Identify your Bully then GET RID OF IT

By Debra Moore

Identifying a bully helps enlighten those unknowingly held captive by situations linked to bullying! The book's ultimate goal is to encourage and offer guidance in ending the suffering from such fixable disparities!

Identifying a bully, allows us to dimensionally view realistic ways of dealing with those we may not recognize as, or those whom we may refer to as bullies! The book's utmost purpose however, is about building or restoring the confidence one loses due to the impediment of bullying on the human spirit!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Debra Moore
• Release date: Aug 24, 2023
• ISBN: 9798201458621

Book preview

Bullying Has Been Around for Thousands of Years

Since the beginning of time; manipulation and force was a tool in man’s arsenal, so really; bullying is nothing new! Since man began manipulating his circumstances, bullying was a factor in life!

It became a tool for capturing land from animal or man, to being an asset for taking ownership of others, or even of one’s possessions! History allows us to see just as it was then, how bullying remains man’s greatest tool!

Before we begin to deflate the so call monster better known as bullying, we should research the word bully for just a moment. During the fifteenth century, the word bully was actually a term of endearment; appropriately used while addressing both men and women. However, by the seventeenth century, the term became synonymous with addressing men!

History indicates the bullying of man; dates back hundreds or even thousands of years throughout the world! If we were to revisit the history of the world’s coming of age, we would find that slavery not only existed during biblical times, but thousands of years prior, and what is slavery, the bullying of others to do another’s will; forcibly!

History also shows us; that slavery existed even prior to the period better known as before Christ, which the timeline shows to be around 3500 B.C.E. (Before Common Era).

Within these told stories throughout history, although millions suffered traumatic indignities during such brutal periods, history reveals that no other population suffered greater disparities under forced enslavement; or any other inhumane treatment of human beings, as did those being of dark skin; that were captured, abused, and oftentimes brutally murdered, native to the continent of Africa!

Africans by the millions sold then inhumanely transported to many unfamiliar parts of the world, took place during a period better known as the Middle Passage from Africa to America!

HISTORY SPEAKS OF SUCH horrific times, when large sailing vessels would fill their hulls with Africans forced into slavery; as spoils of war by dominating tribes, while others became a major labor source for numerous countries around the world; and as well, the land now known as these United States!

Prior to the onslaught of the African slave trade, many who initially journeyed to the new world, including many of African descent; were not slaves! Many such Africans; were considered well to do; traveling amongst those willing to become indentured servants as payment; for safe journey to the new land, for what they thought was to be a new beginning!

For those seeking passage under an indentured servant agreement, they were to labor four to seven years in the place they would then call home; hoping they too would eventually claim shares of the new land!

Those first staking claim to the new land however, found its cultivation back breaking work; and as time progressed; landowners would quarrel heavily over rising indentured labor costs. Being a young and growing nation without a potential workforce, landowners devised a plot that would purchase Africans out right as property, believing it to be an excellent solution to their costly labor woes!

This plan of enslavement as recorded within the history books; was an entirely different form of slavery, known as chattel slavery. It allowed ownership of an African for life; while allowing the owner to do with a slave whatsoever they pleased, which more often than not; included for both men and women, brandings, beatings, rape, and even murder! It also included the enslaving and selling of any children born during their period of enslavement!

Africans considered non-indentured as well as those under the initial labor agreement; were themselves unexpectedly forced into slavery; as were their counterparts arriving in chains!

AMONG THE COUNTRIES that participated in such atrocities was Latin America, France, the Dutch Slave Coast, along with many West African Kingdoms, and other countries as well!

Such countries participating in the slave trade would target Africans, because they were thought of as plentiful and a much cheaper investment for supplying the world’s labor force!

In addition, those native to the continent of Africa, possessed an enhanced immune system; that warded off diseases that caused others such as those native to the Americas and Europe, to perish!

Africans who journeyed to the new world freely; as well as those already homesteading within the new land, quickly came to realize as did their kinsmen disembarking still chained from their long journey, that they were about to face an extremely grave period within these new lands!

According to history, from the middle of the fifteenth century to the mid nineteenth century, some twelve to fifteen million Africans had become the most precious cargo sailing on the world’s oceans, unfortunately, they were sailing under a flag of forced migration; called slavery!

With the practice of slavery then nearly worldwide, Africans suffered the abuse of chattel enslavement for 246 years in the U.S. alone, with many countries attempting rescue of an abused people; actually becoming enslavers themselves!

For those surviving the brutal journeys across many a treacherous oceans; they found themselves sold and treated as livestock, while being stripped of being treated as human beings, for profit!

