Narcissistic Abuse Recovery- Parents& Partners (2 in 1): Healing From A Narcissists Emotional Abuse- Mothers, Fathers& Toxic Relationships- Overcome Codependency& Manipulation

By James Hoskins

Escape the destructive cycle of emotional abuse -- discover how to break free from the claws of a narcissist.

You excitedly tell your friend you finally got that promotion you've been working very hard for. After giving you a blank stare that seems to last forever, she sourly co

• Language: English
• Publisher: Sam Gavin
• Release date: Apr 6, 2021
• ISBN: 9781801346436

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

TABLE OF CONTENTS

INTRODUCTION

SECTION 1: NARCISSISM

CHAPTER ONE:

Definitions, Types, Symptoms, Coping

CHAPTER TWO:

Narcissism’s Causes and Treatments

SECTION 2: DISORDERS

CHAPTER THREE:

Other and Sometimes Related Disorders

CHAPTER FOUR:

Other Abusive Relationships

CHAPTER FIVE:

The Light and the Dark Triads

SECTION 3: TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS

CHAPTER SIX:

What are they?

CHAPTER SEVEN:

Saving Toxic Relationships

SECTION 4: ALTRUISM

CHAPTER EIGHT:

What is it and How Does it work?

SECTION 5: RECOVERIES

CHAPTER NINE:

Treating Narcissism

CHAPTER TEN:

Therapies for NPD

CHAPTER ELEVEN:

Exercises for NPD

CONCLUSION

RESOURCES

TABLE OF CONTENTS

INTRODUCTION

SECTION 1: NARCISSISM

CHAPTER ONE:

Definitions, Types, Symptoms, Coping

CHAPTER TWO:

Variations of Narcissism and How to Deal with Them

SECTION 2: THE FAMILY

CHAPTER THREE:

Narcissistic and Abusive Parents

CHAPTER FOUR:

Narcissistic and Abusive Adult Children

CHAPTER FIVE:

Narcissistic Siblings

CHAPTER SIX:

Narcissistic Stepparents and Stepsiblings

CHAPTER SEVEN:

Narcissistic Grandparents and Grandchildren

SECTION 3:

OTHER, RELATED ABUSES AND DISORDERS

CHAPTER EIGHT:

Other, Related Abuses and Disorders

SECTION 4: RECOVERIES

CHAPTER NINE:

Recovering from Emotionally Abusive Relationships

CHAPTER TEN:

The Best Therapies for Recovery from Emotionally Abusive Relationships

CONCLUSION

RESOURCES

INTRODUCTION

Narcissism is a concept which is often misunderstood. It can occur in a variety of degrees. In our competitive, modern world, it seems like an ever-present threat. We’re either in danger of running across a narcissist or running the risk of becoming one ourselves. And that’s no joke. Certain narcissistic behaviors can be deconstructive, dangerous, even deadly. Narcissism is closely associated with every known abusive behavior. It can last a lifetime and devastate relationships both personal and private. It can be nearly impossible to diagnose and just as hard to treat. It’s both stable (hard to get rid of) and progressive. What seems fairly harmless at one stage of life can develop into a crippling personality disorder in later stages.

Narcissism is neither good for the narcissists nor anyone around them. Narcissists may be prone to self-destructive substance abuses which shorten life and make it unpleasant and unsuccessful. Those who associate with narcissists may suffer from depression, anxiety, stress, and those things lead to physical ill-health, premature death, and even suicide.

What’s worse is that narcissism, like a lot of correlating disorders and conditions and complexes, can be contagious. These are largely learned sets of traits and behaviors which may influence others. They have an especially potent affect on children, who are the most easily influenced and manipulated of anybody in society. And childhood is when a lot of these life-crushing mental illnesses can begin.

And they get even worse than personality disorders, often progressing into psychotic behavior.

Now we present you with an in-depth study of the world of narcissism; related conditions, correlating personality disorders, contrasting states, likely treatments, and useful exercises. We will demystify the cloudy world of narcissism and the other dark corners of the human psyche. We make it easy to understand, sympathize, even help those who refuse to help themselves. And we make it easier to help yourself, and to know that you may indeed need help. If you’re reading this at all, the chances are good that you suspect you need help. That’s why we’re here.

