Don't Be a Dick: The Key to Effective Communication

By Jason Menard

Once upon a time, there was a man who believed in an ethical code of conduct when communicating. “Don't Be a Dick” started out as an inside joke, used towards people who's behaviour would hinder communication. Over time, this man discovered a growing epidemic. There was an overwhelming amount of people sabotaging conversations regularly. The concept of “Don't be Dick” could no longer remain unwritten. He forged three rules and categorized behaviours directly responsible for communication breakdowns. It is a concept he has adopted in his every day life to promote healthy communication.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Oct 21, 2019
• ISBN: 9781796065862

Jason Menard

Jason Menard is an author who has no prior published work. With over 15 years of experience in the social service field, he has a unique take, using humour to communicate openly and assertively. Jason lives in Glengarry County with his spouse Marie-Josée, their daughter Rosabelle and the family dog Mr. Neil.

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Copyright © 2019 by Jason Menard.

Library of Congress Control Number:   2019916308

ISBN:       Hardcover                     978-1-7960-6588-6

                 Softcover                        978-1-7960-6587-9

                 eBook                             978-1-7960-6586-2

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Rev. date: 10/21/2019

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CONTENTS

Preface

Author’s Credentials

Don’t be a jerk

Rule 1  Don’t Be a Dick

Rule 2  Know Your Audience

Rule 3  Never break up a girl fight

Conclusion

Acknowledgement

For my wife who believes she is the funny one and my daughter who has no clue how hilarious she really is.

Je t’aime

PREFACE

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious

Peter Ustiov

Why don’t be a dick? The reason I have decided to write this book is because I wanted to shed some light and humour on a harsh reality: people have lost the ability to be effective communicators. There is a surplus of dicks in our society and it is only getting worse.

Self-help books are a dime a dozen. We are drowning in a sea of advice books currently invading bookstore shelves and flooding the internet, it seems everyone is an expert on giving advice.

I am not an expert. The following pages contain my opinions regarding this growing epidemic. These opinions are based on my own personal experiences and not on research or facts. Rather than psychobabble I offer instead, just my views, my beliefs and a concept I have adopted in my everyday life.

I will be categorizing behaviours that take away from conversations and inhibit communication. I believe in removing these barriers as they are key elements responsible for communication breakdowns.

My goal is to make you laugh while bringing awareness to some of the behaviours we are guilty of during everyday interactions.

AUTHOR’S CREDENTIALS

I have an unfortunate personality.

Orson Welles

As previously mentioned, I am not an expert. I do not claim to be a smart man. I am not a scholar with a series of letters following my name. In fact, I am hardly an educated man. I am a dyslexic college graduate who has been working as a social service worker since 2005.

Since that time, I have worked with troubled youth involved with the law, often in collaboration with local school boards. I even worked briefly in a young offender correctional facility before moving into my current position where I work with teens and adults afflicted with a serious mental illness. In my capacity as an Intensive Case Manager in the mental health field, I continue to work closely with the justice system.

I consider myself to be competent and I am comfortable with my skills but by no means do I consider myself to be an expert. I get irritated with self-proclaimed experts and gurus who offer advice like they were tic-tacs. I believe the best weapons in my arsenal are my listening skills and my ability to be assertive. The art of communication is the strongest asset and the most useful tool I can possess in my trade.

I always find it fascinating to gauge people’s reaction when they find out about my job. Many people can’t picture me in the helping field. Often, my colleagues and I will get praised because of the population we serve. With very little information or insight, other than knowing what agency signs our paycheck, people will jump to the conclusion that we are selfless, noble or honorable individuals. As if they know anything about us? They wouldn’t be entirely wrong. I believe my colleagues have these qualities in spades, yet despite my skills and qualities, I am the first to describe myself as an asshole. It is a source of pride for me to be described as so. I am sure many clients, coworkers and community partners would agree with that statement. I say it like it is and often express what people are thinking but perhaps are too afraid (or too smart) to say. I am an asshole but not a dick. This distinction cannot be overemphasized. Knowing these discrepancies are the credentials I wear in writing this book.

DON’T BE A JERK

Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.

Steve Martin

The core concept behind this book started when a colleague and I were appointed to a new file. The referring source had indicated that this individual had a history of aggressive behaviour and was recently charged with assault causing bodily harm. Since he scored high on our violent risk assessment, our supervisor asked us to pair up when attending the client’s residence.

Intending to offer case management services, we journeyed together to meet this individual only to be denied access to his motel room. Week after week, we attended his place, only to hear him shouting profanities through his door. Sometimes he would peek through the curtains as he cursed and berated us. I kept thinking this guy was being a jerk while we were trying to help him. Relentlessly, we continued to travel to his motel room, refusing to give up on this man. Despite being denied entry and treated poorly, we would continue to try and reach this guy. After all, we believed that even someone who acts like a jerk deserved to be helped.

On a cold Tuesday morning we attended the client’s residence. We played rock paper, scissors to determine who would get the brunt of the abuse. My thought process was instinctive. …good ol’ reliable rock … nothing beats that. Except paper; paper beats rock which is what Mark played. In one fluid motion he pulled his hand away from our juvenile game, and adjusted the radio dial, enjoying his victory while listening to the band Halestorm. Defeated, I got out of the car and spotted the client. He was under the stairwell, shivering while enjoying a cigarette. Before I could make a sound, he looked at me and said, If it’s alright with you, I’d like to be left alone. Please don’t come back here anymore, and close my file. He didn’t shout or curse; he didn’t even raise his voice. His body language never changed. It was a very different approach when I consider his demeanor in our previous encounters. I handed him my business card as well as the card for the 24 hour crisis line. He was advised to contact us if he needed anything and I wished him well.

Shocked and surprised, Mark and I drove away from the motel parking lot and headed out for lunch. We were discussing the client’s file and his right to refuse any help. After all, the services we offer are voluntary and participation is not mandatory. It’s funny how effective communication can be when you are not acting like a jerk. It’s safe to say that this client was communicating the same message to us week after week. Our interpretation of the message was a different story. By removing the jerk attitude, all that was left were his words. No tone, no aggression, no behaviour; just his words.

We arrived at our typical Taco Tuesday joint and got in line. I ordered 4 soft shell tacos, refusing guacamole even before Lark (that’s the