The Nanny from the Black Legume

By Linda Rhys Seger

Dane is a very smart, good boy with an out-of-control temper
Nanny is very proper and sweet; but very serious about self-control and responsibility
Dane had not learned how to handle problems that regularly came his way except to bash things to pieces
Nanny appeared one day out of the blue to help him learn skills of responsibility and self-control
Dane had to experience a few more ups and downs before he would catch on to learning about self-control and anger management.
Nanny is wise and persistent in interacting with Dane and his whole family.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Dec 8, 2011
• ISBN: 9781467073004

Linda Rhys Seger

Linda had wanted to be a writer, geologist, paleontologist, or singer since 6th grade when she received her first geode from her father and wanted to solve/write mystery stories. She grew up reading Dr. Seuss—loving the nonsensical wordology; Seuss’ poetry also appealed to her—rhyming is still a current family pastime. With her nose so often stuck in a book, sometimes under the covers with a flashlight, her father hid her books from her so she would ‘join’ the family activities. She vowed to never become a teacher, but following more than twenty years in teaching and counseling, she has encountered many outlandish, creative ideas—some of which could not be stuffed away in Shel Silverstein’s attic any more—another one of her favorite authors. The title of Nanny from the Black Legume, obviously, is a spin-off from the Black Lagoon series which, ostensibly, may be a spin-off from the 1950’s movie, Creature from the Black Lagoon. but who wants to find out what kind of copyright laws we might all have broken—especially deep down under the murky waters of a black lagoon? Working on and around the Pine Ridge Indian Reservation since 1999, Linda considers the friends and students there to be among the best she has ever known. Her first book, A Codumbus Colundrum, was inspired after learning a different perspective while taking the SD-required Indian Education course for certification. Several Indian friends were also influential in alerting her to the truth. She has many ideas patiently waiting for attention on the back burner and hopes to accomplish these and many more dreams and serendipitous ideas. Four grandchildren keep her busy; all wannabe and future illustrators. She lives with her family in western South Dakota.

Book preview

Contents

Part 1 Friday

Part 2 Saturday

Part 3 Monday

Part 1

Friday

Nothing about this day had gone right, so far.

Starting with spilled milk at breakfast, late to school, trying to hurry around the neighbor’s rabid dog while yanking his homework out of his mouth, (Yeah, the REAL Teacher from the REAL Black Lagoon would believe that one, wouldn’t she?) . . . all holey and slobbery, wrinkled and torn. After bonking Satan on the head with his backpack, the dog finally let go and Dane trailed into class just as they finished the Pledge of Allegiance. The rest of the morning went from bad to worse to worst.

When Dane hoped that lunchtime would temporarily improve his life and managed to conjure a seat next to Janie and her shiny, long brown hair, he spilled eight gallons of orange juice across the lunch table. But that wasn’t as bad as Ricky throwing up all over Dane’s school bag after their afternoon snacks. Dane’s thought at that exact moment was that Ricky wouldn’t live to see another day. As he waited for the Teacher from the REAL Black Lagoon to look the other direction so he could ram his pencil up Ricky’s nose, she, of course, never did. So when school was dismissed, Dane hid Ricky’s math book under the art projects and dropped an open container of glitter glue into his desk. Dane then prepared to get out of the crime scene fast, but not so fast that he didn’t run headlong into the Principal from The REAL Black Lagoon.

Whoa, boy, and where are you going in such a flurry of a hurry? Mr. Bengfort’s eyebrows shot up on his forehead which was all wrinkled into a pretend thinking position. Mr. Bengfort always rhymed all of his words. Flurry of a hurry? Ri-i-i-ight!

Uh, home, uh, cuz I got homework to do, uh, I mean I, uh, have work, uh, chores to do, uh, at home, uh, AND my homework, too, uh, Sir.

I see, said Mr. Bengfort, clearly not believing a word Dane said. Well, well, well… , let’s…

Dane’s knees began to tremble so much he was surprised they carried him out of the classroom at mach four speed and he never even looked behind him to see if Mr. B was chasing. Although, with a paunch like Mr. B’s, probably no chase would be very successful. Anyway, what a close call!

Dane’s own dear Mother could not believe he had gotten home so fast. She asked the obvious and embarrassing question, My, but, you’re home early… is everything OK?

Yeah.

Are you sure?

Yeah.

Are you sure you’re sure? Now Dane was getting kind of annoyed and planned to kick the ever-livin’ crap out of the wall in his bedroom when he got upstairs.

