From Trauma to Triumph: Finding Liberty

By Uboho Bassey

FINDING LIBERTY: FROM TRAUMA TO TRIUMPH

There’s nothing like the written Word of God for showing you the way to true liberty through faith in
Jesus Christ. Through God’s Word we are created, mended, shaped and put back together for the
purpose predestined for us. Let it equip and empower you to walk in liberty.
Do not be so scared that you cannot envision the glory of a new beginning. Do not be so consumed by
tests, trials, and trauma that you fail to grasp the glory of the coming triumph. Do not feel so condemned
that you feel there is no redemption for you. Do not be so beaten down by the scourge of captivity
that you jettison the glory of freedom. Do not allow the troubles of your past faze you or your present
tribulations derail you. Forget the ugly truths – the unmentionable pains and the inconceivable hurts.
Remember the reasons. Remember your dreams. Remember why you began the journey in the
beginning. Remember the call of liberty. The call that told you, “You are more than this.” Remember
the stirrings in your spirit for something more meaningful, more fulfilling, more enriching than the
mediocre, mundane and ordinary existence that sapped your energy and dampened your spirit at the
rising of the sun. We don’t get burned out because of what we do. We get burned out because we
forget why we do the things we do.
Whether you are jaded from past trauma, a present heartache, or a persistent feeling of rejection,
self-doubt, the bitter sting of failure does not have to narrate your story. If you conclude that your best
days are over – they are. If you think they’re ahead – they are. Regardless of the adversity that you
face, regardless of how abysmal you think your situation is, you can face every day with enthusiasm.
You can walk your way through trauma to triumph. All it requires is your faith.
You can be everything you always dreamed of, soaring to the heights that always called out to you. You
can dream again, journeying with uncertainty through the valley of rebirth - knowing that God is still
in control. As you learn to cultivate the power within, you will come to the truth that you are broken to
be blessed and that your liberty is guaranteed – as you transit from trauma to triumph.
Graves become gardens and bones become armies. Ashes become beauty and seas becomes highways!
The oil of joy for mourning, and the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness. Heroes and victims
both get knocked down by life’s circumstances. See yourself as a Hero that got back up, armed with
faith and determined for purpose, instead of a victim that stayed down, defeated by fear. Be the Hero
that creates a positive future from a broken past.
Whether the captivity we experience is due to the actions of others or social circumstances, the captivity
of physical infirmities, or that which we bring to ourselves by our own mindset, choices and attitude,
the captivity of physical death comes to us all as a result of the fall of Adam. God offers liberty to all
captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound.
Let this book “From Trauma to Triumph: Finding Liberty” uncover how God transforms a troubled past
into a glorious destiny to illustrate that there is more in you than your history.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Oct 28, 2020
• ISBN: 9781664135055

Uboho Bassey

The Author, Uboho Bassey is no longer a slave to those frightful fears of existence.. She has fought many wars alone, on a private battlefield strewn with pain. Unbroken, she walks confidently in the promises of God for her life, knowing and trusting that she was created to achieve divine purpose; and soaring over the limitations that once held her in bondage. She is not afraid to explore the unknown territories of the world. She is a survivor, focused and determined to redirect her life and rewrite her story. She believes that her writing creates a dialogue with people, giving meaning to emotions in contexts just like other mediums of art, music, painting, photography, sculpture, fiction or poetry. And she wants them to experience it, the rich feelings, the real language of life; expressed in our stories, in our passion and in our purpose. Her spirit is laid bare like an untameable fruitful delta, conscious daily of delivering promise. She writes to inspire others to embrace hope.

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Copyright © 2020 by Uboho Bassey.

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Contents

Preface

Chapter 1 Remember the Reasons

Chapter 2 I Have Called You By Name

Chapter 3 What is in A Name?

Chapter 4 In The Beginning

Chapter 5 Valley of Rebirth

Chapter 6 Who is in Charge?

Chapter 7 Cultivating the Power within

Chapter 8 Dreams

Chapter 9 Overcoming Fear

Chapter 10 Finding Purpose Through Pain

Chapter 11 Broken To Be Blessed

Chapter 12 Waiting -The Burden of Delay

Chapter 13 Faith – Do You Believe?

