It's so Funny

By Yvonne Moore

It's So Funny by Yvonne Moore is a collection of over four hundred clean jokes, some dating back to the 1800s. There are doctors jokes, lawyers, teachers, children, cops, dumb crooks, and lots more. It's So Funny is like a rainbow on a cloudy day.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: May 17, 2011
• ISBN: 9781456895945

Yvonne Moore

Yvonne Moore has spent a lifetime in the healing community. A nurse, family therapist and nurse educator, while Ms. Moore’s passion is teaching, contributing to the relational connections and the wellbeing of children is her touch stone. The birth of her first child grandchild, Sasha, inspired Yvonne to explore the medium of storytelling. To develop her writing craft, Yvonne has attained a diploma from the Institute of Children’s Literature. A student of life and learning, she is currently on hiatus from her PhD studies. When she’s not writing or teaching, she’s usually found with her own, especially her grandchildren, Sasha, Jasper, and Shiloh.

Book preview

THE GAME OF LOVE

MAUI NEWS 1904-1924

HER ADVICE

Wife: You always act like a fool.

Husband: Well, honey, I always follow your advice.

ANYTHING WOULD DO

I don’t want you for a son-in-law!

Perhaps you have some other good position you could give me.

ENCOURAGEMENT

But she says she has never given you any encouragement.

Did she say that?

She certainly did.

She told me her uncle was going to leave her a fortune and that he had one foot in the grave. If that’s not encouragement I’d like to know what you call it.

HIS SENTIMENTS

Oliver: What did your father say when you told him I’d asked you to marry me?

Alice: Should I leave out the swear words?

Oliver: Of course.

Alice: Then I have nothing to tell you.

PROPOSAL

Alex: Pardon me, professor, but last night your daughter accepted my proposal of marriage. I’ve called today to ask if there is any insanity in your family.

Professor: There must be.

HE THOUGHT HE WAS HANDSOME

So she has quarreled with that ugly beau of hers! He is the ugliest man I have ever seen. What did they quarrel about?

She thought she would make him feel good and remarked that handsome men were never worth enough power to blow them over the fence.

And it didn’t have the desired effect?

No; it made him furiously angry.

PROMPTED BY LOVE

So Alice married the rich Mr. Gilder. Was it a love match?

Yes, Alice loves money.

IT DEPENDS

Jill: I wonder how many men will be unhappy when I marry.

Betty: It all depends upon how many times you marry.

CHEATED

He: That fellow over there cheated me out of a cool 50,000.

She: How could he?

He: Wouldn’t let me marry his daughter.

POOR ON WIFE CHOOSING

Muldoon: I want to ask you a question.

McCaffrey: All right, ask away.

Muldoon: I’m thinking of getting married again. Now you’ve been married three times to my knowledge; tell me which wife you liked the most?

McCaffrey: You bite three lemons, one after another, and then tell me which is the sweetest.

PASSED THE TEST

So you want to marry my daughter, snapped the elderly man. Do you consider yourself financially able to do so?

Well, after a fellow has bought candy and flowers for a girl for a year, and has taken her to the theatre twice a week and is still not broke, I guess he can afford to get married.

STUNNING

Didn’t the bride look stunning?

And didn’t the groom look stunned?

HOW DID SHE KNOW?

The local Woman’s club had offered a prize for the best essay, by any member, on How to Make a Husband Happy.

It was a cash prize, and summer expenses were in the near distance.

The winning paper was just three words long, and, stranger than that, it was submitted by a fifty-seven year old spinster. Her essay was merely this: Feed the brute.

EMBEZZLER

Husband: Haven’t I always given you my salary check on the first of every month?

Wife: Yes, but you never told me you got paid on the 1st and the 15th, you embezzler!

AN EXCUSE

Mrs. Newlywed: Why did you tell the neighbors that you married me because I was such a good cook, when you knew that I couldn’t even boil a potato?

Mr. Newlywed: I had to make some excuse, my dear.

BEFORE AND AFTER

He told me I was simply stunning in my fancy costume.

And what did he tell you when the masks were removed?

THE SINGLE THOUGHT

Stella: Were you two souls with but a single thought?

Alice: That was the trouble; he wanted to stay single.

TELLTALE LIPS

You’ve been kissing another man.

You have no right to say that, declared the girl.

Then I withdraw it. But I preferred to believe that than to think you had been chewing tobacco.

NOT WORTH THE PRICE

The most heartless man lives in St Joseph. He turned up in a dentist’s office the other day, the Gazette says. I want to make an appointment for 3 o’clock. he said.

What’s the matter? asked the dentist.

It’s a bad tooth, with three prongs,

I can take that out easier by giving gas, which will cost you $2 more, but it will cause a lot less pain.

The man thought for a few minutes, then remarked that he guessed gas wouldn’t be necessary.

All right, the dentist replied. Will you be here at 3 o’clock sharp?

Me? Oh, my, no. The appointment is for my wife.

HOW MANY HELPED

Jack: I’m a confirmed bachelor.

Jill: Indeed? May I ask how many girls assisted in the confirmation?

IT NEVER HAPPENED

A married couple had employed a cook who was very pretty, but her cooking was terrible. One morning she burned the bacon to such a crisp it was inedible.

Dear, said the wife to her husband. I’m afraid the cook has burned the bacon. You’ll have to be satisfied with a kiss for breakfast.

All right, responded the husband, gruffly. Call her in.

WHO ELSE?

Mr. Towers came home the other night even later than usual. He got into the hall all right, but stumbled on the first stair, and his wife came to the top of the stairs with her torch, which she flashed on him.

Is that you, Henry? she asked.

He drew himself together with all the dignity he could summon. And who else might you be expecting at 2 o’clock in the morning?

TWO LICENSES FOR ONE MARRIAGE

It’s got so these days, complained a young man, that you can hardly get married unless you can show the girl two licenses.

Two licenses? exclaimed the friend.

"Yes, marriage and