And we don’t stop at just narcissism. Psychopathic behaviors, the full range of complexes and disorders are here, with simple methods to deal with them if necessary or avoid them if possible. We’ll look at related abuses, historical context, anything that will help you achieve a better life.

This is what we do. We collect the most up-to-date information and statistics, the most cutting-edge concepts, and present them in easy-to-read books like this one. This book joins are incredible and fast-expanding library of books on just about every self-help subject there is. Our coverage of psychologically oriented books cover true leadership skills, communications skills, social skills, procrastination, overthinking, and more. And we have books in a variety of fields; social media, finances, and more. We’re looking forward to guiding readers of the Twenty-first century, to doing our part to create happier and more well-adjusted people with stronger bonds, living in stronger communities, and more prosperous nations all over the world.

In this book, we present easy-to-implement exercises to help you deal with and understand the challenges of narcissism and other abusive behaviors. You’ll be better able to spot such people before they get too close. You’ll learn how to deal with the if they’re already in your midst, and we’ll present ways to recover from the corrosive effects of such sad associations. We can even show you how to prevent budding narcissism in children and curb the tendencies in your adult friends, coworkers, even your family. We’ve helped thousands so far, and it’s only just the start!

But this book (like all of our books) contains more than just text-book definitions, time-tested techniques, and new perspectives. My own personal experiences as an author and expert enlighten the book, sharing things which nobody else can share. Hard-learned lessons will enlighten and (hopefully) amuse.

This book is filled with facts, figures, concepts, wisdom, and wonder. With all the tips and techniques, exercises and tests and anecdotes, you’re bound to come away with more than you expected. And the more you work, the more you digest and implement, the more progress you’ll make. Don’t just read it and expect results. You’ll be putting these exciting concepts into play almost from the first page. But after reading it, use it as a workbook, a handbook, go back to it (and our others) for repeated applications for even better results. If you’re reading this, you’ve already taken the first, vital steps.

And you started just in time. As we’ve discussed, narcissism and related conditions only get worse, and can happen without you even knowing it. Narcissists are charmers, liars, manipulators (as you’ll soon see). So you may not know there’s a problem until it’s too late. Entire lifetimes are destroyed by these conditions, careers and relationships are wiped out. Don’t let this happen to you or someone you love. Chances are, it’s already happening. You may think it’s already too late. But don’t lose hope! New techniques and therapeutic breakthroughs can help, but you have to act now. All it takes is a swipe of the screen, the turn of a page, an opened heart and an open mind.

So take a deep breath, lean back and enjoy the time you’ve set aside for this book and all the amazing opportunities it presents. You’re about to change your life, the lives of people you know, perhaps both. You’re about to gain a new perspective on life, the world, and the people who inhabit it. It’s almost certain to take you far in your quest for a happier and healthier life, greater success in your career and in your social life. It’s up to you, and as the old saying goes, There ain’t nothin’ to it but to do it. So do it. We’ll be here for you every step of the way. Ready? Okay, let’s do this!

SECTION 1: NARCISSISM

CHAPTER ONE:

Definitions, Types, Symptoms, Coping

What is it?

People who suffer from the condition known as narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) demonstrate an exaggerated sense of their importance and an outsized need for the admiration and attention of others. They often have troubled relationships and show a notable lack of empathy for other people. They are also overly sensitive to criticism and have notably insufficient self-esteem.

NPD complicates life on a number of levels, including personal, professional, and financial. It creates disappointment when unrealistic expectations are not met and they are not lavished with the praise narcissists believe they deserve. They’re often dissatisfied with their relationships and are often disappointing to those they are in a relationship with.

A narcissistic personality disorder causes problems in many areas of life, such as relationships, work, school or financial affairs. People with narcissistic personality disorder may be generally unhappy and disappointed when they're not given the special favors or admiration they believe they deserve. They may find their relationships unfulfilling, and others may not enjoy being around them.