Such brutality is but a glimpse as to how bullying has been a part of an inhumane culture throughout the ages!

Even while living in a period we now call the twenty first century; the practice of slavery still exists within many countries; including these United States! Although today’s version of slavery is somewhat more discreet, it has once again found a home here in American society, through means of human trafficking!

Although such exploitations usually smolder within one’s own culture, many Americans have become willing participants in joining such cultures, becoming enslavers, sellers, and purchasers!

Citizens from every part of the world while choosing to forgo the legal process of entering the United States, employ the services of those offering illegal entry into the country instead; underestimating the risk to life and freedom; from using such dangerous and unsavory methods!

Many while having hopes of escaping the detriment of their own country; willingly pay hefty fares to enter the U.S. illegally, however, many soon find themselves in situations much worse than what they thought they would leave behind, just as thousands also did that came before them!

Presently within this type of bullying, such methods vary only slightly from those used throughout history, and motives for such crimes; still remain just as it was back in olden times, overpower one’s will to resist by inflicting pain and suffering, and in some instances even death; to establish control!

Although the effects of bullying from the past and bullying today relatively remain unchanged, there is one major difference between such timelines, and that is, how such acts transpire!

Bullying today often takes place through technology, with the heaviest of such activity transcending on social media! However, with the expansion of smart technology, bullying has expanded into even more areas of our lives, by way of smart homes and smart phones, and through cyber hacking!

However, the most notable differences in such methods of bullying, is bullying today can happen rapidly, with distribution occurring worldwide within a matter of moments!

Although vast amounts of data gives insight into a victim’s suffering at the hand of physical bullying, there are still victims who remain undercounted; who deal with the mental damage of bullying, unaccounted for in most national statistics!

It is literally impossible to realize the post damage done to such individuals, because such damage continues to mutate mentally; for years, even after such traumatic events have occurred!

As the world embraces technology as an important tool for advancement, so does bullies!

From politicians to terrorists, the weapon of choice in reaching likeminded individuals is social media! With world unrest now reaching an all-time high and the massive draw to such events via the internet, the only feasible way of putting a stop to bullying, is through one’s own personal efforts!

Remember, in order to break a cycle of bullying, you must first find and interrupt known strategies used by the perpetrator!

If it were not for individuals taking a stand to fight against those that oppressed or bullied them, the world would probably be in even greater turmoil than what we witness today!

If we were to look back throughout history, someone finally had the courage to say, we must fight back, and so should you!

BULLYING CAN HAPPEN anywhere and at any time! Most people who witness bullying often times ignore opportunities to intervene; mostly out of fear of consequences for becoming involved!

Understand that apprehension; stems from the thought of repercussion!

It is why I encourage kids and adults alike to seek creative ways of backing down bullies; that fit one’s own level of comfort; using knowledge and perhaps physical training!

Many are often surprised when episodes of bullying go unrecognized even within our own homes! We constantly overlook obscure signs all about us; such as an uneasiness or fear during an individual’s presence, or being privy to extended bouts of nagging, arguing, or even fighting amongst heads of households.

Others may take note as to the meekest participant; developing a sort of surrendering attitude to calm explosive situations. However, they seldom connect such behavior to bullying!

Regardless of its form, constant fighting or unprovoked confrontations, is just another tier of bullying! Such behavior is only the emotional dimensions of bullying, but remember, there are many facets to this action we call bullying!

Breaking the Bully Down by Category

If we were to examine the techniques of bullying today, much of it would fall under certain categories. Some we may know, while others remain possibly unrealized.

Under such categories, most will witness or experience some form of bullying during their lifetime! How many forms of bullying have you come to recognize!

Social Bullying – Is the foregoing of common decency as a way to torment or create mayhem! This type of bullying; takes what one see’s as an imperfection; and uses it to trigger hostilities, embarrassment, or even abuse! In reality however, within this particular type of bullying, such actions are merely about trying to rectify past circumstances; that the bully themselves had little or no control of; by emulating the nemesis of their own lives!

Corporate Bullying – In the world of business, corporations; and small businesses alike, exploit employees and the consumer; in order to create, produce, or expand a company’s goals; consistent with driving profit! Such tactics; are only a means to an end for accelerating greed! This type of bullying; is about seeing how much of a fine line a business can walk; before calling attention to itself; or, before criminal mischief comes into play!

A PRIME EXAMPLE OF this type of bullying is; the pharmaceutical companies and the health care industry; who charges exorbitant prices for life saving services and medications, the consumer has no choice but to pay; due to greed! Profit now over shadows a person’s ability to survive!

