The Marriage Manual: Through the Eyes of Almighty God-Marriage God's Way

By Ainsley H. Duff

Rationale for the book.
Marriage is under serious attack from the forces of evil. There is much deception in the world and, sad to say, this deception is coming even from the pulpit. The idea that God does not want you to suffer and will understand your decision to divorce your spouse is not scriptural and can have eternal consequences for those who do this. If you do not forgive that spouse you are about to divorce, neither will your Heavenly Father forgive your decision to divorce. Even if you have already been divorced and remarried, forgiving those who hurt you is a prerequisite for receiving forgiveness from God, for your sins.
God has given clear instructions, in His Word, about marriage and what he expects from such a union. But, what has happened is that we have taken Gods Grace and Mercy as excuses to create a God who sits in Heaven just handing out forgiveness and blessings to us as we continually live in disobedience to His word, while at the same time expecting Him to pour out financial and other rewards to us. God used the prophet, Hosea, to demonstrate to us that He hurts as we go a whoring from Him after our gods, whether in the form of wealth, sex or any of the many other gods we place before Him. Dont forget that another name for Jehovah is Jealous and He is a jealous God.

This book seeks to look at marriage from the aspect of Gods directions to us as stated in the Bible. It also takes a look at some of the marriages of biblical figures such as Adam and Eve, Joseph and Mary, King David and his wives, King Ahab and Jezebel among others. Men and women are different in all their aspects and this must be taken into consideration as they make that decision to walk lifes path together as husband and wife, as God in His wisdom has laid out clear instructions to us with regards to our roles in this union. He is clear on children and how they should be brought up as well as how they should relate to their parents in the family. The roles of the father and of the mother are clearly outlined as well as when the dissolution of union through divorce is allowed by God. It is hoped that marriages will benefit as a result of the contents found between the covers of THE MARRIAGE MANUAL.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Nov 22, 2014
• ISBN: 9781499084320

Ainsley H. Duff

Ainsley Howard Duff is a retired teacher with some 39 years teaching experience in Guyana and the Caribbean. He was married for seventeen years and has three children. He is a born again believer in the Lord Jesus Christ who was called to the Ministry in 1993. He holds a Bachelor’s Degree in Technical Education from the University of Guyana and served as Headmaster of the Kingston Practical Instruction Centre, Georgetown, Guyana from 1985-1990. He also recently served for a short period (in 2014) as Administrator of the Kuru Kuru Training Centre in Guyana.

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Copyright © 2014 by Ainsley H. Duff.

Library of Congress Control Number:   2014920592

ISBN:   Hardcover   978-1-4990-8433-7

Softcover   978-1-4990-8434-4

eBook   978-1-4990-8432-0

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted

in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system,

without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

All scriptural references are taken from the King James Version of the Bible.

Rev. date: 11/22/2014

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CONTENTS

Acknowledgments

Preface

Introduction

Chapter 1 What is Marriage?

Chapter 2 God’s Plan for My Marriage

Chapter 3 We Serve A Direct God

Chapter 4 The Story of Esther

Chapter 5 Other Marriages in the Bible

Chapter 6 Problems in Marriages

Chapter 7 God’s Promises for My Marriage

Chapter 8 What Would Satan Do?

Chapter 9 We Wrestle Not Against Flesh And Blood.

Chapter 10 The Husband’s Authority

Chapter 11 The Wife’s Authority

Chapter 12 What About The Children?

Chapter 13 What about Divorce?

Chapter 14 The Devil Is Defeated

Chapter 15 And They Lived Happily Ever After

Chapter 16 Conclusion

The great mystery of Ephesians 5:32 revealed.

Who is really created in the image of God? Man? Woman? Or mankind in general?

A must read for every married person, divorced person, marriage counselor, pastor and everyone interested in what the Bible has to say on this topic.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

T he writer would like to express his appreciation to the following persons. First and foremost, the Lord Jesus Christ whose calling it is for me to write this book, and without whose expressed plan, through a word of prophesy, I would not have undertaken this venture. God designed it this way.

To my proof readers / editors, Ms. Pamela Hytmiah and Ms. Yonette Duff, who undertook the arduous task of meticulously reading and re-reading the script to find the repetitions and errors, I must acknowledge you. Ms. Joy Alleyne also offered wise suggestions on how to make it better. I do appreciate the contributions of my sisters to this project.

Finally, this book is dedicated to my dear departed parents, who battled through the thick and thin of marriage; who really meant for better or worse when they made that vow. My father, James Alexander Fitzroy Duff, retired Assistant Superintendent of the Guyana Police Force, and Mother, Enid Arabella Lucretia Duff, nee Smartt did not have a marriage made in heaven. But, if I had to live life all over again, I would have none other than the very couple as my parents. I can recall my dear mother, with her sight almost gone as she battled diabetes, saying to me Son, if I had to live life again I would do some things differently. So many times, the man takes the brunt of the blame for the problems in the home and maybe rightly so, since his divine task is to take that responsibility; but the helpmeet has a responsibility too and Mom was honest. What a Woman!

PREFACE

T he purpose of this book is to examine marriage from the aspect of God’s directions to us as stated in the Bible. It also takes a look at some of the marriages of biblical figures such as Adam and Eve, Joseph and Mary, King David and his wives and King Ahab and Jezebel. Men and women are different in all aspects and this must be taken into consideration when they make that decision to walk life’s path, together, as husband and wife since God, in His wisdom, has laid out clear instructions to us with regards to our roles in this union. He is clear on children and how they should be brought up, as well as how they should relate to their parents in the family. The roles of the father and of the mother are clearly outlined as well as when the dissolution of the union, through divorce, is allowed by God. These are also some of the areas covered by this book. It is hoped that marriages will benefit as a result of the contents found between the covers of THE MARRIAGE MA NUAL.

