The Spiritual Protection Prayer

By AnnaBel Silvers

The Spiritual Protection Prayer

In the name and through the power of the blood of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, Holy Spirit take control of our circumstances,situations, and conversations, through faith as we surrender our wills to You for this day.
All praises, honor, glory are given to our Father, God, whose love and presence,we have entered for He is worthy, mighty, and awesome to be praised.

First Stage, by surrendering your will to Jesus, who is Lord and seated at the right side of our Heavenly Father, you will relinquish control of any situation or circumstance for an entire day. The Holy Spirit who lives inside of you because you believe that Jesus Christ is your Savior has been given permission to control your life. You will no longer be in charge because the Holy Spirit searches all things, yes, the epitome of the Heavenly Father, God, Himself.

Second Stage,now that your life is prioritized, you may think all of Hell has been released on you. Why is this? Satan knows that you will begin to learn to have power over him, as well as his minions. It is God's responsibility as our Heavenly Father to help you..now! He has been waiting for such a time as this. Satan is angry with you and will now indefinitely try to destroy you. However, you must remember, greater is He Father (God)
in you than he (Satan) is in the world. You will learn how to live and deal through the power and the guidance of the Holy Spirit with your adversaries.

Third Stage,each and every day, you must commit and submit yourself to our Heavenly Father in the name and through the blood of Jesus Christ- through His Word. God only promises protection one day at a time. God knows the beginning and ending of your life- You Do Not! Jesus came to seek, save and protect us one day at a time from being eliminated by the adversary. You will learn what God's Holy Spirit has to say to you on a daily basis. Once you start reading God's Word, it will increase your desire to want to study to find out what God's will is and what He is all about. You will learn to trust Him. Your life with His Word will speak to each and every one of your situations, regardless of what circumstances you are under. Aren't you glad about that? Praise God!

Fourth Stage, if you do not know how to believe that the prayer will work or somehow feel inadequate that your faith isn't strong enough, pray to our Heavenly Father in the name and through the blood of His Son,Jesus Christ, to increase your faith and belief. Difficult situations and circumstances will occur anyway. You will experience anxiety and despair because you are making non-spiritual choices in human flesh. The Holy Spirit will not and cannot coerce your will. Why not surrender your will to an Omnipotent, Omniscient, Omnipresent Heavenly Father? He already knows all about you. You will be delighted to make Him your Lord. He is faithful to the end. He loves you. You will learn how to become obedient and renew your mind daily. Praise God!

Now through placing your trust in God, through the power of the blood of JESUS CHRIST, and the guidance of the Holy Spirit, your life will blossom with spiritual and physical delights. His promises of what is best for you will materialize. It is beyond your imagination and scope of vision of what His will for your life will become over what you believe it should be. You will delight to be obedient and a servant to God's will.

Remember, if you have never been through anything, how can you teach others? We are our brother's keepers. That is why Jesus came to save and give us life more abundantly.You will have grace for the pressures of the world, mercy for your failures as a human being and to keep both your heart and mind from pride, God's Peace. Hallelujah

You Are The Righteousness Of God In Christ Jesus

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Jun 22, 2017
• ISBN: 9781543431599

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Chapter One

Stepping Stones To Freedom

But when you pray, go into your most private room, and closing the door, pray to your Father Who is in secret; and your Father Who sees in secret will reward you in the open. (Matthew 6:6) AMP

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your strength, but with the temptation will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. (I Corinthians 10:13) RSV

Impetuously, stumbling towards my bedroom to kneel down to pray God’s strength, excruciating mental anguish continues to bind my mind, soul and body. Again as I looked up towards heaven, I said, My Lord, My God, how could I be a child of God, a servant to you, the Most High, if I cannot stop committing the sin that totally controls my mortal being? In this state of distressed and agitation, tears brought some relief but not enough to forget the times I had spent being involved with a married man and teaching Sunday school.

Wreaking havoc in my life, my inner scars of guilt were haunting and disturbing ever since my separation from the man that the Spirit of God told me not to marry. As long as I was married, there were no obsessive acts of sexual sins committed, but jealously, distrust and other things on his part had occurred. I was ignorant spiritually as to how the Holy Spirit worked in the life of a Christian. I only married this man to keep from actively being involved with married men. Entirely controlled by this one sin, I overtly and boldly told the Lord that when I get married again, I would stop committing this particular sin. You will see! I expressed in my prayers that I did not want to be living an adulterous lifestyle; I will make this marriage work because it was my way of being obedient to Him. Still the soft, quiet voice from within me said, No, You shouldn’t marry him!

Satan’s ostensible truth was there is no hope; you were born in iniquity, shaped in your mother’s womb. There is no Cure! His pernicious lies seduced me as a babe’s swaddling bands restricted its movement. With a spryest evil personality; the thought appeared for me to want to fix this problem all by myself. Yet, his spiel was so convicting that my head agreed, emanating No Hope.

