Lenny

By Michael D'Agostino and Danny D'Agostino

   A comedy with real heart, the story of "Lenny" unfolds in a close-knit, very diverse Staten Island neighborhood, the home of many of America's newer immigrant citizens living along side lower income Caucasians.   In this melting pot, almost everyone knows Lenny.  They regard him as friendly, likable, "wouldn't hurt a flea."  And above all, they respect Lenny's smarts; Lenny achieves great grades in school, and graduates college with high honors, earning a degree with two majors: math and accounting.

   Yet Lenny has his own personal challenges; born into a family of hypochondriacs, small physique, lack of confidence as a kid, and little respect from his jealous grammar school classmates, who he still knows, and from the opposite sex.  One would think this brainy little kid would be destined to conquer his personal problems and achieve unmatched success as an adult.

    But bad luck follows Lenny like a menacing cloud when he graduates college during the dreaded recession of 2008 and can't find a job for nothin'.  He joins the millions of struggling new college grads, and becomes hopelessly unemployed.  The whole neighborhood is left shaking their heads in disappointment, especially when they see Lenny walk sadly by, struggling to eke out a living on the street, by offering his services as a tax accountant to anyone who would hire him.

    And just when Lenny has absorbed the worst of his young life, he is informed that he has a fatal disease.  This is where our story takes a surprising turn.  Instead of giving up, and retreating from life, instead of hiding out in his room and waiting to die, this small stature of a man becomes bold, exceedingly bold.  He amazes everyone with his determination to make a positive, real impact in this small community before his demise.  Read what Lenny does; how he conquers his misfortune, how this terribly unlucky, beloved person becomes the hero of the neighborhood.

   "Lenny" is written in a dialogue style for easy, enjoyable reading.   

• Language: English
• Publisher: Michael and Danny D'Agostino
• Release date: Apr 15, 2016
• ISBN: 9781533781833

Book preview

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OTHER COMEDY NOVELS BY

 MICHAEL AND DANNY D'AGOSTINO

Robobro - Urban Warrior

Creatures

The Dollar Store Lady - Bad Blood!!

Back To Sovietsky (coming soon)

Mister Mars (coming soon)

LENNY

MICHAEL and DANNY D'AGOSTINO

Copyright 2016 by Michael and Danny D'Agostino

All rights reserved.  This book remains the copyrighted property of the authors, and may not be copied and/or redistributed to others for commercial or non-commercial purposes.  If you enjoyed this book, please encourage your friends to download their own copy from their favorite authorized retailer.  Thank you for reading this book and for your support.

Cover Art by Wayne Miller

CONTENTS

Chapter I

Chapter II

Chapter III

Chapter IV

Chapter V

Chapter VI

About Michael and Danny D'Agostino

About Robobro - Urban Warrior

About Creatures

About The Dollar Store Lady – Bad Blood!!

CHAPTER I

Our story unfolds in 1994, in a close close-knit, multi-ethnic, neighborhood located in Staten Island New York.  The neighborhood is the home of many of America’s newer minorities, living along side lower income Caucasians.  It is a diverse community with immigrants of Pakistani heritage, people from India, Jews, Russians, Haitians, Serbians, Cubans, Mexicans, Italians, and Asians.  The multi-ethnic character of the neighborhood brings along its share of ethnic businesses:  Chinese and Arab restaurants, various street vendors, an Arab convenience store, and a Chinese laundry.  Prominently located on a main street is an Italian tavern with a sign in front, reading, VITALE’S STATEN ISLAND CLUB.  Adjoining the club is a small rag-cleaning factory with a related sign: VITALE’S INDUSTRIAL LAUNDRY. 

In front of the factory, sits a beat-up Vitale work truck.  This is the area where employees of the laundry unload piles of dirty, greasy rags and linens on a daily basis.  With an abundance of diverse residents criss-crossing the streets each day in close proximity to each other and to small businesses, this community definitely has an over-crowded feel to it.  One could say it is a lively urban stew, teeming with human energy, as residents go about their daily chores.  It is not unusual to see people discarding debris in the streets, restaurants pouring dirty mop-water and what-not into the sewers, loud cars cruising around, gaudy advertisements, more than enough graffiti, a few trashy lots, and dogs, too often, doing their business on the sidewalks.  In spite of all this, neighborhood residents seem oblivious to their cluttered, congested, and noisy environment. 

We take you now to the neighborhood public elementary school.  Lots of young children are happily playing in the schoolyard.  On the sidewalk near the school, a frail, awkward-looking boy, is walking and carrying a pile of books in his back-pack, and his tin lunch box.  He has odd-looking hair that sort of sticks up, glasses held together with tape in the middle, and some cotton in one ear.  This is LENNY KRAVITZ at age 8.  As Lenny walks by, a kid’s hand appears from out of nowhere and stops Lenny in his tracks.  It's SHARON, one of Lenny's overbearing schoolmates.  Accustomed to having her way, she says to Lenny, in a high-pitched, demanding voice:

SHARON:  Time for your lunch box, Lenny.  I want it, now, kid!

LENNY:  No!  You took it yesterday.

SHARON:  Give it to me or you’ll get it.  I'm warning you.

LENNY:  No!  Get away from me, Sharon.  I'll report you to my home room teacher.  I will.

Now Sharon walks into view.  She approaches Lenny very close, and is backed up by her two 8-year-old girlfriend buddies, more like tough buddies.  Unfortunately for Lenny, all of them are taller than him.  Sharon is a full 4 inches taller than Lenny.  She smirks at Lenny, then suddenly, socks him in the gut and takes his lunch box.