Experts estimate that between1% and 6% of adults may have NPD. Parents, children, intimate or business partners, coworkers and family members are often directly affected by the disorder.

It's true that people of every stripe and in every social or economic strata sometimes exhibit some narcissistic behavior, that doesn’t make them narcissists. And not all narcissists suffer from narcissistic personality disorder. So let’s break it down in the most precise terms possible.

One of the big differences is interaction. While narcissism is an inward perspective, emphasizing the place of the self in the context of the world, what makes a true narcissist is found in interaction. A true narcissist doesn’t care what effect their behavior has on others. It’s also a significant symptom of sociopathology, it’s absolutely a sign of lack of empathy and therefore emotional intelligence.

Let’s take a minute for another look at what narcissism is not. It’s not about self-love. Really, the suffer of NPD lacks self-esteem. They’re enamored of the idealized version of themselves which they believe exists. They do not have a functional relationship with the person they actually are.

The reason that not every narcissist has NPD is that narcissistic personality disorder is on the narcissistic spectrum. That’s right; just as there is an autistic spectrum, there is a narcissistic spectrum, where you’ll find degrees and classes of narcissism.

The Narcissism Spectrum and Types of Narcissism

First let’s make sure we know the difference between narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder. Narcissistic personality disorder is best represented by:

Inflated self-importance

Deep need for admiration

Feelings of superiority

No regard for the feelings of others

Fragile self-esteem

Resistance to criticism

Hidden feelings of inadequacy, shame, humiliation

Lack of self-confidence

Feelings of isolation and depression

Narcissism, on the other hand, is best recognized by:

Exploitation and manipulation

Lack of empathy

Feelings of entitlement

Lack of self-awareness

Lack of shame

Recognizing NPD can be tricky because those who suffer from it often don’t exhibit any anti-social behaviors straight away. They’re often charismatic and quite charming. They often surround themselves with those who will praise them, particularly in intimate relationships.

The first thing to understand is that narcissism comes in two different types. They’re similar but distinct. Each is believed to originate in childhood and are intrinsic to their behavior in relationships throughout adulthood.

The two different types of narcissism are known as grandiose and vulnerable.

People with grandiose narcissism are likely to have been treated as if they were better than others in childhood, often lavished with praise which may not have been warranted. They carry these expectations into adulthood to their detriment, and are often elitist and are prone to bragging. They are often dominant, aggressive, and tend to have an exaggerated view of their own importance. They are often both self-confident and insensitive to the feelings of others.

Vulnerable narcissism, on the other hand, is often the result of childhood abuse and criticism, as opposed to too much praise and adoration. This type of narcissism is notable for its overt sensitivity to criticism, feelings of inadequacy and anxiety.

Malignant Narcissism

There is also a third variant, malignant narcissism. This psychological syndrome comprises an extreme mix of narcissism, aggression, antisocial behavior, and sadism. Sufferers are extroverted and grandiose. They are always ready and even anxious to increase hostility, undermining organizations and families and dehumanizing people they associate with.

Unlike the other two, malignant narcissism is an experimental, hypothetical diagnostic category. It’s not listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV-TR). It includes elements of NPD, paranoid, antisocial and sadistic personality disorders. The term was coined by social psychologist Erich Fromm in the 1960s, and he described it as the quintessence of evil and a severe mental illness. The inclusion of the sadistic aspect results in a sadistic psychopath.

Others hold that malignant narcissism is distinctly different from psychopathy because the psychopath's paranoia keep them socially isolated, while the malignant narcissist are able to admire others and to provide reliable, albeit powerful or even sadistic, parental images. Malignant narcissists may identify with powerful figures as a part of a cohesive whole or community; psychotics cannot. So malignant narcissists are more likely to join terrorist groups under charismatic leaders, psychotics much, much less so. Malignant narcissism is commonly reviewed in the study of sexual, serial, and mass murder.

