Correction without criticism: A guide to having emotionally tough conversations

By Dr Etta Ganter

Have you ever felt powerless while watching a loved one or colleague behave in a way that you felt certain was taking them down a path to regret, disappointment, or harm? Were you concerned about possible repercussions should you intervene?
Correction without criticism explains how to have conversations that guide and correct - without criticising. Written by a psychologist and educator, this concise book packs a punch with insight into the mindset, knowledge, and skills required to attain successful outcomes from difficult dialogue.
Like most resources designed to support the wellbeing of others, this text contains ideas and practices that enable self-care, personal growth, and healthy authentic relationships. Correction without criticism is an insightful read.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Tablo Publishing
• Release date: May 15, 2022
• ISBN: 9781685833732

Book preview

Introduction

Correction without criticism has been organised as follows. Chapter 1 explains why emotionally tough (ET) conversations are necessary and when they may be appropriate. Chapter 2 introduces the need for a deliberate mindset and provides rudimentary knowledge that is useful for understanding some human behaviour and interactions. Chapter 3 presents and discusses the key features of a successful ET conversation. Chapter 4 provides guidelines for planning and executing tough conversations: these cover the mindset, knowledge, and skills required for success. Sprinkled throughout the first four chapters are anecdotes and potentially insightful quotes - from others. Finally, Chapter 5 provides an example situation of when an ET conversation may be useful and presents sample conversations for three scenarios that could play out with that situation.

To provide both a brief text, for those who are time poor, and elaboration for those who appreciate detail and the extension of ideas, this book has been organised as a core text (five chapters) with five appendices (available for free download at http://ettaquette.org). Additionally, to further supplement ideas presented, I have referenced others who provide information or alternative approaches worth consideration.¹*  Hopefully, this approach meets the needs of most readers.

Correction without criticism was inspired from reflection upon my major life mistakes, both professional and personal, and years of coaching others to have the tough conversations with the people they care about and for whom they feel responsible. In the first instance, deliberation upon my mistakes and the surrounding circumstances led me to wonder why few people attempted to correct me when I was making second rate decisions and behaving poorly. I concluded there were several possible explanations, including that my friends/ family members/ colleagues/ bosses either (a) lacked the knowledge and skills required for correction, or (b) lacked the courage to confront me, or (c) didn’t care about (respect) me enough to have the uncomfortable conversations. This book provides information about the mindset, knowledge, and skills required to conduct ET conversations so that you can develop the courage and confidence required to undertake them successfully.

Care enough to tell people the things they need to hear - using an 

approach that enables them to understand.

Endnote 1*. My reference to other authors is not meant to imply that I endorse all, or even most, of their ideas. I merely encourage broader reading to highlight that there is rarely one best way to conceptualise or understand an issue: it is through exposure to a variety of ideas and experiences that we may settle on our preferred approach with some confidence.

Chapter 1: Emotionally tough conversations

What are emotionally tough (ET) conversations? 

Why and when should we have them?

This chapter explains how to recognise ET conversations and why they are useful. In describing situations that may benefit from an ET conversation, five complementary concepts are introduced: the delusionary bubble, the mistakes continuum, casual correction, risk analysis, and cost-benefit analysis. Additionally, a distinction is drawn between values conflicts and objective problems. Finally, a decision-making flow chart and four preliminary questions are provided to guide the decision of whether to undertake an ET conversation or not.

How to recognise situations that may benefit from an ET conversation

Our intuition and feelings alert us to the possibility of ET conversations. ET conversations are often flagged by the stomach butterflies we experience when thinking about talking to another about their behaviours or our needs. Essentially, we fear the negative emotions and behaviours, including potential ‘counter-attack’, and relationship tensions that can result from such conversations. As we become more practiced in ET conversations, and they come to be embedded in how we communicate, anxious