Chasing Perfection: A Journey to Healing, Fitness, and Self-Love

By Rachel Brooks

Do you ever ask life's tough questions - 

Who am I? What's my purpose? What's holding me back? Why?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Author Academy Elite
• Release date: Jun 23, 2020
• ISBN: 9781640859166

Book preview

Chasing Perfection:

A Journey to Healing, Fitness,

and Self-Love

Rachel Brooks

Chasing Perfection © 2020 by Rachel Brooks. All rights reserved.

Printed in the United States of America

Published by Author Academy Elite

PO Box 43, Powell, OH 43035

www.AuthorAcademyElite.com

All rights reserved. This book contains material protected under International and Federal Copyright Laws and Treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without express written permission from the author.

Identifiers:

LCCN: 2019913431

ISBN: 978-1-64085-914-2 (paperback)

ISBN: 978-1-64085-915-9 (hardback)

ISBN: 978-1-64085-916-6 (e-book)

Available in paperback, hardback, and e-book

Any Internet addresses (websites, blogs, etc.) printed in this book are offered as a resource. They are not intended in any way to be or imply an endorsement by Author Academy Elite, nor does Author Academy Elite vouch for the content of these sites and numbers for the life of this book.

Book design by JetLaunch.

Cover design by Debbie O’Byrne

Dedication

To my mother.

"You have to be your own best friend first

before you can be someone else’s."

You were right.

The Story of the Butterfly

A man found a butterfly in its cocoon. He sat and watched the butterfly for hours as it struggled to force its body through the little hole at the end.

Eventually, the butterfly stopped making progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as possible, and it could go no farther. The man decided to help the butterfly, so he took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly now emerged easily, but it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings.

The man continued to watch the butterfly. He expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand, the body would contract, and the butterfly would flutter away. But that didn’t happen. Instead, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It would never fly.

In his kindness and haste, what the man did not understand was that the struggle required for the butterfly to free itself of the cocoon’s tiny opening were nature’s way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that the butterfly would’ve been capable and ready for flight once it achieved its freedom. The struggle was necessary for it to achieve flight.

– Author Unknown

Table of Contents

Note to the Reader

Introduction

1. The Makeup: One of the Boys

2. The Crutch: Cloaked in Shame

3. The Failure Cycle: Do More, Be More, Repeat

4. Poker Face: Love and Loss

5. Best I Ever Had: Where’s the Peanut Butter?

6. The Beautiful Disaster: Pitfalls of Paradise

7. Silent Tears: Playing the Blame Game

8. Inside the Tomb: Whoever Yells the Loudest Wins

9. I Don’t Have Time: When the Student Is Ready

10. Gymtimidation: As Real as a Stepford Wife

11. The Gift of Inspiration: Accepting Humility and Confidence

12. Finding Freedom: Surrender to Self

13. Go Home: Let Go and Forgive the Unforgivable

14. The Comeback: Conquering Fear with Love

15. The Gift: Finding the Silver Lining

16. F’it! The Power of Our Words

Acknowledgments

Notes

About the Author

Note to the Reader

Dear Reader,

Thank you for picking up a copy of Chasing Perfection. If you’re like me, you’re probably wondering, why this book? Maybe you, too, are a perfectionist, or you’re looking for ways to cultivate self-love or recently embarked on a fitness journey of your own, or perhaps you’d like to know if the chase ends. Whatever the reason is, I hope you find it throughout my story.

So, why Chasing Perfection? I asked myself the same question. The best way I can answer that is, we’re all chasing something. For me, I chased perfection. As silly as it sounds, now, without it, I wouldn’t be where I’m at today, sharing the journey.

When writing a book was first suggested to me, I scoffed. Immediately, my guard went up, and I turned the suggestion down. I let fear decide and do the talking for me. Who? Me? Write a book?

The truth was, I was terrified. As I opened my mouth, my insecurities screamed, I’m not a writer. I’m not an expert. I’m not good; I’m not this, that, and so on. I believed the excuses to be valid, leading me to question and doubt myself. Who am I? Who am I to share my story? Who am I to write a book? As much as I wrestled with this idea, the suggestion had planted a seed.

Who am I? Fear reminded me. Somewhere buried inside, I heard the same voice in a small whisper ask, who are you not to share your story? If not you, then who? Then, it hit me. If this is the same voice, why am I choosing to listen to the negative one? I believe we all struggle to decipher which voice to listen to, and the one I’d been choosing for most of my life was the one I fed—fear. It was then I decided differently. I chose positive over negative and saw the good in myself and my story.

As someone who chased perfection and other’s highlight reels for way too long, I made a promise to myself to always show up, not just for myself but for others. I vowed to be as honest and transparent as possible, including what I share in this book. Spoiler alert—life isn’t just the highs, and perfection doesn’t exist.

We’re all flawed. We’re all perfectly imperfect, and as promised, I lay out what all of that looks like in the pages that follow.

While writing this book was one of the most challenging projects I’ve ever created, it was also a rewarding, therapeutic, and cathartic process—a labor of love.

