Undaunted in Darkness: Finding Your Path From Broken to Bold

By Elizabeth Meyers

Have you been trying to live your life for Jesus, but life isn't turning out the way you expected?

Undaunted In Darkness: Finding Your Path From Broken to Bold,

• Language: English
• Publisher: Free Bird Press
• Release date: Dec 7, 2021
• ISBN: 9798985181722

Elizabeth Meyers

Elizabeth Meyers is a veteran, fighter pilot's wife, and homeschooling mother of eight, as well as the author of Undefeated: From Trial to Triumph, How to Stop Fighting the Wrong Battles and Start Living Victoriously. Elizabeth encourages and equips people who are feeling stuck in their trial, trauma, or tragedy, to build resilience so they can enjoy a fulfilling life doing what they were created to do. Liz is also the host of the weekly podcast Resilient Life Hacks. As a motivational speaker and Bible teacher, Elizabeth enjoys expressing theological concepts through relatable metaphors that enhance personal understanding of big ideas for ordinary people. Connect with Elizabeth at https://ElizabethMeyers.me.

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Part I

The Strategy: A Solid Plan

You can’t afford to muddle through life without a plan.

Too much is at stake.

"Nothing paralyzes our lives like the attitude that things can never change. We need to remind ourselves that God can change things. Outlook determines outcome. If we see only the problems, we will be defeated;

but if we see the possibilities in the problems, we can have victory."

—Warren Wiersbe

You only get one shot at life. If you want to make it count in ways that live beyond you, you have to be intentional about how you live. You must discover and live out the purpose for which God created you. But it is terribly hard to identify, much less fulfill, that purpose when you’re constantly getting beaten up by life’s storms.

Resiliency is what allows us to bounce back after a trial, trauma, or tragedy. It’s how we keep going when putting one foot in front of the other seems impossibly hard. Most people assume we are stuck with whatever amount of grit we are born with, either we’ve got it or we don’t. However, resiliency is a skill that can be learned and strengthened.

These experiences build upon each other. Just as the wind and drought cause the tree to dig its roots deeper into the earth, so our trials and trauma drive us to press closer to Jesus.

1

Victory: Why You Need a Battle Plan to Win

Strategizing for an Undefeated Lifestyle

If you don’t plan for victory,

you will be defeated by default.

The reason why many fail in battle is because they wait until the hour of battle. The reason why others succeed is because they have gained their victory on their knees long before the battle came. Anticipate your battles; fight them on your knees before temptation comes,

and you will always have victory.

—R. A. Torrey

Unsure

My hands were a little shaky as I opened the door. Intentionally breathing slower, I tried to calm my racing heart and ease the tension gnawing at me from within. Why did I ask for this? Was it just a moment of weakness I would soon regret? Thoughts and questions raced through my frayed mind, tumbling over each other in a frenzied clamor for attention.

This is ridiculous. You’ve already tried reaching out for relief. Nobody really cares. Not even God. Why will they be any different? They’ll just tell you to read your Bible more and pray harder. That’s their job. Clearly you have weak faith.

The certainty I had felt when I had made the appointment suddenly evaporated now that I was here. Tempted to bolt, I desperately wanted to say, Never mind. I’m fine or invent an excuse so I could just go back to pretending. That was the cage of my own making I had lived in for five long years, and though it was miserable, at least it was familiar.

But this—this boldness of admitting out loud to people whom I greatly respected that I was not all right—was new and scary, and I was suddenly feeling unsure about continuing with this course of action.

From the outside, my life may have seemed nearly perfect to some, and I appeared to have a good handle on my happily chaotic life. Homeschooling eight children while volunteering at church and in my husband’s military squadron produced a busyness that shrouded my pain. But in the shadows of my life that I refused to show anyone, a rottenness had taken root—the putrid infection of hurts that had never healed properly poisoned the way I thought and felt about everything.

A consuming concern for what others would think of me if they really knew me had kept me silent, and now that I was considering breaching that silence, my pride doubled down.

Will it be worth it? The embarrassment of admitting my darkest secret? Will this even help—or will I only be making it more intolerable than it already is? Because of Jesus, we are supposed to be full of peace and joy. So why am I so depressed and anxiety ridden? What is wrong with me? Why can’t I shake this?

As I tentatively stepped into my pastor’s office to reveal my struggle, I had no idea how he or his wife would react to what I was about to confess. After all, I’ve heard many sermons about how pills won’t fix it, which led me to assume (incorrectly) that it was wrong for a Christian to need an antidepressant. The fear of being rejected by my community of faith was intense, but my mental illness was suffocating me even more.