Do Not let your hearts be troubled (distressed, agitated). You believe in and adhere to and trust in and rely on God; believe in and adhere to and trust in and rely also on Me! (John 14:1) AMP

The primary problem that I had lived with my entire life was waiting for anything to be work out. Always in a hurry, looking for a way out, I would become bored with the jobs I had and would look for something else that I thought could satisfy this empty void. When in distress due to selfish impulses and ambition, I called upon Jesus to rescue me from my problems. He was my Aladdin’s lamp.

The word I always got me into trouble and in reading passages of scripture, I found that the adversary challenged God and failed. I should have acknowledged my human limitations. However, nobody could tell me anything—I knew it all. It was a month later after I had disobeyed the Holy Spirit and a number of other people that had warned me; I realized I had made a terrible mistake. My human spirit did not have the capability for me to realize I did not know where future events would place me married to a person I had only known for three months. His character was mesmerizing; he was wild, sexually exciting and mischievous-impulsive rascal. Lust seeks the companionship of lust. We had the same nature—lasciviousness. However, it was too late and I was in serious trouble.

Study and be eager and do your utmost to present yourself to God approved (tested by trial), a workman who has no cause to be ashamed, correctly analyzing and accurately dividing—rightly handling and skillfully teaching—the Word of Truth. (II Timothy 2:15) AMP

In the five years that I had lived with Spouse in the marriage, I learned what a battered wife living in a limited-money situation, agitated and distressed would go through. I often called this marriage, a legal connection. There was not any love or compassion in sight. It grew worse as I did not know how to seek God’s word to combat the works of Satan ascertained by this man. It was to the point where I was embarrassed, ashamed and had to abandon members of my immediate family and friends to maintain some kind of peace. I even had to abandon his friends, because he was jealous of any kind of friendship I had found with them. My Lord why didn’t I take your advice? I am in serious trouble and my future looks bleak!

Be not deceived; God is not mocked; for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting. (Galatians 6:7-8) KJV

Mentally and physically battered were areas that I was also introduced to. I had been out of fellowship with my church for five years. My feelings were that God no longer would hear me. I did not feel my prayers were being answered, because a wall of guilt and disobedience had become my haven. My path had been blocked to believing a wonderful future of God and not enough sense to realize that I needed spiritual help.

"And when you spread forth your hands in prayer, imploring help, I will hide My eyes from you; even though you make many prayers, I will not hear; . . . Wash yourselves; make yourselves clean; put away the evil of your doings from before My eyes, cease to do evil," (Isaiah 1:15-16) AMP

I decided it was time to get back into the fellowship of the church in an attempt to understand the revelation and reality of how God’s Holy Spirit worked within the Christian’s life. I always wanted to become a teacher, and I needed to be in a training class before I felt comfortable with teaching anyone. The Sunday school officials needed teachers and started me out as one, which later became a major battle zone. I needed training!

I also had problems with my weight as it escalated from 125 to 180 pounds in the course of a year. I started to drink beer to pacify my new nerves for this new situation. A six-pack every two days, along with baking bread and eating it became my new circumstances. I started to blame myself because I was going nowhere fast. I did not like what I had become, and I was very unhappy.

My first marriage lasted only two years; however, we only stayed together two weeks. We committed not to love, honor, or obey. Fear of marriage and an obligation to care for a family prevented him from wanting to stay. Not knowing how to love and care for him kept me from asking him to stay. However, I did ask him to leave and he did. We had children and that was all. Therefore, divorce was the ultimatum. I had a beautiful relationship with his mother, which lasted well into her eighties.

I love those who love me; whoever looks for me can find me. (Proverbs 8:17) GNB

But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things shall be yours as well. (Matthew 6:33) RSV

A few of these scriptures began to nourish my feeble and confused mind. I had some soul searching to do because I was out of fellowship with God and demoralized with the actions of Spouse. In an attempt to read my bible, he reprimanded me for trying to save the world. He would say anything, as his demons must have been intimidated when I picked it up. There was a time when he did go to church. He was proud to be in the male chorus. He said that he believed in Jesus, however, not enough to follow Him. However, I did go to church with him and his mother once. I saw him proudly singing with the chorus, only afterwards he bragged that he had the best voice in the group.

As I was so malnutrition and blinded spiritually, a decision prompt that maybe I could help him become a better person. However, I have learned you should not go into a marriage hoping to change anyone. Sometimes when he got angry, he would shove me across the room and I always pushed back. We would throw punches at each other; however, as a female I was very defeated when the pain reached its breaking point.

If My people who are called by My name shall humble themselves, pray, seek, crave and require of necessity My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven, forgive their sin, and heal their land. (II Chronicles 7:14) AMP

"And if a Christian woman is married to a man who is an unbeliever and he agrees to go on living with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made acceptable to God by being united to his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made acceptable to God by being united to her Christian husband . . ." (I Corinthians 7:13-14) GNB

With the compassion to care for babies and children, truly it was a blessing from the Lord. I wanted to see them comfortable, clean and well fed. This was God’s gift of love to me. Yet, there was a vast emptiness, a void within my life, in which I could not explain, a hunger to be complete. The Lord blessed me with three beautiful little girls, and they were my basic concern. I had allowed this marriage to a man for the purposes of sexual gratification only.

