The Search: Finding My Inner Parent, Finding Holistic Happiness

By Alannah Breen Dore

We all experience grief, loss and deep disappointment but what matters most is how we choose to respond when challenged: do we give up or go searching?

What if you could use your pain to create something wonderful?

This is the question explored through this story of one woman's journey of discovery as she overcame seemingly impossible odds to find holistic wellbeing. With three well recognised holistic elements - mind, body and spirit - Alannah Dore embraces a crucial gap in holistic healing: the emotions. This story speaks to our common struggles in life - loving relationships, parenting and how to find peace and purpose within ourselves. Like a friend, Alannah takes the reader's hand, sharing her truth and providing practical strategies to leverage for your own journey towards joyful living and emotional wellbeing. Read it in a few hours (though you will likely want to return to it again and again) or gift it to someone who needs some inspiration.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press AU
• Release date: Feb 23, 2022
• ISBN: 9781982293611

Alannah Breen Dore

Alannah Dore is a holistic wellbeing educator with over 25 years in the field. Using both her professional and personal experiences, she brings her rich expertise to individuals, couples, parents and families through the Holistic Living Training Institute while continuing to lecture and tutor university students on wellbeing for teachers and children in early education. Combining these skills with her compassionate and honest approach makes Alannah a vital asset to communities needing to promote holistic wellbeing education today.

Book preview

Copyright © 2022 Alannah Breen Dore.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Balboa Press

A Division of Hay House

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Bloomington, IN 47403

www.balboapress.com.au

AU TFN: 1 800 844 925 (Toll Free inside Australia)

AU Local: [phone] ([phone] from outside Australia)

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual wellbeing. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Cover Photography by Christine Dore

ISBN: 978-1-9822-9360-4 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-9822-9361-1 (e)

Balboa Press rev. date: 02/22/2022

CONTENTS

Introduction

PART 1 Choices

1 Breakdown or Breakthrough

2 Wise Choices

3 Sad Choices

PART 2 Naked Emotion

4 Reclaiming Muchness

5 The Big Mountain

6 Naked Emotion

7 Get OVER It!

PART 3 Holistic Living

8 Miracles Are Natural Phenomena

9 Three Keys to Happiness

10 Being Well

11 Above and Beyond

Endnotes

FOREWORD

Helen Hadley¹

The message of this book is one of hope, and never have we needed this message more than we do right now. So many of us can relate to the experience of being brought to our knees – literally or figuratively – by the challenges of our life’s circumstances and a seemingly bleak future. The vital, transforming message of The Search is that with courage and a daily commitment to our holistic wellbeing, every one of us can grow towards healing and wholeness.

In this book Alannah Dore does not promise an easy journey towards wellbeing. Instead, she draws from her vast experience and her personal story of despair and illness to share the significant, powerful, healing and supportive framework that arose from what she learned. Alannah describes how she responded to the seemingly hopeless circumstances she faced by searching and searching, eventually gathering a complement of tools that would heal her and continue to support her well into the future. She courageously saw beyond her turmoil, physical pain, grief and suffering, bringing herself to the task of healing and empowering herself.

Through Alannah’s story you will learn how to see problems as opportunities and bring the focus back to where you can make change happen, set boundaries, judge less and love more. Alannah shares with you her journey of how she brings these fundamental ways of thinking, believing, feeling and living alongside specific activities for growth and change. Practical strategies are presented, enabling you to check-in and know yourself, support yourself and take care of yourself in a constructive and meaningful way.

I can testify to the natural power of these concepts and rituals because I have my own story of times when I believed I had absolutely no control over anything, not even my son’s safety. My healing and growth attest to Alannah’s wisdom, gentle compassion, powerful presence and incredibly vast knowledge. And what I’ve learned is one hundred per cent natural, nurturing and easily accessible.

The framework Alannah presents in this book has become a part of me. As a therapist myself, I can support myself and then my clients in line with Alannah’s mantra, ‘You can only take people as far as you are willing to go yourself.’ I can see myself in my clients, and this takes away the ‘them and me’. It allows me to connect with the people I work with, with an open heart and humanity, cultivating compassion and profound appreciation. With this intelligent system, I know where to go next in the process and I have clarity, both intuitively and intellectually. I can better connect with my client in the moment: mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally.

