Great! You Lost Your Job, Now Find Your Life!

By Lloyd Edward Hopkins II

If you are not waking up every day in love with your life, it is time to make a change. If you are not in love with the person you are with, if you are not in love with your job, if you are not in love with the station you inhabit, you must realize that you are staying out of fear. A fear of the unknown. You probably think these things are your safety net, but they are not. They are your leash. The leash that is holding you back from your happiness and truly experiencing life.

It would be the words that my younger brother shared with me, Great! You lost your job, now find your life, on the day I was terminated from my job that would inspire me to write this book. I wanted to keep a journal of my thoughts, experiences, and ideas every day until I was employed again. One day turned into a week, a week turned into a month, and a month would eventually turn into a year. It would be that year that would change my life forever.

I was forced to face the reality of who I had become. I was able to manage to become a somewhat-successful person in life without becoming a complete person. Without truly knowing myself. My hope is that this book lands in your hands when you need it most. I think our priorities are all wrong. We are chasing wealth and material things, thinking those are what will give us a fulfilling existence. We are wrong, and it is time for each of us to find our life.

Lloyd Hopkins

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Dec 5, 2013
• ISBN: 9781493130092

Lloyd Edward Hopkins II

Lloyd Hopkins grew up on the west side of Phoenix, graduating from Maryvale High School in 1997. It was the experiences that he encountered as a youth in Maryvale that he would turn into songs and a budding rap career as he performed under the alias Atllas. He would channel the angst of being an inner-city youth with aspirations of making something out of himself into a sonic landscape that would land him local acclaim and national attention. Though his rap career was promising, it never quite took off the way he imagined. So as he pursued stardom, he always kept a consistent job as a plan B. The majority of Lloyd’s work experience has been in community and nonprofit work, with an emphasis on children. Today, he is a married father of two, a graduate of Arizona State University Lodestar Center’s Nonprofit Leadership and Management Certificate Program, and holds an associate of science from Phoenix College.

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DAY 0

The Moment It All Changed

I had been having problems with my boss for well over a year. Mainly because she was a horrible leader who made decisions based on emotion and no form of rational decision making. I never agreed with her value system. Her principles were not a match for the work we were doing. But I toughed it out because I loved the organization and its mission. I chose to look past the dysfunctional leadership and focus on the job. So the fact that my five years with the organization would end in a termination was very frustrating, to say the least. After all my turning the each other cheek, it ended like that.

I was let go without any real grounds for termination, but that didn’t upset me. I was more disappointed that this ill-equipped woman was allowed to run this organization, which I loved, into the ground and to the brink of extinction without any accountability. She was able to grossly mismanage money, regularly make inconsistent and schizophrenic decisions, lay off staff twice in three years because she couldn’t get a handle on the budget, and, with all that, still not be fired by the board. It is disgusting. She was able to blame all her inadequacies on others, and there I was… given my pink slip, when I really should have been running the organization, and everyone knew it. My sin was I voiced my opinion on the poor job that was being done. I guess my boss wanted to be surrounded by yes-men and not have anyone tell her she’s doing a shitty job. Hubris is a terrible thing.

She began to make decisions that adversely affected the staff that I was responsible for supervising. She would regularly make decisions to cut hours or be late with paychecks and hang me out to dry like I was responsible. But my breaking point came when she began to focus on expanding our operations over compensating staff, who hadn’t received raises in three years. How could you justify growth to a staff force that was being told there wasn’t money to pay them more but we had money to grow? I couldn’t do it, and I couldn’t stand for it any longer. Someone had to fight for the staff. I couldn’t depend on the other supervisors to do it. They all were too worried about their paychecks, and I couldn’t fault them for that; we all have to survive after all. But the check began to matter less and less for me. It was about doing what is right. In one of our planning meetings, where we were discussing the expansion, I decided to question why she was so concerned with expansion and why our staff wasn’t properly being compensated. She had no good answer, and that marked the beginning of the end for me. From that point forward, she looked for a reason to let me go, and I knew it, but I wouldn’t give her the power.