INTRODUCTION

S o you are married, or you would love to be married. What does this mean? Have you considered the enormity of the task you have taken (or are about to undertake)? Marriage is not for children, the selfish, the ungrateful, and the immature or, for that matter, the insane. If you are a selfish person or any other of the foregoing, you will find marriage a very difficult undertaking indeed. If you have baggage from the past, you will be your own worst enemy in this venture. Marriage is not for the faint hearted, but for the strong in faith - the God given faith: the faith which moves mountains. As you read this book, it is my hope that it will cause you to see marriage from a biblical perspective. I have heard many gifted preachers preach the Word and apply it to our lives. They preach the Word in the context of how we live our lives today. I would like us to take our marriages and hold them up against God’s standard without any conditionality and see if we do meet His standards. I have heard people talk about the historical perspective of the Bible, or the pervading culture at the time the Bible was written but we must also keep in focus, that the eternal word of God does not change and God is not influenced by any of these circumstances as stated in His Word: I am the Lord. I change not. His word is for all peoples, for all seasons, all cultures, all situations, and for all t imes.

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God’s word is for all peoples, all seasons, all cultures, all situations, and for all times.

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I once watched a TV programme sometime in the 90’s during which I heard a woman say that if her daughter brings home someone, she would ask her: What can he do for you? That is a most selfish and pathetic position for a mother to hold as she feels that her daughter must get into a relationship based on, not what she can give to the relationship, but rather what she can get out of the relationship. Now, everything we use will be depleted through that usage or consumption and must be replenished if we are to continue to have access to same. This is a law of nature. If we then just make withdrawals on our relationships, (just gimme, gimme, and more gimme) without giving back, our relationships will become bankrupt and we will soon be looking for another source from which to receive. In other words, we will be prostituting ourselves - selling ourselves to the highest bidder. Give and it shall be given unto you… (Luke 6:38). We are commanded by Jesus to be givers. For that matter, He said that it is more blessed to give than to receive (Acts 20:35). Women have been advised that the man who proposes, must have a job and or a home, as a sign that he can take care of a wife and family, and that may be a noble position to hold, but permit me to ask this question: "What about all those men who meet these requirements and still fail as husbands and fathers? Are you sure it is in the j-o-b? Do permit me to humbly suggest that even if neither spouse is working, if they really do love each other, the …and they lived happily ever after" kind of love, i.e. talking about AGAPÉ love for each other, they will not only survive, but they will find a way to succeed in life where others fail; and I make no reference here to the love we have in our cranium or that which goes no further than our hips, but rather the love which a Holy and Righteous God speaks of. I know working, qualified people who are doing badly in marriage and people who are not as educated who are happily married.

I have seen less educated people who are working as janitors or security guards build their own homes, and establish businesses to supplement their incomes while people, who are university graduates, fight over position and power in the home and end up in the divorce court. The secret is not in the j-o-b, but in the L-O-V-E. God commanded us to love one another and if He stressed love, so should we. Yes, you may say, but what about the statement: if a man does not work he should not eat That’s in the Bible. Yes it is, but the command to love takes precedence over that. God commands that even if your enemy should ask for a drink of water, you should give it to him. That example includes anything else of which they may have need hence, the L-O-V-E is the important factor here.

There are many authors who have written books from the perspective of what couples ought to do to keep the spark in or put the spark back into their marriages. But the question arises: What do you do when you have tried all that you can, and there is no response from your spouse as a result of a bitter spirit due to unforgiveness? One must be very clear what the word of the Lord has to say about marriage. There are no options attached to God’s commandments to us, as He is very direct and to the point in everything He says. Do enjoy reading this book and may you be so blessed by it that your marriage becomes, not necessarily a happy marriage based on your standards, but rather a successful one in the eyes of the Lord.

Sometimes, we try to be so deep and intellectual that ordinary people are not blessed by what we say. I do think that there is a place for simplicity in our lives and maybe now is such a time. May this book be simple enough for everyone to understand; yet profound enough, with deep truths from the word of God, to help us in our marriages. Do have a successful marriage by the grace of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.

Ainsley Duff

CHAPTER 1

What is Marriage?

A t a time when there is so much confusion concerning the definition of marriage, this book takes a look at what the Bible has to say about the institution of marriage, which is the first institution created by God - yes it came even before the church. With the advent of gay marriages, there is bound to arise in the minds of some people questions regarding the legitimacy of this new trend in matrimony. We must, however, go beyond man’s interpretation of scripture and know for ourselves what the word of God says about this topic. In the beginning, after God created the heavens and the earth, he created man and woman. This is how it is recorded in the script ures:

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.

And God blessed them and God said unto them, Be fruitful and multiply, and replenish the earth… (Genesis 1: 28a)

In the day that God created man, in the likeness of God made He him;

Male and female created he them; and blessed them, and called their name Adam, in the day when they were created. (Genesis 5:1&2)

N.B. God called both male and female Adam when they were created because the female came out of the male, and when the male, Adam, named the female, Adam, he called her Woman. It is after the fall in the Garden of Eden that the Woman was renamed Eve as she is the mother of all creation. In Genesis Chapter 2:20, we see Adam naming all the livestock, birds and other animals. Adam named all the living creatures, including his wife Eve. My King James Bible does not say that both male and female are created in the image of God as has been taught in some instances, and if it is a problem with the translation then it should be corrected.

After God had created Adam and Eve, he said:-

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh

And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. (Genesis 2: 25)

You do not need to be a rocket scientist to see what transpired in the Garden of Eden on the sixth day of creation. God made a man and a woman who He told to be fruitful and multiply. Yes, it is a commandment of God that we should, within the boundary of