Men to Avoid...: And Other Scraps of Advice for Young Women

By Alex Harding-Brown

The books primary purpose is to help young women avoid painful mistakes with men and money. The first two chapters are focused on men to avoid, or to look at very carefully. The third deals with the psychology of male sexuality and is unusual in that no statistics are involved. The fourth and fifth are about money. The last two chapters are about hardware and cooking utensils and were written to be helpful to a young woman who is moving into her first apartment.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Jun 21, 2013
• ISBN: 9781483650210

Alex Harding-Brown

Alex Harding-Brown is the androgynous pen name of a teacher who has had many years to observe the problems of young women. During 20 years as a teacher at a number of colleges most of Harding-Brown’s students have been women aiming for careers in health care. Equally as important are experiences as a spouse, a parent of 3 daughters, and a grandparent of 5 girls. Strong likes include members of the opposite sex, dogs, and beautiful cookware.

Book preview

Men to Avoid…

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And Other Scraps of Advice

For Young Women

Alex Harding-Brown

Copyright © 2013 by Alex Harding-Brown.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Rev. date: 06/18/2013

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Contents

Introduction

Chapter I Men to Avoid

Chapter II Men to Think Hard About

Chapter III About Male Sexuality

Chapter IV Windfalls

Chapter V Compound Interest and Mortgages

Chapter VI A Trip to the Hardware Store

Chapter VII My Favorite Cooking Utensils

Chapter VIII A Request

Postscript Recommended Reading

Acknowledgements and Sources

A Note of Thanks

Writing does not come easily to me. I would never have finished this little book without the encouragement of a number of wonderful, middle-aged divorcées. Thank you, wherever you are.

—A.

Two old German proverbs that reflect

some of the themes of this little booklet:

Heiraten in Eile bereut man mit Weile.

(Married in haste, repent at leisure.)

Gottes Mühlen mahlen langsam, aber

Trefflich klein.

(The mills of the gods grind slowly, but they

grind exceedingly small.)

Introduction

T he original purpose of this little book was plain and simple. I wanted to help young women to avoid some of the pain associated with sad and ugly relationships and marriages. Later I added material about money and other topics that I hope will be useful and interesting. Women often come out on the short end of things. And I’m sorry to tell you that things are not getting much better. Along with women’s increased freedom has come an abrogation of responsibility on the part of many men. Don’t get the idea that I’m against men. I just want you to pick a good one. The booklet begins with a chapter on men to avoid.

Note the word avoid. There may be some exceptions. Indeed, it is partly because of several exceptions who turned out to be pretty good husbands that I have chosen to write under an androgynous pen name. I don’t want to hurt any feelings. The second chapter is focused on men who may look okay, but are likely to present serious problems downstream. Look them over carefully. The third chapter is about male sexuality. It is unusual in that it employs poems rather than statistics. Less controversial are the final chapters that deal with hardware and money. I’m particularly proud of some the advice about money. It was written well before the downturn of 2008 and a person who followed my advice would have done well.

As you read the chapters about men I don’t want you to think that you’re getting the opinions of a grumpy old woman or of an angry father. I just want you to consider my thoughts on their merits, not dwell on their source. I will tell you this much: I didn’t want to write these chapters. I had hoped that someone else would do the job. In fact, I had two very different candidates in mind. The first is a female divorce lawyer in her late forties. She knows all about men and about trouble. Following high school she got involved with drugs. Things went down hill for several years. Her lowest point was a stint in a brothel. She was rescued by a wealthy neighbor who encouraged her to enter a community college. From the community college she proceeded to our state university where she majored in history. An inspiring teacher encouraged her to go to law school. In the end she became a lawyer and specialized in helping women with problems. Once she even told an intimate friend, You’d be surprised how much you can learn from all the naked men you’ll see in a whore house. Unfortunately, this lady did not appear to write the pamphlet. Another candidate was a Catholic priest. From hearing perhaps a thousand confessions over the years he really knows about the failings of the male sex. At age 50 he was released from his vows and became a lawyer. How I wish he had come forward to write some advice for young women. And that leaves me. All I’m going to tell you about myself is that I’m old and with a few exceptions have seen everything described in the following pages. And I hope you will not be able to guess my sex.

Chapter I

Men to Avoid

The Smoker

I n the year 2009, the year in which I wrote this chapter, a guy who still smoked was simply out to lunch. There are so many good reasons for not smoking that a man who smokes shows himself to be unimaginative, ill informed and lacking in self-discipline. Millions of middle-class Americans have quit. Mr. Right could too. The reasons for not smoking fall into four categories: health, financial, social and sexual.

The sexual reasons for not smoking are seldom discussed, but from my point of view, they are among the most important. People who smoke often smell bad. Not only do their clothing and cars often smell bad, but worse their breath is often simply disgusting. Frankly, I don’t want to be kissed by a smoker. And I don’t want to see any brown, tobacco stained teeth. But there’s even worse.

Although the tobacco companies knew it for years they never talked about what smoking does to the little blood vessels of a man’s certain part. I must admit I didn’t learn about it until the CBS television show 60 Minutes interviewed a urologist. The bottom line is that the Marlboro Man probably wouldn’t be so great in bed. Look ahead a few years. You’re in bed with the Marlboro Man and you put your hand down where you expect to find something interesting, something that shows interest in you, but all you find is a floppy noodle. You’ll wish you’d married a nonsmoker. And there are even worse possibilities.

So much has been written and said about the health problems of smoking that I hesitate to even bring up the subject so I’ll make my remarks very brief. Many smokers will tell you that they knew someone who smoked for 40 years and never got lung cancer and that the chance of getting lung cancer is slim. Dear Reader, lung cancer is only one of the serious ailments caused by smoking. In fact, bladder cancer was the first cancer for which the statistical evidence against smoking was found to be overwhelming. I know a number of people who work in cardiology and I can tell you that nothing upsets these folks more than smoking. And lets not forget emphysema and cancer of the tongue or esophagus. Et cetera.

One of the immediate benefits of stopping smoking is the money saved. If a man and a wife stop smoking they will almost have enough additional disposable income to make a car payment. Do the numbers for yourself.

The final reason for not smoking is the horrible impression it makes on others. Perhaps a guy doesn’t care what other people think about him. Well, that’s his business, but if you get involved with him it’s going to become your business too. Do you want to be involved with a man whom many, if not most, middle class folks are going to consider a light weight. Lets face it, a man who still smokes is going to be lower class, not middle class. My advice is, Don’t bother with him.

The Bad Driver

It often comes as a surprise that I recommend that young women consider a man’s driving