By the Way, I Love You: My Journey

By Ama Vitam

Within these pages you will find a series of stories, that detail my escape from my past abusive life, and truths that tell of incredible tales of synchronicity.
In addition you will find:
Insight into my intuition and whispers from my soul.
Tales of heartwarming guidance from the Universe (my Higher Power).
Stories of my Karmic adventuresliving out my good deeds and bad deeds from previous lives, and trusting the very idea that you reap what you sow.
Lessons on the deep discoveries about myself and life, on this place we call Earth.
Stories of Trust, Letting Go, and surrendering to a Higher Power.
This is the story of a complete transformationthe rebirth of myself as a deeply spiritual person.
My book details the circumstances and events that speak of my journey to the deepest depths of my soula soul that has carried many patterns of behaviours, including parts of me that have been carried forward from lifetime to lifetime.
In this lifetime, in this existence, I was given the opportunity to extinguish those behavioursput them to rest, conquer and defeat them for evermore.
The purpose of this book is simply to share my journey with you, my beautiful children, and all those who want to change their lives, but just dont know where to start. It is a sharing of my triumphal journey to love and happiness, but most importantly for me, to freedom, the freedom of my soul to live in my Truth. This is what I feel inside my soul every day. I found the courage to take the leap.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Jun 23, 2014
• ISBN: 9781496920249

Ama Vitam

Ama Vitam was born in England. Her parents immigrated to New Zealand when she was five years old. By the age of 10 she and her family were living in Ontario, Canada. This has been her home ever since. While Ama is a very spiritual individual, she is also a surprisingly down-to-earth person. She is a mother of three children whom she loves dearly. That love is returned in full force. Ama has experienced and endured some difficult situations.Believing in her Higher Power, developing and understanding her intuition has helped her to let go and transform her life. Ama’s spirituality has continued to develop into a force that has permitted her to free herself from her past negative situations and live her life today in happiness and peace. Ama is a certified yoga instructor and licensed Reiki Practitioner with years of experience. She is a Yogini who has practiced yoga for more than 20 years. From early childhood Ama always had natural gifts of insight, clairvoyance, and Mediumship, and is sensitive to individual internal energies. She has experienced many forms of teachings through her journeys to ancient Tibetan monasteries, the Himalayas and the Annapurna mountain ranges in Nepal, healing retreats in Australia’s Burleigh Heads, Kirtan chanting rituals and meditation. Every experience has been a part of Ama’s incredible journey, and has led the way to her present life. As a practicing Buddhist, love and compassion are the words she lives by.

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© 2014 Ama Vitam. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Some of the people who appear in this book are presented as composite characters in order to protect their privacy, and the sequence of some of the events is adapted accordingly. But all the events are real.

Published by AuthorHouse 07/03/2014

ISBN: 978-1-4969-2025-6 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4969-2026-3 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4969-2024-9 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2014910751

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Contents

Dedication

Acknowledgements

Introduction

Kundalini Opening

Chapter 1   Where to Begin?

Chapter 2   Health Scare

Chapter 3   The Bus Stop Man

Chapter 4   Born This Way

Chapter 5   My Soul’s Connection to Reiki

Chapter 6   Angel’s Ghost

Chapter 7   Julia and I go to Australia

Chapter 8   Agnes and Yoga

Chapter 9   Dog Bites and Courage

Chapter 10   Heal the break

Chapter 11   Synchronicity

Chapter 12   Scary Snowplow story

Chapter 13   Sad Memories

Chapter 14   July 27th 2011

Chapter 15   Mirror talk

Chapter 16   The River takes the Ring

Chapter 17   C.J.

Chapter 18   Philia

Chapter 19   The Train Ordeal

Chapter 20   Birth of my Yoga & Reiki Healing Centre

Chapter 21   Nepal

Chapter 22   The Hug

Chapter 23   The Hitchhiker

Chapter 24   The Art of Letting Go

Chapter 25   Living in My Truth

Glossary of Terms

About the Author

Announcement from Ama Vitam

Dedication

I dedicate this book to my mother and my father, whom I chose as my parents (Buddhist philosophy). They honoured my choice in them by bringing me into this life, and I am grateful for their courage. I love you both with all my soul.

This is where my journey began, my birth into this present life……

Acknowledgements

My Three Children

What can I tell you my children, only that being blessed with you in my life is the very reason for my existence.

You chose me as your mother before you came, before your rebirth. How honoured am I that you would choose me. I am humbled in every way—that you trusted me enough to lead you on your life’s journey, this life’s experience.