One of my prayers answered was when I was eight years of age, I asked God for a house on the street where I babysat for my sister’s mother-in-law. I asked for the best looking house on that street. When I was twenty-four years old, we were taking my sister’s mother-in-law home from a dinner at her house. The owners had just placed a For Sale sign on the lawn. The Lord granted us that house. The Lord always provided me with good jobs, and I was always willing to learn. I never really wanted to go to college. My basic desire was to stay home and take care of my family. What I failed to ask for and did not know how to want was a man as a husband, friend and companion who loved the Lord. I did not know that I would become very disadvantaged in maintaining future relationships with men. I was always intrigued with someone else’s. I really did not want to rely on a man to support me. My parents have been married over 70 years. One of the things that I truly inherited from mother was her capacity to work with people and like it. Mother loved doing menial jobs given to her. I knew how to get along with people in the workplace. The kind of relationship that I needed could only come from our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. I had partially placed my life in His hands, distrusting Him to fulfill and complete the main part—my life.

When someone spoke of God’s Will, his or her only response was that God would place you where you would not want to be. Then they would say you should be careful what you pray for, because you always received it and it would not be what you wanted in the first place. Much later in life, I found out that one should be careful what you wish for and trust God for His will.

I was afraid of being bored and restless and the inability to maintain a true relationship for the rest of my life. Many times, I would remind Spouse of where he stood in our relationship. These conversations made him angry and the abuse would start in which I found both my life and health threatened. We separated many times within the five years, but he always used my compassion to come back home. I was beginning to wear thin from the physical and mental abuse. However, only the Spirit of God loving me knew that future vows made would lock me within God’s will for a better life and God’s glorification. The fighting continued and finally after suffering a mild heart/stress attack, I prayed to God to teach me according to His word and release me from this prison.

I was becoming afraid of him and wanted him out of my life. I began to fear for the safety of my girls, if that ever became an issue. He had two little girls by his first marriage. His ex-wife and I had the same name. When the children came for a visit, I found myself taking all of them to the zoo and to the park. We got along quite well. I could even hold conversations with their mother. We began to feel the same for the spouse that gave us the same grief. He often taunted my oldest daughter, and she truly did not like to be around him. I began to envision myself hurting him, especially when it came to my girls.

He delivers the afflicted in their affliction and opens their ears (to His voice) in by adversity. (Job 36:15) AMP

". . . for You have hidden Your face from us and have delivered us into the (consuming) power of our iniquities. Yet, O Lord, You are our Father, we are the clay, and You our Potter, and we all are the work of Your hand. Do not be exceedingly angry, O Lord, or (seriously) remember iniquity forever. Behold, consider, we beseech You, we are all Your people." (Isaiah 64:7-9) AMP

And Jesus answered them, ‘Truly, I say to you, if you have faith—a firm relying trust—and do not doubt, you will not only do what has been done to the fig tree, but even if you say to this mountain, be taken up and cast into the sea, it will be done. And whatever you ask for in prayer, having faith and (really) believing, you will receive.’ (Matthew 21:21-22) AMP

I cannot remember ever hearing sermons on spiritual warfare, but during a struggle to escape from the wrath of Spouse, I entered into it. God knows all and sees all. He is pure love and is always there for His children. However, what I did not know and had to learn was that His Holy Spirit does not violate the will of the believer.

To such as keep His covenant—hearing, receiving, loving, and obeying it; and to those who (earnestly) remember His commandments to do them (imprinting them on their hearts). The Lord has established His throne in the heavens; and His Kingdom rules over all. (Psalm 103:18-19) AMP

But the mercy and loving-kindness of the Lord are from everlasting to everlasting upon those who reverently and worshipfully fear Him, and His righteousness is to children’s children. (Psalm 103:17) AMP

It is good for me that I have been afflicted; that I might learn thy statutes. (Psalm 119:71) KJV

He gently waits for He sees the disappointment of men and women, who in Him would find heart-satisfaction which others, cannot give them. He sees the youth crowding Him out of its work-filled, pleasure-filled days and yet He waits. He sees the aged, desolate without them calling and trusting Him to care for their needs, yet He waits. (GOD AT EVENTIDE, 1950)

The spiritual warfare began while I was talking with my mother one night on the telephone that lasted about two hours. I was pouring my heart out to her that I was tired and needed to change my life. Spouse was trying to telephone me to bring him lunch on his job. He was working for my brother-in-law in his gas station. However, his failure to reach me made him so vehemently angry, that when he finally did reach me, I was accused of talking to another man and I would be so sorry when he came home! I immediately fell on my knees, crying hysterically to my Heavenly Father and Jesus for their spiritual protection. I cried out to the Lord that I was so tired and my mind and body could not take any more physical or verbal abuse. I pleaded to Him to hear my cry and pity all of my groans with His mercy. I recalled an incident whereas he came into the living room and with me sitting on the one end of the sofa; he picked up the other end and just let it drop without an explanation. This instilled fear of control for what was to be expected in my future.