Yeah! With attitude.

O.K., we’re having vegetable soup and cornbread for supper, Sweet Boy, so go do your chores and wash up.

Whatever.

At least the cornbread part of supper sounded good—not the vegetables so much, but Dane did love cornbread best when dripping with butter and honey. Actually, Dane loved vegetables, but since no kid in the world was ever supposed to like the taste of vegetables, he didn’t go around bragging that he did.

M-m-m-m! He fibbed to Mother about the vegetables, but wisely thought it would be in his best interest to go along with her since he was expecting a tattletale phone call from the school at any second for running away from the Principal. As he was preparing to slog up to his room and the waiting chores, Dane just noticed an over-looked black bean balancing at the edge of the stove where Mother was stirring the vegetable bean soup. Much to his amazement, it moved! What? Impossible! Really, really, impossible!

Did you see that? Dane practically yelled. Dane rubbed his fists in both eyes, blinking, and still trying to focus.

Did I see what?

Did you see that bean move? Dane exclaimed while checking around the kitchen to see if his big brother was playing a trick on him or perhaps the wind caused it.

Mother being her suspicious self retorted, Oh, well, of course I did! Her tone of voice told Dane that she did not believe it for one nano-second. Then the phone blared, and thinking it was probably the School calling, Dane quickly exited to the temporary safety of his room.

Mom recognized the caller immediately, answered, Hi, Mother, and resumed stirring. By then Dane was halfway upstairs, calmed his jangled nerves, and returned to the black bean still sitting on the countertop by the stove. Grandmother and Mom were discussing an up-coming P.T.A. event while Dane continued peering closely at the black bean. He wondered if he was going crazy or dreaming… but then again, it moved!

Dane interrupted Mom’s conversation by saying, See! There it goes again!

She covered the phone and said, Sh-h-h, Dane, please go do your chores and stop trifling with me!

Why do Parents persist in believing you when you are lying and then, perversely, don’t believe you when you are telling the truth?

Dane was completely confused by adult behavior at times as he turned his attention back to the black bean. Undoubtedly, there it was again moving right before his eyes! He began wildly gesticulating for his Mother to look; she quickly turned her shoulder in an attempt to ignore him. His parents did not tell their kids more than once to do what was asked so he understood that any attempt to argue would be futile.

Dane picked up the bean, went around the kitchen island to show Mom the bean in his palm. It did exactly nothing. She gave him a silent, disparaging look that told him to get to his chores immediately. As he disappointedly backed away from her he closed his fist around the bean and stuck it in his pocket. He thought dejectedly about tossing the dumb bean into the trash but instead ran up the stairs two at a time. Upon entering his room, he glanced toward his teddy bear who was busy hiding the hole already in the wall, emptied his pockets onto his desk, and went to feed the goldfish. As he was gazing into the aquarium and thinking how easy it would be to be a fish, a strange, high-pitched voice in a fake French accent said, Merci!

Dane blinked twice and looked around the room. What the? No one was near. He looked at his fish whom he named Sedrick. Sedrick’s mouth was moving—only bubbles came out. Then the same voice, You’ve had a pitiful day, haven’t you, Dane Darlin’?

Dane spun around just in time to notice a slight movement on his desk near the mysterious black bean. He moved closer to his desk. Did that voice come from the black bean? Just as he asked himself that question, the bean said in a fake Spanish accent, Si, I move and I talk, too. Most people think I’m a Mexican jumping bean, but I assure you, I am not! Mexicans and a lot of other people eat the likes of me. You don’t know how many times I’ve barely escaped a gastrointestinal demise!

Who are you? By now, Dane’s eyes were as wide open as saucers. The bean was shaking and a voice seemed to be coming from… !

I am the Nanny from the Black Legume!

"Uh… , the Black Lagoon? . . . Like the Teacher? . . . And Prinicpal? . . .

A now-haughty voice said, Definitely not! Black legume! You know, bean . . . , legume . . . ?

Oh, was all Dane could muster. But he was not crazy! It talked! The bean actually talked! And moved! Then a surprising noise much like a fart occurred; Dane was too thunderstruck to laugh like usual when anybody farted, and an entirely disgusting smell filled the air. From out of the black bean popped a tiny, dignified, old-fashioned lady dressed all fancy-like. She was honestly wearing a hat with ribbons and feathers. All of her fuddy-duddy clothes were black and