing platform, Airbnb, which I loved and was fully dedicated to it (working overtime excessively) even though I lived about 80-90 min (1 hour 20-30 minutes) from work, depending on traffic. I had never been a TL (team lead) before for any job and wanted to go after a team coordinator role (right-hand person to the TL). I applied for the job role twice and got turned down both times. I got fed up with being passed up by other people who did not have the same passion, dedication, and attendance that I had. I got passed up only because they had more relevant work experience in a leadership role. Well, as the saying goes I have to get the experience from somewhere, so why not start with me and be that employer?. Why not be the company that gives me the opportunity to gain that experience?

My thought was this (and still is), all employees start out in the same place, not having any job experience with doing any tasks/responsibilities. Though by having the job and being given an opportunity, we gain that knowledge and experience. Jobs have sort of made it to where people feel the need to lie on their resume to get the employer to express interest. Though the issue is, if the interview takes place, then the truth tends to be revealed and the applicant then becomes exposed due to the inconsistent information on their resume, how they describe the work experience they claim to have, by their inability to do the task and or by the excessive lack of quality in their work, among other factors.

Because I was never given the opportunity to get into a leadership role with Airbnb, I had the thought where there is a will, there is a way and decided to look elsewhere for a leadership position until I found a local employer looking for an Assistant Store Manager. During my interview, I regretfully exaggerated and lied about my leadership experience because I wanted to impress my new potential employer to convince them that I was the right candidate for the position. I had made three big mistakes, which were:

Had no experience with convenience stores (i.e., gas stations) or food handling.

Did not ask any questions in return, to get a better idea of what would be expected.

Exaggerated my experience because I was determined to get my way since my current employer at the time, was refusing to advance me and give me a chance.

All I cared about was getting the job I wanted and did not consider the possible repercussions of accepting a job that I was in no way qualified to have. I ended up learning my lesson the hard way and not long after starting in my new job role, employees quickly learned that I did not have the experience, skills, or knowledge to be an assistant manager in that type of industry (gas station/convenience store in one). My employees started to go against whatever I said, quickly lost all their respect, and had almost no authority with whatever happened in the store. I made the same mistake again, and after the second time, I had finally learned.

I then took a leadership role at a retail store (this was the second time), though I worked for this employer over a decade ago and had some experience with them already. This time, I was offered the opportunity to be second in command of a store. Yet again, not long into my employment, my lack of leadership experience had been revealed. It is so important for people to be completely honest about themselves whether it is with friends, family, strangers, employers, etc. because you never know what type of situation you might be getting yourself into by lying. Here are some examples of when lying is NOT acceptable:

Resume/job application/workforce

Government/police

Hospital/medical

Insurance company

Courts/attorneys

Your sexual history (if you have an STD)

Sharing your medical history (better to not say anything)

Psychologies/psychiatrists (when seeking medication)

Schools/teachers (academic community)

To someone you want to be in a relationship with

When marketing/promoting products and services

Selling something online

These are just some of the categories where lying should never be done. I want to briefly explain why lying with these 12 items listed is inexcusable.

Resume, job application, and workforce: Lying with any of these three can lead to bigger issues down the road that you may not realize in the moment. When you lie on your resume, you are falsely representing yourself though if a company falsely represents itself, people get upset and trash talk the company on social media or via word of mouth by giving bad public reviews, making it quite hypocritical. When you are lying on a job application, you are pretending to be someone you are not (with false experience/skills/qualifications) and you are wasting the employer’s time because they must take even more time to interview you and eventually figure out the truth, when that time could have been spent on the right potential candidate. Companies have hundreds if not thousands of applications to go thru and they do not have time to play games because people want to lie about themselves to get the position. When in the workforce, lying on your resume/job application can lead to you being in a job role that you know you’re not qualified to be in, putting you in a situation where it causes a domino effect of problems, because you can’t do the job, then people can’t trust you or people call out because they don’t want to work with you (they have to possibly alter their lives financially when missing work because you’re the problem). Also, customers might file a complaint and it can ultimately lead to potentially bigger issues including lawsuits which can damage a company’s reputation over time.

Government and police: if you felt it was necessary to commit a crime and provide false or misleading information, then you should be willing to pay the time or take whatever consequence (fair or not) that is given to you. They have a job to do, and you should not get mad at the government/police just because you decided to be stupid, ignorant, and make a poor choice (everything in life is a choice). People want to commit the crime, though they are not as willing to pay the time (in whatever form of punishment that is) and they want to get mad at the government and police for something that THEY did to break the law. You cannot have it both ways, you cannot get mad at the system but then feel that you should be allowed to do whatever it is you want without repercussion. That is just not the way it works, nor is this reality.