Chapter 14 Journeying With Uncertainty

Chapter 15 No Longer a Slave

Chapter 16 I Am Becoming

Chapter 17 Preparation, not Punishment

Chapter 18 The Balanced woman in an Unbalanced World

Chapter 19 Built To Adapt

Chapter 20 Destiny - The Path to Purpose

Chapter 21 Overcoming Adversity

Chapter 22 From Zero to Hero

Chapter 23 Let This Cup Pass Away

Chapter 24 If I Perish, I perish

Chapter 25 Victory Over The Enemy

Chapter 26 The Power Of Favor

Chapter 27 Helpers of Destiny

Chapter 28 Taking Back Your Life

Chapter 29 From Trauma to Triumph

Chapter 30 Dream Again

Chapter 31 Walking in Liberty

Epilogue

On A Final Note

Acknowledgments

Pray! Where Did My Heart Go?

So I told him,

How I wanted to be loved:

Truly, tenderly, passionately, kindly:

Honored, nourished and approved.

He called me immature, naïve.

And every day I told him –

How I yearned to pursue my dreams –

He called me an ingrate, or to leave.

It had to be his way, or the highway!

I shared my hidden and anxious fears,

In the midst of recurrent tears -

He was dismissive of my cares.

He set to breaking my wings -

And swore I will never fly;

His grip tight on patriarchal things.

He glided in the air proudly;

See all that I have done for her!

I told him his words hurt badly –

And he mocked my pain with laughter.

So when my heart shut him out –

He claimed I was unfaithful.

I begged. Pleaded. Blown about;

Waiting for him to treat me right -

He was cruel and disrespectful,

Wielding his power and his might.

And when my body stopped yielding –

Could no longer bear his entitled touch,

My soul cringed in emotional recoil:

A human mind, can only take so much!

With rising waves of discontent,

I spoke out in many ways, unbent –

He was too proud to listen

And into oblivion, I was waved –

Nothing but a common housewife;

Thinking I will never be saved.

I entreated in many years of strife,

He said I deserved nothing more.

I was stripped and emptied -

Laid bare and plundered; devalued:

Left untended, useless, and worthless.

And when I finally decided to salvage –

The wreckage of my brokenness

He dared to call me heartless!

Pray! O my wounded soul -

Say! O my troubled spirit –

Thrust out to roam in the wilds –

When I should be ensconced in merit.

Speak to the listening ears of nature,

Where. Where did my heart go?

DECEMBER 3RD, 2019

Dedication

To Almighty God:

Who has promised me a life of liberty and significance.

–––-

To all the people who have accompanied me in the journey of life:

To my beloved parents,

The foundation of all that is good.

–––-

To my children ….again:

Donald, Emmanuel, Victoria, Esther and Elyonna.

More than ever, my reason for being.

For you all, I stay alive.

–––-

To my circle of strong sisters

Seeking courage and liberty:

Ask, and keep asking.

Seek, and keep seeking.

Knock, and pull down the door.

Preface

FROM A PLACE OF PEACE

JULY 2020

THERE IS NO GREATER WEALTH in this world than peace of mind.

I am writing to you from a place of peace. Hard-won, fiercely protected, highly treasured. It is my most valued possession next to salvation, and a prideful heritage of growing into maturity, finally accepting the truth that in the midst of my life’s journey, God is in charge. I would never trade it for anything in this world. PEACE.

What is peace, you may ask?

Peace is eating a morsel without fear. It is choosing to dwell in a hut over a mansion. It is waking up every morning in a studio apartment and bursting out in songs of praise. Peace is feeling protected, accepted, approved, calmed and eased – not tensed, afraid, harried, disapproved, and unprotected. It is a state of affairs where you confidently walk in personal freedom without the burden of servitude, subjugation, oppression, rancor and bondage; but relieved, redeemed and liberated.

Twenty-eight years of agony is over. From trauma to triumph. That old regime, a constricting, suffocating legislation that I once lived, recognized and accepted as my lot in life is obsolete. Every detail of my life regulated by fine prints of do’s and don’ts. Lines I dared not cross.