The burden of my pretense had become too great to bear any longer. It was time to uncover my hidden wounds so God could heal them in the light of his infinite love.

I have witnessed too many times how well-meaning Christians cannibalize their own over the sins (real or perceived) of others. It’s tragic, really. Jesus came to bring grace, wholeness, and acceptance in spite of our unworthiness. But in our self-righteousness, we are often quick to judge and slow to embrace the broken. I get it. I used to be that way too. Until I became one of the broken.

The fear of judgment from Christian brothers and sisters, the guilt and shame of being unable to change who I was, and the stigma associated with mental health issues both in the church and in the military formed the bars of my self-made prison cell. Longing to break loose from this crushing bondage, I finally found the courage to take a step toward freedom. But at what cost?

Undone

To understand what brought me to this broken place, I need to tell you that five years earlier, I had held my son’s tiny lifeless body in the palm of my hand. Our sixth child had unexpectedly died before he even had the chance to live. Just moments earlier, my husband had prayed for God’s protection over our unborn baby. Have you ever experienced a slice of time that ripped you up and gouged a deep wound that scarred you for life? My world was rocked.

Worse, my faith was shaken to its core. Doubts ate at me from the inside out—doubts about God, about myself, and about everything I thought I believed. As grief swallowed me, I felt God had betrayed my trust. I grew increasingly distant from God and felt as lost as a saved person could be. A spirit of depression poisoned my thoughts and turned my savior into my enemy in my mind.

A week after Timothy’s death, I hemorrhaged severely and required surgery to stop the bleeding. This left me physically weak and anemic as well. I was perpetually exhausted yet unable to sleep, haunted by disturbing nightmares and hunted by fearful and intrusive thoughts. Who or what would God take from me next? How could I ever recover from this devastating loss?

Emotionally, I was a train wreck. There were several compounding factors. First, the consistent indifference of the medical staff created further trauma. They refused to acknowledge his life or his death, referring to him only as the product of conception. The hospital staff would not return his body to me or allow me to bury him. They cremated him and put the ashes in the hospital garden (which they later moved) and would not permit me to attend the service. I was told to plant a tree to commemorate my son’s brief life, which was marked by neither a birth nor a death certificate (standard procedure for babies under twenty weeks gestation). But as a military family, we were always on the move. Any tree I planted would be abandoned a mere six months later.

In addition, due to the nature of military family moves, we were in a pocket of time where I had no emotional support system through my usual network of military spouses and church friends. Those who knew I had been pregnant were gone, and the new slew of folks I was meeting weren’t really interested in hearing about my grief in response to their innocent but gut-wrenching introductory question, How many children do you have?

Although miscarriage is fairly common (as many as one in four known pregnancies), no one really talks about it, and our culture doesn’t know how to grieve the loss of an unborn child. So-called late miscarriages (those that occur between thirteen and nineteen weeks) are far less common, occurring in only around 1–5 percent of pregnancies. With an early miscarriage, there are usually no identifiable remains of the baby’s body. So I can understand how both medical personnel and friends and family are unprepared to help a mother through this type of loss.

Personally, the possibility of losing a baby in the middle of a pregnancy had never even occurred to me. I knew the first three months held risks, and I knew women whose babies had passed shortly before, during, or soon after birth. It has only been after I share my story of loss in the second trimester that a few other women have quietly revealed me too.

Unfortunately, we have a perception that the further along a woman is in her pregnancy, the more devastating the loss of that child is for her. To me, that is like someone telling a grieving parent, Well, at least she was only three. Good thing you didn’t lose your daughter at age five. It’s better this way. Where did we get this ludicrous idea that the age of the child has anything at all to do with his or her value? And yet so many people told me that my loss was nothing compared to a full-term loss or the death of a child who had experienced birth.

Because of a lack of understanding or compassion from well-meaning but ill-informed people around me, I incorrectly assumed God had abandoned me too. Surely, if he loved me, he would have provided someone to walk this nightmare with me and show me the way. Convinced God was against me, I interpreted every trivial disappointment in life as evidence of his neglect. Scripture is true. You will find what you seek (Matthew 7:7). If you are looking for reasons to call God a liar, you will find them even though your investigation is founded on faulty logic and confirmed by your own misunderstanding (more on that in chapter 5).

Slowly, I got stuck in a grief I was unable to process. Daily, I was harassed by thoughts that compelled me to secretly relive that day over and over. That single slice of time from my past was more real to me than anything that was going on in the present. On more than one occasion, I took my children to one of their activities and, upon arrival, realized I had no recollection of actually driving there. My mind was trapped in the trauma of seeing and holding my son’s tiny, lifeless body. When I recognized the potential danger of driving in this state of mind, anxiety over the damage I could have done flooded my already overwhelmed coping mechanisms.