I was always at work on time. I made sure that I continued to work and did a good job. But it became work. I once enjoyed the job so much that it didn’t feel like work; that feeling would gradually dissolve. The once friendly and warm work environment we had was replaced with a cold, sterile place full of paranoia. She began firing people for no good reason, and I figured if she was going to let me go, I was going to go out with some integrity. Over the course of a few months, we had a few meetings, where she tried to allude to me quitting. She would tell me about other organizations that were hiring and make comments like You just don’t seem happy here. No shit. But I shouldn’t be the one to go; she should.

She didn’t even have the guts to terminate me face-to-face. After being with this company for five years and working with her directly for three of those years, I was terminated through a letter that was delivered by another employee—some go-between that she hired as a buffer between her and the rest of the staff even though the size of our organization didn’t warrant having such a position. My boss was a coward, the type of person to let others do her dirty work in an attempt to keep her own hands clean. Her excuse for not meeting with me to deliver my termination in person was that she had a meeting. Bullshit. Put on your big-girl panties, lady, and do it yourself. I would have at least left with an ounce of respect for her. If this phantom meeting she suddenly had wasn’t with an investor or a wealthy donor who was going to contribute $500,000 to us to dig us out of the giant financial hole she created, she should have had the courage to be there. But like I said, she was a poor leader in general, so I shouldn’t have expected anything more from her. So I sat with the buffer, who had the unfortunate and uncomfortable job of giving me the termination letter. She kept trying to convince me that she didn’t know anything and that she was caught off guard as well. She came across to me as a person who would do anything for a dollar, no matter how immoral or unethical it was. She liked having status in her job because, in the real world, she had none. All the people working there were prisoners of titles that didn’t mean anything in the grand scheme of things, but these titles made them feel important. Made us feel important, like we were somebody. I was a victim of this state of mind as well for far too long.

The go-between woman kept explaining, deferring, and trying to act sympathetic. At a certain point, her lips were just moving, and I could no longer hear the words. I went inside myself. Everything went dark. I began plotting my exit strategy. I didn’t want my boss to be able to lie about why I was let go as I know she would. There were no witnesses to her crime, so she could concoct whatever story she wanted and make me out to be the villain. I couldn’t let that happen. I wanted to let everyone know and leave her to face the music. She should have to answer the questions as to why I was terminated.

So after sitting there with the bearer of bad news, who was trying to convince me she felt for me, I stepped away from the small round conference table in my office, and I went to the computer on my desk. I already took all my personal items out of the office weeks prior in preparation for this day. I foresaw myself either quitting or being let go; it had gotten that bad. A few days back, my boss even brought me into her office for a meeting to ask why I took all my personal belongings out of the office. I told her my workplace is my workplace and that I no longer saw it suitable to bring my personal life into the job. I wanted to only be judged by my work. That was a half-truth. She expected me to quit, but I didn’t want to give her the satisfaction. Now all that was left in my office was my computer (the same computer that I spent years using to make this company money) and assorted company paraphernalia that I did not desire to take with me. That computer would now assist me on one final job.