SHARON:  . . . I told you.  Didn't I?

Now JAKE comes along.  He’s 10 years old, a big, strong kid, a brute for sure.  He walks up to the girls, takes the lunch box from them.  Then he looks at Lenny and says:

JAKE:  Guess what Lenny?  I have your lunch box. . . . C’mon . . . you know the score.

Lenny digs into his pocket and gives Jake 25 cents.  Jake returns the lunch box to Lenny, puts his arm around the girls and they walk away together.

JAKE:  "Let’s go, girls.  (to Lenny)  Tomorrow, it’ll be fifty cents.  You better have fifty cents, Lenny."

Lenny kicks some dirt, disappointed in himself.                                                  

. . . Now you have a bit of a sense of Lenny Kravitz, an unassuming boy, a good boy, but someone who always seemed to come up short in the lottery of life.  It wasn’t that he was disliked.  He was just, different.  And for that he paid a price.  While kids in other neighborhoods were busy rolling snowballs down hills in the winter, the kids in Lenny’s neighborhood were rolling Lenny down hills.

Surprisingly, Lenny did have a happy life as a child, for the most part.  Although he grew up in a family that you might say was unusual, it was also one of love, a cradle of love and support.  Lenny had much to be thankful for.

The year is now 1998.  We take you to the Kravitz Staten Island home.  It's dinner hour.  12 year old Lenny has just cooked up a spectacular meal of lox, stuffed cabbage, and matzo balls.  Yep.  At 12 years old, little Lenny Kravitz could cook up a storm.  Lenny serves his meal, wearing his glasses, and he has a bit of cotton in his nose.  It's nothing, just a small nose bleed from bumping into his bedroom doorway.

Seated at the dinner table is AUNT BERNICE.  She is wearing a medical neck collar from an accident she had 15 years ago.  Her neck under her collar is buttered with layers of stinky, greasy liniment.  Next to Aunt Bernice is AUNT EDNA.  She has been afflicted with nervous ticks and twitches since childhood.  Seated to her side, is AUNT HILDA, Lenny's eldest aunt, the one who seems the most sickly.  Every day of her adult life, Hilda has been battling serious health problems.  She carries her spit bucket at all times, absolutely.  As a person suffering from  chronic sinus congestion, her throat experiences a constant, annoying nasal drip, a nasty secretion that creates a need for her spit up, at the most inconvenient moments.  Today, Aunt Hilda has her spit bucket by her feet, as usual.  GRANDMOTHER NANA is seated on the other side of the table.  She is wearing two sweaters, and a big knitted cap.  Lenny’s mother, ROSE, is also seated at the table.  She is the only one who appears healthy, almost normal.  Next up is Lenny's one-and-only, favorite uncle, UNCLE BERNIE.  He wears copper sleeves on his wrists, and knees.  Uncle Bernie is a huge fan of copper; a dedicated copper-head, who believes all those commercials he sees on TV, promoting the health benefits of copper.  

As the women are enjoying little Lenny’s home-cooked dinner, Uncle Bernie walks up to the table with a stiff, slouched-over gate, and sits down to eat with the family.

UNCLE BERNIE:  . . . Oh, my feet were aching me terribly all last night.  If my feet could talk, what stories they would tell.  I couldn’t sleep at all.  The whole night, bang, bang, bang. You think someone was hitting my feet with a hammer.  I wish someone would sell copper slippers on TV.  I'd buy them is a flash.

BERNICE:  Me too!  My neck was killing me last night!  That stupid driver who hit me - He should kick the bucket.  That S.O.B!

Edna suffers a short spasm of nervous twitches.

ROSE:  Bernice, that was fifteen years ago.  You should be over it by now.  Really.

BERNICE:  "I hope he goes to hell on Thursday!"

UNCLE BERNIE:  Why wait 'till Thursday?  How bout tomorrow?  If I were you, I would 'a started his house on fire years ago.

Bernie fakes a laugh.

UNCLE BERNIE:  I'm kidding.  I'm kidding.

No one pays attention to his remark.

ROSE:  . . . Did you put that liniment on it I gave you yesterday, Bernice?

BERNICE:  Yes.  And it didn’t work!

UNCLE BERNIE:  I told you to loosen your collar while you eat.  It’ll help.

As Hilda suffers a minor coughing attack, Bernice opens up her collar, exposing the gross, messy, smelly ointment all over her neck and upper chest.  The relatives don’t even react because they have been grossing each other out for years.

EDNA:  (slurping her soup loudly, while reading a book)  This is really delicious soup, Lenny.  I love it!

THE OTHERS:  "Yeah.  You hit it this time, Lenny."

UNCLE BERNIE:  "Sweet!"

LENNY:  Thank you, Aunt Edna.  Would you like more?

AUNT EDNA:  Please.

Aunt Edna begins scooping two large ladles of soup into her bowl.  She suffers a tick, and accidentally spills soup on the table.  But she quickly recovers and scoops up another large spoon of soup.

UNCLE BERNIE:  Leave some for us!  Cryin’ out loud.

AUNT EDNA:  "Oh there's plenty enough, you big baby.  (to Nana)  . . . Drink your cod liver oil today, Nana?"

NANA:  "It’s so cold in here!  Why am I shivering?  I know someone is turning the heat down at night.  I'm positive."

ROSE:  Nana, it’s right where it should be, seventy-nine degrees where you like it.  It's as warm as Florida in the Winter.

NANA:  Well this isn't Florida.  This is Staten Island, and I'm cold!

Now Aunt Hilda starts spitting up, and choking.  She spits a giant wad