I slipped deeper and deeper into a relentless depression. My only reprieve was when my battered heart and mind swung the opposite direction and landed on a minefield of anxiety, every experience triggering a chain reaction of destructive thoughts.

Unraveling

I was battered and worn out spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically. My will to go on crumbled. I felt utterly defeated and completely undone. The frayed remnants of my faith unraveled as I became increasingly untethered from all I thought I knew about God and life.

I had less and less of me to give to my family, my ministry, and my life. What once had been enjoyable was now reduced to drudgery. Instead of pleasure, all I felt was pain, regret, and hopelessness.

Doctors didn’t believe me when I tried to seek help. Their meager tests and lab results indicated everything was normal. They told me to give it time and I would feel better, but I never did.

After losing my baby and so much more besides, the resulting waves of grief crashed unrelenting upon my broken heart. I cried so long and so hard in ways I didn’t know were possible until then. When does grief become depression? I don’t know, but at some point, depression gripped me—strangled me, making it hard for me to breathe in the life-giving truth of God’s Word.

Depression often visits with her fretful twin sister, anxiety, and my unrealistic fears spiraled out of control, making a mockery out of peace. My anxiety even turned on God, and I began to fear him in unhealthy ways. What would he do next to hurt me? Who else would he take from me? I struggled with despair, doubt, and utter exhaustion. I wanted to give up on life, but I didn’t even know how. So I did the only thing I knew how to do: I faked it.

Untrue

Over the next five years, we had three more children and three more military moves. I continued homeschooling our eight children and supporting my fighter pilot husband while he commanded a squadron and deployed to war.

From the outside, everything looked fine. But the ugly truth was buried deep beneath the surface. I hid the doubts and pain festering within me. Why had God seemingly abandoned me when I needed him most?

Throughout these years, I cloaked my pain in busyness as I continued to try to juggle the demands of a large homeschool family. There were lessons, meals, messes, errands, and always the never-ending cycle of laundry. Time seemed short, but the tasks loomed large.

I was pregnant, then nursing, then pregnant and nursing. My body was not my own. I didn’t take the time to eat, exercise, or sleep as well as I should. The concept of self-care was an alien thought to me. I was so busy caring for others that I never stopped to consider the cost of neglecting myself. I continued to push onward without caring for my own needs. A busy life continued to take its toll on me, scuffing up the wounds that had never properly healed.

Depression itself also contributes to a low desire to care for oneself at all. More than once, I entertained the dangerous lie that people would be better off without me, that I was a burden and a drain to them. How grateful I am for my family who continually put down that lie the enemy whispered to me, though they were unaware how critical their love and concern for me were at the time.

I was vaguely aware that I was living untrue to myself, but I didn’t know what else to do. As Christians, we are often subconsciously trained to find the silver lining before we even acknowledge the cloud. I pretended life was lined with silver, trying desperately to shove the brewing storm out of sight. The strain of my performance was exhausting.

Unable to move forward and unable to go back and find the person I once was, I got stuck.

Unstuck

Getting unstuck often starts with igniting the courage to change. For years, I desperately begged God to heal me and free me from my secret burden. Repeatedly, my pleas were met with silence.

God can change our circumstances in an instant, and he sometimes chooses to work that way. But instead of making my trials evaporate miraculously, God slowly taught me how to overcome them rather than escape from them. I am grateful he chose to work in my life this way because now I am stronger and more compassionate, and my faith is on firmer ground.

Eventually, the pain of staying the same exceeded the pain of changing. It was time to push aside my fear and press forward to claim my wholeness in Christ.

Undaunted

The first baby step on my journey began with my best friend, my husband. He knew I was struggling and did what he could to help, but neither of us were equipped to deal with the level of grief and depression I was experiencing. I confessed to him how awful I actually felt and what I thought I would do about it. I’m so grateful to have such a caring spouse who supported me and prayed for me every step of the long road to healing.

The time had come to lay down my pride of wanting to be perfect and self-sufficient. With his encouragement, I pushed through the embarrassment of admitting I’m not OK. So for my second baby step, I picked up the phone and made an appointment.

That is how I came to be sitting in my pastor’s office that day, pouring out my pain to him and his wife. I don’t really remember specifically what any of us said that day, but I do remember clearly how I felt when I left his office and headed home.

