My Life Journey Through . . . with God: Reality and Facts of Life!

By Pauline Magauta Molokwane

This is my true story: what reflected in my life and how I am still fighting for success with courage.

This is also outlines the reason of my survival through my faith and relationship with my creator, God.

Every family has a story to tell, and mine will bring hope to the broken families and individuals that God is always there. That there is reason to face some seasons and overcome them because we are still alive.

This book is
to encourage families to have hope, love, and peace;
to unite families;
to instill the spirit of forgiveness in the journey of our lives; and
to find ways to have peace and heal for a better life.

Life is too short to entertain the past.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Partridge Publishing Africa
• Release date: Mar 13, 2017
• ISBN: 9781482877663

Pauline Magauta Molokwane

I am a motivational speaker and have shared my story, where I saw people responding positively with follow-up invitations annually since 2013 and had to also conduct follow-up one-on-one counseling session after every presentation. My personal objective is to share my experience to change someone’s life in a positive way, someone who went through the same experience, and instill hope and courage to the broken hearts, especially young women and youth who can find themselves in a stage of where they feel rejected and disappointed. My late mother, my sisters, and I have overcome many things, and I believe this will inspire families around the world who have lost hope that there is no happiness in this world.

Book preview

1

GREETINGS

Why I wrote this book….

T his book’s intention is not to insult or harm anyone feelings but to tell my story, the story of my life and my experience as a child to where I am today. This is the true reflection of what I went through which I call my past. The journey of my life and how I overcome many incidents that made me who I am and what I am. I believe readers would identify similar experience and create themselves hope that, we can go through many challenges, treated by people who sometimes are innocent to their behaviour but end up hurting people who never hurt them or cause them pain. We sometimes feel under privileged because of how people treat us, we also become disadvantaged in life that we can even lose hope to believe that death is better than life.

Our circumstances can make us think negative and from childhood I nearly grew with anger and bitterness. I hated many people from my family to my relative and to all people who I would perceive bad in terms of how they treat other people.

You will learn from this book that I hated, but I had to forgive. I loved but I did not receive love but had to love again to move on with my life.

Telling this story is my past and it does not hurt anymore. I am strong today because of my past. This includes the mistake I have made and the mistakes of other people, the failures that I did and how people failed me. The emotional trauma that left scars but the wound was healed. I fell but I had to rise up and recover, heal and live a restored life with greener pastures. I had to correct my past life with hard work. Sometime I would feel like giving up but I had to push to live a better life.

I had to learn after writing this book that we are not perfect in life but learn to become perfect, that God is the only one who can perfect us as He created us for His purpose.

When I write this book I was definitely in pain but after completing it, I had peace, for me it was a therapy. Some people overcome their pain through counselling, some through music, some through art-drawing and some through writing by becoming an author like me. I had to find a way to express my feeling so that I can heal, so that I can measure my forgiving heart as a true reflection of forgiveness. Writing this book made me to forgive and made me to survive situations that could have destroyed me, killed me or made me a useless someone who the world has given up on her. This experience could have crippled me physically, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually. This experiences took, partly my socio-economic lifestyle where gaps where created to be filled so that I can have a successful life at the end.

I did not write this book with the aim of publishing it because I never saw myself as a writer or an author from childhood but the thought would come and not know where to start. This just came in and this became of first book as my healing process, neither did I know that it was also a gift that was hidden by my pains and how I grew. This was my best gift ever that I saw myself pursuing with many challenges and thanks to the new people in my life who gave me strength and hope that these books will be my breakthrough and a life time blessings. Thanks to the publishing company that recognized my gift as an author.

My healing process became a dream and a gift that I have never thought I show out. Sometimes we go through situations in order to find ourselves, our inner strength and the real you in the long run. Many people had to realise who they really are in the days of darkness when they had to come out of the pit of challenges. Sometimes, the challenges that we experienced are there to give us an opportunity to tell a story that will heal others and give hope that one can face them but you had to push to get out of every situation that you face in life, no matter what.

