A Smart TV Under My Christmas Tree

By Michael D'Agostino and Danny D'Agostino

"A Smart TV Under My Christmas Tree" is a comedy play for all seasons.
Can you imagine a middle aged couple who truly love each other, but their marriage is being torn apart by the economic stresses of daily life, especially during the Christmas season, when shopping for lavish gifts is almost expected?   Can you imagine the embarrassment of having to visit a marriage counselor during the Holiday season, because your wife bought a 75 inch smart TV behind your back?  Wooed by endless Christmas promos during the infamous Black Friday, Cyber Monday, last chance offerings, where does it all end?  Has the meaning of Christmas been replaced by commercialism?  Poor Fred, a hardworking blue collar stiff, striving to make an honest buck, sees his marriage and life turned upside down during Christmas, a time when he and all others should experience joy.  There has to be a solution.  But what?  Read  "A Smart TV Under My Christmas Tree" and discover how this story resolves, and the true meaning of Christmas.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Michael and Danny D'Agostino
• Release date: Dec 11, 2021
• ISBN: 9798201713713

Book preview

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A SMART TV UNDER MY CHRISTMAS TREE

A Comedy Christmas Play

By

Michael and Danny D'Agostino

Copyright 2021  by Michael and Danny D'Agostino

All rights reserved.  This book/script remains the copyrighted property of the authors, and may not be copied and/or redistributed to others for commercial or non-commercial purposes.  If you enjoyed this book/script, please encourage your friends to download their own copy from their favorite authorized retailer.  Thank you for reading this work and for your support.

CONTENTS

CHAPTER I

ACT I

ACT II

CHAPTER II

ACT III

CHAPTER III

ACT IV

ACT V

CHAPTER IV

ACT VI

About Michael and Danny D'Agostino

This is a six character play.  The characters are:  FRED WILLOUGHBY, a 40ish blue collar foreman in a machine shop, his wife EDNA, Edna’s overbearing older sister, ELEANOR CUMMINGS, DOCTOR DILLS, a 40ish male psychologist, MS. (MIZ) PEEBLES, a 30ish super-educated female psychiatrist, and FATHER KELLY, a commanding old school Catholic priest who speaks in a heavy Irish brogue.

The setting is the Willoughby family home, a comfortable cozy bungalow on the South Side of Chicago.  Its furnishings are inexpensive and somewhat aged.  It is Christmas season, a joyful time of year, except at the Willoughby home.  The distinguishing feature of this home is that it is fastidiously cluttered with knick knacks of all kinds, and Christmas decorations; little Santas, miniature elves, candy canes, ornaments, Christmas stockings, etc. There’s a fully decorated Christmas tree in the parlor, and in the kitchen, various ornaments hang over the kitchen table.   One of them is a large Christmas mobile dangling obtrusively over the kitchen table where Fred normally sits.

A bust of Ronald Reagan rests on top of a rather old TV in the parlor.

The stage set includes a living room with a small kitchen area towards the back of the stage.

Opening of the show

A NARRATOR steps in front of the camera.  The scene is in front of a typical Chicago live stage theatre.  The scene is a night. In the background, several patrons are entering the theatre as the Narrator speaks.

NARRATOR:  Well, welcome to Chicago, where comedy just comes bubbling up from the ground.  As you can see, we are in front of one of the many Chicago theatres featuring live stage plays.  Today, we are proud to present, an original comedy Christmas play by Michael and Danny D’Agostino, titled ‘A Smart TV Under My Christmas Tree.’  So grab some popcorn, sit back, and enjoy our feature presentation. Let’s go in.

The NARRATOR opens the door to the theatre and seats herself.  After a delightful pause, the play begins.

CHAPTER I

ACT I

Edna exits the bedroom, feeling and looking a bit messy; she has curlers in her hair, and is wearing a somewhat dowdy nightgown.  Slowly, she approaches the parlor mirror and glances at herself.  Not too impressed, she fixes her hair, then decides to start her morning with a bit of exercise. 

First, Edna gets on the old exercise bike in the living room, and pedals slowly for about a half a minute.  Then she dismounts the bike.  After that Edna pauses, bends down, making one attempt to touch her toes.  She pauses again, comes up slowly, and takes one breath.   

Now, Edna is ready to prepare Fred's breakfast.  She places two slices of bread in the toaster, heats coffee, tidies the table, then decides to make a quick trip to the bathroom.  

Fred enters the living room, partially dressed and feeling much the same as Edna.  He is carrying his shoes in hand.  Clearly visible, is a large hole in the toe of one of his socks.  Like Edna, Fred checks himself in the mirror and is disappointed by what he sees.  He walks over to the couch lays down his shoes. Then he goes over to the exercise bike, rides it vigorously for a short fifteen seconds, then goes back to the couch where he picks up yesterday's newspaper. He glances at it, puts it down, and then goes to fetch the morning newspaper, which is sitting on the front porch steps.  As he exits the home, Fred leaves the door partially open.  Edna returns from the bathroom.  She notices the front door open, and closes it and walks to the kitchen area to attend to breakfast.  Fred is now locked out of the house.  Upset, Fred hangs on the doorbell.  Edna is surprised, thinking it might be a visitor.

EDNA:  Fred!  Fred!  There's someone at the door!

Edna rushes about, caught between answering the door, finding her bathrobe, and removing the toast, which is now burning.  She removes the toast, grabs her bathrobe, then opens the door.  To her surprise, it's Fred.  The two pause for a moment and trade awkward looks.  Fred walks by Edna swiftly, and goes to sit down at the table with his paper.  He's already frustrated.  At the table, Edna pours Fred coffee.  He notices hair in his cup.  She sees him looking inside his cup, and removing the hair.  A moment goes by.  The Christmas mobile hanging just above his head, annoys Fred.  Every now and then, the mobile swings around and touches Fred's head, annoying him.  Edna sits at the table, and begins pasting paper numbers on a grocery store lotto game, called Monopoly when she says:

EDNA:  . . . I don't feel right.  Something's bothering me.

Fred, in his own world, doesn't respond.

EDNA:  Did you hear what I said?  I don't feel right, Fred.

FRED:  I heard.

EDNA:  Well, what did I say?

FRED:  . . . I don't feel right.

EDNA:  For once you heard.

FRED:  Heard What?

EDNA:  I don't feel right.

FRED:  . . . My stomach.

There’s a slight hiccup from Fred.

EDNA:  (bristles)  Fred Willoughby, you're not listening to me!

FRED:  Edna, I'm trying to read my paper.

EDNA:  Go 'head.  Read, read.

FRED:  (jingles the newspaper)  Thank you.

Edna's, playing her grocery store lotto game, finds a matching number, and pastes it to her Monopoly board.  The game board is printed on a glossy paper leaflet.

EDNA:  Oh look!  I have a matching number.  Three more and I'll win a million dollars, Fred!

FRED:  Good luck with that.

Edna goes to cracks two eggs in a pan for Fred.

EDNA:  (suddenly bothered by something)  . . . What is it?

Edna walks over to the mirror and looks at herself, and is displeased.

EDNA:  (thinking aloud)  . . . I don't know.  I feel so . . . maybe, I need a new hair-do, or a vacation . . . or maybe a pair of new, designer jeans.  Ralph Lauren denims!  That's what I need to cheer me up!  What a wonderful Christmas present, and only seventy dollars, on sale at Macy's.  What could be better? That's it!

FRED:  (responds with a composed, monotone voice) "You don't need no Ralph Lauren