With the buffer still sitting there, rattling off a bunch of insignificant shit to me, I crafted an e-mail to my now-former CEO, the governing board president, and some key partners. In this e-mail, I detailed how I was being wrongfully terminated after all I contributed to this company. I wanted them to know all the things that had been going on in this office, things that I’m sure my CEO didn’t share. I also wanted to be sure my ex-boss knew just how poor a job I felt she had done as this organization’s leader. I knew that I would never be able to use that job as a reference, which would essentially erase the years I had spent there. But fuck it. I was going out in a blaze of glory. I listed in great detail all the examples of why the CEO was doing a poor job. I closed out the e-mail with a request to receive a severance package and hit send. I looked back up to the woman still pointlessly talking to me. Her conversation had shifted to some trip she took, like I really cared. I tuned her back out and began to craft another. This time to the staff I supervised (some for nearly three years). I let them all know that I had been asked to resign and would no longer represent this company but would be there for any of them if they needed letters of recommendation or any other support. I wanted to make sure they knew I didn’t abandon them. I told them that I was truly honored to work with each of them and, from that moment forward, all questions would need to go to the CEO. I then began one final e-mail. This note would go to our database of partners and supporters, all these great people that I built relationships, friendships, and partnerships with. I let them know I was no longer with the organization and that all company-related questions would need to go to the CEO. To remain professional, I didn’t put too much detail in this e-mail. There might be another potential employer in the ranks, and I didn’t want to come across like the type to air out dirty laundry to the public. I included my personal information in the event any of them would need to contact me, and I hit send one last time. I then deleted all the e-mails and files that were left on my computer. If I was leaving, they would have to start from scratch. In my final action, I changed the voice mail message on my phone to indicate to callers that I was no longer with the company. Feeling confident I covered all bases, I left. Interrupting the buffer’s one-sided conversation, I just stood up and walked out of the door, and her head followed until I turned the corner from my office into the hallway.

I walked across the street to my wife’s job to show her the termination letter I received. My wife does medical billing, and by happenstance, she took a job with a surgery center that was located directly across the street from my office. We always joked about it, saying that I would have to move offices because she’s so close, but I guess it’s actually going to happen now. She had been through a situation like this herself, so I knew she would have good advice. She helped me file my unemployment application right there on the spot and gave me a list of things that I needed to obtain from my now-former employer. She and I walked the list back to the office to give it to the buffer, who was now in her office when I reentered the building. I asked her to make sure I get paid for my vacation and sick time and left again. I was already planning on quitting, so I wasn’t upset. I was more disappointed on how it all played out. I was upset that this woman was able to do such a bad job and fire people to hide her mistakes. She shifted the blame to everyone else and took no accountability. In all actuality, she should have been the one to leave. If she had any human decency, she would have quit.

My next move? Shopping! A little retail therapy. With my impending financial crisis surely ahead, I couldn’t go on a full shopping spree, but I wanted to take my mind off things to prevent from going postal in the moment. At first, I picked a couple of shirts that caught my eye as I walked through the racks. There were a few items that I liked from a previous visit to the location. I stood within the aisle with the shirts for a moment and thought, Fuck it! Get what you want. You deserve it today. I’ll worry about money tomorrow.

Around that time, my e-mails must have started reaching their intended recipients because my phone ignited with phone calls, e-mails, and text messages. The responses were mixed-people congratulating me because they assumed I was leaving for another great position, others expressing their sorrow that I was leaving, and those who flat out wanted to know what happened. I felt appreciated by the outpouring. I was glad people noticed I was leaving; I guess we all want to feel that what we do matters. I let my former staff members who contacted me know that regardless of what happened, they needed to continue to do fantastic work. They wanted to make sure their reputations were strong and everyone viewed their work highly. You never know when you will need a reference or where your next position may come from.

I spent about an hour or so responding to calls and messages. Out of all the thoughts and feelings being shared with me, it would be a message from my younger brother that would put this current happening in my life into perspective. His text read, Great! You lose your job and find your life. Those simple words nearly brought me to tears. There are only twenty-six letters in the alphabet, but the right combination of those can move a mountain. He was right. We spend our lives slaving away for jobs that are truly temporary. These positions and jobs can end at any moment. It could be due to poor leadership and management, like what happened with my company; it could be due to a poor economy, like what affected so many in this country over the past four years; or it could simply be due to your company wanting to go another direction. But these positions, these jobs, are not promised. But we neglect our families for them, we work when we are sick, and we work instead of taking our vacation days. We miss out on living. For what? To be fired in the end? To retire at sixty and try to live when you are actually too old for anyone to really give a shit? To quit for another job where you will do the exact same thing? Hell no! Find your life.

