I Have Learned a Few Things

By SharRon Jamison

I Have Learned a Few Things is a book to be read slowly, critically, and thoughtfully. If you can, take at least one day to quietly ponder each chapter and answer its questions before you move on. Also, give yourself permission to digest and experience a full range of emotions, feelings, and thoughts. Take your time, because your life is too important to be examined quickly. You are too valuable not to give yourself your full attention and your full consideration. So find a quiet space, get still, and stay open. Be ready to hear whispers from your own soul; that is where your truth lies.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Feb 21, 2015
• ISBN: 9781503544130

SharRon Jamison

SharRon Jamison, MBA, is an inspirational speaker, minister, life strategist, entrepreneur, and bestselling author. For over twenty-five years, she has passionately encouraged people to transform their lives physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Learn more at www.SharRonJamison.com

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SECTION I

Know What’s Best for You

CHAPTER 1

Walking Away

I have a choice—walk now or wail later; I choose to walk.

—Anonymous

What’s your vision for your life? Do you know? If there were no limits, where would you go, and what would you do? If you could imagine your best self and totally self-actualize, who would you be? What are your dreams, aspirations, and your divine purpose? What compels you? What will be your legacy?

I have learned that our visions determine our paths, inform our decisions, and directly influence how we navigate in the world. Yes, our visions define and direct us. And following our visions for our lives will sometimes require that we walk away from what we have always done, understood, and known. So when we get to a crossroad when our actions avert, abort, and don’t align with our vision, we all have a choice, a difficult choice: walk now or wail later.

I have learned that walking away is sometimes the most loving but also one of the most difficult things to do. It is challenging because even though it hurts to leave, many times it hurts more to stay. It also hurts to think about starting over, and the thought of rebuilding seems daunting. The idea of change is not always appealing because change usually brings its companions: uncertainty and unfamiliarity. Both of those are enough to deter anyone from stepping out, stepping up, and stepping over into new possibilities.

But what’s most terrifying or unnerving when you decide or when you are deciding to walk away is that you realize that somewhere along the way, you stop believing in yourself. You realize that somewhere along your journey, you stop believing in your ability to correct, create, comprehend, and care. You stop believing that you have options and opportunities, and you forget that your life is more than obligations and obstacles. Most of all, you forget you. Or better yet, you neglect and minimize you. You minimize your needs, your desires, your perspectives, your dreams, and your thoughts for the sake of fitting in. You stay in places, in positions, and with people who fail to serve and support you. You forget you! Somewhere along the way, you lose you!

I know what losing yourself feels like, because most of my life, I played by someone else’s rules and followed someone else’s mandates. I succumbed to peer pressure, and believe me, adult peer pressure is just as formidable as the peer pressure we all experienced in our childhood playgrounds. I struggled and vacillated as I tried to get comfortable in my self-imposed roles as impostor, actor, pretender, shot caller, and shape-shifter. But the truth was that I was a prisoner, and I confined myself to a prison that I constructed, maintained, and locked. I restricted myself and my life because I felt little, less than, limited, and labeled. It is a bitter pill to swallow, but it is true.

I have learned that sometimes, we make our own prisons, yet we complain about being incarcerated. Of course, none of us try to construct our own jails. And many of us are totally oblivious to the many ways we enslave ourselves; in some ways, we are spiritually blind or emotionally unaware. And because we gradually lock ourselves up and lock ourselves out of our own truth, we grow accustomed to being spiritually, intellectually, and emotionally confined. We slowly adapt and adjust who we are until confinement feels familiar and sometimes favored. We become so acclimated to incarceration that feeling physically cramped starts to feel cozy and comfortable. Feeling emotionally restricted starts to feel right and righteous. Feeling spiritually narrowed starts to feel natural and normal. And feeling mentally controlled begins to feel comforting, correct, and calming. We modify our lives, we demote our desires, and we downgrade our dreams to fit. But really, what are we trying to fit into?