Before I was afflicted I went astray; but now have I kept thy word. Let, I pray thee, thy merciful kindness be for my comfort, according to thy word unto thy servant. (Psalm 119:67, 76) KJV

I remembered when in the early stages of the physical abuse, I always fought him back and could sustain punches that would surrender a person unconscious, but now the fatigue from it had defeated my strength to endure. One incident of how I know that the Lord will come to your aide was when we were in our previous apartment. We had gone to a party and I had a hairpiece wrapped around my head, attached to my own hair. I danced with one of his friends and as he drank heavily that night, he became angrier. We came home and I went in as he was parking the car. He came in behind me and slammed the back door so hard that the glass shattered. I began to take my hairpiece out when he rushed upstairs and started to hit me holding onto my hairpiece. I kicked him so hard that he shouted that I would never be capable of hurting him. We rolled around on the floor until I fell flat.

As he stood on my chest, I called faintly out to the Lord that I was going to die; yet, I did not plead for my life. My body pressured against his weight asphyxiated my ability to breath. I felt as if I was dying as he continued to put all his weight on me. When all of a sudden, something picked him up off me, and he acted as though something was hovering all over him. He ran out of the room screaming and the next morning I found him in the basement asleep. He would not talk to me about that night as something overwhelming him and protecting me.

Let me identify the something. It was God’s Holy Spirit who had protected me from being further hurt. I survived that event with only a broken finger, which I set back in place myself. Lord, thank you for your intervention. I had learned to become weak and helpless, but now I needed God’s help for I had delivered myself into a den with one, old nasty lion. Talk about sleeping with the enemy! Who would continuously fight such a raging battle; I know that God would; yet I did not always rely totally on Him for help. I needed to see and know for myself that He could fix me totally and release me from this guilt. He could have said, I told you so. However, by this time, I had repented repeatedly for making this terrible mistake and for my acts of adultery in the past.

You can attempt to do right in a situation, but it takes the omnipotent power of Jesus Christ to put sin away in a person’s life forever giving you power to control it through the Word of God. [Brown, 1987]

Applying God’s armor to my life was quite inconceivable. God’s word was something that I wanted to learn and know. The knowledge of how His Holy Spirit worked within the spiritual realm, I promised not to rest, but seek the Lord diligently for guidance. Believe me, this time I promised that with His help, I would listen. I promised that even if making a vow in His name would hold me to it, I would make it. I was desperate now!

And this is how we may discern (daily by experience) that we are coming to know Him—to perceive, recognize, understand and become better acquainted with Him; if we keep (bear in mind, observe, practice) His teachings (precepts, commandments). (I John 2:3) AMP

Blessed are they that keep His testimonies, and that seek Him with the whole heart, I will praise thee with uprightness of heart, when I shall have learned thy righteous judgments. (Psalm 119:2, 7) KJV

There was a time when Spouse boasted with his pernicious attitude that he was a servant to Satan. He did not rely or trust in Jesus. Hearing such words frighten me to the point that I began to sleep with a bible under my pillow. Cults and devil worshipping were seldom talked about and hearing eerie stories from senior citizens made me realized that this stuff could be true. My thoughts began to wrestle with the intentions that truly I believed myself to be in the Heavenly Father’s hands and not obeying my own will. I needed that assurance. I needed to learn when I was relying on self and not God’s Holy Spirit. I began to pray how this could be possible in my life—to rely on God and His Holy Spirit alone.

Anyhow, I soon fell asleep from exhaustion in reminiscence to await Spouse’s arrival. I do not remember how long I had slept, but awaken upon hearing a disturbance of groans and moans coming from the bathroom. As I decided to investigate, I went cautiously into the bathroom and to my surprise; there he was sprawl all over the commode. Regurgitation and defecation had surrendered his body tenaciously helpless. He pleaded and begged me to take him to the Veterans Administration hospital; which I did and he remained there for three days. The doctor diagnosed his case as being acute gastrointestinal distress.

What strength have I left, that I should wait and hope? In addition, what is ahead of me, that I should be patient? Is it not that I have no help in myself, and that wisdom is quite driven from me? (Job 6:11, 13) AMP

For wherever there is jealousy (envy) and contention (rivalry and selfish ambition), there will also be confusion (unrest, disharmony, rebellion) and all sorts of evil and vile practices. But the wisdom from above is first of all pure (undefiled; then it is peace-loving, courteous (considerate, gentle). (It is willing to) yield to reason, full of compassion and good fruits; it is wholehearted and straightforward, impartial and unfeighed—free from doubts, wavering and insincerity. (James 3:16-17) AMP

Now if you think I did not praise my God for Spouse’s predicament, you are so wrong! I thanked and praised God for my victory repeatedly. He had delivered me from a nasty old lion and a night that could have ended with me in the hospital. You will have to walk in my shoes to understand just what I mean—that is if you are judging. Even now, I can sympathize with the abused women going to prison for killing their spouses. I surely thought of it many times. Lord, thank you for choosing me as your child. Sin is cruel, and God’s hand saves and keeps us from impending danger even when we do not call on His Name. I felt God was not hearing me, and but now I am glad for the lessons that I am learning. I was also learning what trust truly meant as throughout God’s Word, says, Trust Me.