These concepts are valuable in every context: in a crisis, in forensic work, trauma, relationship and family issues, addiction issues, workplace issues and more. For example, when I think of this framework’s power, I recall a client arrested for multiple armed robberies. In rehab, before sentencing, he chose to give this ‘holistic stuff’ a go and, through group work and individual sessions, he began believing he could live a better life. He not only received a lesser sentence, but he succeeded in life after incarceration. He went from being a man who committed armed robberies to a man who spent regular time journalling, writing letters of gratitude and hope and even meditating.

Even without a crisis, the journey of self-discovery described in this book is a way to connect to a deeper meaning and a sense of purpose, visit one’s deepest self, and acknowledge emotions both challenging and joyful, and along the way to gain clarity, personal strength and enhanced relationships. Despite the influence of destructive social, governmental and international forces and events, people are taking action independently, daily, in their own home and personal spaces to connect and know themselves better and to create change from the ground up. People have prioritised taking responsibility for themselves and have reclaimed their personal power and potential.

Whether I am working in a group, with a client or family, or teaching, this book and Alannah’s message are embedded in my actions and words.

Helen Hadley, 2021

I

dedicate this book to my partner, children and to the visionaries who have journeyed with me to this point in life. From each of you in your own way, I have learned so much. You have guided me either as a teacher through life’s experiences, as a leader or as a mentor. So many of you have opened your minds and hearts to new possibilities, took affirmative action every day and have modelled the joy that comes with living from your authentic self.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Whether we are surviving the pressures of life or, in calmer times, pursuing our dreams, each of us has our own story of triumphs and tribulations. However, as the philosopher Epictetus stated many centuries ago,² it’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.

Sharing her personal journey, Alannah Dore describes how she chose to respond to adversity and the unfolding journey of discovery that resulted in an emerging philosophical approach to living well. Self-empowerment became her passion. A compassionate, holistic approach to living became the foundation for supporting mind, body, heart and spirit. Every day we are flooded with advice about how we can support our physical health. There are wonderful benefits to be gained if we also adopt a daily wellbeing routine that supports our whole being, not just our physical health. Alannah professes that the care we give to ourselves is the foundation for effectively guiding, supporting and nurturing others. Learning to have appointments with ourselves is the most important step we can take in our busy lives, enabling us to overcome the tough times, to reach our full potential and to deeply know, support and love ourselves.

A rich professional resume complements lessons learned from Alannah’s personal life, equipping her to emerge as an innovative leader with lived experiences of holistic wellbeing. While practising counselling and family therapy, and with decades of teaching from early childhood to adult education, she explored Eastern and Western perspectives on personal growth including encounters with Eastern practices in the Himalayas.³ Selecting a range of evidence-based strategies became the foundation for daily self-support practices for herself, her personal development students and her clients. While directing the Holistic Living Training Institute⁴ she extended her formal learning through undergraduate and postgraduate degrees, as well as a Developmental Psychiatry Certificate⁵ and a Diploma in Holistic Healing.⁶ She has also been a recipient of a Fellowship Grant promoting leadership and change in early childhood education.⁷ Alannah continues to teach as a university lecturer while undertaking a Doctorate of Philosophy.⁸ As the founder of the Holistic Living Training Institute, Alannah has researched and shared concepts and practices that she has gathered, developed and applied in her own life for over three decades.

INTRODUCTION

Loving and emotionally honest relationships, a strong sense of purpose and inner peace: these are attributes describing the brave souls who have dared to be emotionally naked with me.

It was not always like that for them, or me. Our stories have involved chronic emotional and relationship pain and, for some, tragedy. For me and countless other emotional wellbeing seekers, perfectionism, compassion fatigue, and an empath streak have left little room for self-love or inner peace. These characteristics seem to be a direct road to the inevitable breakdown of health, sometimes wealth and definitely those beautiful, once-attainable dreams. Ending up sad, mad and sick, often with kids or grandkids in tow, and maybe with a dwindling romantic relationship, can be the external results. Internally, feeling chronically unappreciated, tired of giving and guilty for wanting something in return can culminate in feeling old before our time, inside and out.

Yet these same souls who have experienced this now enjoy deep connections with family and friends, have purposeful careers or comfortable, meaningful retirements. They feel secure in themselves despite the messiness of the people and the world around them. Why? Because they prioritised their emotional world. Emotions rule! According to scientific research, this is true. According to personal experience, this is real. Many of us have surpassed our wildest dreams by focusing on removing, reshaping or transforming the emotional and relational boulders along our path. We have begun by finding inspiration, educating ourselves, then applying our newfound knowledge by integrating new habits and patterns into our lives. We have started by turning our compassion for others inwards, opening channels of creativity and vibrancy, and seeking a higher meaning to living.

