Reason Enough to Live: From Depression and Suicide to Life and Love

By Emely Wang

Do you ever doubt Gods love for you?

Do you wonder if you really matter to anyone?

Do you feel like you should be happy and cheerful because youre a Christian, but you cant seem to perk up like your fellow churchgoers?

Emely has said yes to all these questions and believed countless other lies about who God says she is. In this book, she tells the story of how God used the truth of his Word to set her free. Using Romans 8:3839 as a foundation, she shows readers how there is truly nothing that can separate us from the love of God. That is what gave her reason enough to live, and that is the hope she extends to her readers. Each chapter also contains hands-on challenges for readers to apply what they have learned. Filled with practical insights and honest accounts of her struggles, this book will show readers how to grab a hold of Gods promises and trust him to carry them through their painful times.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Aug 29, 2011
• ISBN: 9781462859610

Emely Wang

Emely Wang has served as an elementary school teacher in Waukegan, Illinois. She is currently studying Spiritual Formation and Discipleship as a graduate student at Moody Theological Seminary. She has spoken in various churches about the awesome love of God. When she is not writing, studying, or speaking, she enjoys scrapbooking, reading, and knitting.

Book preview

Copyright © 2011 by Emely Wang.

ISBN: Softcover    978-1-4628-5960-3

ISBN: Ebook        978-1-4628-5961-0

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Unless otherwise noted, Scripture references are taken from the New American Standard Bible.

This book was printed in the United States of America.

To order additional copies of this book, contact:

Xlibris Corporation

1-888-795-4274

www.Xlibris.com

[e-mail]

97670

Contents

Preface

Acknowledgments

How to Use This Book

Part 1: From Depression and Suicide to Life and Love

Chapter 1:   My Story

Chapter 2:   Separation from God

Chapter 3:   Abundant Life

Chapter 4:   All Things Thy Servants

Chapter 5:   Dangerous Ground

Chapter 6:   Inherent Power

Chapter 7:   Brick Walls and Graven Images

Chapter 8:   Bottomless Pits

Chapter 9:   Did I Miss Anything?

Chapter 10:  Together Forever

Chapter 11:  Love beyond Measure

Chapter 12:  Beyond a Shadow of a Doubt

Part 2: Vitamins for Abundant Life

A Note from the Pharmacist

Worship

Establish Memorials

Daily Devotions

Personalize Scripture

Read/Write a Psalm

Build Relationships

Pray for Other People

Give of Yourself

A Final Word

Appendix

7-Up Devotions

Alphabetical Names of God

I Am

Promises to Personalize

Bibliography

Preface

It was three o’clock in the morning, and as I lay in that hospital bed, I asked myself the same question I had been asking myself all day, Why didn’t I die? Twenty-four hours ago, I lay in my own bed unconscious after having swallowed nearly an entire bottle of aspirin in an attempt to end my life. Now here I was lying stripped of my clothes with needles stuck all over me, and in twenty minutes, another blank-faced nurse would come in and attempt with much difficulty to take another blood sample. Everything in me screamed, Why bother! These people could care less whether I lived or died. Being in the hospital after another unsuccessful suicide attempt precisely punctuates my point—I’m such a failure that I can’t even succeed in taking my own life.

As a child, I was raised with a very strict hand. From a very young age, I was taught that the word of authorities was law, and I never dared question any action of my authorities, even when they became abusive. Instead, I internalized the abuse, assuming that I was being treated that way because I wasn’t good enough. That became the resounding theme throughout my teenage years. Soon I began thinking that if I was such a disappointment, then others would be better off without me. At the age of twelve, I began entertaining thoughts of suicide.

Even though I had been brought to church since I was old enough to read, I dismissed the stories I heard in Sunday school as mere fairy tales. As I grew older, I began resenting the story of how Christ suffered and died for us out of his love for us. I looked around at those attending church with me, and they looked so put-together and clean, not the mess that I was. I resolved then that the love of God must be reserved for perfect-looking church people of which I was only mistakenly thrown in and definitely not a part of.

Soon, the thoughts of rejection took root in my heart and turned my heart into stone. I refused to care about anything or anyone. I figured that if I didn’t care whether people rejected me or not, then I couldn’t be hurt if they did. As time wore on, I was so determined to be in control of what others thought of me and not let them catch me off guard and hurt me that I tried everything I could to provoke others into rejecting me. I wanted to make sure that I didn’t let anyone love me, because I was convinced that if people start loving me, they would soon discover that I was not that lovable. Then they would reject me.

About two months into my freshman year in college, I went into my most serious bout with suicide. Finally, I resolved to double my formerly unsuccessful dose of aspirin in a final desperate attempt. As I finalized my plan, I remembered my pastor’s exhortation that the decision to live was mine alone. That comment stirred an ocean of conflict in my heart. I never really wanted to die. In fact, that’s why many of my attempts were so mild. I only thought that my death would be beneficial for others.

Soon afterward, I picked up a book and started reading in an effort to pass the time before my final plan was to be carried out. Halfway through the book, I came across Romans 8:38-39 which promises that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Suddenly, my heart soared as I realized that though others may hate me, I have a God who has not stopped loving me. I began singing praises to my Savior like never before. One of the first things that poured out of my heart comes directly from Psalm 40.

He brought me out of the miry clay.

He set my feet on a rock to stay.

He put a song in my heart today.

A song of praise, Hallelujah!

My transformed life has been a series of wrestling matches, temper tantrums, and wails of despair dotted with small victories. As you will see in the following pages, this night of transformation was only the beginning of the work of healing many of the wounds and scars of my youth. I am writing this today not because I have arrived and achieved the ultimate victory. Far from it. I am writing because of the faithfulness of our merciful Savior who, through his infinite patience, has drawn me to himself. And that is reason enough to live.

Acknowledgments

I would like to extend my deepest gratitude to the following:

• My Lord and Savior—You have been unceasingly faithful in your love and devotion to me. I owe you my life.

• My family and relatives—Your support and encouragement has helped me become who I am today.

• Pastor Rich—Thank you for all that you’ve taught me and for always believing in me.

• Pastor Greg—As my spiritual father, you have reflected the love of Christ time and time again.

• Pastor Nick—You have poured your life into me and invested yourself in helping me see who God has made me to be.

• Pastor Dan and Marianela—Thank you for all that you’ve done in making this book the best that it can be.

• Christine—Thank you for the countless hours you spent showing me that I was worthwhile.

• Evelyn—Thank you for your obedience to God in praying for me at my hour of greatest need.

How to Use This Book

I hear and I forget;

I see and I remember;

I do and I understand.

—Chinese Proverb

I sometimes wonder if I was born with a book in my hand. I love reading, and I’ve read many wonderful books; however, if you were to ask me to summarize my five favorite books, I am ashamed to say that I wouldn’t be able to tell you very much. I could probably give you a couple-sentence overview, but I couldn’t give you many details, even for books I’ve just finished reading. I am very much a visual/kinesthetic learner. I really have to do it in order to understand it. I don’t want you, as the reader, to merely walk away from this book only able to give a couple-sentence summary of the book. I want you to experience the life-changing truth of God’s Word. That’s why in this new edition, I am inviting you to get your hands dirty, and practice what you’ve learned in each chapter.

First of all, I want to encourage you to do something that I ask my reading students to do, whether they are struggling readers or gifted readers. It’s something I call talking with the text. For those of you who are very hesitant about marking your books, I am challenging you to step out of your comfort zone. I don’t mean just underlining or highlighting, though that is a start. Make comments in the margins, ask questions, stop and pray when the Holy Spirit grabs you with something. One of the elders at my church loves drawing and doodling in the margins of