And those who know thy name put their trust in thee, for thou, O Lord, hast not forsaken those who seek thee. (Psalm 9:10) RSV

As it is written, none is righteous, just and truthful and upright and conscientious, no, not one. (Romans 3:10) AMP

Uphold me according unto thy word, that I may live; and let me not be ashamed of my hope. Hold thou me up, and I shall be safe; and I will have respect unto thy statutes continually. (Psalm 119:116-117) KJV

Teach me good judgment and knowledge: for I have believed thy commandments. (Psalm 119:66) KJV

These things have I spoken unto you, being yet present with you. But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and brings all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto. (John 14:25-26) KJV

The Holy Spirit shall teach us all things necessary for us either to learn ourselves, or to teach others; for those that would teach the things of God must first themselves be taught of God, then the Holy Spirit will bring to our minds that which they had been taught, by leading them into the understanding of it. Christ taught his disciples well, which they soon had forgotten. The Spirit of Grace is given to be a remembrancer to those that seek His help.

Eagerly, I embraced and began to study God’s word on spiritual warfare and prayed for wisdom to understand how to apply the armor of God. Having had no experience in this area, I sought a friend who had collected books about authors who had experienced the power of God in His supernatural realm. Some of them were Corrie Ten Bloom, Watchman Nee, Jessie Penn-Lewis, Rebecca Brown and Colonel Thieme, Jr. Colonel Thieme’s books were free just for the asking and I ordered them all. My brother had him in the military as a teacher. He kept a library on practically all of his teachings. I just wanted to start reading to learn how to enter God’s will and have my own collection of books.

As I began to read and meditate, there was an inspiration and eagerness to read more and a spiritual attraction that filled my spirit. I was finally learning how to feed on God’s Holy word and like it. I became excited and began to teach my Sunday school class with enthusiasm. My church had seemed to me as malnourished in this area. They were not teaching how to apply the armor for me to understand it and the class showed no interest in what I was teaching. The adversary began to stir up trouble for me in my Sunday school class and when a teacher left, they demoted me to teaching in the nursery. I got so upset that I left church, went to the track to run off steam in the hot sun for five miles. However, thank God for the determination to learn more, even though Satan’s minions seemed to interfere with my helping others.

My bible became a reality and I did not read a book that was not background in scriptures. I still was involved with a married man, so I went as I was to the throne of Grace for God to resolve my entire ordeal.

The Lord is good, a strong hold in the day of trouble; he knows those who take refuge in Him. (Nahum 1:7) RSV

". . . for a wide door for effective work has opened to me, and there are many adversaries." (I Corinthians 16:9) RSV

I did not know yet how to guard my thoughts from being distracted, however, I was willing to learn. I only imagine what it could be like to become obedient to the will of God. Once I found out what His will was for me in life, then it would become easy, I thought. Faith will protect me through His word and His Holy Spirit will protect me through my prayers. The armor of God’s light will deflect the evil in its attempts to stop my spiritual progress.

The night is far gone (and) the day is almost here. Let us then drop (fling away) the works and deeds of darkness and put on the (full) armour of light. But clothe yourself with the Lord Jesus Christ, the Messiah, and make no provision for (indulging) the flesh—put a stop to thinking about the evil cravings of your physical nature—to (gratify its) desires (lusts.) (Romans 13:12, 14) AMP

Persecutions were finding their way to my job and even though I prayed and talked with my aging, ailing pastor, I needed to believe that God’s Spirit was working within me. Patience was the one thing far from my mind—I had none. I wanted everything right now. Working in a secondary high school with plenty of students to keep me busy, held my interest in this job longer but still boredom hovered in the shadows. I began to witness to the students about how Christ would protect them if they would believe in and praise Him as the Son of God. Acknowledging His word was far from my grasp, as I still was far from understanding it. However, with my experiences of how God was working with situations involving Spouse, I believed enough to witness in this way. Jesus had delivered me in a way that only He would receive the glory, but somehow I knew from within that He was going to make himself very real in my life.

The troubles started coming from teachers, counselors and some students who did not understand my new attitude and concerns. As the students brought me their problems, I suggested that we pray over their situations. On one occasion, a counselor promised a student that he needed only one credit of English to graduate. The Holy Spirit brought it to my mind to document the counselor’s promise and maintain a file for students who had similar complaints. At the end of that school year, the student was distraught to learn that the counselor’s word was not her bond. Due to wisdom that led us to maintain a copy of what the counselor had said previously, the student was reassured of graduation. This made the counselor upset since she seemed not to remember writing it down. When the student presented her note to the assistant principal, the student was reassured of graduation.

Several mentally challenged students worked after school in the office. A review meeting for one particular student who worked in my office was coming up, and my attendance was necessary. Her aging mother wanted the assurance of whether her daughter could take care of herself. She did not have any other relatives that would care for her, and perhaps she could interview a guardian. The psychologists and faculty would decide whether this student would remain in a public school. I found a copy of what the student’s expectations were for her future as she viewed it.