How to Recognize NPD

A narcissist or a sufferer of NPD will often exhibit an exaggerated sense of their own uniqueness or importance, a fascination or preoccupation with fantasies of great success, brilliance, power, or beauty. They often indulge a sense of exhibitionism as they require constant attention and praise. Their behavior often modulates between indifference to others and rage about themselves. They often react in intimate relationships with fatalistic doom-mongering, shame, and humiliation. They often report feeling empty or depressed, they indulge in interpersonal exploitative behavior. They exhibit feelings of entitlement, have high expectations of preferential treatment, and notably lack empathy. Their sense of self is often superficial, rigid, and fragile. Their emotional stability (such as it is) required constant affirmation. Their self-image is easily threatened, have problems with dependency and attachment issues. Their relationships are almost always superficial and self-serving.

Since Narcissism is basically a set of behaviors and not a physical malady, it can be easily diagnosed and corrected. There are a lot of strong warning signs of narcissistic personality disorder. You may even suffer from a few of them as well.

People with NPD often have, as we mentioned, an outsized sense of their own importance. They also generally feel that they are entitled and require constant and excessive admiration. They think of themselves as being better than others, though their achievements may not warrant that. They tend to exaggerate their talents and achievements and are often obsessed with fantasies of power, success, beauty, brilliance, or having the ideal mate. They often consider themselves superior and will only interact with those they consider to be equally special. They monopolize conversations and often belittle others whom they feel are inferior. In other words, they’re self-involved snobs. As such, they’re often arrogant, boastful, and pretentious. They’re known to expect favors and do not abide anything other than unquestioning compliance, They often take advantage of others in order to get whatever they want. They’re often unable or unwilling to recognize others’ feelings or needs. They’re often envious and believe other are also envious. They tend to want the best of everything, as that is the only thing worthy of them.

Narcissists despise criticism. When confronted with it, they often become angry or impatient, feel slighted, react with contempt or rage, cannot regulate their behavior or emotions. They often experience significant problems when trying to deal with stress or adapt to change. They often feel moody and depressed when their expectations are disappointed and harbor feelings of shame, insecurity, humiliation, and vulnerability.

They tend to feel that they deserve to be the exempt from the rules. They expect obedience to their whims and that others feel the same way they do, Anything else is often seen as an affront.

Sufferers from NPD often have relationship difficulties, professional or scholastic challenges, anxiety and depression, poor physical health, substance abuse and suicidal tendencies.

They’re often very manipulative, trying at first to please and impress but always in the service of their own appearance. They’re often distant and controlling and are generally opportunistic.

The suffer of NPD has a constant need for admiration and praise to validate and gratify their ego. They’re often bullies.

The History of NPD

While narcissism in the human condition is nothing new (we’ll take another look t that in a moment) the diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder only goes back about fifty years.

The concept finds it origins in Ancient Greek mythology and the story of Narcissus, a handsome man who was so enthralled to the sight of his own reflection in a pond, that he sat by the water until he wasted away and died.

The concept has been expanded, of course, and therein lay the qualities (of they can be called that) of vanity, arrogance, and other related behaviors. Hubris, a stage of haughtiness and outsized arrogance which is out of touch with reality, is born of the narcissist concept and carried the notion into the modern era, until an actual diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder was first established.

When psychoanalysis rose to the fore of modern medical treatment in the Twentieth century, Austrian Otto Rank published one of the first pieces on narcissism. That 1911 publication would revolutionize the idea and, in a large part, the entire field of study.

It was followed up in 1914 with the publication of On Narcissism: An Introduction by Dr. Sigmund Freud. Freud’s notion of narcissism was that it was connected to the libido, which guides survival instincts. If the libido is directed inward, it results in narcissism. Libido directed outwardly is a function of basic social skills. Children, who direct their own libido’s inward, exhibit what Freud called primary narcissism.

Freud’s narcissistic model holds that there is a finite amount of libido energy (which coincides with Einstein’s famous mass/energy equation, E=Mc2). Freud speculated that the more of one’s libido was directed outward, to others in establishing relationships, for example, or the creation of something which contributes to the common good such as volunteerism, the less amount of libido energy remains to be turned inward. But the result of this lack of inward libido could yield a deficit. A return of that energy in like kind was important to maintaining a balanced, satisfied psyche.

