Jerry for President 2024

By Michael D'Agostino and Danny D'Agostino

As a candidate for the Presidency of the USA, Jerry meets with the coal miners of West Virginia and tells them, "Coal miners are American as apple pie and Sears and Roebuck!  You are my kind of people!  DRILL BABY, DRILL!!
"Wow, if I'm being totally honest, this is one of the funniest scripts I have ever read.  This is really a fantastic work and I thoroughly enjoyed the read." - Carli Haney, Stage 32.

A multimedia comedy screenplay retelling the exciting, hilarious adventures of JERRY THE CHICKEN.  Facing every setback and travail in life, this scrappy, dogged chicken would not give up!  A story of "stuff happens" big time, as Jerry meets every pitfall with his unyielding need to find his purpose in life.  He even starts a hot dog stand in front of White Sox Park in Chicago. Ultimately, Jerry embarks on a campaign to run for the Presidency of the United States. Ultimately, his adventures pay off as he becomes wildly successful.  We can all learn from Jerry.

 

• Language: English
• Publisher: Hillary Press
• Release date: Jun 23, 2022
• ISBN: 9781393683605

Book preview

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JERRY FOR PRESIDENT 2024

A COMEDY SCREENPLAY

BY

MICHAEL AND DANNY D’AGOSTINO

Copyright 2021 by the authors: This screenplay remains the copyrighted property of the authors, and may not be copied and/or redistributed to others for commercial or non-commercial purposes. If you enjoyed reading this screenplay, please encourage your friends to download their own copy from their favorite authorized retailer. Thank you for reading this work and for your support.

THE FOLLOWING CONTENT IS INTENDED FOR AGES ABOVE 13, SINCE THERE IS SOME PROFANITY IN THE STORY.

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FADE IN

EXT. – DAY

NARRATION over SHOTS of classical CHICAGO: the Museum of Natural History, the Art Institute, Civic Opera House, statues of Lincoln and Jefferson, several skyscrapers, Lakeshore Drive, Downtown, Buckingham Fountain, and the stately University of Chicago campus.

CECIL B.

(stately, imposing narration)

This is the story of a magnanimous character, one who faced overwhelming burdens in life. Like great men before him, our protagonist journeyed through life, experiencing nightmarish sadness, tumult, and self doubt, as he searched for his purpose in life. He tackled his problems with unyielding tenacity, and eventually found his true calling. His story is one of tearful failings, and unyielding courage. But, persistence served him well as he achieved astounding success - a story that will be recounted by historians for years to come . . . His name is . . . Jerry.

BEGIN THE HIP TUNE, STAYIN’ ALIVE BY THE BEE GEES

EXT. DAY

SHOTS OF CHICAGO’S TAYLOR STREET, LITTLE ITALY NEIGHBORHOOD.  WE SEE SEVERAL ITALIAN RESTAURANTS, AN ITALIAN FLAG, A PIZZARIA, AND A STATUE OF CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS.

SHOTS of CHICKEN FEET strutting down the street to the beat, followed by half body SHOTS of JERRY the CHICKEN, strutting happily to the music, mixing in some cute shuffle dance movements.  Jerry has a flashy, gold chain around his neck, sunglasses and a T-shirt that reads, DRAKE, MY MAIN MAN!

A sexy woman glances at Jerry as he walks by. (NOTE: JERRY is a realistic rooster puppet.)

SHOT OF JERRY'S FEET SHUFFLING TO THE LIVELY BEAT.

Across the street a local MALE ITALIAN NEIGHBOR recognizes Jerry and yells at him.

ITALIAN NEIGHBOR

Hey goombah!  How youse doin’?

Are you groovin’, dude?!

Jerry salutes him with a high foot kick and squawks in his familiar, happy style. 

JERRY

Becau!  Buc Becau!

ITALIAN NEIGHBOR

      (yells)

Foget about it!  See ya’ on the flip side bro’.

SHOT OF THE NEIGHBORHOOD HARDWARE STORE.

MUSIC ENDS.

JERRY ENTERS THE STORE.

INT. HARDWARE STORE - MORNING

Jerry's stiff faced BOSS approaches.

BOSS

You're ten minutes late, Mr. big shot! Get to work!  There's four cages customers brought in.

Jerry goes to the back of the store to his isolated cubbyhole, to begin his laborious, boring chores for the day - cleaning out ratty bird cages for customers.

BACK OF STORE - MINUTES LATER

In addition to five dirty bird cages, Jerry has dressed up his work place with two large posters, of Dean Martin and Snoop Dog. Jerry turns on a Snoop Dog RAP TUNE on his work bench loud boom box and gets to work. 

His Boss approaches, again.

BOSS (CONT'D)

Listen Mr. Musician! I told you about the boom box crap!  Turn it off! This is a business, not your private dance club!

JERRY

     (insolently)

Becau. Buc becau.

BOSS

. . . A raise?  Again with the raise? You been workin' here for two years and you want a raise? Let me tell you somethin', buddy. I started in dis business twenty years ago, and didn't see a raise for five years.  Five whole years!  This ain’t no payroller’s paradise. This is work, and you better learn to like it!

JERRY

Becau. Buc becau. Quak.

BOSS

. . . What? Cleaning out cages is boring?  There's no future in it? . . . There ain’t supposed to be a future in it, buddy boy.  It's your job!  Cleaning cages, mister musician rapper - Dat's your future!

The Boss shuts the radio off, which angers Jerry.

JERRY

Buc! Becau!

BOSS

(sharply, angrily)

What?! Fuck the future?  Funny face, what you don't understand is, you don't fuck the future! The future fucks you! Now get to work! . . .

JERRY

(wises off)

Buc! Crrr! Buc!

BOSS

(shocked, angry)

What? Fuck this job? And fuck me?

. . . You're fired, buster!  Get the hell out of my store! Go on! Get out!  Amscray! . . Now!

EXT. - STOREFRONT

SHOT of Jerry leaving. The altercation continues.  The Boss grabs Jerry's boom box.

BOSS

I don't ever want to see your ugly chicken ass in my store again!

JERRY

Buc! Becau! Buc Becau! Cruck!

BOSS

(yelling)

And take this piece a garbage

with you!!

The Boss throws Jerry's boom box at him.

BOSS (CONT'D)

. . . You damn lazy, go find your future somewhere else!! You’re crazy!!

From 15 feet, Jerry suddenly turns around and pees a stream at the Boss, right into his Boss's face and walks away. The Boss shakes his fist at him, and then stomps on the remains of Jerry's old boom box.

INT. JERRY'S BEDROOM, THE HOME OF JERRY'S HUMAN FAMILY -  EARLY EVENING

Jerry is primping in front of a mirror, preparing to go out night-clubbing. He turns on his good boom box, playing gangsta rap, and moves in rhythm to the music as he primps. He combs his hair, which sticks up oddly from his head.

RADIO RAP VOICE

"Ho Ho bitch! What da fuck!

Got to go ho, don't cha know,

Just got paid, and I’m gonna get laid.

Shake your booty! Shake your b o o t y!"

SHOT OF JERRY SHAKING HIS BUTT, FUNNY.

INT. FAMILY DINING ROOM – A