This student needed to learn how to deal with a predominant school of black students, regardless of her handicapped condition. She needed to learn how not to listen to their teasing about her rare facial appearances. She needed to minimize her fears by facing and speaking out to several male students who found their way of taunting her when she least expected it. Only God’s wisdom through His Holy Spirit could teach her how. After six months, she had learned to tell the students where to go with their teasing. She was growing to love and deal with all kinds of obstacles in our office area, as well as in her classroom. As she was facing many problems, I explained to her how Jesus was enabling her to deal with them one step at a time.

The particular meeting we had to go to confused me to no end. The psychologists were having her count bolts in large jars. I did not know what else they had planned for her other than getting her frustrated enough to empty the jars over their heads. Watching this test take place for some reason, I could not hold my tongue and I spoke out. I showed them her note and explained how far she had progressed within a short time. They commended me for speaking up and the psychologist said I was in the wrong field and should study to become more of a professional, possibly helping other students. That excited me enough to believe that I could possibly study Psychology.

Another time, a student came and just sat in my office. The Holy Spirit led me to tell him about Jesus and His love for him. Later on, that same student confessed to the Resource Officer that he had repeatedly set the fire alarms off in the school. He also confessed that he needed help for other offenses. He returned often to my office and I shared with him what I was learning about the Lord.

And when He comes, He will convict and convince the world and bring demonstration to it about sin and about righteousness (uprightness of heart and right standing with God) and about judgment: (John 16:8) AMP

One teacher accused me of not making funds available for him to purchase instructional supplies and during a confidential meeting regarding two other teachers; they accused me of giving out vital school information to the students regarding their curriculum or grades. I explained to the administrators that I did not once, but several times call the teacher to tell him that he had funds available, yet the teacher still wanted to blame me. The teachers making the verbal accusations regarding privacy and overstepping my boundary filed a complaint with their union steward, the charges against me was for interference. When the principal came forward to referee the matter, the Spirit of God fought my battle in the Name of Jesus. He brought to my mind to simply tell the principal to bring my accusers forward and let them tell me about their accusations—none came forward and the whole matter was dismissed. The Holy Spirit permitted me to stand my ground in God’s truth. Praise God in His omnipotence. The Lord was truly preparing me for further battles in His kingdom for others and myself.

As my witnessing to the students continued to grow, many confessed Christ as their Saviour. Many times, my assistance in situations was needed between teachers and teachers, parents and students, teacher and students, students and students, as well as faculty with teachers. A teacher chased out of his classroom by his students burst into the main office and ran right into my office, behind me with the class following him. It had to be the Lord because when the students reached my office, all the commotion stopped.

The reverent and worshipful fear of the Lord is the beginning (the chief and choice part) of Wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight and understanding. (Proverbs 9:10) AMP

I had now decided that it was time to escape this partnership marriage, and I submitted prayers fervently to God for the way out. I was glad that my parents instilled bible studying in our home and encouraged me to read my bible as a young girl. In doing so, I read about King Solomon asking God for wisdom in His word and the understanding to judge his people. I did not know that God had placed the desire for me to ask that very same thing as a child and it was slowly beginning to materialize.

How much better it is to get skillful and godly Wisdom than gold! And to get understanding is to be chosen rather than silver. (Proverbs 16:16) AMP

Spouse had parked his van on the school property when he should have been working. Some of the students had begun to visit me at home, and he did not like student visitors. He reprimanded me and bullied the students who came to visit. He had a promising career with great expectations for the future in the journeymen/plumbing business. He was receiving journeymen wages when he was a student. However, he did not think of reporting to work on time and they terminated him. He began to show up on my job quite frequency; and as I worked among the students, he camouflaged himself in the background of students watching me. Once he spoke with my supervisor to prohibit the students from being around me. He should have been out trying to find work. My supervisor suggested to him that I should resign because dealing with the students was one of my more important job factors. I was the only breadwinner in the family and he soon forgot that conversation. That was only the beginning of the problems that would follow and remind me to tenaciously hold onto God’s word and learn how to live.

One particular student was in my work program after school. He was living the life of a homosexual. His family moved right down the street from us. He visited me often to talk about his family of women and his lifestyle. He even watched my children for an hour at a time, so we became friends and I gave him rides to school. He would come up to the house every morning. Spouse would insult him as he waited for me to get ready for work. He had a very sweet disposition. What the Spirit of God within started to tell me was very frightening. I noticed how angry Spouse would become when the student came over to our house. He told him blatantly that he was not welcomed.

On one occasion, I brought two paraplegic students home. It was a struggle for me to carry each one of them into the house, so I asked him to help me of which he refused. Their wheelchairs were even a bigger struggle, yet the Lord enabled me to do the work. I even took one of them to the amusement park. Spouse had become a big hindrance to my working with students and being around my family. I began to grow extremely tired and was beginning to decide whether it was time for him to leave.