There should be classes on work-life balance. You should give just as much to your personal life as you do to your job. All we are taught in this country is how to pursue money. We are not taught how to enjoy life. My response to my brother was You’re right. That was when I decided to write this book. I’m going to live and tell the story of how I focused on discovering me. I don’t know how this story will look when it ends or what the future holds, but I know this journey will reach someone right when they need it. I think it is helpful to know that you are not alone, that others have survived the same struggles. With God’s blessings, this story will inspire someone when they are feeling lost, when they are down and needing revelation, transformation, or inspiration. With that in mind, I will write.

After my shopping excursion, I went to a Walgreens near my house and bought my daughter two coloring books, a box of crayons, and a first-grade activity book for her to work on over the summer. I also purchased two notebooks for myself. The blank pages inside these spiral notebooks will contain my life, will be the canvas I’ll use to draw the picture of one man’s quest for happiness. My journey of rediscovery will paint these empty lines and bring them to life.

I arrived home at the same time as my wife and kids. My wife brought home dinner (fried chicken, my favorite) and a bottle of tequila for us to celebrate my emancipation. I sat my son (ten) and daughter (six) down and explained that I lost my job. I told them I was going to focus on finding what I love, the same path that they will surely embark on one day. I gave them insight into a few of the plans I have for myself to occupy my time. My main one was running for one of our local school boards. I had worked around education for years and wanted to join a board, and I saw no better time than now. My son said, You can be a teacher! My daughter gave me a hug, and then they went back to their child lives.

I was still in the middle of talking to them about the transition, and they began eating and talking about cartoons. I amusingly asked, Is anyone listening to me?

They all stopped and said, Yeah. We all laughed. I appreciated the fact that no one was really worrying. As a father and a man, I don’t want my family feeling they won’t be taken care of; and to this point, with God’s blessings, they haven’t had much reason to worry or to doubt that we will find a way. A part of this may be attributed to the fact that we went through this same thing with my wife a year prior and we survived. So we are somewhat used to transitions as a family, and our kids trust us, and we all have faith in God and know that we will survive. This is truly a blessing.

My wife made the decision to start her own medical billing service after she lost her job last year. She is a testament to the fact that there is something out there for everyone. Not many people enjoy harassing people for money, but my wife does. You wouldn’t think being a bill collector could be a talent, but she is truly skilled at collecting money, and she has a few medical professionals who pay her quite well to do it for them. Her company is still growing, not big enough yet for her to do it full time, but it has been a great success thus far and a source of additional income for our home. In her current job and with the additional income, she is currently making triple than what she was making before she was fired last year. Having a successful spouse also helps you to not worry and takes off a lot of pressure. So my advice to whoever is reading this, marry well! That is a joke… but true at the same time. If you have the good fortune to pick as great a partner as I have, you have just a little bit more freedom in your life.

I took a few more calls from some assorted board members from my now-former employer, the collection of people who also have blood on their hands as they were charged with guiding this organization in the right direction, one of which was very apologetic for not acting fast enough to prevent my firing. See, when I chose to start blowing the whistle on the bad practices that were happening under my CEO’s leadership, I went to a member of our governing board first, the very person who was now apologetic. The board was already raising questions with regard to what was going on at the organization, and our CEO was very selective in sharing information. She would only share information that was favorable to her, while keeping the bad hidden. This might have been okay if there wasn’t so much bad. There was a lot of bad. So I reached out to bring these things to their attention. So the board member and I began working on a secret plan to have the CEO dismissed. But unfortunately, the CEO launched a preemptive strike and let me go before the plan could see the light of day. I don’t think she knew of the plan. She was just angry at me for calling her out on her bullshit. So I had to go. Her pride and ego ruled everything.