If you have picked up The Search, it is likely you to have struggled with giving outwardly but not inwardly. While you may also be a high achiever, your achievements may have never quite felt enough. You may also have felt like you are doing all the work in your relationships with little coming back in return. Possibly you feel like you are close to the end of your tether.

I saw the value of taking my emotional life into my own hands. One of many benefits has been rich career opportunities. After years enjoying teaching young students, I wanted to embark on other possible career pathways while attracting abundance in all parts of my life. So I became a personal growth facilitator for emotional awakening and wellbeing retreats. I also studied family therapy and became a Holistic Living Counsellor and personal growth facilitator before becoming a university lecturer. I now understand the original source of this rewarding and diverse career pathway. My career opportunities emerged because of the decision I made one day when I found myself collapsed on my lounge room floor. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Maybe if someone had picked me up off the floor that day, I would never have gone searching.

What was I searching for? A fundamental means to overcome depression, anxiety and a mysterious, debilitating illness. To others, I may have seemed a bit odd, or perhaps delusional, seeking what appeared to be impossible. Little did I know where it would take me.

We now accept that wellbeing issues are normal responses to stressful circumstances. Compromised wellbeing impacts our health, our relationships (especially the quality of our parenting or grandparenting) and robs us of the joy of living. We also know that mental health globally is in severe decline, especially with the added stress of recent global events. We know that physical activity, eating well, and getting enough sleep will positively impact our mental health. Yet how do we address the deeper emotional blocks we pick up along the way? How do we respond to challenges that hurt relationships and lead to lost opportunities? How do we ensure we experience emotional wellbeing and inner peace for a lifetime?

Emotional wellbeing is pivotal to enjoying life, but achieving it is not necessarily a quick and easy process. However, it is possible and The Search explains how I did it.

This book is divided into three parts and eleven easy-to-read chapters. The story of my search for answers to my health and wellbeing dilemma is woven throughout the chapters.

Part One explores the first hesitant stages of my search and the concept of making choices. The second part dives deep into the crux of emotional wellbeing – naked emotion. This section explores what emotional wellbeing is all about, why it’s integral to our peace of mind and relationships and how I believe we can embrace it within us. The final part places emotional wellbeing into a sustainable holistic living lifestyle. The goal is lovingly to accept ourselves just as we are. Laying holistic foundations, we can live according to the best version of ourselves and experience physical, mental, emotional, financial and spiritual health.

Each chapter ends with a summary of takeaways with which to move forward. These include key messages and suggestions for self-loving actions. Emotional wellbeing information alone does not improve wellbeing: self-love in action does. You will be introduced chapter by chapter to select treasures I unearthed along the journey of self-healing towards emotional wellbeing.

If you are a teacher, health professional or carer in some capacity, this book is for you. If you have already searched and gathered together a bank of strategies and modalities to assist others, this book can help you refocus your energy by placing you in the centre to become even more effective in helping others.

Yours in holistic happiness,

Alannah Dore

PART 1

Choices

CHAPTER 1

Breakdown or Breakthrough

Adulthood is the time to be truly born,

and a time to nurture this newborn self.

Alannah Dore

Breakdown

It was a special day. The first time my elder daughter would see her newborn baby sister. A mass of wild curls bobbed along the bottom of the window from the hallway as she approached my hospital bed.

Into full view, taking enthusiastic, tiny toddler steps, our sixteen-month-old entered the room. She didn’t care that her socks were pulled up over the outside of her pants. Nor did she mind that the top she had found for her dad to put on her was in fact a pyjama top (and you might have guessed by now that her father was definitely not concerned). When we introduced this little girl to her gorgeous new baby sister, she just fell in love, along with us. It was family bliss.

Six months later, I found myself crawling across the floor, unable to support myself. The pain, in my legs especially, was unbearable. The fogginess in my head was debilitating. Yet while my partner worked seven exhausting days a week, I had to get up on average eight times a night to a distressed baby. I had no support and a dwindling immune system. The depression in my heart was as thick as the walls of a fortress.

Have you ever felt a dream completely deflate? Had great expectations shattered?

I had crawled halfway to my patient little second child, who was lying waiting to be changed as my toddler distracted herself by chatting and giggling with her sister. As I crawled, I reflected on the not so joyful message that yet another doctor had given me just the day before. ‘You will never get better. It will just get worse. So learn to live with it.’

What was ‘it’ the doctor had diagnosed? Chronic