I loved this house and believed that it was a special promise from the Lord. As Jacob wrestled with the angel of the Lord to bless him and change his name, (Genesis 32:25-26), I wrestled with the ability to leave this big, beautiful house. He did not have a job and could not pay the mortgage, so I just knew he was going to give it up easily. Remembering at the closing costs; the money saved, he spent. I had to borrow money from the credit union to pay closing costs and the first month’s mortgage. As I continued to pray to the Lord about my decision for him to go, I found out that my gay student and Spouse had become lovers. I walked in on them in my living room having a serious conversation. I had come home early to find out this had been going on for some time and Spouse told me later that the gay student represented a part of his sexual fantasy. What did I care, he exploded, As you said, this is only a companionable marriage? They continued to be together and I was still the student’s friend who called on me to go to court with him. He called several times looking for Spouse, as though I did not count as his wife. My pride had gotten the better of me; more than anything else, I could not compete in such a predicament! I did not have the credentials that either one of them wanted. How could I have been so stupid to get into such a mess? I had no idea and I really did not care because there was not any love to be lost. I still did not know how to love him or any man. I needed God to help me understand why I had a passion only to love children and seniors citizens.

So there are three witnesses in heaven: the Father, the Word and the Holy Spirit, and these three are One. (I John 5:7) AMP

So Jesus said, ‘Who had believed in Him, if you abide in My Word—hold fast to My teachings and live in accordance with them—you are truly My disciples. And you will know the Truth, and the Truth will set you free.’ (John 8:31-32) AMP

I knew then that there was something definitely wrong with me because I just accepted the fact that they wanted to be together. I did not feel hurt or fight, bitter or mad for long—I was relieved. I had heard about this happening to other people who dearly loved their partners and knew about their gay lifestyles upfront. I also believed that God’s Holy Spirit warns believers before they are married. Boy, did I leap for joy! I accepted whatever he wanted in regards to his relationship with my friend, but I wanted this house. I wanted him only to get another job and move. After all, I paid all the bills! After much thought, I prayed to the Lord’s Holy Spirit to help me in planning for his removal. I called my attorney immediately to start divorce proceedings. I was bold in what I wanted to do. I was not listening really to the Holy Spirit’s still small voice, because I did not like what He was suggesting for me to do. I expressed my plans that I really could not wait until he was gone from my life.

One night when the girls were with my parents, I took my time coming home from work. I had begun to stay out late with friends. I had mentioned one of my friends, a teacher that I like being around. Spouse wanted to meet her. He came to school when she was in my office and to my surprised, asked her to bring me home as he wanted to use my car. His van had been in my brother-in-law’s shop and a friend dropped him off. I did not think anything regarding this; however, I should have given it much thought. When we arrived home, he invited her in only to accuse her of keeping me out late. He began to curse her for being a so-and-so friend. I was so embarrassed for her and myself.

It was later on in the evening, when Spouse began arguing with me because of my staying out late, and why dinner was not prepared. After all, I had just arrived home and the money he did have, could not pay the mortgage. I felt he should have cooked something for himself. He had a .357 magnum in his hand and as he inserted the clip in its chamber, I began to praise My God that my children were not home. I became very nervous as I watched him frantically twirling it around on his little finger. I have always been afraid of guns and was motionless in praying. He shouted insults that I was his wife and I was going to do exactly as he tells me. He argued about my friends and some family members who were telling me to leave him in a shell of a house, because most of the furniture in the house belonged to me. He began to wave the gun in my face, as he threw his new canteen into the wall. I watched as it shattered into many pieces. I started to clean it up frantically, as I always became busy when I was afraid. I could not believe that the name of Jesus was not on my tongue.

To reinforce my fear of guns, I began to think of an incident when Spouse came on my job to accuse my supervisor of taking control of my mind. School was over; however, a few faculty members and students were still on the grounds. I had just told him that our marriage was over and I had decided to leave him and give him the house. The Holy Spirit told me to do that, but I still wanted him to leave. Spouse started shouting insults at my supervisor who came outside to confront him. As we stood together, Spouse pointed this same gun at us. No one moved and my supervisor started to ask him what was he accusing him of; I just stood motionless. I could not pray then, as I could not pray now. All of a sudden, Spouse became paranoid, as the Resource Officer and Principal were on their way. He wanted to know why everyone was staring at him. After all, he had a loaded gun on public property. He was still on parole from a previous offense. Well, after a few seconds, which seemed like hours of watching him, he got into his borrowed car and left. When I got home, he was crouched on the sofa, just staring at the floor—not saying a word.

Now we were here again and there was not a crowd. I heard my parents and the children at the front door; however, I did not move to let them in. My daughter used her key and my mother upon witnessing the domestic dilemma, rushed the children upstairs. My father seldom would say anything, but this time he spoke up. Spouse dismantled the gun and placed it with the clip on the kitchen counter. My mother and Spouse began to discuss why this was happening and when she mentioned that he needed the Lord and prayer, he started to walk towards the front door. As always, she followed him; then he turned and shoved her out onto the front porch, locking the door behind him. Then he began to argue with my father. When he put his finger into my father’s face, something on the inside snapped. I became furious and attempted to do something with deep regrets.

I could hear explicitly within my head—a loud, sharp voice. It was telling me to pick up the gun. It was telling me to put the clip in its place, aim it and shoot him in the head. It was loud, harsh and evil. It was very different from the soft gentle voice of God’s Holy Spirit. The voice encouraged me to believe that finally he would be gone forever, and I would have my dream house without any problems from him. I would be killing him in self-defense. After all, he brought the gun into the house. The voice told me to defend my father’s honor and vindicate mother being pushed out of the house. I forgot all about my mother, the inability to pray, and anything else positive. However, at that time one of my daughters sneaked downstairs and opened the front door.