Three gracious beings, perfect in every way. You came to me for the teachings of life, yet all of you have taught me so much. Each of you has filled me up with your unconditional love, the purest love of all. I feel it inside my soul every day.

Jude, you were the first to come, my first-born child; a Capricorn in every way. I visited a Medium when you were a little boy; she told me you were an Old Soul. Somehow I knew that already, the way you looked at me, when the doctor placed you in my arms for the very first time.

Bright red hair, long fingers and fair skin, I loved you the minute I saw you. Independent, disciplined and responsible, you have always been my helper. When you were a little boy, you used to say, Let me do that mommy, let me do that for you! It is comforting to know that you are always there for me. I appreciate you in every way.

You are a caring, sensitive, loving man—a strong friend, always there to lend a hand if need be. People like you, you can be trusted. You’re patient, ambitious, and an excellent leader. Hard work and determination have always been on your side. You have always embraced any kind of work; you have never been afraid to try anything. I have always been in awe of your courage, your strength and your ambition.

You are a great leader, with your keen sense of time and your ability to organize. You love the security of your home, you cherish your wife Bailey; and your love for your best friend—your dog Mocha, is heartwarming.

Thank you my son for giving me the greatest honour of being your mother. I have learned so much about patience, forgiveness and laughter from you. I love you unconditionally.

Jewele, my second-born child, my only daughter, you are Sagittarius without fault, you are a true firecracker. You looked at me with your big brown eyes moments after you were born. I felt a warm chill encompass my body; I could see you even then. A philosopher, an explorer, a beautiful, selfless soul—you have kept me on my toes since the day you arrived. You are independent, motivated, and well-adjusted.

You are guided by good luck, and hate to be bored. You demand tolerance from the people who adore you; no one ever gets angry with who you are. You are working hard to achieve the calling of your soul, nothing will stop you. What you share with your students is not from the ordinary. Your compassion and kindness, love and affection wins the hearts of every one of your students.

You treat your friends and acquaintances with respect and compassion. You expect the same in return from those who associate with you. You work best under pressure, much to my dismay sometimes. There has been many a call in the middle of the night to ask for my advice or just a comforting word. You are here to gain wisdom in this life-experience. You are doing this work with such grace. It is an honour to be a part of your journey this time. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for having the courage and the insight to call on me to be your Mom. I have learned so much about fearlessness, determination, and freedom from you. I love you unconditionally.

Jagger, my youngest, my son; you are Pisces without a doubt—an Indigo Child. When I was carrying you, before you were born, I was consumed with protecting you. Somehow I knew that when you came I would have to continue to protect you—protect you from the world. Your sensitivities are like no other. You feel beyond feeling. You are so deeply affected by your experiences and surroundings. Your imagination, your shyness, your soft and gentle voice are a display of who you are inside.

Your energy is the beauty of who you are. You have such natural-born creative talent. You are flawless with your entrepreneurial skills. You are a perfectionist, with an eye for colour and good taste. Your selfless nature, the easy-going you, makes it hard to get angry at you for any reason. I have an understanding of who you are. I see my own truth in you.

Your compassion for humans and animals alike is heartwarming. Your love for Mother Nature is where you best express yourself. Spending hours in the forest with you, seeing you relaxed and happy, smiling as we walk; it is these times we spend together that helps me to relax—to let my guard down and not worry so much about protecting you.

You have pure psychic gifts, this I know. Time and experience will allow these gifts to come forward. There is so much you need to do in this life experience. I will always be here for you, to support you and encourage you.

Not many people have an understanding of you. There is uniqueness in you that is rare. Don’t get discouraged; don’t let other people’s judgements matter. Let go and live how you want to live. You chose this rebirth, you chose me as your Momma; I am blessed that you trusted me enough. I have learned so much about my own sensitivities through you. You have taught me the value of the term easy going. I love you unconditionally.

Introduction

What can I tell you, my children of the world—only that this book is my truth.

Within these pages you will find a series of stories, that detail my escape from my past abusive life, true storeies that tell incredible tales of truth and synchronicity.

In addition you will find:

•   Insight into my intuition and whispers from my soul.

•   Tales of heartwarming guidance from the Universe (my Higher Power).

•   Stories of my Karmic adventures—living out my good deeds and bad deeds from previous lives, and trusting the very idea that you reap what you sow.

•   Lessons on the deep discoveries about myself and life, on this place we call Earth.

•   Stories of Trust, Letting Go, and surrendering to a Higher Power.

This is the story of a complete transformation—the rebirth of myself as a deeply spiritual person.

