Life's Haunted Mansion: Book: One

By ZayArtist

We live in terrifying times. And so, this book might be scary, but it is needed. Just like the truth.

Told through the eyes of a black man living in America, this half-memoir-half-inspiration portrays a past, a present, and a future in which so many young people feel lost. This book uses the author's experiences and aims to get you back on track.

Author Isiah "ZayArtist" Atchan discusses topics such as jealousy, loyalty, loneliness, and closure. Overall, "Life's Haunted Mansion" has a goal of education and encouragement.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Nov 22, 2021
• ISBN: 9781667814322

Book preview

ME, MY FAMILY, AND MY LIFE

As I start my first day of journal writing, I am wondering how helpful this will be. Maybe that is my issue, I hesitate to start something or do something if I feel it won’t help me in the long run.

Everyone is different. I wonder, is it harder for you to start a routine or to end a habit? For me, starting a routine is easy. Ending a habit is tough for me. Maybe that means I work on my closures.

So I just told my momma something I know I CAN DO, and allows me to have a clear mind while doing it. It’s this. Doing me. Which is, delivering my LIFE experiences, from my mind to pad – to HELP ANYONE who needs to hear this. I promise you, I’m leveling up into the better me. If I can’t let no nxgga get me in a bad mood, I shouldn’t let another nxgga pull me out of my bad mood or energy. I MUST PROTECT MY ENERGY AT ALL COST.

Nxggas really don’t know me. My own family is just starting to realize who the real me is. I have real demons I live with. Every day, I try to overcome, but nxggas wouldn’t believe me, The only one who would believe me is my brother. I used to hate making a mistake, when I was wrong, on paper. Now, since I have been writing to y’all, I embrace my mistakes. Fuck. See, to me, back then, that would be the ugliest, nastiest looking paper. Now, I embrace the beautiful struggle. Shout out to Mozzy Bladadah. I sat back and re-read the paragraph I just wrote, and I thought why don’t nxggas really know me? Because I didn’t allow mf’s to get too close to me to ever truly know me. So am I to blame? Are they to blame? No, no one is to blame – that’s just LIFE.

I’m really starting to realize how strong I am and how much love I have. Yesterday was a tough ass day for me, not going to lie. When I woke up yesterday, I had no motivation to do anything, on top of still having evil thoughts because of what I heard on Xbox from someone who I thought was my nxgga. He still is to me, in my eyes, even after that conversation. But that’s fine, I can’t match energy or change who I am. I stand by my morals and will never change for any man but my Lord.

I wanted to confront anyone or anything to figure out the truth, because that’s me I always want to know the truth – it’s the Capricorn in me, huh? This is something I’m figuring out regarding LIFE. I don’t need to know the truth to everything because most of the things that stress me in regards to truth, I ALREADY know the truth in my gut or by my intuition. It’s like I am seeking a sense of validation, which I always say no man needs validation. Stand on what you stand by – that’s the truth.

I can’t be responsible for my happiness and someone else’s. – Flo.

I felt this on so many levels. As black males growing up in a two parent household, Flo and I have similar experiences, I’m sure. We are raised with love, and we see all forms of it within the house; different forms within black love.

Our mothers took pride in making sure their baby boys were 10x fresher than Jodie and Brad! They did whatever they could to make sure we felt like the baddest mf’s on the campus, the field, the court, or wherever. So, as black kids, we’re taught to do whatever we can to make sure the people you truly love/care about are taken care of and are happy.

This is what makes relationships hard for myself, and I’m going speak for black men who had two parents in the crib growing up. We are always trying to appease a loved one. Just like Mom, Nana, or Granny did. However, we (men) can’t be responsible for another grown individual’s happiness, because we will be stripping ourselves from our own happiness.

Last night, two of my favorite artists dropped a tape. I was as excited as a little kid at the candy store. Pluto x Baby Pluto is the name of the tape. There are many times I feel I’m on my own planet. Not Pluto, but my own planet. When I was in college, I was on Pluto – not my own planet. I was stuck, in my eyes, at the time. However, I wasn’t really stuck – I was allowing drugs and alcohol to suppress any true emotions I had, and in college, I had A LOT of emotions I didn’t know how to show. I would think, people are going to look at me one way if I show my true emotions.

I just didn’t want to be misjudged, but that’s not for me to decide. All I can do is genuinely be me, myself; not afraid to show emotions because that’s who I am. I’m an emotional sav