By this time, I had loaded the gun and put it to the back of Spouse’s head. I saw colors of red as my anger grew out of proportion. Looking at what I had been reduced to did not shame me one bit, I never knew that I could attempt to take another person’s life. However, this I felt definitely was needed and I wanted to do it. As I held the gun to the back of his head, I told him to turn around so that he could see who was going to do society and me a favor, as he always blamed society for his disastrous life. I was smiling as the voice now was thundering inside of my head. I was just about to pull back the trigger, when mother ran into the middle of us shouting, JESUS, JESUS, JESUS! My father stuttered, as he had never been in the middle of a domestic fight with one of his children. Could this have been me, a person who cared about people in such a God-forsaken disposition? At that time, he had turned to face me. Still holding it to his temple, my mother knocked it out of my hands. I saw the fear of death all over his face and yet that voice continued to tell me to kill him. I dropped the gun and Spouse caught it, placing it on the counter. We all stood speechless, just watching each other.

Mother eventually said, He isn’t worth killing. She motioned to my father that it was time for them to go home. It was as though Jesus was standing in the middle of us, for she could feel His presence. The harsh voice was gone. I am so glad the Lord’s Holy Spirit let me know that it was wrong for me to want him to die.

What is happening to me Lord, I need your help now! To this day, I praised my loving Heavenly Father for letting my mother’s prayers and actions intercede in that critical situation. Last year, a friend of one of my daughters was in a similar incident. Her father rushed in on her estranged husband holding a gun to his daughter’s head. The husband immediately killed her father for interfering in their domestic dispute. My daughter’s friend’s mother struggled with her husband, and angered for her father’s demise, she killed him. He had been abusive and controlling. They lived in her father’s house. Even though, he moved out, his anger made him come back for revenge. The same thing could have happened to my family. I would have had to live with that on my conscious for the rest of my life, in jail or out of jail. I praised Almighty God in heaven for not allowing us to end up that same way.

Against You, You only, have I sinned, and done that which is evil in Your sight; so that You are justified in Your sentence and faultless in Your judgment. (Psalm 51:4) AMP

But no one says, Where is God my Maker, Who gives songs of rejoicing in the night.(Job 35:10) AMP

Did I have power to fight such a raging, domestic battle, No! Spending years in jail certainly would not have been worth it. My mind to move as the Holy Spirit directed me to should have been next on my agenda, but I still was not convinced. I was going to try one more thing. I wanted this house!

Look thou upon me, and be merciful unto me, as thou usest to do unto those that love thy name. Order my steps in thy word: and let not any iniquity have dominion over me. Deliver me from the oppression of man: so will I keep thy precepts. Make thy face to shine upon thy servant; and teach me thy statutes. (Psalm 119:132-135) KJV

Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen. For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature. And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another, men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompense of their error which was meet. And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient, (Romans 1:25-28) KJV

As a teenager and into my early adulthood, older teens and young adults who indulged in lesbian activities approached and taunted me to accept this lifestyle. Praise God for my mother teaching me the word of God; whereas, I showed them the dangers of it. One lady wanted to show me her clitoris, whereas when she desired a female, it came out and grew into inches, terrifying and sending me into the arms of a man. We are born into the sins of the devil. Satan nourishes and relishes us into our iniquities—the lust of the flesh. The foolishness and practical wickedness of the heart cloud and darken our intellectual powers and faculties. Thus the world by wisdom knew not God. Yet God is not the author of sin, the fault is laid upon the sinner’s wicked heart, nourished and contained by Satan, within his kingdom. We cannot be delivered up to a greater slavery than to be given into our own lusts. Lasciviousness—sexual sins of any source. The reprobate mind was a blind-seared conscience, disregarding any feelings for God’s Word. So where do I go to be cleanse of these iniquities?

Where withal shall a young man cleanse his way? by taking heed thereto according to thy word. (Psalm 119:9) KJV

Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy loving kindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse from my sin. For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me. Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight that thou mightest be justified when thou speakest, and be clear when thou judgest. Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me. (Psalm 51:1-5) KJV

Where do I go to be cleaned up from Satan’s cover up? By taking heed to the word of God, through the blood of the Lamb, Jesus Christ. We must make the word of God our rule. This is the only way towards the cleansing of man’s mindset than any laws or morals of philosophers. A thorough consistency of this rule, for the rest of your life, applied carefully and daily as a standard to a brighter life can glorify and honor God the Father, His Son Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit, the mind of God.

Behold, thou desirest truth in inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom. (Psalm 51:6) KJV

What God requires of us He Himself works in us, and He works it in the regular way, enlightening the mind and so gaining the will. The hidden part, in the new man called the hidden man of the heart (I Peter 3:4) is how God’s Holy Spirit make him to know wisdom so as to discern and avoid the designs of the tempter as we embrace the will of God for His will and our lives.

Maybe one day, I will understand what these passages of scripture mean, but at this time, it was far from my