The truth is, you were not created to fit. You are a unique design. You are one of a kind. You are not supposed to fit into someone’s mold or fit into someone else’s definition of beauty, power, intelligence, wealth, success, or vision. You were not made to fit, and God knows that you were not made to fit in. You were made to project and display the splendor and diversity of God. You were crafted, created, anointed, and appointed to be you!

And so I encourage you to lovingly and deliberately walk away from anything that dishonors you, dishonors your divinity, and dishonors your vision for your life. You may have to walk away with tears in your eyes and anxiety in your heart, but walk. You may have to walk alone and walk through uncharted territory, but walk. You may have to walk with everything you have and everything you own in your hands or on your back, but walk. You may have to walk with naysayers laughing, gossiping, or setting traps for you, but walk. You may have to walk slowly, cautiously, or with a limp, but walk! And if you can’t physically walk, emotionally and spiritually walk. Transport your spirit and walk away. Walk!

Walk away from mind-sets that minimize your existence, your uniqueness, and your dreams. Walk away from situations that sap your energy, time, and strength. Walk away from places that erode your self-esteem, chip away at your self-respect, and threaten your self-care. Walk away from people who need to belittle you, degrade you, and criticize you to feel better about themselves. Walk away from traditions and societal norms that are polluted with racism, sexism, elitism, ageism, heterosexism, or any other ism that fails to honor you. Walk away.

Walk away knowing that you know what’s best for you. Walk away knowing that God will provide all your needs. Walk away with the assurance that the best is yet to come. Walk away expecting new possibilities, new opportunities, and new options. Walk away knowing that an ending only means that you are embarking on a new beginning. Walk!

Remember that all our journeys are different, so trust that your vision will direct you. Remember that people perish—they spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and professionally die—from a lack of vision. The blessing is that you have a vision, and you have the ability to confidently live your vision. You also have the courage to walk away from anything or anyone who does not align with your vision for your life. You are more powerful than you can ever imagine. I know you are.

Here are a few questions to help you consider if it is time to take a few walks in your own life. I pray that your answers guide you as you walk into your own vision for your life. You are worth it!

I wish you well, and I am praying for your traveling mercies. Blessings!

Coaching Guide

• What does walking away mean to you?

• Who always encourages you to aim low or place distractions in your way? How will your actions, decisions, and life improve by walking away?

• Who consistently lies, gossips, withholds information, or insults you? How will your actions, decisions, and life improve by walking away?

• How will your life change if you were able to deal with people of integrity?

• What people prey on you and your weakness? How will your life change if you associate with people who accept all of you—your fragility, your strength, your brokenness, and your power?

• What people are committed to holding you hostage to your past? Being free of your past will do what for your spirit and your future? List and explain.

• Who are the naysayers, haters, manipulators, or detractors in your life? How will walking away from nonsupportive friends, families, and foes honor you and your ability to provide self-care?

• What situations consistently make you question your talent and expertise? If you feel more valued and appreciated for your gifts, what will you do? Why would you do it and when?

• What situations and beliefs make you question your value? If you feel totally respected and cherished for who you are, how will your life change? How will you navigate, function, and exist in the world differently?

• What situations, people, and systems make you feel invisible, inaudible, insufficient, and chronically insecure? If you can’t physically walk away, how can you put distance between the negativity and its impact on you?

• What situations and events drain your energy and why? How will walking away change how you use and replenish your energy?

• What organizations or beliefs make you feel defeated or deflated? How will walking away change how you see yourself and your worth?

• What habits and temptations rob you of your power? If you can walk away, how will your life change? What will you do and why? What support do you need to tackle the temptations and address the habits?

• If you walk away from your unfulfilling relationship, career, or living situation, how will that enhance your life?

Walking away is never to be taken lightly. Before you walk, consider the following questions:

• What have you done to better understand your current situation?

• How have you explored the seeds of your discontent to better identify the root of your dissatisfaction?

• How is your dissatisfaction affecting your life financially, physically, emotionally, spiritually, and socially? Be sure to answer every variable before you walk.