To my immense relief, I was embraced, understood, received, and loved, which is exactly how Jesus responds to hurting people. I was not judged or condemned, scolded or shamed. Unlike a few well-meaning Christian books I had read on depression, my pastor and his wife did not blame me for the way I felt, telling me that I had brought despair upon myself through sin or unbelief. If only more Christians would respond so compassionately to broken people, maybe more of us would be willing to be transparent about our hurts and thus find the healing we crave.

Bolstered by the love and acceptance I received from my husband and my church, I continued to take more baby steps spiritually, physically, emotionally, and mentally. I will introduce these in the next chapter and dig deeper into them throughout the remainder of the book.

This is what it means to be undaunted—being willing to push past fear and take the next best small step toward the victory for which you were created.

Unwasted

Fortunately, my depression was not constant. My mood was quite variable. When I was low, I could not imagine any positive outcome or reason for hope. I perceived everything around me through the poisoned lens of depression. But when I was feeling OK (not great, just OK), I couldn’t fathom why I had been so upset.

My counselor recommended that when I was in a state of feeling encouraged and hopeful, I should write a letter to my depressed self, reminding her of all the positive things she had forgotten in her despair. Not really convinced it would help, I took her advice.

I continued this practice, day after day. Sitting at the dining room table with my Bible, notebook, and pen, I scribbled down anything that I read or that came to mind that was encouraging or inspirational to me. In my dark days, I clung to these gems I had discovered like a lifeline to sanity and hope.

By the time I had filled three-quarters of the first notebook with scriptures, quotes, and thoughts, I thought, "I think I’m writing a book!" Surely, there are others out there who suffer like me. Shouldn’t they have access to this material too? I felt a distinct impression that others would also find healing and hope if I could find the courage to share what he had shown me.

I filled four more notebooks and countless Post-Its and paper scraps hastily scrawled with thoughts that appeared suddenly while showering, running, or trying to sleep. These ideas felt too important to let them slip away. I was compelled to put them to paper before they evaporated and were gone into oblivion.

More than once, I felt a gentle but insistent nudge from God not to hoard the ideas in my head. God blesses us, not only so that we will be blessed, but also so that we may be a blessing to others (Genesis 12:2). Whatever gifts God has given us, they are meant to be shared with others. The lessons I learned from the starless night of my soul are the gift God has given me to share with you.

So, I decided to write a book, and I quickly learned that authors are expected to have a website or blog, so I started one of those too. I learned as I went, and it turned out that I had more to say than I thought I did, so my book became a trilogy. I don’t know if a nonfiction trilogy is a thing, but I wrote one anyway.

My first book, UNDEFEATED: From Trial to Triumph, How to Stop Fighting the Wrong Battles and Start Living Victoriously, lays the necessary groundwork and presents the biblical worldview on which my entire message is based. Understanding our real enemy, knowing the one true God, and embracing our true identity in Christ are critical concepts that make everything else make sense.

The book you are reading now is the heart of my message. These are the thoughts and ideas that won’t let me rest until I clothe them in words and sentences and make them available to the world—to you.

1. My Journey

I have journeyed from undone to undefeated, from unraveled to rewoven, and from unsure to undaunted. Today, I am stronger than I was before the ripping away. My life is more beautiful with the threads of suffering, rejection, and unanswered questions woven carefully throughout my story. The crushing blow I experienced did not destroy me; it enhanced me.

God does not waste our pain. He is willing and able to redeem anything we surrender to him.

At some point in my trek through the valley of shadows, I began to see past my own little life and catch a bigger vision for others who desperately need to know what I’ve learned. God has given me a heart burdened for the countless people drowning in their own circumstances, feeling confused and alone, and wondering what on earth God is doing in the middle of their mess.

These are not theoretical or philosophical ideas about life and God. These are the practical rubber-meets-the-road truths that I cling to and actively practice to walk in victory. I have distilled the information, verses, prayers, and thoughts that have been most helpful to me over the past several years and organized them into a fivefold battle plan for you to launch your own counterattack against the devil’s schemes in your life.

Many books I have read about depression are written by people who treat those with depression, but they have not actually experienced it themselves. Some are largely academic and theoretical. Some are so unsympathetic that they increase my depression and anxiety by implying it’s all my fault and I just need to suck it up and get a better attitude.

You will find nothing theoretical or purely academic here. I bring no judgment or condemnation to the broken. That’s the last thing we all need. This book is coming from someone who’s been there. I’m just a little farther along the path than you are, and I’m running back to tell you, Take this path—it’s easier or Watch your step there! I fell in that hole already and twisted my ankle. Learn from my mistake. This is my hiker’s guide to navigating your journey from the valley to the mountaintop so you can experience the same incredible view I’m enjoying—the one I couldn’t even imagine when the dark fog of the abyss swallowed me whole.

