Strength in Scars

By Ruth Almada

Abuse in any form is devastating, and stories of abuse are never easy to tell—and they are certainly never easy to live. Yet there are many avenues that people take to seek a deep, inner healing of the heart, mind, body, and spirit, and for Ruth Almada, telling her story would be part of her journey.

Strength in Scars is one mother’s story of facing, defeating, and moving beyond the many accounts of abuse in her family. Author Ruth Almada shares a raw and authentic story about the realities of abuse that she and many others have faced—realties that many are far too ashamed to even talk about. Yet she boldly speaks her mind and brings hidden abuses to the surface, where she is able to bring hope to those suffering the same fate. Amid personal tragedy, and with God’s grace, she discovered a purpose that was so profound that it changed the course of her life—and no one is beyond the reach of God’s grace.

It can be overwhelming and difficult to share your greatest and deepest, darkest pain completely to help another, especially when it exposes generational lines of shame and humiliation. Yet hope can come from these fires of pain, and enough is enough—especially when the answer is much easier than some choose to believe.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Sep 27, 2018
• ISBN: 9781973640813

Ruth Almada

Ruth Almada is happily married and the mother of four amazing children, and her family is her treasure from God. Yet the joy she and her family experience today is a product of the pain, trauma, and tragedy they endured together as a family, and Strength in Scares is her chronicle of overcoming the abuse she experienced throughout her life.

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Copyright © 2018 Ruth Almada.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Scripture taken from the King James Version of the Bible.

WestBow Press

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

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ISBN: 978-1-9736-4082-0 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-9736-4083-7 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-9736-4081-3 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2018911493

WestBow Press rev. date:  09/27/2018

Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore, get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.—Proverbs 4:7 (KJV)

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

This book is dedicated to those who have suffered on this earth for any reason. I bare my soul and share my story in the earnest hope that it will give you hope and lead you to glorify the Lord Jesus Christ in your life. Unless otherwise stated, all scripture mention in this book is from the KJV.

First and foremost, I want to thank my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for absolutely everything—the good, the bad, and the ugly. Thank you for giving me the courage to write this and the strength to endure it, and for the amazing work you have done in my life and the lives of all mentioned in this book. Thank you for the work you are still very much doing today. I can hardly describe this with mere words, but I will sure give it a try. I love you more than anything and will forever praise Your holy name! May You be lifted high and glorified in this work, and may all glory and honor go to You.

Thank you to my family for understanding the reason this was written. It truly takes a measure of confidence in our faith in Jesus to allow such things to be told. Thank you for loving the readers of this book enough to allow them to know our story. You are my greatest gift in my time on this planet, and I will treasure you all for eternity.

Special thanks to my husband and children: thank you for forgiving me and bearing with me through this journey. Jesus is my rock, and you are the beautiful house he has placed upon it for such a time as this. I love you far more than you will ever know.

Trigger Warning: If you are undergoing therapy for past or current abuse of any kind, please ask your mental healthcare provider before reading this book as it may very well stir up some of these emotions. The goal of this book is to help not hurt.

CONTENTS

Introduction

Chapter 1     My Earliest Memories

Chapter 2     The Deterioration

Chapter 3     Not About Me Anymore

Chapter 4     Hopeful But Lost

Chapter 5     A Call From My First Love

Chapter 6     Sacredness Lost

Chapter 7     Beautifully Familiar

Chapter 8     Back To The Homeland

Chapter 9     Utter Despair

Chapter 10   Round Two

Chapter 11   Blind Eyes Are Evil Eyes

Chapter 12   The Divorce

Chapter 13   Taking Back What The Enemy Stole

Chapter 14   Where To Start

Chapter 15   Salvation

Chapter 16   The Way Has Been Made

Chapter 17   Purpose In Pain

Chapter 18   Deep Calls Out To Deep: Spiritual Warning To The Reader

Chapter 19   Prayers And Messages From The Heart

Conclusion

INTRODUCTION

What is a scar? A scar occurs when there has been an injury and where the regeneration of the tissue has collagen levels overexpressed. Skin, for example, grows back in a sometimes raised or distorted form. On the inside, the scar tissue is tougher and denser. It is typically discolored at first, bleeding internally and externally and for some time very sore. Then the bleeding stops, the pieces are put back together, and the wound starts to heal—but it still hurts. Over time, the scar can fade in color and size, and the pain can decrease or go away altogether. In the end, most of the time, a visible mark remains as a reminder of the injury that placed itself there to begin with.

Scars come in all shapes and sizes. Some heal quickly; some never heal, and the wound can be so severe that it leads to death. Of course, scars are not all physical. Emotional scars do the same—or have in my life, anyway. The fabric of a human soul can be so tattered with scars that it completely changes its strength and density, leaving marks that change the very appearance in each way. When trauma or tragedy occurs, there is always a scar left on the spirit of the people who are affected by it.

Sensitive, unhealed scars wear down the person who bears them. They cause the person pain and are constant reminders of the event that created the scars in the first place, both physical and emotional. We are careful with the wounded area so that it may heal. We continue to guard and protect it. With the soul, there is a healing that goes beyond the scar. The scar is no longer the one in control; rather, it becomes the source of untapped strength, endurance, and perseverance. It is possible to wear your scars versus having them wear you.

My name, for the sake of this book, is Ruth. I am forty-one years old. I have four amazing children and am happily married. My family is my treasure from God. People who don’t know us look at us and wonder how we are all so close, happy, and full of joy. Well, I can tell you this: the extent of the joy that we all experience is the extent of the sheer pain, trauma, and tragedy we have endured together as a family.