Take a moment to note the influence of this theory on some of Freud’s later work, notably the psychological model of the ego, the id, and the superego. Volumes have been written about, but in brief, Freud held that they human psyche had three aspects. The ego deals with the outside world, is usually practical and socially attuned. This is the adult aspect of the psyche. The id deals with the inner world, the wants and needs of the psyche, and is impulsive and socially inept. When the ego gains control of the id, the superego may emerge. The superego sees the world beyond its own participation; right and wrong, moral concepts, universal truths. Freud held that one cannot develop a proper superego, which is the to self-actualization, one’s ego must be in control of one’s id.

Now consider the similarities. The id is really just the personification of the inward-turned libido, the psyche which turns all its energies inward. The ego is best represented by the outward-turned libido, which casts its energy and concern outward, toward others. The elevated moral view can only come when one turns their energy outward more than in, though a balance of each is required for a balanced psyche. Like the id and the ego, both have their place in creating a whole and smoothly functioning psyche.

Throughout the 1950s and ‘60s, Kernberg and Heinz Kohut sparked a continued interest in the concept of narcissism. Kernberg believed a certain amount of narcissism was key to healthy self-esteem. In 1967, Kernberg presented his narcissistic personality structure. His theory of narcissism presented three different types of narcissism, including normal adult, normal infantile, and pathological narcissism. And pathological narcissism may come in different varieties as well, according to Kernberg (grandiose and vulnerable.)

Normal adult and infantile narcissism are basically positive things for a healthy psyche. For adults, it’s important for self-esteem in a world which is filled with challenges to one’s sense of security of all sorts (financial, emotional, physical). It’s important to be self-aware, self-regulating, and that means being self-supportive, avoiding perfectionism and negative self-talk, the obsession with belittling one’s self. For Kernberg, a bit of normal adult narcissism boosts confidence and a healthy self-image, and can go a long way to reversing things like reverse body dysmorphia, which causes a person to have a distorted view of their own bodies.

Likewise, for children a certain amount of normal narcissism is natural and to be expected. Children aren’t sophisticated enough to avoid perfectionism or to be self-supportive. The living embodiments of Sigmund Freud’s id, they need what they need and express themselves in a like manner. There’s nothing pathological about an infant being narcissistic, that’s all they really can be.

But for Kernberg, it was the pathological types of narcissism, grandiose and vulnerable, which were the origins of certain human misbehavior. Before we speak more about Kernberg’s revolutionary work, let’s take another historical look at narcissism, including history’s great narcissists.

Firstly, it’s important to say that not all narcissists are villains. The tendencies of the narcissist, charm and manipulative skill and idealization of the self has propelled some perfectly benign people to world fame and power. It has also created some of its most vile fiends.

Alexander the Great was classic narcissist. He put his own ambitions above others, showed no empathy of his armies, he considered himself the progeny of the gods. If that’s not a narcissist, I’m … Alexander the Great!

Known to history as an impotent and obese uxoricidal monster, England’s Tudor king Henry VIII began his reign as a young, fit, handsome womanizer. That idealized self-image, combined with the unquestioned adoration of his court and a complete lack of sympathy for the suffering of his people, made Henry the ideal candidate for NPD. It wasn’t an usual turn, by the way, that his vanity turned against him as his body gave way to disease and injury and other abuses. For the narcissistic, like Narcissus himself, irony is often the price of vanity.

French emperor Napoleon Bonaparte was so narcissistic that he’s got a complex named after him. The infamous Napoleon complex finds grandiose behavior rooted in some physical insecurity, usually height (which was Napoleon’s Achilles heel).

Ancient Rome’s Nero was so narcissistic that he burned his how city in order to clear the land for an expanded personal palace. An actor, he forced Roman citizens to witness his hours-long (and apparently dreadful) performances or be killed trying to escape. His last words are said to have been, What an artist dies in me.

