I AM ONLY HUMAN: BETWEEN EXPECTATIONS AND REALITY, THE TRAGEDY OF MODERN LIFE

By Georgi Danov

• Do you feel like you are constantly playing catch-up?
• Are you tired of trying to meet everyone's expectations?
• Do you sometimes feel overwhelmed and want to leave it all behind?
• Do you often find yourself opting for the easy decision, not necessarily the best one?

If your answer to any of thes

• Language: English
• Publisher: Georgi Danov
• Release date: Sep 11, 2021
• ISBN: 9781739974725

Book preview

1

CONTENTS

Preamble                                                                              3

Introduction                                                                        6

Chapter 1 - Irrationality                                                    11

              Section One - It is All About the Ego

Chapter 2 - Ego                                                                   31

Chapter 3 – Superiority Illusion                                       40

Chapter 4 – Cognitive Dissonance Reduction                52

Chapter 5 – Self-Handicapping                                         59

               Section Two - Brain and Heuristics

Chapter 6 – Cognition and Jumping to Conclusions      67

Chapter 7 – Narratives and Conclusions on Steroids     76

Chapter 8 – Judging a Book by the Cover                        84

Chapter 9 – Snap Decisions and Prejudice                       92

Chapter 10 – We Only See Black and White                  105

               Section Three -  It is All Coming Together

Chapter 11 – Perceiving the World Differently              116

Chapter 12 – Attitudes and Attitude Change                   126

Chapter 13 – Willpower                                                      142

Chapter 14 – Failure and Blame                                          154

Chapter 15 – Social Comparisons                                      165

Chapter 16 – Selling Happiness                                          173

Chapter 17 – Fear of Change and the Status Quo             181

Chapter 18 – Greed                                                               200

Conclusion                                                                              219

Notes                                                                                        225

References                                                                              229

2

Preamble

Hi, my name is Georgi. Nice to meet you, Reader! You probably wonder what this book is all about. Let me tell you – it is about me, it is about you, it is also about all people who often feel overwhelmed and constantly playing catch up with everything and everyone. It is about all of us who feel like we can never meet all the expectations and pressure of the modern way of life despite how hard we try.

I live in London, one of the biggest and most vibrant cities in the world, the capital of a country, which has shaped the modern way of life – a cradle of capitalism, mother of the industrial revolution, once a global empire, and as a result a melting pot of every culture and nationality under the Sun. And I will tell you one thing – living here is tiring. Like many of my fellow Londoners, I spend hours every day commuting to work, busting my a** to stay on top of my mortgage/rent payments and bills, while competing with millions of smart and ambitious people in this capitalist, money-making machine to build a career. And this is while also trying to stay relatively fit and healthy, have enough time for my family and friends, compete with everyone else on social media, and somehow remain sane in the whole hustle and bustle. But this is not just me. While London takes everything up a notch, this is the reality for most people around the world these days. Unless you are one of those very fortunate but very few people, born with a silver spoon in their mouths, you know what I am talking about.

Every time in history has had its specific challenges - wars, diseases, poverty, financial and economic meltdowns, people before us have not had it easy either. We probably have it easier than every generation before us in a comparative perspective. Not that we have none of these today, but globally we probably live in the most stable times compared to any period before. And yet, we face unique set of challenges, which characterise our time. We try to be everything, do everything, and meet the ever-growing expectations of the society we live in. The revolutions in technology, communications, transport, and social media have uncovered an endless sea of opportunities and created endless expectations. We try to stay constantly connected and informed; we try to be the best we can in every field, we try to keep our minds open and liberal, we try to live up to our own and others’ expectations. We cannot!

Throughout this book, I will look at some of the most common traits of our characters, shortcomings, and natural proclivities, which often stay in the way of achieving all this. This is not because I dislike the world or doubt our ability to learn, adapt and evolve. As a species, we have proved time and time again that we can. I am writing this book hoping that by shining light on some of our shortcomings and limitations, I would add a little dose of reality to what we all should expect of ourselves and others. Because, despite all of our strengths and successes, we are, and we will always remain, only humans.

Finally, before we proceed, I wanted to address the obvious question – who am I to write this book? Why would I think I know anything about us as humans, and what we can or cannot do? The simple answer is – I am no one. But, this is what makes my message powerful. We do not need an accomplished political, entrepreneurial, or scientific figure to tell us what to expect or not from their position of authority or relative remoteness of the issues, worries and struggles of everyday people. Like every other in this world, I am just a human, and this is just my ordinary take on ordinary people's lives. I have tried to convey my views in a simple and relatable manner, with humour here and there, and most important, with a huge dose of humility and sincerity, because like you, I am only human.

3

Introduction

In 1963, the Bronx Zoo introduced a curious exhibit, which indubitably garnered visitors’ attention. It was labelled The most dangerous animal in the world. Turns out, it was a mirror! Underneath, there was another interesting sign reading, You are looking at the most dangerous animal in the world. It alone of all the animals that ever lived can exterminate (and has) entire species of animals. Now it has the power to wipe out all life on earth.

Sixty years later, this statement continues to resonate with many people. Its power has only grown! But, let’s dig deeper into another curious element of the label – we were called animals. We are, even though some may argue otherwise. As humans, we have consciousness, we have restraint, we are capable of rational thought, and we can envision ourselves in the future and thinking abstractly… impelling some of us to contend that we are far more superior to animals. These statements are not devoid of truth, but an honest introspection would reveal we have a lot more in common with animals and our primal ancestors than we would care to (or like to!) admit.