My book details the circumstances and events that speak of my journey to the deepest depths of my soul—a soul that has carried many patterns of behaviours, including parts of me that have been carried forward from lifetime to lifetime.

In this lifetime, in this existence, I have been given the opportunity to extinguish these behaviours—I am putting them to rest, conquering and defeating them for evermore.

The purpose of this book is simply to share my journey with you, my beautiful children, and all those who want to change their lives, but just don’t know where to start. It is a sharing of my triumphal journey to love and happiness, but most importantly for me, to freedom, the freedom of my soul to live in my Truth. This is what I feel inside my soul every day. I found the courage to take the leap.

I put my faith in trust and patience. I woke up, with every new sunrise on my journey—with the strength to carry on. This is what I want this book to bring to the world. I put faith and trust in my Higher Power. Inside where I was fearful, I let go. I embraced the soul-work with the guidance of the Universe. I chose life when my transformation began. In choosing to live, not only did I choose to do the work, but I surrendered to something much greater than myself.

Now, I have an obligation to make the world a better place than when I came, in whatever way the Universe guides me. I have surrendered myself to service.

Love, shine and be happy, my children of the world

Shanti, Shanti, Shanti OM.

—Ama

Kundalini Opening

My Kundalini opening refers to the moment or event when I became aware of the Kundalini energy within my body. Kundalini is innate for all people. At the base of the spine, subtler than the physical body, lies the Kundalini energy or spiritual energy. Regardless of what religious, spiritual, or meditation tradition you follow, the awakening of this energy, by whatever name you call it, is the innate, essential part of spiritual advancement, unfoldment or realization.

Kundalini is specific to your individual consciousness and spiritual development. When the Kundalini is awakened, the positive and negative qualities of the person will be magnified to a very high degree. Kundalini energy is like fertilizer. Whatever seeds are in the ground will be stimulated to grow. So whatever ancient seeds a person possesses, whether good or bad, they will be magnified. This is why a person going into the spiritual path experiences intense inner battles.

You may feel:

•   Different

•   Not fitting in

•   A deep dissatisfaction or yearning for inner development

•   Inner sensations of light, sound and heat

•   A heightened inner or outer awareness

•   Increased sensitivity

•   Feelings of energy flowing within

•   Compassion and a desire to help others.

There are many signs and signals, messages too, if you like. Know that if you experience a Kundalini opening it is a great gift. Do not be afraid. Embrace, trust and have the courage to listen to your intuition. Let it be your guide.

Kundalini openings are not all the same, but here is what happened to me: I had read a few pages in the book I held in my hands, while lying on my back, comfortable as could be. I felt myself relaxing, drifting off; I put the book down so I could rest. I fell asleep for only a few minutes; suddenly I could sense that I was in a semi-conscious state, asleep but aware of my body.

There was a light behind my closed eyes. It was a light that shone so brightly, it was blinding me. I couldn’t open my eyes; I couldn’t wake myself up. All of a sudden I could sense myself take a long, deep breath. It was the deepest breath I had allowed myself to inhale since my biopsy operation a week or so before. I couldn’t control the breath; it was controlling me.

What I was experiencing was intense; it was my Kundalini opening. I had not been witness to anything like this before. What became noticeable to me was the most peaceful warmth. It was tender and soothing. It encompassed my entire physical body. I was prompted to exhale. When I did I felt a blissful sense of calmness and peace come over me.

But the light was still there, even more radiant than before. I instinctively inhaled another fierce breath. Again, my lungs filled with oxygen. I began to come alive from my semi-conscious state.

I lay quietly, reflecting on what I had experienced. What had just occurred? I wondered. My intuition revealed a whisper—it was a release, a long-awaited letting go, a Kundalini awakening.

I felt the hands of courage on my shoulders. As I relaxed some more, I knew everything was going to be okay. With emotion surrounding every cell in my body, I knew my life had begun to adjust. A shift and transition was beginning to unfold. This was the message, the whisper from the Universe. My life would never be the same again. I felt the happiest I had ever felt in my life. I felt the most intense sense of freedom.

February 2010

Chapter 1

Where to Begin?

Hold the vision, trust the process.

Where to begin? For so many years, more than I care to remember now, I had felt such despair and unhappiness. I had no idea what it really felt like to feel joy or peace. I wasn’t able to embrace myself in a beautiful moment, not any kind of happy, beautiful moment at all; no matter how hard I tried. Neither the sun, the moon, the stars, nor my everyday life brought me any warmth at all.