Another world leader of notable narcissistic aspects was Germany’s Adolph Hitler, largely responsible for World War II. Infamous as the unquestioned architect of the anti-Jewish holocaust in Europe, resulting in the murder of an estimated six million people, he also pretended to represent Germany’s best interests while instigating a so-called scorched-earth policy to level the entire country upon its fall to allied forces. Neither a smoker nor a drinker, he had an idealized image of himself (conveniently forgetting the drug addiction and reported incest). His self-obsession and lack of empathy for the millions he ordered killed make him a textbook example of NPD.

Recent US President Donald J. Trump has been publicly diagnosed as having NPD. It makes sense, with his love of his own image and name, declarations of his own power, vitality, and necessity, and his seeming antipathy to the suffering of various immigrant classes, the free press, and his other perceived enemies.

Love her or not (and these days, it’s likely not) 80s pop phenom Madonna has all the earmarks of a narcissist. She’s reportedly said so herself! But consider her biggest hits: Like a Virgin, Papa Don’t Preach, Vogue, Justify My Love, Take a Bow. See the pattern? All feature the singer as the central character in a narrative (as opposed to the early work of The Beatles, for instance, whose early work focused on the listener: She Loves You, I Wanna Hold Your Hand. Madonna’s work focuses on her fame and fame in particular, with which she seems obsessed. Her exhibitionism is part of the grandiose pathology of her narcissism.

Celebrity Kim Kardashian published a book of photographs she took of herself and called it Selfish. Her various professional pursuits all seem centered around herself and virtually nothing else, addressing no particular needs of her fanbase.

But at least she’s not Kanye West, who has called himself a savior and a messiah. As we’ve seen, other complexes (like the God complex) are perfectly compatible with NPD.

One clear pattern is that while fame may be a result of narcissism, as it takes a fair amount of some of its most potent qualities, it is also the cause of greater narcissism. In each case, the fame only increased the narcissism which launched the figure in the first place.

Contrast them with people who are just as famous and powerful and yet exhibit no signs of narcissism at all.

Twentieth-century British Prime Minister Winston Churchill was a start contrast to his narcissistic adversary Hitler. Short, fat, old, and frank, Churchill had no delusions about his personal abilities, in fact he had grave doubts about them. He put the welfare of his citizens above his own and the welfare of the world above even his own citizens, imparting upon them a lack of narcissism as well. He showed great empathy to the suffering people of the Western world.

Countering Madonna, country legend Dolly Parton reported donated $1 million dollars (US) to covid vaccine research. She’s been offered the Presidential Medal of Freedom twice and turned it down both times due to her abject humility.

Kanye West may think of himself as a musical messiah, but his one-time collaborator Sir Paul McCartney, arguably the most famous person alive, donates his time and money to animal rights causes and the Liverpool Institute of the Performing Arts.

Narcissistic Transference

Let’s take a moment to consider narcissistic transference, and the concept of transference in general. Kohut noted this type of transference, which a collection of clinical phenomena which he observed while giving analytic treatment.

Freud’s ideas of transference centered on object relationships. One might see their own emotions reflected in an animal’s facial expression, or a work of art, for example. But for Freud that meant an increased focus on the external, an animal or a painting, and that precluded true narcissism in Freud’s eyes, since the narcissist’s libido is directed inward and not outward.

In 1956, Béla Grunberger discarded the idea of transference and adopted the approach of a narcissistic analytic relationship. In such a relationship, the narcissist may use ploys in order to use the analyst, constructing a mirror image of themselves.

For Kohut, narcissism was about the self. But since the object-love is a part of self-satisfaction, Kohut found no contradiction, and even felt that narcissism and object-love were complementary.

Kohut notes several different aspects of this type of transference. Mirror transferences are favored by those with grandiose pathology, as it supports their vision of their ideal self. This may happen by way of merger transference, wherein the narcissist seeks total control over a virtual duplicate of themselves. Alter-ego transference creates a similar personality, though not identical. Often, the relationship is a forced sense of symmetry, or a complimentary/supplementary symbiosis. With idealized transference, is defined by the notion that an idealized image is created based on the narcissist’s vital contribution. This is where the idea of self-objects occur. Self-objects are known to be separate from the self, but still necessary to the whole (food or drink or shelter, often a prized object like a baby’s blanket).

Narcissistic personality