If we look back at everything we have achieved as a species, from fragile inhabitants of the African savannah to where we are now, and all we can do today, our journey has been nothing short of spectacular. Our accomplishments become even more staggering when we realize that much of the progress we have made has accelerated through the 20th and early 21st centuries. Technologically and culturally, the world has changed a lot more in the last 200 years than it did for 10,000 years before that. If we generally accept that the first Homo sapiens appeared 300 000 years ago, it took us 300 000 - 118 years to fly in the skies, when the Wright brothers invented the first plane in 1903. The flight lasted just 12 seconds.

Mere 58 years later, Yuri Gagarin not only took to the skies but also went into space. Likewise, it took us 300 000 - 85 years to create the first computer (Alan Turing 1936). It can be safely concluded that over the past 85 years, computers pretty much control our lives today, having permeated everything we do daily. Add the automobile (which didn’t become a practical way of transportation until the 20th century despite being invented in the late 19th century), the light bulb, nuclear power, penicillin and antibiotics, television, the internet, and so much more. This technological revolution has inexorably brought about a gamut of educational, scientific, cultural, and social changes, which shape the world as we know it today. Often, our brains and bodies simply cannot keep up with the pace and intensity of these changes. Paradoxically, we live in a world where everyone, including you and me, is increasingly demanding more. That’s right. The technological explosion has created countless possibilities, but also countless expectations, which go hand-in-hand.

We are supposed to live in the most liberal, permissive, and accommodating time the world has ever seen. We are supposed to be free, happy, satisfied with what we have. In many ways, we really are. Yet, we also live in a time, which is more mentally and psychologically challenging than any other before that. Given everything we have achieved and the comfort of the 21st century, it sounds counter-intuitive that, in some ways, we have regressed as a society – both emotionally and psychologically. We are not generally happier than our ancestors were a hundred or five hundred years ago.

More people suffer from stress and stress-related diseases today than in previous centuries, which is especially prevalent among the youth. We try to do too much, to do a few things at a time, to stay constantly connected, to absorb an endless influx of information, to conform to countless societal norms and pressures. There is an incredible amount of pressure on women to be pretty and fit into society’s definitions and norms of beauty; on men to be successful and wealthy; on children to take on a countless number of courses and activities to fulfil their parents’ own unfulfilled ambitions; and generally, on anyone to act rational, to be always liberal and understanding, to effectively disregard a lot of the very feelings and emotions which make us human. Astonishing as we are, here’s a truth we would do well to come to terms with: we are not equipped to meet the never-ending expectations of society and our own.

We, as humans, have conquered the land, the sea, and the sky; we have tremendous power over the processes and lives of everything and everyone else in the world. We are capable of incredible feats. Yet, despite our greatness, we also have a long list of shortcomings and limitations. We are egoistic and irrational, our decision making and judgment are far from being infallible, we are quick to judge others, we have a proclivity to egregiously repeat our mistakes, we fail to consider the underlying complexity of the world, and most importantly, we have a massive blind spot for these. To be fair, there are various reasons for that. Each one of us is, after all, a unique by-product of millions of years of evolution, cultural, environmental, and social factors. Taken together, they make us what we are. These are limitations, we hardly ever ruminate upon, do not fully understand, conveniently ignore, or deliberately develop selective amnesia for. This is understandable because all of the above help us perpetuate the illusion of our own infallibility and greatness, which are paramount for our inner peace if we function as normal beings. Yet, that doesn’t make it true.

I am writing this book as an apologist for humanity. This is not because we are unworthy, unsuccessful, and generally bad people, but because we have grown to expect too much of everything and everyone to conform to various pressures of society and the so-called modern way of life. It does not matter if we believe we are the result of Darwinian evolution or a Godly creation. We came to exist and are a combination of good and bad, success and failure, strengths and weaknesses. In the following chapters, I will cover some of the most common shortcomings and ugly sides of our psyche, not because I do not believe in our capacity to be better, to do, and achieve more. Quite the opposite. Throughout history, we have demonstrated countless times that we are capable of extraordinary feats and achievements. But the fact of the matter remains that we are far from perfect as a society. For better or for worse, we are only humans. The sooner we accept the bad, the sooner can we start living a happier life and enjoy the good.

Well, let’s read on. I hope you enjoy the book and will find it useful by the end unless you have dropped it because you are too smart already and there is nothing more you could learn. For this, I cannot blame you, as you are only human.

4

Chapter 1 - Irrationality

We cannot reason ourselves out of our basic irrationality. All we can do is to learn the art of being irrational in a reasonable way.

- Aldous Huxley

As you can see, based on the first chapter of this book, I have picked the topic of (ir)rationality. It is a simpler topic, which will help us ease into the spirit and essence of this book. Yet, it remains one of the most salient chapters because it creates a framework to understand many subsequent chapters. This is the not-so-rational part about rationality – we do have an inkling of sorts about the reality that humans are not perfectly rational. Yet, we expect them to act rationally and inexorably annoyed upon realising this is not the case for some inexplicable reason. Furthermore, laws and regulations are written on the premise that people act rationally, thus not quite deciphering the essence of the human side. Traditional economic theory has been relentlessly criticised for overstating rationality as a concept and not observing how people behave. This explains why disciplines like behavioural economics and behavioural finance have become increasingly popular over the past couple of decades alone. More recently, we saw another poignant example of this in the UK and worldwide, amid the all-pervasive COVID pandemic. In May 2020, the UK government decided to ease the COVID lockdown, supposedly based on good British common sense. I am a little perplexed about the irony or unintended humour (or both) in this outlandish assumption that belies common sense and deserves comeuppance. Just think about this: we spent two months in lockdown when not being able to go out drinking was ostensibly the biggest crisis facing mankind, but the government counted on people’s common sense to avoid mass gatherings and stay safe? Needless to say, the striking episodes from popular places and areas in London, immediately following this, revealed a completely different story. And, rightly so. Of course, it wasn’t just the UK that followed this approach. Many other countries in the world did the same and achieved the