Life of Traumatic Abuse

By Jensen Anderson

From a young age until his early thirties, Jensen was horribly abused by numerous males and some females. He lost his innocence at age two, at age six he was sexually attacked by two neighborhood boys. His step-dad, adoptive mother, gay boyfriends, and their friends; brutal attacks led to him needing protection.
In his late twenties, he became very depressed and suicidal; he was hospitalized for a few suicidal attempts. After being released from the hospital, he was once again horribly abused, but by a girlfriend (he attempted dating a woman); the girlfriend had male friends who helped her sexually and physically abuse him, horribly abused him.
After he was able to get away from her, he decided to no longer risk it. Jensen has severe PTSD from all the trauma in his life. It's hard for him to sleep at night, to trust anyone from the trauma in his life. For a few years, he popped pills and drank alcohol trying to cope with his hurt and pain.
He had no one and nothing to turn to, but his dreams of someone loving him and caring about him kept him going. He never found love and acceptance, now he has found comfort in silence and solitude. This is why he decided to write and share his story, as well as to try to send a message to those who may have been through similar or may be in a similar situation.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Jensen Anderson
• Release date: Aug 20, 2021
• ISBN: 9781393074397

Book preview

Prologue

Author's Notes

Childhood Traumatic Abuse

My First Love, Adulthood Traumatic Abuse

Brutal Attacks

Depression, Anxiety, PTSD

About The Author

Poems By The Author

Prologue

The names have been changed in order to maintain dignity and privacy of others. This book is based on my life from age 6 to age 34.

Those who abused me deny it. I don't think anything will ever make them admit to what they had done to me. Why do parents abuse their children? Do they not know what it does to them later in life? Maybe they don't care how they will be affected by it later in life. Abuse has a life long affect on its victims. Myself, I still have a very difficult time with anger, depression, suicidal thoughts and had a few attempts, thoughts about getting into drugs but I know how horrible drugs are and thoughts about becoming an alcoholic. If it wasn't for some of the music I listen to and learn about the lives of some of the singers and why they sing what they sing about. Papa Roach is the main band. I can relate to the lead singer. I don't know exactly what he went through just from what I have read, his songs and interviews.

Some individuals think only Veterans can have PTSD no it's not just them, victims of sexual abuse do as well. There are other types of abuse that probably would cause PTSD as well. I personally have PTSD as well as other diagnoses. I was abused sexually, physically, mentally and I was starved. It's not just being starved for it to be considered abuse. Being over fed is another type of abuse. In foster care, after the foster mother became abusive I was occasionally starved. I went hungry part or most of the time. No one believed me about the Foster Mother abusing me. I had no one to go to for help. Just like I never did while living with Marsha. Both Marsha and Ruth made it seem they were caring and loving around everyone. But while at the house, both homes, they were abusive.

I have struggled with deciding if I want to follow God or Satan. After all that I had been put through I feel like God hates me. Otherwise I wouldn't have been born to or been adopted by or been fostered by everyone who abused me as well as the boys who hurt me so badly.

There have been numerous times I had thoughts about taking drugs and being an alcoholic. I still sometimes think about it. The reason I have thought about doing drugs, is to drown out my pain. The reason for alcohol is to drown out the flashbacks during the day and the flashback nightmares. I have flashbacks while awake and asleep daily, nightly. I have a paranoia from the trauma in my life. The trust issues make it hard for me to sleep at night. This is because I was mostly abused, in  my adulthood, was at night time. I was woken