Hospital and medical: If you feel it is necessary to lie because you do not want the truth to be revealed because you are afraid of what might happen if they know the truth, then you should not be making the decision to do what you know you should not have done. People want to lie about their symptoms or medical history, but then you want to get upset when the solutions or proposed solutions either are not working, have unintended consequences, or are not what you were expecting or hoping for, then you have no one to blame but yourself. How can you expect to get the proper diagnosis, medicines, treatments, etc. if you are not willing to be honest and upfront about yourself? It cannot work this way...

Insurance company: People want to lie because they think they will be able to get better coverage or get coverage that they might not otherwise be eligible for by telling the truth, and it does not help the situation when you are providing false information. If your life situation does not make you eligible for a certain type of insurance coverage, then stop looking for ways to lie to get what you want and start making changes in your life so that way you can be eligible for the type of insurance you need for yourself and or your family. There are always options, they may not be the ideal options, but something is always better than nothing. But if the pros do not outweigh the cons, then you must decide if it is worth going for it anyways or holding off. As the saying goes, 50% of 100 is better than 100% of nothing.

Courts and attorneys: People want to lie in the legal aspect because they think it will save them from being in further trouble or they will get what they want out of a situation, or it will change the direction that their legal path is going in. People have either seen other people get away with it or they received the advice from people they trust or from people that know the system. As the saying goes you can attract more flies with honey than with vinegar. This is true because you can help yourself by just being honest and people will respect you more and it will make you look better (whether in a small or big way). The legal system gets so many people that constantly lie to them for one reason or another, why be just another statistic?

Wouldn’t you rather be the glitch in the matrix, be that person that sets a different tone than most people before you? They are so used to people being dishonest, that they have come to expect that from people. By lying, it is only going to be a matter of time before you get caught and you will end up hurting yourself more in the long run. Sometimes the best solution is, to tell the truth regardless of how detrimental the outcome might be. Though as stated before, if you did not want to do the time and deal with the consequences, then you should not have committed the crime, it is just that simple! This trend of lying is helping no one in a positive way and it is just going to cause a bigger mess for everyone involved whether you realize it or not. The legal system is in place to bring justice and punish those who have done wrong, granted…the system is far from perfect; however, how can the system be perfect when people constantly lie? How can things work in the best way possible when people continuously lie for their own selfish benefit? The system is mostly broken because as people, we are causing it to be this way by our selfish acts.

Your sexual history (should you have an STD): People feel a need or desire to lie about their sexual history especially if they have an STD because they want to either impress someone they are sexually interested in or are ashamed or embarrassed about their sexual history. People chose not to take safety precautions and be smart about it or just not have sex. It is a serious matter when you are talking about a potentially serious disease such as HIV/AIDS for which there is no cure (yet). People feel pressured to have sex because their friends are doing it, they are watching porn, hearing about it sexual experiences others have had, and people bragging about it in terms of the number of partners they have had as if it is a badge of honor. Some people do not have any interest in porn while other people enjoy watching it. Some people decide it is best to lie about their history, including certain sexual experiences they have had because of how other people might view, judge, or criticize them because of what they are into or because not many people would understand it. People get tired of being judged and criticized because of their sexual history/experiences so it is usually easier to lie about it than to just be honest about it.

Lying about your sexual history can negatively affect other people that you get sexually involved with because unless you get tested and know for sure that you are clean, or the person you want to be sexually involved with gets tested and you know for a fact they are clean, you both are potentially risking an STD. If you both possibly have something and lie to each other or if one person lies about what they have while the other person is honest about what they have, it could still lead to a disastrous situation because the infected person could easily infect the clean person and now, they must live with this for the rest of their lives. How is this right or fair to the person that is clean? People that choose to have sex and do not care about the risks are very selfish and careless, but most importantly, it can be life-threatening and potentially change the way you live the rest of your life because you not only have to take into consideration other people’s lives all-around health but also your own. People care way too much about what others think of their sexual history (i.e., number of partners, things done in the bedroom, lack of experience, etc.)

It should not be a competition in any way, shape, or form. It should not be based on what other people are or are not doing in their lives. Everyone is different and everyone is ready at their own time and does what they feel is best for them and what is most comfortable to them, despite what others think, say, or feel, because each person must live with the consequences of their actions. What is right for one person is not necessarily right for another person. Every person is uniquely different and cannot base their sexual life based on anyone else for any reason. If someone has had sex with 1 or 2 people and someone else has had sex with like 7 or 8 people or even if someone has had sex 10 times versus someone else who has had sex 50 times, it is not about who can have the most sex and or with the most partners and do the most things in the bedroom, so people