Two Arms and a Hand: Or What I Learned from Being Stupid

By David Monaghan

A fun romp through one man's life's events with a quirky look at what he learned. The facts are pretty comedic and irreverent to the extent that he was constantly being lectured or dressed down for expressing his off the cuff opinion. You know that filter we're supposed to have that prevents us from saying really dumb things? Apparently, the author's filter is broken.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Mar 25, 2022
• ISBN: 9781665540490

David Monaghan

David has aspirations and visions of flying like Superman and driving a hot car like the Batmobile. He is a father, husband and all around good guy to those around him. He is an avid collector of dragons and super hero memorabilia. He resides in Selah, Washington with his fiancé, after living in Phoenix, Arizona for several years. He was glad to leave there and come back to his home in Washington State. His lifelong dream is to visit Ireland and England, and to revisit Paris, France, where he visited while serving in the US Navy.

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© 2022 David Monaghan. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or

transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse  03/24/2022

ISBN: 978-1-6655-4050-6 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-6655-4049-0 (e)

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in

this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views

expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the

views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

CONTENTS

Dedication

Power Tools And Other Injuries

The Circular Saw Story

Two Arms And A Hand

Nathan And Dolly

Nathan’s Cosmic Time Dilemma

Nathan And The Gate

Know When To Ask A Question And When To Shut Up

Christmas Toys

Getting The Parents’ Car Stuck In The Mud

Teaching Pam How To Drive

My First Encounter With Love

Kidnapping A Catholic Priest

Leaving A Dog At A Gas Station Outside Of Omaha

Jamie And Her Temper Tantrum

My Hip Replacement

He Who Runs With Chainsaw

DEDICATION

I wish to dedicate this book to Lori Graham Alvarado. She believes in me, enough to love me, surprise me with getting this book published, and spend the rest of her life with me. I couldn’t ask for better! Thank you, my love!

Second, I wish to thank Jim Mink for being there when I needed him and proving to be a steadfast friend. Sir! My hat’s off to you for the inspiration for the title and for being my friend. I hope that you are blessed every day by God. You deserve the best!

I also dedicate this book to my daughter, Jamie. She has been my muse, and the voice in my ear telling me how to do things, and to make sure I am doing the right things. I love you, Jamie! Write your own book and start on your dream! These three people in my life have made me the man that I am today and without them, I don’t think I would have gotten this done!

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O ne of the important things I have learned is that, when you are out in public, never try to pet someone else’s Chihuahua. Those little rat dogs are vicious ! I tried to pet one once, and the little bastard bit me on the finger. Thank God that was all it was. I admit I was wrong. I should have asked first, not just reached out and tried to be nice. You never know how they are going to react unless the owner holds them and allows people to pet the little rats.

I had a dog at one time. Nathan was a German Shepherd/Rottweiler mix. He was so smart, and I think he tried to outsmart me—but I usually won. I lived in an apartment complex, and I had a second-floor apartment. There was a sister and a brother who lived nearby—absolutely adorable kids. The little boy—or little man, as he proved to everyone around him—wanted to pet Nathan. I told him that Nathan needed to sit first. He waited until Nathan was sitting properly and then lavished love all over that silly dog.

One day, his sister came up, and while we were walking, she asked if she could pet Nathan. Out of nowhere, the little brother appeared and announced to her, "You cannot pet him unless he is sitting! Wait for him to sit first!" He looked at me and I told him he was correct. The little girl looked at me and waited patiently for Nathan to sit and she, too, lavished him with all the love she could muster. Damn dust in my eye—I had to wipe away the tear that the dust caused.

Those two kids were my favorite tenants in the complex. They always waited for me to walk Nathan so they could love all over him. I missed them when I moved. They missed that damn dog, and I had to rehome him because where I went, he couldn’t come with me. I found out a few years back that Nathan had passed from old age, and the man who owned him showed him as much love as I did when I had him. He was a good dog. I learned that when you own a dog, it’s a question of who owns who. They will love you without question and will always welcome you home. They will never ask where you were—just greet you with all the happiness they can muster. Love your dogs. They will love you back.

POWER TOOLS AND OTHER INJURIES

A nother lesson I learned is that no matter how hard you try to be careful, the care you took may not always help. Ouch . It will hurt, but it will