I am free of it! All that I am!

Nothing between me and freedom, my face shinning with the brightness of liberty. My heart brimming with the fullness of joy. And so I am transfigured, much like a new creature, my life gradually becoming brighter and more beautiful as God decorates my life and leads me into His original plan for my purpose. That I might live out the true meaning of my name. Liberty.

I fear that after writing this book, I will never have the courage to read through its pages again. I have told too much truth and laid bare the part of me that I have been overly protective of. The part that I loved to hide under a smiling mask. I would not want to rehash or change its truth nor critique its clarity.

Do you recall how you question yourself and hesitate briefly before you divulge something you consider very personal? Bringing these thoughts to the light of day is akin to exhuming festering sores that did not heal well. It is hurtful reliving these memories that seem to invade my subconscious and flow unrestrained in the corridors of my mind like a raging flood, carrying everything along in its fury. I am glad that I can lay them to rest finally.

Imagine what you could become without the chains that are limiting you. Imagine what you could accomplish without the shackles of fear, insecurity and abuse. Imagine being surrounded by encouragers, not your discouragers. Imagine finding your up lifters, and not the people who bring you down. Imagine how high you could go without the chain of negative words spoken over you – finding the voices that lift you up, not the voices that drown you; people telling you that you’re not going to be successful – that you don’t have what it takes.

I have gone as far as I can holding onto what I used to be. It is time to step into freedom! My destiny is too important, my assignment too great for me to go through life bound. This new truth requires that the excuses that have become so embedded in my life have to be left behind at this point of my journey. It requires that I let go of old mindset and habits as I stand on the threshold of a new beginning. Now, the decision is this: Do I hold onto the old, or do I lean into the new? You can of course, guess what choice I made!

I live my life today unrestricted, not hampered, immune from arbitrary exercise of authority, misuse of power and abuse of love. I am thankful for my struggle because without it, I would not have stumbled across my strength. The strength I now have didn’t come from what was around me. It came from Christ within me. That is how I found freedom. From strength. Freedom affords me the privilege to be fully expressive, to think, speak and act without externally imposed restraints by another human. Freedom allows me to imagine what great things are just around the bend, waiting for me to meet up! I am bound only to my conscience and God – who has given me this liberty according to his word:

Galatians 1:5 (NKJV) "Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be tangled again with the yoke of bondage.’

For years I have been trapped by the age-long lies, myth and mindset that I cannot have it all as a woman. Marriage took away all of my youthful dreams. It shook my belief, and almost took away my faith in God. It seemed to be too late in the day when I began the journey of self-discovery, breaking the limits and boundaries imposed on my path to great accomplishments. Today, I realize I can be heard. I can be strong. I can be at a place of peace. I realize I can be FREE!

What has my journey taught me?

My journey has taught me not to expect life to be easy. Don’t expect everyone to be for you, even the ones that are most supposed to be rooting for you. Life shifted my awareness and reinforced the belief that blessings come from God and man is only a conduit from which favors flow into our lives. It removed the burden of expectation I placed on man, and refocused it directly on heavenly supplies. Now, I can boast that God extends His love and provision to me through any of his vessels. I will not take offence with anyone who is incapable of or unwilling to share the resources God blessed them with me.

It has taught me that with God, the missed opportunities of the past are nothing compared to the fresh opportunities in the present. I have always wondered about the times I wished so desperately to be spared my pains that led me into depression. During the darkest moments when I decided to give up on life because God saw the pain coming and allowed me to walk right into it, and did nothing about it. I thought God had abandoned me.

Relieving my journey, through the highs and lows, through the valleys and the mountaintops, through the storms and the rains, I am more than convinced that there is no limit to what He cannot do to bring us into purpose. His ways are not straight forward. I have learned that God loves me unconditionally, even when I have doubts and try to question his methods, His ways, His timing – and even His love.