As for me, this experience was also a self-realisation to know that I can do many things besides being employed and or reporting under someone. This experience taught that sometimes we do not put more energy of knowing ourselves, what the inner man want, what makes us happy and what can make us the best achievers in the whole world.

I once forgot about myself and was committed more into other people’s lives and it became a passion, which I still have but I had to train myself to also consider my priorities and fulfil them, whilst attending to other people and giving them my whole attention. I had to learn to challenge myself first with what I want and what will make me happy.

That means, I had to take care, love and make myself happy before others that I could do the same to them. I am telling a story to give hope to the hopeless. To encourage those who still are, angry with their past life and believe that they will never heal, move on and become something better than what they are and ever had. Life is full of unexpected things if you allow yourself to be free from your past. Make your experience a scar that will fade away where you will forget that you have it. Do not have the wound that will never heal or the scar that you will scratch again, because it is itching, until it develops into an abscess and becomes a wound again. We all need to heal.

It is because of my story that I am here and still alive with self-confidence. I am blessed that I can share it, some people died with their stories; some did not survive like me. It is a privilege and honour for me to become what I thought I would not be, just because of telling a story.

This gift was hidden by pains; many of us have special gifts that are hidden by our past pains. We cannot even know how to express our emotions but can allow our painful experience to expose us negatively and destroy us completely.

People that you see as homeless, prostitute, alcoholic, drug users, are the ones that can tell more about how they ended up in that situation. Being labelled by the world with this kind of names is the worst experience ever, some of us agrees to what the world is telling us of who we are or what we are. We even live the rest of our lives behaving according to these labels and confirming them. Even our anger can make us prove to the world that these labels are suitable for us and show them off until we are totally destroyed. These people who are given this kind of names, needs the strength to change, they are not born like that but also needs our support psychologically to overcome their situation because they could not do this on their own. These people could have been somebody in high positions and could have changed the world into better place. Some are so intelligent that you can cry but are trapped in their situations with pains, instead of helping them, we judge and laugh at them.

If you can sit with one of them, to tell you their stories, you can be shocked and stop in judging them. All that they need is our support. They have a story to tell and them to survive and overcome. They can go through their challenges as they come and face them with our help. It is a process, I know and I become a better person with the label that I was given by the world and its perceptions. We cannot even judge them, if you do, that means you do not have a story to tell and it does not mean if you did and you overcome, all can be strong enough to overcome, some people are born weak that they cannot manage but we can also become their strength through telling our stories with hope.

These people gave up and became hopeless, it was not easy for them to become what, who they are today. I know I could have been one of them, my mother, my sisters could have been one of them but My mother stood up for us and her strength made us survive till to date. This was a blessing of its kind, she is a legend and has left a legacy, her brand is in me and in my sisters, her brand will continue to her grandchildren who are also surviving the challenges that we still face even to date, with more understanding.

Some orphans do not have someone to stand for them out there and those who are abuse and help cannot reach them. Nobody can identify them especially in rural areas or countries with homicides, these we call disadvantaged in some countries around the world. Some dies without be recognised or identified, children, youth, women and disabilities and some can survive without anyone’s help. There is no facility where they can address issues, no professional help near them but some of them survive on their own. It is not easy for them to can speak out. Some cannot even afford professional help but still survive through their inner strength. There is no one who is giving them hope. I want and wish my books to reach out to the disadvantaged who suffered emotionally, physically, psychologically, socially and economically especially in far area that are rural, to bring hope to survive challenges of life.

All that I know is out of many disadvantaged; there is a story to tell. Many successful people were underprivileged and became somebody out from painful experience. They never gave up their life, their gift and their dream. They never lose hope; they fought for a better life. Little as they could achieve but the have pressed on, sweating to become achievers. All of us can, yes we can and change the world to become a better place, for the generation to come.

I had to learn from this pain that I am born with a special gift and it will never die unless I do die. There is always one special dream that you can carry for a long time and can be disturbed by life obstacles, some stumbling block that can be created by people, how you grow and the environment that you live in but it will still remain in you. Wherever you go, it will still prevail inside of you, where you are crippled physically and become disabled, it will still be there inside of you. It depends on what you do with it. Either you show it out, expose it or make it dies without being recognised. Every gift can change your life, people around you and the entire world. You can make a difference with your special gift. These are doing or die fact of life, no matter what. This gift that is not yet realised can survive you.