Telling this story over and over got a bit tiring, so I answered a few last calls from friends and colleagues then turned my phone off. I’d talked about my dismissal enough for one day. I jotted down a few notes into one of the notebooks I purchased to start carving out this very story then put the notebook away. I was exhausted. I went upstairs to help my kids with their summer homework. To ensure our kids are prepared for the school year, we got a bunch of assignments and class work from their school for them to work on over the summer, and each night, they had assignments they have to do. After that, I watched the Heat beat the Pacers in the Eastern Conference Semifinals. I am a huge basketball fan. After the game, I put a movie on. I just wanted my brain to stay off for the rest of the night. My wife made us a drink and joined me on the couch. We toasted, and I celebrated whatever was next with my wife—my support system, my partner, who assured me everything is going to be okay. God, thank you for blessing me. That was a good day.

DAY 1

May 25: Can I Do This?

A fter waking up and receiving my third Hey, Lloyd, I’m just checking on you text message, I realized I’m a goddamn statistic! I’m adding to the unemployment number for African Americans. I’m now a stereotype. That was a mold I have always took pride in breaking, but yet… here I am. I’ve held a job consistently since I was sixteen. I’ve never been on that list. This shit sucks! Today was tough. Partially due to the fact that I expected to wake up to job offers. I received such an outpouring of emotion yesterday. There is no way I’m going to be unemployed long, right? I seem to be so popular. I was sure that as soon as people got word that I am available, they would assemble their boards and leadership and meet in their boardrooms around the big oak conference tables and say, We have to get him! in a similar fashion to a star athlete during free agency. I expected my phone to be ringing with offers, for the wooing to start immediately, for limos and private planes to come and whisk me away to the employers lined up for me to bring my talents to their offices, and I would laugh at my old boss while walking into the sunset. That didn’t happen. Not in the slightest. I’m still unemployed. On top of that disappointment, I received word from a former coworker that the bitch that acted as my executioner so my former CEO could hide was telling people that my former boss was saying that the reason for my termination is I was disrespectful. I guess telling the truth and pointing out problems make you disrespectful. I mean, even when I told her she was doing a shitty job, I did it respectfully.

I truly feel my greatest sin was being a threat to her job, and she wanted me out before my abilities shined light on her inequities. Sometimes power is more important to people than common sense or what is good for the company. Politics is built on this principle. Depending on the leader, it can be bad for one of their employers to be good.

There were a series of events that led to the deterioration of my relationship with my CEO. When she first arrived, everything was great, and I was a good little soldier—staying late, going above and beyond for the company, sacrificing, and humbling myself when I knew I was capable of much more. But slowly, as in any relationship, her true colors started to show. The honeymoon can only last for so long.

She had horrible personality traits. She wasn’t very social, she was terrible at building relationships, and she never made the staff feel like they matter. I remember she came to our holiday party this year and didn’t talk to any of the staff all night. She sat off to the side and whispered with one of her friends, whom she hired to work for us, through the entire event. She didn’t manage to muster anything better than a hello to her staff. She had an aura that said we were all beneath her. She would also make decisions without considering how they would affect everyone’s job. Her primary concern was taking care of the executives, even though it was the staff in the field that did the majority of the work. This disgusted me because without them, we would not exist.

Let me give you a picture of this dynamic. The executive staff consisted of myself, the CEO, two other executive staff members, and two administrative staff. The CEO and the other staff would really walk around like they were top-level executives at the CIA or some shit. Like all of our work was some top-secret spy stuff. It wasn’t. Our work was supposed to be focused on improving the community—nonprofit, improving people’s lives. They were all only interested in looking powerful. The CEO would regularly do underhanded and sneaky things that would fuck over the field staff to benefit those in the main office. I wasn’t having it. I was the one primarily responsible for the staff in the field. I did all the hiring, training, and firing. The folks I supervised counted on me to look out for them. So it got to a certain point where I couldn’t allow it anymore. It became my principal. Integrity. Ethics. Anytime my staff (which was also the bulk of our workforce) weren’t considered in a decision, I would call everyone out on it. That started rubbing the other executives the wrong way.