Another example; is how Christmas seemingly comes earlier and earlier every year! Though Thanks Giving has become synonymous with shopping for the Christmas holidays, in the business world; it still wasn’t enough; which led to creating Black Friday, Black Thursday; and as well; Cyber Monday, and others!

As of 2019, businesses began selling holiday décor; starting in the month of September, which includes decorations for Halloween, Thanks Giving, and now even Christmas as well; all because of greed! Though taking into consideration that such entities are about making as much money from holiday merchandise as possible; before reducing end of the year inventory, many such businesses refuse to realize, that many consumers are somewhat unhappy over such a practice!

RELIGIOUS BULLYING – This particular bully intertwines radical extremism with religion, in order to create loyalty! This is the world’s oldest method of dominance! While such bullies strike fear in the hearts of those too weak to oppose; they annihilate those refusing to yield! Such regimes build their power through fear and confusion while basing it all upon religion! Under such regimes, one still seeks the purity of a founded religion, even though being unsure of what is fact or fiction due to such ideals merging! Such bullied individuals yield as a means of survival, regardless of truth!

Militant Bullying – Entails particular groups who usually express anger over policy and personal views. Their movement is about fighting the powers of society, while referencing their own actions as being militant! They are radical in thinking, while readying to act upon their distaste with combat ready plans of action!

Regardless of the type of bully, or why a bully comes after us, we must find the courage to conquer the emotional rollercoaster bullies can bring to our lives, oftentimes without real remorse for how damaging their actions usually turn out being!

By putting the information contained within this book to use, whether one’s goal is getting rid of bullies or charting a different course for one’s life, it all starts with that first step! We must start by mentally accepting that we want change, then; spiritually believe through faith we can change our circumstances, and from there; victoriously speak and go after that in which we want, which actually is; freedom from fear and anxiety!

I personally applaud all who seek a solution to bullying regardless of its form, and I give gratitude and thanks; to those choosing my book to understand the tactics a bully employs!

When arming one’s self with the knowledge of how a bully thinks; you create a sense of moving forward in obtaining the freedom you long to enjoy!

While charting that new course however; remember, until you understand and get the hang of identifying what is actually defeating you; many of life’s challenges at times will still seem difficult! However, by following through with the information from the book; you can become mentally prepared to meet such challenges; while staying the course to finish the journey in obtaining your desires!

The process is not about conquering others as we may have come to believe! In actuality, it is about conquering the fears, scars, and anxieties; others have placed within our minds!

IN 2016, A MAJOR BULLYING incident between two football players; consumed the broadcasting community and just as well the entire nation, for months! Enthralled by the opinion of a longtime friend about the story, their belief was; the event was overblown and really wasn’t bullying at all due to the quarrel being between two adult individuals! However, I couldn’t help but to disagree!

Any form of harassment or unprovoked negative targeting, is bullying! My thoughts are; we need to redefine bullying more clearly, while adding stiffer punishment for being guilty of committing such behavior!

BEFORE CONTINUING THE journey of discovering our bullies, for the youth perhaps reading this book, there are recognizable differences between bullying adults, and caring adults. Many may already understand such differences, while others may discover them as time progresses.

To help clarify the differences between parental punishment; and abuse, basic punishment that transpires due to the misbehaving of a child; is not bullying!

When parents administer punishment to curb bad behavior or disobedience, one should be thankful for having parents or in many cases custodial guardians; that care enough to try and steer you away from behavior; that could come back to haunt you later in life!

You must come to realize that parenting; is about being a guardian of life first! Parents are the insurers of your health and wellbeing, it is their job to teach and protect you, even when you do not agree! If there are discrepancies in their disciplinary actions, believe me, your heart will tell you!

Abusive Behavior at a Glance

Abusive behavior is when punishment or behavior; goes to the extreme with a child considered a minor...

For instance, physical abuse; is what happens when a parent's behavior goes beyond the norm of disciplining a child, this is when one experiences chaining, punching, being heavy-handedly beaten, tormented or starved! Even with spankings, though many of us grew up experiencing them, society now considers it abuse!

Emotional abuse entails a child constantly experiencing foul language, belittling, limited guidance, or lack of human contact during their upbringing. It is also abusive, to make a child to feel unloved, unwanted, or unworthy of living.

Neglect entails; a child who unnecessarily goes uncared for; or, when parents intentionally leave a child or a minor, to fend for him or herself!

The definition of Sexual Abuse; is when a child is purposely exposed to; or made to participate in; sexually explicit images, movies, or other adult behavior. It is also abuse, when a child participates in inappropriate touching; or engages in other sexual activities or intercourse!

These are all forms of abuse; but not only of our children, it can also include others as well, such as the mistreatment of our seniors; or the abuse of disabled adults who maybe mentally or physically impaired!