My weaknesses and my past haunted me through my mind that it is not possible but I had to fight and work hard, push myself to what I want and to achieve.

My name kept on changing when I was growing and I would have nick names according to how people feel towards me and perceive my character, most of my nick names had positive impact until recently I was called mommy by everyone who were close to me. This started from my family with best memories that I always cherish and it started with my late mom. How she calls me with all these names would show and make me to become aware of how she feels about me and appreciates me. That would give me a sense of her emotional status towards me as a mother.

My mother became a single parent raising three daughters on her own. She then got married and gave birth to another two daughters and we became five in number as her children. She went again on being a single parent after a terrible divorce with bad memories that unfolded and which nearly affected all of us for the rest of our lives if we didn’t fight the situation, support each other and became hungry to succeed in a positive way by fighting our past, our past pains. We all had to learn to forgive, that was also my late mother’s key principle. We even called it her song with one lyrics, forgiveness till she left this world, she continued to say, forgive and forgive. She was blessed with additional grandchildren and only boys were first born to my sisters. She became a grandmother. This was not easy for her looking at her childhood experiences, but one thing that made me respect her to date, as an everlasting legacy is that, she made us strong, she imparted the spirit of bravery, she gave us a baton of faith, she changed to a level where no one expected by serving God in a way that no one could understand her until we understand more after she passed away. For us, it is also a legacy to her grandchildren.

All that I know in my heart today is she has made it for us. Whether she stumbled in her life journey, had her own mistakes that one can count or not, she made it for us to be who we are, what we have achieve to date being measured small or big. For us, she left a mark. I know she would like me to tell a story, she was into more in for me to make a movie of our life experiences because when she passed away. She had made peace with her past. I know she would be proud to see our movies because she was also open to tell her story, her experience to anyone who become close to our family. We would laugh about our experience with her because it was over, we all survived and had overcome many challenges with her. In my heart, I know she is proud that I manage to write this book and other books to follow.

The best thing that will make me to have achieved what she likes and for my entire family, is to tell our story, my story to give hope. I will also be proud that I made her life legacy proud.

As for me, I still wish I could still tell her more because most of my strength was drawn from her difficult life experiences to date. I still believe I strive and thrive towards overcoming the challenges now and ahead of me every time I put memories of her strength. It was through her life experiences that I will be a woman of my own kind to date. It is through her forgiving heart that I am still surviving people who can continue to cause pains in my life.

All of us, are her replica when it comes to become brave and pull the strength where no one expected that we would survive. Above all, she showed and taught us the principles of become close to God and how we relate with Him as our creator. He taught us the footprint of Jesus Christ as our believe to survive the challenges of life in her presence and after she passed away.

We are still pushing without her but with memories at heart of her hard work to survive us. We are still overcomers through her faith and her strength that we have learnt from her. As for me and all of us, she was a perfect mother ever….

The story that will never fades…

I was 41years old when I started writing this book. It started when I was 25 years old with a vision of being an author, movie producer and a motivational speaker, but I did not have the time to write it by then due to my leadership committed in the company that I used to work for. I was also faced with financial challenges to can pursue my dream. My life priorities were many to can achieve. I did not have more time to think of what I want after work.

I was not sure of what I am and who I am to what I want in life. Something was still hidden until I had to reach to a point where I thought it was over with my life to realise the potential that I had inside of me. We are all capable of doing something; sometimes we need bad people in our lives to push us to our destiny. I would even say it was not yet the right time to write due to the stated below experience that I will share with you in this entire book.

I believe the story was not yet completed, until the year 2013 when I shared my life story with my friends and got deeper, with critical experiences of my life which also affected my entire family. Only God knew that I am an author but had His best time to release me in order for me to write these books. I now have stories to tell.

We all have secrets that can become a story to change someone out there’s life. We also have a story to tell in the journey of our lives with happy and painful experience, the question is; can we be brave enough to share it. There is always the end to each story. I had to prophesise mine through my mouth to become a successful story at the end.