I had no idea what it felt like to feel happy. What was happiness anyway? I always seemed to be questioning this now. I felt a little scared sometimes because I hadn’t felt any kind of bliss in my body for so, so long. I felt that I was shrivelling up slowly and disappearing. I felt like I was completely lost, a lost soul. I felt like I had lost all sense of who I was. I didn’t know me at all. I was invisible to myself, a nothingness, a lifeless body with no sense of identity. I didn’t know how to open the space in my heart to permit pleasure or delight. I had no sense of my intuition, no connection to my soul at all. I felt like I had nearly shut down completely.

This had been happening for a long, long time. Over time of course, it had become a continuing process. Here I was, faced with the truth in this moment of my contemplation. I had given all of myself away, every single part of me. I was lost in my name, Ama. My name was all that I really knew of me. I had lost my truth, my purpose, and control over my life. I was walking, breathing, living and existing like a robot—a robot with an intricate program which was wired for responsibility, duty and honour. Had I been brainwashed all these years by a force so strong that I couldn’t resist and reflect it? I had been taken over by some sort of energy that was so negative that it had eaten me up, and spit me out until I was completely void of my soul.

I was the program of a robot and it was becoming more and more difficult to follow. I could feel my energy shifting and changing. There was more and more unhappiness inside, each and every day. I felt like I was dying. And yet somehow I could identify with some of these feelings inside of me. They were becoming increasingly more familiar.

They were emotions, I realized, that I had been carrying around with me my whole life, ever since I was a child. There had always been this soft whisper when I was growing up—a whisper that came from somewhere outside of me, that kept telling me, You’re a good person, you’re a great person. Someday you’re going to do something amazing, and it’s going to allow you to feel the love that your soul so desires. I wanted to feel that love that the voice was telling me about. I had a hunger, a yearning and a craving to connect with what I knew with all of my heart was buried deep inside me—pure, unconditional love.

Then one day, ever so unexpectedly, my life changed. A moment when everything that was, was no more. Everything had to be different now, and I was ready. I recognized the opportunity immediately and I didn’t hesitate to answer the call of the Universe. I chose Life.

Here is what had happened: One day I ended up in an ambulance on my way to the hospital. It was just a series of events, but I knew my spirit guides had picked that day for me. From that day in the hospital, for four months I thought I was dying. I was given some news and told that I was dying. And yet when the news came to me, just in a moment, just in a flash, looking into my doctor’s eyes, I chose life, and I knew I was going to be okay, and I knew my life was going to change.

This is how my journey began. This is where my story starts.

That chosen day, when everything inside me began to shift and change, I was being ever-so-gently guided, led by my will to find myself, my truth. I was being steered into a world of wonder, amazement and awe. It was a journey to the deepest depths of my soul. There was a cleansing of old patterns, torn one by one away from the tar that kept the dysfunction attached to my soul. Everything that I knew to be my reality was breaking down. There was a shedding of every layer of myself. The psychological behaviours that held me trapped and bound in my unhappy state were peeling away one by one—one layer at a time.

I had been offered a gift which I humbly accepted. I have never looked back and I am honoured and grateful for every step that I have trod on my path to freedom.

Chapter 2

Health Scare

A good laugh and a long sleep are the two best cures for anything.

The year is 2007, I’m 48 years old. I feel a bit panicked—it comes and goes. I am beginning to recognize that in only two years, I’m going to be 50. My mom died at 50—ovarian cancer—and it keeps crossing my mind periodically. I have this weird feeling that something’s going to happen to me at 50. It is scaring me a little, this feeling every time I think about it. It’s a gut feeling deep inside. In 2009 I celebrated my 50th birthday and sure enough, there it was, that health scare that I had anticipated two years earlier. I had a premonition and now it was showing itself to me.

Through a sequence of events one day, I end up in an ambulance. I follow up with my family doctor. Before I know it I’m booked for a biopsy. I am dealing with a lung cancer, or so the doctors have told me. For four months I thought I may be dying, four incredible months.

Here’s what happened: In the middle of an ordinary work-week I woke up during the night with a pain in my left eye. It hurt enough to wake me up. I remember stumbling into the bathroom half asleep, to see if I could find what was causing such discomfort. Whatever it was, it was painful. I didn’t have any luck so I went back to bed. My eye was stinging but I managed to fall back to sleep. The next morning the pain was nearly gone.

I got ready for work as usual, went downstairs to my home office and decided to email my friend Bonnie. I couldn’t stop thinking about the eye pain from the night before. In my email I mentioned that I had experienced this pain in my left eye.

Bonnie’s reply was, You should check it out; it sounds like a symptom of a stroke. I laughed—Bonnie was always too dramatic.

But I called my optometrist. I