I have come to the conclusion that I cannot spend the rest of my life on the sidelines, watching life speed by, wondering if I can step into the field and compete with others, playing my best game. And I have continually done so, first when I returned for my Masters’ degree twenty years after my Bachelors, and three years ago when I took up international employment out of the shores of the Country. In between these years, I have published three books of poetry, and become a certified Human Resource practitioner.

Today, I feel the warming rays of bright light that took me out of the pit of depression, despair and utter darkness into my glorious inheritance. I know of a certainty that I can begin to maximize each new experience and gain strength for the journey still ahead.

Despite the circumstances, I like the person I am becoming. I had a hard time saying those words before because someone who was meant to love me made me see only the flaws and imperfections he superimposed on the Godly image of me. He made me to always stay focused on my failures, inadequacies and shortcomings. But not anymore!

I appreciate the person I am today. I stand before the mirror and see my beautiful and honest smile radiating from deep within my heart. I am a good person, filled with kindness and love. I have sacrificed a lot, invested so much time, energy, and resources in becoming this person. I am intentional about my journey. I am not yet where I want to be but I am not also, who I used to be. I am a work in progress. I continue to spread my light, my truth, and my love. I know my radiance cannot be dimmed, so I keep shining my light nevertheless. It is my power. It is the magic that keeps me strong every day.

It is also my duty to encourage you to keep working on you. Embrace your flaws for that is what makes you unique. Work on developing your faith for that is what keeps you strong. It is never too late to become what you might have been. Find the place of your strength and be smart enough to find the empty spaces of your life – and pursue filling those gaps, so you can be ready when the opportunity comes. For surely, they will come.

Find your place of peace. And when you do, turn up the lights in the dark recesses of your heart, break down the walls of doubts, check the locks of the chains holding you back, and make a brave run for the sweet scent of success that is just around the corner. That is where home is; your dream of self. Because what God will do - He will do; but what you should do – you must do!

Let there be peace. In our hearts. In our home. In our world!

And when you read this book, as I hope you will; I would say that you should get ready to take that one decision that will open up a whole new world of opportunities for your life of significance.

Age boldly. It is freedom.

Speak loudly. It is freedom.

Love fiercely. It is freedom.

Live wholly. It is freedom.

With love,

Uboho

Daughter of the Most High God!

Galatians 5:1(NKJV)

"Stand fast therefore in the liberty

by which Christ has made us

free, and do not be tangled again

with the yoke of bondage."

Chapter 1

REMEMBER THE REASONS

Now it happened after a long time [about forty years] that the king of Egypt died. And the children of Israel (Jacob) groaned and sighed because of the bondage, and they cried out. And their cry for help because of their bondage ascended to God. So God heard their groaning and God remembered His covenant with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob (Israel). God saw the sons of Israel, and God took notice [of them] and was concerned about them [knowing all, understanding all, remembering all].

– Exodus 2:23-25 [AMP]

Never forget!

Remember why you started running in the first place. Never forget!

Remember why you cried out in painful surrender – as your pillows got soaked every night.

Remember the elusive search for happiness and the draining hopes of fulfilment.

Remember the inner voice that told you, You are more than this!

Remember speaking into the ears of the universe that you deserved a seat at the table.

Remember the tears. Remember the fears. Remember the years. Remember the anguish.

Remember that dream.

Yes! You once had a dream. Held it dearly and closely to your heart. You envisaged your future and was ready to work for it.

And then, something happened.

Where are you now?

Remember that life is a race. A personal journey to destiny. Life is too valuable to waste.

Are you on the pathway to your dreams?

Take a look at the people who surround you. Are they rooting for you, cheering you on? Or are they placing embargoes and casting doubts on your abilities? Are they waiting, holding their breath and waiting for you to trip and fall? Do you have friends who believe in you even when you have ceased to believe in yourself? Don’t fight battles with small-minded people who belittle you. Your destiny is too great to be distracted by others. They are not going where God is taking you. Remember the reasons.

I patiently waited for the reward of change.

Firstly, I learned to treat myself with dignity and respect. I had to cleanse myself not just physically but emotionally, mentally and spiritually. By cleansing myself of the piled up dirt that had accumulated and taken up space in my life, I could finally breathe.