We chose to have a bad or good ending in the story of our life. We have to decide during the struggle and become achievers. Your bad experiences should become a step ladder to your success and to reach your destiny and not to become destroyed. Refuse to die hopeless and use what if and or if I ever knew or did this. When you are still alive, that means you still have a chance to ratify what you lost or what your parents lost in the past by becoming a better person than them, and then more than you in the past.

Some people have died with their life story, but as for me and as I/we promised to my late mother, I want to share my story to inspire someone out there. I know not all of you will be inspired; some will judge and perceive in their own ways but deep in my heart, I know someone out there need this. I know someone relevant will be saved from their situations because of me and my family survival. Some families will be revived and reconciled through these books.

All that I want and wish is to give someone out there, one out of ten a hope that, even if when life rejects you and it unfolds with its difficulties, it does not mean, we are going to die. it is not the end of your journey but the beginning to live to the fullest your potential and purpose, that is hidden inside of you.

This I have called a season of self-realization when the going gets tough to move out of your comfort zone and revitalize to a new you after being pruned, to produce new fruits of life. There is still and always hope that lies as a light out there in your dark path. It does not matter how many times we can fall, become disappointed with rejection. We still have a purpose to live as long as we are still here alive and the creator of heaven and earth has not yet taken out your ticket to depart this world. There is still goals to achieve.

All that we need is to get the courage somewhere to stand strong, press on, move on and rise up to another unexpected level. We all need the spirit of boldness, self-discipline, with positive affirmation to overcome our challenges and struggles.

Having a secret is like having a pain when there is no one who you can share it with. This secrets can crippled us if we do not say them out and or share them. It takes the grace of God to find a relevant person to open up your heart with trust to can share such secret. It also takes a strength and courage to face the reality of life without being in denial of what you are facing as a critical situation that can destroy you for good because you kept it inside and it is eating your emotion as a slow poison, taking away you true identity and image.

It also takes courage to accept your situation and deal with it and become a better you. We always wait until we are loaded, about to crush and wait for another situation to trigger to the worst before we can ask for a professional help.

I use to say and believe that I am strong to can handle any situation and I was lying to myself. I was allowing my mind to control me and embrace my intellectual capacity whilst my entire body was draining until it burst out and I was feeling weak physically and psychologically with emotions. I needed to burst out my emotions somewhere wrong; to the wrong people I was hurting myself further even affecting those who were close to me in a negative way. Some times when we think it is over with our lives, decides to give up life, our ability of strength to survive, that is when we can come out If we refuse to fall down forever and I had to seek professional help to overcome. I also needed a spiritual, professional help to survive the real me.

The thing is, we tend to become afraid of what the world would say, judge about what we are experiencing. There is always fear of unknown if we tell them about our bad experiences hence the negative perceptions that is absorbed easily by people when you fall down. Whether you tell or become silent, it is still going to come out. This is the reality of life. The fact is that, there are people who trained themselves to scrutinise the lives of other people, including the status core of their progress and down fall. This will always be there for us to grow matured. To become criticised and be news with our life experience, especially the bad ones. Good things are not shared or celebrated easily, but failures, people failures or down fall spread quickly.

Sometimes you can be fortunate to find people who you can share your problems with, without judging you. Many people got discouraged by sharing their secrets or life experience with wrong people that they become target and victims for a longer term of their own experiences. It always happens when things are misinterpreted, with negative perceptions by people who you trusted and they share your story to make things worse in your life. Lives are lost out there, left untold that one of you was the cause because of exposing one another and the life was destroyed because of you. Let us be care and be conscious to be trusted and save lives by becoming sensitive with the life issues of other people. The world needs to be a save place to live in it, so is our home, our work and community.

There are times when you would not even have audience to listen to you. It can also be worse if it is your family and some people are rejected by their own families, their blood because of some weakness that they realise in you. Instead of helping and supporting you, they rather judge and build a wrong story and perception with your life. You will be alone in your world of misery when you had to face the giant called your situation until you overcome it. We sometimes need to train ourselves to survive our own challenges without depending on people but through positive self-talk. The challenge is when we steal feels weak in the mist of such situations that we need a strong person to back up us. God is always the best friend during our self-talk. Have conversation with Him as your creator.