Throughout Chasing Perfection, I share some of my deepest, darkest, most secretive, and heartbreaking moments, including ones that I’ve suppressed for years, as they were too painful to relive. These may trigger or be sensitive topics to some readers, so take note before diving in. There were times while writing that I got choked up while reading sections back, and parts that truly moved me. But this isn’t just my story; it’s a part of my story. To counter lows, we experience highs. I also share some of my best moments, the moments that bring me joy, make me grin from ear to ear, and still light me up—even to this day. This is all part of the journey of life—ebbs and flows, highs and lows, ups and downs.

Throughout this book, perhaps you’ll find parts that resonate with you and your story. We are more alike than we are different, and I encourage you to take the lessons I’ve learned and use them to shortcut whatever you’re going through. To know where we’re headed, we must first understand where we’ve been. Through experiences of my own, I hope to give back and inspire, encourage, and empower you to embrace a life filled with passion and purpose.

As we go through life, we look for evidence to support our stories, lies, and beliefs, and for many, we don’t take the time to address what’s holding us back. Instead, we push it aside or add to our oversized, overweight baggage collection. Whatever we hold on to will continue to hold on to us. For years, I carted mine around, busting at the seams, unaware of what I’d carefully and cautiously packed away. While unpacking and sifting amongst my life’s collections, I finally found what I’d been looking for. And even though everyone’s journey is different, I hope your outcome is the same, to find what you’ve been chasing after.

I hope as you read this, you feel my underlying wish for you to become your best and most confident self. I wish you a life filled with incredible love, joy, peace, happiness, and freedom. I want you to achieve everything you want in life. My wishes for you are the same wishes I had for myself, but that’s all they were—wishes.

I’m here today to tell you wishes do come true and not in some far off, fairytale way, but in a way in which your soul feels ignited from within. The dreams you’ve dreamt that felt way too big and scary, the life you silently watched as others live your dreams. All of those things are possible with action.

Although there are many takeaway lessons shared in this book, it’s up to you to choose what to do with them. It’s up to you to choose the outcome of your life. Everything comes down to the choices we make. What we choose will determine our destination. We have the power to choose truth over lies, love over hate, confidence over doubt, faith over fear, and courage over comfort.

These choices require courage to step up, be bold, be brave, and own who you are. If you desire more, you must change what you’re currently doing. It means loving and accepting yourself. It means getting to the root of who you are and healing the wounds that hurt the most. It means letting go of what no longer serves you. It means no more shame, no more guilt, no more baggage. It means forgiving and setting yourself free.

You deserve more. I believe you were created to shine; you have to believe, though, or it will have no impact on your life. You must love yourself and know you’re worth it. The key to unlocking your destiny is found in the power of your choices.

As I look back, I’m excited about the future. No matter where you are in life, whether it be your personal journey or fitness journey, I want more for you—you deserve more. You were destined for greatness!

Upon completion of Chasing Perfection, in 2018, I applied everything I’ve learned and teach throughout this book back onto the fitness competition stage and won! When you get out of your own way, you become unstoppable. This is the message I hope you take from my story, and this book altogether—you have the power to create your own story.

Love yourself.

You are worth it.

You are enough.

XO,

Introduction

I distinctly remember the first time I stepped into my silver hologram suit and heels to practice my posing for the 2012 bikini competition. I looked in the mirror and shuddered at the thought of what I’d gotten myself into. At that moment, I wanted to quit, but I’d made a commitment and was willing to do whatever it took, even if it meant putting myself on the line.

Now, four months later, I was standing backstage, looking into the crowd of 400-plus people cheering loudly. The lights were hot and bright, and the music and energy amped up. This was it; this was the moment I’d been waiting for. Practically naked, shaking in my five-inch heels and heart pounding, I listened for my number to be called. Suddenly, I felt embarrassed.

What was I thinking? Every insecurity was on display, every flaw exposed. How did I get here? Despite my small upper body, my thick legs dominated my frame, followed by my wide hips and butt to match. Although my stretch marks and cellulite were covered with layers of spray tan, they didn’t feel hidden. I knew they were there, and that’s all that mattered. Fundamentally, I hated myself, and now I was about to parade all my flaws on stage.

On public display, I felt naked and vulnerable. As much as I tried to walk in five-inch heels with grace and poise, my body language gave me away. I had zero confidence in myself, my body, or my presentation—everything was on the line.

Looking into the sea of hundreds of expectant people, I was at the mercy of the judges. I hoped all my hard work was enough. I hoped I was enough. That’s all I could think. I was vulnerable—nowhere to hide, totally exposed. In a matter of minutes, my fate would be decided as I paraded my body across the stage to be judged.

Standing there, nervous, shaking, grinning a fake, cheesy smile, and waiting for the judges to give the command for the next pose, I knew deep down that I’d failed. I didn’t belong here. I wasn’t enough. It was at that moment, trying so hard to be something I was not, knowing my heart wasn’t in it, that I felt myself fade. There was nothing I could do but finish and pretend everything was fine.

I had hoped that if I pretended to be someone else—if I wore the right masks, appeared as the person the judges wanted me to be—it would be worth the sacrifices. In my mind, it was all for the greater good.

After the prejudging, I knew I hadn’t placed. I felt a heaviness inside. I left for our break and burst into tears as my inner critic raged ferociously. I could hear it above my sobs, You knew you weren’t good enough. What were you thinking? You were never going to win.