I took lungful’s of fresh air that energized me. I cleansed myself of the abuse that had so entrenched its fangs into my existence that I had attempted to accept it as normal.

Secondly, I began to put an end, and placed an embargo – as bold sign - that read, No Further. No further to the pain and anguish that has characterized my marriage up to that point. No further to the drama. They had come thus far, they were not coming any further.

I began seeking my path toward peace.

Thirdly, lured by nature, I sought order and harmony from the chaotic experiences – the topsy-turvy, roller-coaster of a relationship that almost killed my spirit and soured my soul. Nature healed me. I was immersed in the beauty of God’s creation unveiled before me – which hitherto I was blinded to because of pain.

Finally, I embraced the new me with courage. I was not afraid to accommodate change. I became open-minded to new possibilities, determined to succeed in all. I was ready to pay the price for freedom.

Thousands of things enthrall – even as I look out through the window at this very moment in time. The dimming and brightening of the skies when a fluffy cloud passes. A picture of a lone bird captured in a frame on the backdrop of the skies. I look at a flourishing tree and see different hues of greens from darkest emeralds to faintest lemons. Nature is beautiful!

Now I have new opportunities to rebuild connections, repair broken bridges, walk the path and mend the fences that marriage forbade. I feel life and excitement flowing into me like a potent forceful energy of light; casting out darkness – boosting, instead of draining me.

Why tiptoe through life, only to arrive safely at death?

The dread of loneliness can never be greater than the pangs of bondage.

Everyone gets lost at one time or another. Sometimes, it is easy to recover. Other times, there is no going back, no retracing the steps, we may end up completely clueless and lost. Maybe our GPS is outdated and our sense of direction is shaken; the past is gone and the future is cloaked in shadows. Maybe all the bright certainty has faded away and we cannot see any farther than the end of our outstretched arms.

What if we are faced with grave uncertainty, when the once familiar beacon stone has been shifted and we have lost our bearings and sense of security? At those moments, the foundation of our life can be shaken and we are left without any rock solid assurances.

It is in those times that we are forced to realize that there is so much more going on that we can’t handle. We are rudely thrust into more twists and turns, more torturous curves and loops, and dangerous cliff-edge views to life than we had ever imagined. We are confronted with unchartered territories we are unprepared for and which we find totally out of our control.

But it is there in the wildest places of life that potential for newness exists. It is there that God waits to meet us. It is there that the Holy Spirit begins nudging us into the right direction. It is there that Apostle Paul’s words in 2 Corinthians 5:7 (NKJV) becomes real.

For we walk by faith, and not by sight.

Remember the reasons.

In the Bible is a record – the chilling account of the flood – how God cleared out an entire generation of people. The people that He created. Let me repeat that. The people God Himself created. Note that. Genesis 7:23 (NASB) puts it, Thus He blotted out every living thing that was upon the face of the land, from man to animals…

He was methodical and deliberate about it. God caused the rains to fall for Forty days and nights but before then he had given Noah a formidable task to build an ark to rigid specifications. God had enough time to think things over – maybe have a change of heart. After all, He is God. Sovereign. But the scripture in 1 Peter 3:20-21 (NASB) makes us to understand that The patience of God kept waiting in the days of Noah during the construction of the ark…

You should read about the reason in Genesis 6:5-7. The expressions of regret and grief seen here do not mean that God acknowledged the creation of man as a mistake on His part. God is omniscient, knowing all things (Ps 139:16) and He knew that mankind would come into sin and wickedness. God grieved over the sin of man because it was appropriate for Him to do so.

When people talk about marriage and emphasize that God hates divorce, they leave out salient considerations. No genuine person gets married and thinks of divorce in the same breath. Things happen. Life happens. Situations arise and cause, no compels people to do a reappraisal. If God can be fed up – exhausted with the humans he created; Genesis 6:5 (AMPC) The Lord saw that the wickedness (depravity) of man was great on the earth, and that every imagination or intent of the thoughts of his heart were only evil continually. – And proceed to wipe them off the face of the earth in flood, what can mere mortals like us do when faced with bad situations?