Any situation under these particular categories that one may experience under U.S. laws; is interpreted as abuse; and you should immediately seek help!

Other Areas of Concern within the Family Unit and in Society

A PARENT WHO CATERS to a child’s every whim while tolerating bad behavior; is creating an unacceptable and dangerous situation! Such parenting practices teach a child; that such negative behavior is ok, which could carry severe consequences in the future! Fact is, when participating in this type of parenting; you are actually parenting in a state of denial or out of fear, or; because of behaving as a friend; rather than a parent!

The world does not operate under the same principles as loving parents or guardians!

In fact, parents and children alike should learn the true principles of relating to one another without manipulation or aggression! We need to learn how to behave as teachers and as students; in the inner workings of both worlds, adults as listeners, teachers, and students, and children, as teachers and learners; in a world created by reality! For how can we prepare for life, if our only lessons in communicating; is through ignorance or hostility!

If smart; even as mature adults; we would never purposely stop learning, and we should always be willing to communicate! Poor communication is what keeps chaos rampant in the world today! Most of the world’s problems will never be resolved, because we don’t listen; nor do we want to work together for the common good of all!

My theory is factual even today as we face the worldwide COVID-19 pandemic! In fact most still want to behave as normal though it is unsafe! Society has a mindset of being concerned for only one’s self, or for those of likeminded agendas! With such an attitude, chaos will always exist!

A society no matter where in the world; cannot function properly, if key parts of that society are not functioning as a whole!

Don’t believe it! Think about this! The wealthy cannot sustain wealth; without those willing to acquire that which is creating the wealth, and; as the wealthy refuse to do what they consider as beneath them, others are required in order to fill such a void!

In other words, what man has created in his desire for feeling privileged; is a need for others!

Another area in need of examining; and it holds true for teens, tweens, and adult children alike! There is a misnomer that parents are perfect; and within many aspects; such an honor may absolutely be due our parents! However, they do make mistakes!

Holding a parent accountable for every mistake or using their past as a weapon to evoke pain, is unconscionable! During a parent’s youth, most have experienced the same adolescent situations that their kids probably now face today, and within their roundabout attempts at intervening in such behavior, comes an attempt at preventing the same unfortunate outcome they themselves most likely experienced! It is not about depriving their children of enjoying life, but about protecting them!

Many adult children well up in age, are still found to be harboring bitterness towards their parents, for what they feel are past transgressions during their childhood!

We aren’t speaking of malicious acts; but perhaps decisions made in order for the family unit to survive! In many instances, this could include areas such as; caring for younger siblings; or telling fictitious stories while guarding the truth as a way to protect ones past.

Such behavior is oftentimes a common trend amongst single parents; feeling uncomfortable about divulging their past struggles and failures to their children!

By hiding the past, they are hoping to fortify a better connection with their children, than they might have had with parents!

Many kids leave home vowing never to return due to such decisions, and yet, they still hold ill feelings towards their parents!

If plagued by such hostilities, for family and your health sake! Let it go!

By forsaking life’s negative experiences, one helps to create a more positive outlook in life!

We Fall short by Not Listening to our Guiding Spirit

Within us all; lives a spirit of discernment; a tiny voice that seeks to help decipher the gray areas of right or wrong; within our lives. However, with age, we tend to rely less upon spiritual guidance, while leaning more towards man’s interpretation of right and wrong!

We seemingly shy away from that tiny voice; longing to help us avoid possible mistakes; or even infinite danger! We even go about ignoring warnings; tempting fate as though it does not exist, and when fate falls upon us, it’s then we seek spiritual help!

If we were to trust intuition as many would call it, we would never stray far from the truth, because we are never easily misled!

Throughout my own life; protection and guidance comes from my inner spirit; especially during troubling times, and it has never failed me, because I have learned to listen and trust in it!

I have accomplished much regardless of circumstances, or how life portrays the world around me, and I owe it all to that little voice which lives within us all!

It is how I come to realize the true meaning of what it is to be in the world, but not of the world!

As we grow greater in faith; so does the hearing and speaking of our true inner spirit!

The presence of our heavenly Spirit can evolve to the point; that it is as though we are holding a conversation with a friend standing right beside us! Try it! It is a wonderful experience!

The activation of your inner spirit; is easily obtained through only a single sentence, and what are those magical words! Holy Spirit; I Need You!

Tell it your problems, concerns, even your fears, and then listen!

However, there is one key feature about the Holy Spirit’s demeanor; you must never forget!

Your true inner Spirit will never participate in wrongdoing; nor will it ever be critical, and it will never appear frantic or angry!