Another contributing factor to my inevitable departure was the attention I was getting. A CEO like mine hates it when someone else looks like they are running the organization. But I have a knack for building relationships, which the boss just didn’t have. I had great experience matched with expertise and became a go-to person for stakeholders, board members, partners, and the staff. This came to a head when I was invited to be a keynote speaker at a major university. That made her furious. She never said it, but I could tell. I heard whispers around the office that she was mad. You see, I don’t even have a degree myself, and you know how people with degrees sometimes act like they are the only intelligent life-forms on earth. How come they invited me and not her? How could I accept the invite? The audacity.

Nobody particularly liked her. When I would attend meetings, the people I would encounter from other organizations would never mention her name. No one would ever say Aye, I know your boss. She’s a great lady! or She is doing a great job! Not once did that ever happen. But she would often get those kinds of remarks about me. This relationship dynamic was never sustainable. One of us would eventually have to go.

At this point, my day was already on the edge of destruction due to the fact no one has hired me yet. Then I received a call from another former coworker. She was fired a few months prior to me under similar unprofessional and mishandled circumstances. She and I were scheduled to meet with the board member I was working with to oust my CEO. He wanted to get a handle on what our CEO was doing so he could make an attempt at fixing it. I felt his efforts would be half-assed because that was what he had shown me, but I wanted to meet with him to at least tell someone the story. I wanted to put them in a position to do something. This was the same guy who called me yesterday, apologizing for not moving fast enough to prevent me from being fired. But he was my last shot at righting the world.

My former coworker and I were going to meet with him so she could share her story with him about her horrible time with the organization and its mismanagement. In her phone call, she told me that she chose to cancel the meeting. This was the second time she had cancelled this meeting by the way. The first time, she cited personal issues, and this time, she said that she didn’t want to meet due to the fact that I was fired. She didn’t feel she could trust the guy (which she probably couldn’t). She said she sent him an e-mail, requesting if she could bring a lawyer with her to the meeting. He told her he wasn’t prepared to meet with her and a lawyer, so she cancelled. I told you these people act like we all work at the damn White House or something.

At this point, I was thinking, Bitch, we’ve both been fired. The worst has already happened. What the fuck are you afraid of? I tuned out the rest of the phone conversation. I was done with the entire ordeal. I had informed the necessary parties of how I felt, and other staff had done the same thing (a collection of staff who were also frustrated wrote anonymous letters to the board about our CEO). I felt it should not have taken all that. The board had proof of her withholding information from them. She had never created any type of strategic plan or vision for the organization, and that wasn’t even the worst of it. She had also managed to create a debt for the organization of over $400,000! If that wasn’t enough reason to fire the bitch, the organization is obviously being run by a bunch of dumb asses and doesn’t deserve to succeed. So I went and left them.

I’ve told the board that she is bad for the organization and they need to bring in new leadership. I pleaded for them to do the responsible and right thing for all the lives this organization touches. Show that you give a shit! Now I’ll just sit back and watch, and if they don’t get rid of her, I’ll file a lawsuit and make sure it gets done. Someone has to do something. Does anyone have any ethics or compassion around here? I wasn’t even pleading for me to take her job. Just get rid of her ass and bring in someone else that can do a better job because this ship is sinking quickly. So today, I would wait and watch. I have done my part. It is time for their move.

Now I’m pissed. Not by the shitty board situation, but by this paranoid girl canceling my meeting. This meeting was a part of my activity for today. This was my business, my job, my responsibility for the day. This is what I got up for. It gave me that I have something important to do feeling that I regularly had every day at work. And she fucking cancelled it. I got in my car and started to drive. I don’t know where I’m going. What am I supposed to do now? Not having a job just became a reality. My wife kept telling me to just think of it like I’m on vacation. But I can’t. I’m no longer making money. This isn’t a vacation. If it were, I would be