No mortal should force anyone into to any standards within marriage when it becomes a threat to life, peace and existence of another human. God is wise. God knows all, understands all, and remembers all. God is omniscient.

God sees our hearts.

God knows our motives.

What is it that you fear the most?

The words separation or divorce? Unplanned pregnancy? Abortion? Having a child out of wedlock? Single motherhood? Old and unmarried? Widowhood? Handicapped? Living with disabilities? There are so many things that life may throw at us – things that we never envisaged - that cause us to crumble in helpless regret.

What life event made you take a drastic measure?

We grow up with this amazing fantasy about life. We map out our itineraries and destinations without the slightest thought that anything could go wrong as youths. Oh! How the universe laughs at our naivety! This is my plan – it should go as I planned. And if does not go that way, we are tempted to give up.

This life we are given is a trial and a test. And tests and trials are never supposed to be easy. So when you are expecting ease from life – and it shows what a mess it can really be – you have to buckle up. There is no giving up! Trials make you a stronger and better person. Life is a trial. You must understand that. It is alright to pause and cry. It is okay to be scared. But giving up? Do not take that option.

Who finds the woman when she feels lost? Who rescues her when she is traumatized?

When we need help? To be seen? Heard? Loved? Granted compassion? Who is there for us? To listen? Women, one of the most gifted human species most often live beneath their true potential. Many have gone voiceless to silent graves because society has placed an invisible limit on how far they can rise. There are things my husband refused to understand about me. There was an unbridgeable chasm in our connection. There were emotional aches I did not know how to translate for him – producing an agitation in my spirit of an intense but yet undefinable struggle. Sometimes, I would say to myself, Perhaps he won’t listen. He never does. The hurt that drummed in my heart at his words. The searing lash of his fist. If it was normal as they said it was, why was my heart incapable of taking it without feeling the discomfort of agony?

Normal is used to describe the ordinary course of things, like breathing. Normal is the manner oxygen flows through my blood. Normal is the smile on a happy face. Normal is the standard, average, or typical type of something. Normal does not cause pain, agony, anguish and trauma. It is in an African man’s gene not to listen to the female. It is complex, yet simple. Many men see women as servants – as a means to an end, accessories for completion, trophies for acquisition – to be used and discarded. Everything is at the expense of the woman. But it is abnormal to treat a wife like a servant. A wife is a pillar, not a punching bag. A wife is a helpmate, not a housemaid. A wife is a treasure, and not a slave. Some of them know this.

Society and patriarchy makes the male gender complicit. Every man comes confidently – brazenly assured of the right to make demands and expect acquiescence, despite their own shortcomings. Whatever he wants. However he wants it. Whenever he wants it. They beg for nothing. Your body, your time, your very essence, and your identity. Some men will take all, given half the chance. Including your life. They take without saying please. Filled with an overbearing sense of entitlement, men set about laying down the rules. They create limitations and restrictions. They erect the barriers. They manufacture constraints. With their privileges, they hurt us in ways they have never had to understand. They cannot bear a quarter of the pain they dish out. Often, they reap the benefits of our internalized suppression and the silence of our normalized impediments. It happens because we are conditioned by religion, tradition, and society to submit. It is inherent. Only in an oppressive society would it be considered out of place for an adult woman to take control of her own life.

It happens because it is a cycle passed down through the generations from the custodians of patriarchy – men and the womenfolk - from our grandmothers, to our mothers, and unknowingly, unfortunately, to our daughters. It is what makes women feel pressed and oppressed by the straightjacket that imprisons potential. It is what keeps us broken, shrunken and diminished. It is what makes it harder to operate in a world where we are conditioned to not express our authentic truth, feel even our awesomeness, and think our freeing thoughts. It is what robs us of our identity and our liberty.

Our culture has accepted two huge lies. The first is that if you disagree with someone, you must hate them. The second is that to love someone means you agree with everything they believe or do. Both are wrong. You do not have to compromise convictions to be compassionate. Women do not need to be trained in self-doubt and self-limitation just as men should exercise their unsupported overconfidence with decency. Losing your voice is not fair and a simple act of kindness in considering other people’s feelings creates an endless ripple.