This is my story from childhood to present. I will disclose very intimate disturbing details about many things that have occurred in my life. Many of these things I am certainly not proud of. This story includes my family as well. I will let you know that all members of my family understand this book and the reason it is being written. They have all given their approval before it was even published for the same purpose—to give hope. Hope during the most painful circumstances is sometimes all we have to keep us breathing. I will also let you know that for the safety of my children, all names and locations have been changed. However, the rest of what you are about to read is 100 percent true to the very best of my recollection.

Sometimes things happen in our lives, and we have no one to turn to—or so we think. I’m talking about things so awful that you don’t want to hear from anyone unless they get it (meaning been there and done that), because otherwise they could not possibly understand or comprehend the magnitude of the situation. Sometimes we grieve so hard in life that it almost kills us. We cry so hard that our eyes swell shut. We fall so hard that we forget to eat and are reminded only when we’re about to pass out. Some of us are born into this world with no one to love us, rely on, talk to, or keep us safe. Some of us are abandoned, and then some of us are abused in the worst ways.

This is my story, and I ask that you read it all before forming opinions or judging anyone mentioned in this book. I will say that if this causes you pain or stirs up some of your own past, then I apologize … yet I don’t. If there is something in there that needs to heal, it is a good thing that it has been identified so that you, the reader, can move past it. This book is being written for one reason only: to give hope to anyone who is going through or has gone through any of these events. Hope in my opinion is the beginning stage of healing. It is the light switch in the sometimes dark room of life.

This is not a story that is easy to tell; it certainly was not easy to live. It is about things that people do not talk about but absolutely need to talk about, as many of the things mentioned in this book plague our society and have held many people captive in the pain prison of their minds long enough. Enough is enough, especially when the answer is much easier than some choose to believe, and some may not even know about it. The battle has already been won.

In the very wise-beyond-her-years words of my amazing daughter, if this book does not stir your heart, help with healing, or call you to a measure of repentance in some way, then it was not written for you.

My Prayer for the Reader

Jesus, I come to You know and ask that You give the reader understanding in the path of hearing our journey. I ask in your name for revelation and comfort that only You can give. Jesus, I ask that if there is any awareness, perspective change, or healing that needs to take place in their spirits that You, maker of the universe, allow them to process this with you. I ask You, my wonderful Savior, to be glorified in every way, and that this writing may bring others to want with all their hearts to know and trust You more than they ever have. In your mighty name I pray.

chapter 1

MY EARLIEST MEMORIES

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None of us choose where we are born or to whom we are born. I strongly believe it is a choice only for God, and it sets the stage for destiny and purpose.

These are the memories that I can recall to the best of my ability. Because these are memories from childhood and hard to pinpoint, the years are approximate.

1979-80

I was two or three years old. I remember Daddy getting so mad and giving us terrible spankings. I remember one happened on Christmas, when I opened a gift early. I remember the spanking I got for doing this. I remember that it hurt very bad for a long time and bruised my legs.

1980–81

I was about three or four years old. I was visiting my Aunt Tammie and Uncle John’s miniature farm. I remember sticking my hand into the fence and literally getting bit by a cow. I was cold, scared, and crying.

Then my memory jumps to the next place but during the same visit. My grandpa lived in a small shack on the back of my aunt and uncle’s property. I remember standing in front of him crying. I had wet my pants, and then my panties were off. I was extremely scared, and then my mind goes blank. Later in life, I learned that my grandfather was a known child molester. He did unspeakable things to my brother and cousin, and I believe to my dad too.

1982

I was around five years old. I remember being at one of my mom’s uncles’ houses (I’m unsure which). The only thing I can recall is my sister and I both standing in a room naked. It was very cold and smelled like mothballs. There were three grown men in the room. They were staring at us. I remember watching one of them get up and close the curtains on the window. We were both crying, and I was terrified.

1983

I was around six years old. Michael Jackson’s Thriller was a hit. I remember visiting the house of some of my parents’ friends. They were very kind and had a beautiful home with an in-ground pool. I watched the Thriller video there right after it came out.

I remember being thrown into their pool and not knowing how to swim. As clear as day, I thought I was going to drown. This was, I guess, my dad’s way of teaching me to swim. I was six years old here, as I can pinpoint the video that scared me. You will see in this story that many of my memories are triggered by music. That helped me write this book but should also speak of the power music has for both good and bad. More about that later.

One time when I went to visit my aunt and uncle, she asked my momma to put gloves on our hands so that we wouldn’t get anything dirty. So my mom, who was angry over this, had us place socks on our hands when we showed up. I remember feeling tremendous shame for being dirty at this age.

1984

I can recall several memories from this time, when I was around seven years old. One was my parents watching a movie called Children of the Corn and another called The Exorcist. I remember being so afraid to sleep at night that I would ask my dad to give me a spanking. I always slept better after getting a spanking, because it made me cry and get tired. I had nightmares about these two movies for close to ten years. I was still wetting the bed at this age because I was afraid to get out of it.

I can also recall that one day my momma stepped on a nail in our small home. It went all the way through her foot. I just knew she was going to die. I started having nightmares about my momma dying for a while after this. Fear had such a hold on me that one nightmare I can still remember was thinking that every time I heard thunder in a storm, it was a giant boulder rolling down the hill outside and coming straight for our house. A boulder crushing our home went from being a nightmare to an actual paralyzing thought.

1986

I was around nine years old. The Pleasure Principle by Janet Jackson was a hit. I was spending the night at the house of another friend of my parents. They were this super-nice couple that my dad worked with. I remember her name being DiDi. I remember thinking how incredible they were because she was so beautiful and kind and paid attention to me. That was a new one for me.

I remember being in the back seat of a car and almost asleep. The Janet Jackson song came on, and I started singing it. DiDi was in the front seat and told me to keep my head down and my eyes shut. I looked anyway and there