There are times when you chose to tell certain people where you choice are wrong that they feel you are annoying them with how bad you feel. It takes a huge faith to get the relevant person who will have courage and patience to give you her/his ear and listen with positive response.

Some people are not meant to be you back bone in your life, they are not even created to become one and you will bore them with your stories. They will not even understand why you are going through such and such situation. It will never make sense to them and they are like that. They will even hide from you and or run away. They can even end up relationship or friendship because they do not have energy to bare you up from your challenges. They will give excuses to disappear in your presence. They are not meant for you. Some can even think you are going mad with your stories; they will never connect with you.

They were not chosen to become part of your life. Some can even use you financially that when you fall and become bankrupt they disappear, still with excuses. They will not even sacrifice in return to appreciate what you have done in their lives in the past. They do not know you and will never learn to know you. Be care who you chose to become part of your life. Be careful of the company that you are involved with, be clear if it is for status, finance, and material or lifetime achievements. There are always signs that we tend to ignore of what kind of friends are for.

Even after you have overcome the situation, the negative perception can still roll out as a stigma by the same people who will make a negative stamp of your fall even if you have survived. The only thing that we all need in life is to heal from our pains, struggle and to get a therapeutic way of coming out of your comfort zone of misery with or without people’s involvement.

As an individual, alone in your closet, you need to find yourself a way out of your terrible experience or situation with or without someone’s opinion. There are times where there is nobody and that are when you realise that you are not alone but with God to understand your gift as the best option that has ever happened.

I had to be alone with God and I had to love and trust Him more because He first loved me and chose me for His divine purpose. God gave me the answer, Jesus Christ became my friend and I survive through my believe system, as a tradition to my family. I am proud to have taken such a decision of finding myself, either than being stagnant and stacked in one cycle without moving to another level of life. Living a life with blames, accusations and allegations is a journey that does not take you to any destination. Your survival is that gift that is hidden by pains, bitterness, hateracy and anger can take you to your success.

I am a social media fan and that is where I started talking about how I feel every day, without saying it is my experience but sharing the consequences of life with solutions. I would always feel relieved when I get the likes and comments, as feedback from in my timeline and posts.

We had family social gatherings at my home (I mean with my four sisters and our children) and I will just talk non-stop and they would believe I am taking over every topic, they did not realise that it was the beginning of telling my story as a Motivational Speaker and a Writer. All that they thought was, creating an open discussion where I will end up taking over and leading the conversation. To be honest, sometime I am not even aware that I am talking without even listening to other people. I had to train myself.

I am a talkative person and like to lead but again this made me what I am today. Sometimes it is not good and proper to interfere when people talk. It also depends on where you are and with who are you having conversation with, because some people can become annoyed and be intimidated. One gentleman once said to me and the other talkative lady that listening is a skill. One lady I was doing counselling with she shouted at me one day and saying that I do not listen, all that I am doing is talking and talking. I laughed but it was the truth. I had to train myself and at least I am listening and using my talkative skill in the right place but I had to work hard to improve and find the ways to speak or comment at the right place and at the right time. This is a huge exercise that I took.

I had to accept that I talk too much than listening, my mind was running with anxiety and would finish what people are about to say and I was just shoot with what they were about to say and complete their comments with my personal opinion.

I did realise again that you can end up making other people feel stupid at some of them takes time to think before they can comment and or say something. I had to learn to respect that and keep quiet to listen until they finish and comment at the end.

All talkative people need to train themselves to take a lead where necessary without tapping in someone’s toes as we always do. I had to train myself, especially because I am a woman so that I can become relevant where I had to speak. My best platform was during my motivational tours and I would be so relieved after that but with joy that I spoke enough. I have achieved my main objective in this regard of taking my time to talk without anyone’s interference and at the relevant place. I will always own the podium, the stage and this is what I like most. As for me, it is always fulfilling but I now know that I have to become relevant with whom, when and where. It takes training as a talkative person to