How I longed for a fair and equal deal!

I had cried so often it no longer made sense. I wept because I had spent 28 years of my life begging for crumbs, damping down and muffling my qualities, overcompensating for someone else’s inadequacies, fighting an unseen, yet merciless system – shrinking, contorting myself into something more easily consumed, more palatable for someone else, something not me. It was not normal. It is not normal when you become a stranger to yourself – when you no longer recognize the person in the mirror. That was why my heart was traumatized. A victim of daily abuse, constantly bashed on how I was not respectful enough of his authority – my soul wilting away as he craved admiration and an unreal sense of importance while lacking in any form of empathy toward me."

When I got married, I never thought about separation, least of all divorce. I never expected to be divorced. The word was an anathema to my spirit. My parents are still married as I write this, been married for 57 years. I held onto an abusive marriage for 28 years with a narcissist and I was exhausted. Fixing it is not mine anymore. But trusting God all the way is my responsibility. He will take care of it all as I hold onto His words in Romans 8:28 (NLT):

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

No sane person walks out of a healthy marriage. A healthy marriage isn’t always the perfect pictures you see on social media – with smiling faces and arms holding onto each other - it isn’t what you see from outside. It is what the people inside say it is. When a good person, male or female eventually walks out of a dysfunctional marriage, be assured that they have tried their utmost to make the union work. Know that they have walked away a million times in their mind already. Know that they have given it their all. Know that they are not keen of the prospect of being killed or becoming murderers themselves through the act of self-defense or domestic violence.

Our first option should never be divorce. The Bible says that God hates it. But when there is deliberate continuous and horrendous unrepentant actions – when one is overwhelmed with cruelty – when life is on the balance, the option looms out of the darkness and stares you right in the face. Forced marriage of minors is never okay. Divorce is never easy. Both are equally traumatizing and heartbreaking. But there is a saving and a healing when separation or divorce is chosen, when the center can no longer hold, instead of sinking into life threatening actions.

A healthy marriage should offer peace and comfort within its walls. When you keep complaining about a particular issue in a relationship and the other partner refuses to adjust or change, the person hasn’t loved you to the point where your pain registers with them. They don’t love you to the extent of making a deliberate sacrifice to alleviate what hurts you. Better to remain single than to be with the wrong person. You get more from life with less drama, fewer headaches and greater peace. A house is not a home without God’s love in it.

Woman, you are a Queen. You are Royalty.

Why should I hold onto a relationship with someone who is threatened by my dreams, my standards, my success, and my independence? Why would I want someone who delights in my brokenness?

As women feeling the brunt of the injustices, a change has to begin with you. As adults, you know what you want, what you deserve, and you should not let these outdated ideologies hold you back. When you stop buying into the idea that you have to shrink yourself in order to be attractive and fit into the constricting and archaic mold of your partner, you become less vulnerable. You are therefore, less likely to lower your standards to start, and remain stuck in relationships with people who do not deserve you. The person who wants you for all you can bring into the relationship will value, applaud and reward your resourcefulness, and not attempt to strip you of it.

What does it mean to look to the Lord in every situation? Spend quality time with God in nature. Spending time in prayer gives you strength as you are renewed by His Word. Remember, you are clothed with strength and dignity as a daughter of the King of the universe which you are."

Seek out the LORD and His strength; seek His face always. 1 Chronicles 16:11 (BSB).

What you’re not willing to walk away from is where you will get stuck. If you don’t let go of the wrong people, you’ll never meet the right people. If someone is not adding value to your life, making you better, pushing you into your destiny, you need to make a change.

Walk away from the situations that are enslaving you, robbing you of your strength and dignity. Are you not aware that you are arrayed as a royal? Let me remind you. The Bible in Proverbs 31:25 (NLT) says,

She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.

Dear Woman,

You are clothed with strength and dignity! That is your covering – a protective shield of accolade! You are worthy of honor and respect! Be brave enough to walk away from situations where you are being disrobed and stripped of your covering. You contaminate your spirit by yielding to actions that trample on your rights as a human being.