2. Can You Relate?

If even part of my story resonated with you in some way, you will benefit from reading this book. We are all broken, but we all break in different ways. Therefore, no two life stories will be alike. However, there is much to be learned from one another.

Your trial, tragedy, or trauma may look very different from mine, but the principles of victory transcend our differences. While the exact route or steps we each take from trial to triumph won’t be in sync with each other, we can share the journey and swap stories of our adventures.

This book is for the overwhelmed, bedraggled, and exhausted. It is written for all who may question their faith and wonder where God is in the midst of their suffering. If you feel defeated, discouraged, or depressed, you will find hope to carry on in these pages. If you are anxious, angry, afraid, or unfulfilled, you will learn the path to peace.

You can’t afford to muddle through life without a plan any longer. Too much is at stake.

If you agree, but you don’t know where to start, then this book will guide you in the process of creating a personalized plan that works for your personality in your unique life.

If you are already totally fulfilled and victorious, crushing it at every turn, then maybe you don’t need this book. But if your way is not working, maybe it’s time to try something new.

Even if you don’t personally need help, perhaps you could use this material to help a friend or pass on wisdom to the next generation. You could have picked up this book for yourself or for a struggling friend or loved one. This book is invaluable to caregivers, pastors, small group leaders, youth pastors, teachers, counselors, health care workers, social workers, church lay leaders, community volunteers, and more. Basically, anyone who comes into contact with broken people on a regular basis, which is all of us whether we recognize it or not, will find useful strategies and tactics here.

By reading and applying the material in this book, you will be equipped to:

understand the interaction between spirit, soul, and body and how they can either work together or sabotage each other.

reclaim and reinvigorate spiritual, mental, emotional, physical, and motivational territory stolen by the enemy and weakened from living in a sin-scorched world.

learn how to cultivate an unshakable faith in an unfailing God through trust-filled prayer.

recognize the power of surrender and the importance of perseverance.

become your own mindset manager as you choose which thoughts are worth keeping and which deserve the boot by knowing how to filter your thoughts and life experiences through biblical truth.

transform your anxious and fearful thoughts into a relaxed peace.

cultivate a heart of gratitude and abundance of grace toward yourself and others.

discover the courage and motivation to seek help, make your needs known, and ask for grace from others.

In short, you will be equipped with tools to live life courageously and victoriously—undefeated and undaunted!

3. Who I’m Not

Before I go any further, I need to share a disclaimer. The official legal one is in the front of the book, but I want to share my goal with you in a more personal way.

I am not a certified, licensed, or educated medical or mental health care provider of any kind. My goal is not to give you any professional or medical advice. View me as a friend sharing my journey and lessons learned.

I cannot stress enough the importance of working with professional health care providers and people trained in biblical counseling and psychology. Please don’t hesitate to get whatever professional help you need. Getting help doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means you are choosing to live undaunted. It takes courage to ask for help.

This book may be one piece of the puzzle for you. Work alongside a professional counselor, therapist, doctor, nutritionist, personal trainer, physical therapist, or anyone else who is qualified to address your concerns. This book should complement, not replace, these valuable services. I have received care from all of the above.

Some Christians are reluctant to seek professional mental health assistance in favor of only seeking help from spiritual leaders. Spiritual leaders in our church or Bible study groups are critical in assisting us spiritually, but most are not trained in the psychology of how God created our minds to work. We don’t expect pastors to be our mechanics or surgeons, but for some reason, we expect them to be our therapists. I address this in more detail in chapter 8.

I heard a fictitious story once of a guy whose house was flooding. He climbed onto his roof to escape the rapidly rising water and cried out to God for help. Someone in a boat came by and offered the guy a ride to safety. He turned it down, declaring in faith, I have prayed for God to rescue me! A few minutes later, a helicopter flew overhead and tried to pick the guy up. Though the water was continuing to rise at an alarming rate, he again refused, stating his trust in God’s provision for his rescue. Eventually, the floodwaters overcame him, and he died.

In heaven, he asked God, Lord, why didn’t you save me from the flood? To which God explained that he sent a boat and a helicopter to rescue the man, but he was unwilling to accept God’s help.

Too often, we are like that guy on the roof. We are looking for the miraculous while God is quietly working through the very people around us who we are ignoring. Don’t make the same mistakes I did. Before you accuse God of failing to intervene, look around and check out the help he has already provided. Are you turning down God’s offer of assistance because it doesn’t look like you expected?

4. How to Get the Most Bang from This Book

This book offers practical biblical insight, a battle plan, if you will, to stand strong in the midst of your struggles and live undefeated