• Are you running away, or are you deciding to leave? How can you tell the difference?

• What are the financial, emotional, and physical consequences of walking away? How have you planned for the impact on your life and on the lives of your loved ones?

• What support systems are in place to assist with your transition?

• What remedies or options have you tried? Why did they fail?

• What beliefs are driving your decision? Where did the beliefs originate?

• How is the person or institution affecting your sanity, self-confidence, or your ability to self-actualize?

CHAPTER 2

Look in the Mirror; Do You Like What You See?

Do not hold the mirror responsible for the image it reflects.

—African proverb

Do you like what you see? When you look in the mirror, do you like you? When you look at your life, are you satisfied, edified, and gratified with your relationships, your career, your connections, or your choices? Are you proud of your accomplishments and achievements? Do you feel confident and competent as you navigate and move in the world?

I have learned that if you are not happy and pleased with your life or your choices, it is prudent to ask yourself a few questions—questions like, What are you willing and ready to do to change? What are you doing to heal emotionally, spiritually, financially, and socially? What are you doing to grow and evolve? What are you doing to live your life in alignment with your values? In essence, what are you doing to change the image reflected in the mirror?

Always remember that the mirror only offers a reflection; it objectively reveals and reflects what it sees. It does not offer excuses, assumptions, explanations, rationalizations, or reasons. It does not blame, consider, analyze, or correct. The mirror only fulfills two purposes: (1) to let you see some of what the world sees about you and (2) to show you how you are being, doing, loving, living, and behaving. The mirror shows you you; it only provides a reflection. The mirror provides that reality check, which we all need from time to time.

Here’s the good news. If you don’t like what you see, you can change the image. You can create a you who makes you proud. You can develop a you who makes you more fulfilled. You can heal a you who makes you strong. You can nurture a you who makes you feel supported. You can please a you who makes you happy. You can appreciate a you who makes you feel valued. You can love a you who makes you feel cherished. You can empower a you who makes you feel tenacious. You can change you because only you have the power and the responsibility to alter the image reflected in the mirror. Only you!

I have learned that change is a choice; it’s your choice. It is your choice to ensure that your reflection is consistent with who you are and whom you aspire to be. It is your choice to ask for support, patience, and help to make needed adjustments in your attitude, actions, and awareness so that you can be your best self. Change is an option; it is a decision that you and only you can make for you.

Remember, the mirror only reflects what it sees. Never forget that the mirror is not responsible for what you put in front of it; you are! So what does your mirror reflect? Does it reflect what you want to see? If not, reach out, reach up, and reach in to be the person you aspire to be. You can do it. I know you can. Blessings!

Coaching Guide

• Look in the mirror. What do you see physically? Why?

• What do you see emotionally? Why?

• What do you see spiritually? Why?

• What do you see financially? Why?

• What do you see socially? Why?

• What do you see mentally? Why?

• What do you like about the image you see? Why?

• What do you want to change? Why?

• What do you see that prevents you from fully embracing yourself? Why?

• What are you using as benchmarks or standards to assess what you see? Why?

• What would you like to change about your reflection personally? Why?

• What would you like to change about your reflection professionally? Why?

• How will the changes affect how you navigate in the world? Why?

• What are the internal and external factors that are driving your desire to change?

• What investments are you willing to make to adjust, change, or amplify the reflection?

CHAPTER 3

Trust Your Truth

You Deserve Your Own Trust

I have learned that trusting myself is one of the greatest forms of self-love. No, it wasn’t an easy lesson to learn, especially since we are constantly bombarded by messages about who we are and what we should be. Let’s face it—as soon as we made our entrance into world, the molding process began. From infants, we were told or encouraged to be this or to be that and to say this but not say that. We were rewarded for toeing the line and playing initially by our parents’ rules and then by society’s rules. We were accepted if we didn’t challenge the status quo or voice a dissenting view. If we stayed within the proverbial lines of what was considered socially appropriate based on our color, sex, gender, culture, and sexual orientation, we were tolerated and allowed to