A virtuous woman is strong. Your virtue is not a measure of how helpless you are in the face of abuse, where your worth is reduced and your value debased. It is beneath your dignity to be treated as a slave, a lower mortal and called common. Your virtue is not rewarded by your willingness to be walked all over with contempt.

Speak your truth. The world will adjust. Claim your stage. With or without a cheering audience. Be careful of those you extend an invitation into your soul. Be patient with yourself. Nothing in nature blooms all year. Diamonds do not surrender to pressure. Everyone knows that. The hotter it gets, the better they become. Your strength must be greater than your adversity.

It is not going to be easy. It will be a painful process. It’s a journey you must take that will ultimately challenge everything you once believed; but once you make it safely to the other side, you will be emboldened to speak your truth and free others. Believe me when I say help will come to you. Great doors of favor will begin to open for you when you start trusting God with your journey towards purpose manifestation.

Imagine all the possibilities a better future has in store for you. Believe in yourself, and in the miracles within you and around you. Believe in the miracle of your creation and that of nature. The God who made such awesome wonders certainly, has a great purpose for you to accomplish.

Remember the reasons when you become fatigued on the journey, and are tempted to give up. Remember the reasons when people are intimidated by your strength and happiness, as they try to tear you down, and break your spirit. But also remember this, it is a reflection of their weakness, and not a reflection of you. Remember your dreams. Remember why you began the journey at the beginning. Remember the call of liberty. The call that told you, You are more than this. Remember the stirrings in your spirit for something more meaningful, more fulfilling, more enriching than the mediocre, mundane and ordinary existence that sapped your energy and dampened your spirit at the rising of the sun. We don’t get burned out because of what we do. We get burned out because we forget why we do the things we do.

I congratulate you for remembering the reasons. I salute your courage for finally getting to the point where you’ve finally had enough of being put down at every turn, disrespected, disparaged, despised, broken and crushed in spirit. For finally seeing your worth, and coming to the full realization that the life you were living was not measuring up to the plans of God for you.

I salute your courage for ending your silence, and finding the voice to speak out your truths. You have not let shame or what people will say hold you back. I commend your strength in naming your abusers and holding them accountable for the damage to your psyche. You are on your way to recovery by getting off your chest every vile, despicable act perpetrated against your person.

I salute you for wanting better, to be better and to do better. For no longer allowing yourself to be a willing, helpless victim of all manner of abuse. And most importantly, for taking back ownership of your life, one day at a time.

Arise! Woman, arise! Get rid of the things that exhaust your soul, steal your peace and make you doubt your potentials and abilities. There is no gain to be derived from holding onto things that reduce your self-worth. You have to separate yourself in order to elevate yourself. Let it go!

Look around you, woman. You are not alone on this journey. Brave and courageous women are all around you, taking what they imagine is their last valiant breath. Stay strong, woman. You are almost there! Don’t give up! Don’t surrender! Don’t yield the grounds you’ve gained.

Your aspirations are valid.

Liberty, is waiting!

REFLECTION:

Now I will break the yoke of bondage from your neck and tear off the chains of Assyrian oppression. Nahum 1:13 (NLT).

God has promised to break every chain that is trying to hold you back. With His favor on your life, you can begin to journey where man said it was impossible to go and achieve what they said is unachievable. Where you could not go on your own, favor will lead you there. It is only a matter of time. The words Here and There are differentiated by the letter T which denotes time. The time is coming when you are going to stand out and claim your inheritance. The set time is coming for God to turn things around in your favor. The time is coming for the anointing to propel you from ordinary to extraordinary, from common to uncommon, and from average to exceptional.

You are made of more. You are made for more!

Pushing back against all forms of abuse and oppression has become my new normal. None of these negative traits can operate in my frequency as I focus on my escape, my survival and my energy protection. I am healing in my psyche, my senses and my soul. I am a supernova that has set myself free. A rare star shinning brighter in a million brilliant explosions. I will not be obliterated by abuse. My destiny cannot be obliterated. My identity cannot be obliterated. Rather, I have