偉斯泊奇探臺灣（中英雙語版）: Kat Vespucci Takes Taiwan (English-Chinese Bilingual Edition)

By Ingrid Anders

凱•偉斯泊奇毫無準備地闖入臺北街頭。她逃避一份怨恨的工作、一個破碎的感情並避開與父母同住，她決定放手一試，到海外教英語。她講英語，教英語何難之有？只是這是凱第二次離開家鄉紐澤西州，在臺灣她做了許多令人啼笑皆非的糗事。當她在神秘的新文化裡探索適應，自稱為Wayne的張偉明試圖逃避它。Wayne是個現代化的臺灣人、英語流利的好萊塢影迷，他只想享受生活。不幸的是，他是一個臺灣傳統家庭的長子，這意味著傳統的束縛與婚姻。就在Wayne接受了命運時，他遇見了她，一切也都起了變化。

《偉斯泊奇探臺灣》描寫一名尋找更多東西的年輕女子和一位在家族的傳統及父母的計劃之間苦苦尋覓的年輕男子，他倆相遇後所發生的有趣冒險。獨立、責任、我們是誰、別人要我們成為誰，隨著書中人物的

• Language: 中文
• Publisher: EHGBooks
• Release date: Oct 1, 2014
• ISBN: 9781647849566

Book preview

譯者序

去年(2013年)八月，經由朋友李鈺美女士、張欽盛博士的推薦、介紹，我認識了小說家Ingrid Anders，她寫了一本Kat Vesspuci Takes Taiwan的旅遊文化小說。張博 士那時是中華民國駐美國臺北經濟文化代表處文化組組長，鈺美是該組秘書，他倆為宣揚臺灣文化、提升臺灣在美國的能見度，不遺餘力！幾回交流溝通，開啟了我英中翻譯的另一個里程碑，是助人、也是自助！其實，私底下，我也業餘地翻譯過不少證明文件（結婚證書、離婚證書）、圍棋文章、各類雜文等，但，翻譯一整本英文小說，不瞞讀者，卻是我的第一次（哈，也可能是最後一次）！整個譯書過程，很具挑戰性、也很有滿足感！走過，就有足跡；邊譯邊學，也是譯趣橫生！

翻譯《偉斯泊奇探臺灣》，我的第一步驟是有請谷哥翻譯(google translate)來幫 助。我將英文原件分批拷貝、貼上、譯，一秒鐘，中文翻譯就出來了，哈，這工具真好用，我愛死谷哥翻譯了！谷哥的譯作千奇百怪、千變萬化，有精準到位、也有狗屁不通，有出人意料、也有笑料百出，不時前後顛倒、顛倒黑白、顛三倒四、顛沛流離，不一而足；但谷哥翻譯對我至少有兩大好處，一是節省我輸入中文的時間，二是帶給我不少歡笑！

第二步驟是我本人的一校與二校。一校中，我細讀原文、詳修譯文，重點在瞭解原文、並將谷哥譯作搬動挪移、加減增削，務求信實、達意；二校中，我再次檢視一校，在信實、達意的基礎上，更求譯文的雅緻及中文語法的口順！在細讀原文的過程中，我對原文有任何疑問、看法與建議，例如：用字、遣詞、成語、俚語（Ingrid的小說似乎特別多成語俚語）、本意、隱寓、文法、標點、句型、人物、文化、習俗等等等，就直接email給Ingrid，她也都會在最短的時間內，回給我滿意的答案！（好，有一些是來來回回的emails才弄明白的。）東西合作、文化交流、完成翻譯，是倆人的共同目標。美臺密切合作，是倆人的第一次，過程中，我學到很多，Ingrid也是，倆人互為教學、教學相長、譯作相得。

我的翻譯過程受益於不少人。我的第三步驟是找來好友協助審稿。作家、譯者、藝術家對自己的作品都要反復修改、不斷修正、精益求精。先自我反反復復、再求他人過目剔誤，從不同的角度提供不同的觀點。我加加減減、陸陸續續找了四位好友協助審稿，她們是Z、楊云、羅盛陵、劉一麟。「愛好由來落筆難，一詩千改始心安。阿婆還是初笄女，頭未梳成不許看。」金阿婆仍在梳理髮絲之際，允許（懇請）這四位好友來看，呵呵！每一位審稿者都能為我初稿的疏忽處、錯誤點提供糾正、建議，這也就是我所需要的啦，說我在利用這些審稿者，也完全正確！

Translator’s Note

In August of 2013, two of my friends, Miss Li Yumei and Dr. Chang Qinsheng, recommended that I meet with novelist Ingrid Anders. She is the author of the travel and cultural novel, Kat Vespucci Takes Taiwan. Dr. Chang, then the Director of the Cultural Division of the Taipei Economic and Cultural Representative Office (TECRO), and Miss Li, an officer in that division, worked tirelessly to promote Taiwanese culture and visibility in the United States. After communicating with Ingrid, I decided to take on the challenge of translating her novel. Previously, I had only translated legal documents (marriage certificates, divorce certificates), articles about Go, various types of essays, etc. This is my first (and maybe last!) time translating an entire novel. Reaching this milestone in my English-Chinese translation efforts has been challenging, rewarding, educational, and a lot of cultural fun!

Step one of my translation process was to seek help from Google Translate. I would copy and paste the text into Google Translate, and within a second, a Chinese translation would come out. Ha! What a handy tool! I love Google Translate! Google Translate provides a variety of flavors: strange, inconsistent, totally precise, wholly inaccurate, unexpected, astonishing, hilarious, out of context, upside-down, backwards, and so forth. But at least it saved me time typing and gave me lots of laughs. 

Step two of my process was to review the manuscript twice by myself. The first review consisted of a close read and examination of the original novel to understand it and then fix the Google translations. Of course, I had to move many words around, adding here and subtracting there, to make it understandable to the Chinese reader. I then reviewed the manuscript a second time, placing emphasis on integrity, elegance, word choice, and fluidity in Chinese. In perusing the original, if I had any doubts, comments, or suggestions pertaining to word choice, phrasing, idioms, slang (Ingrid’s novel is particularly heavy on idioms and slang), intention, figurative meaning, grammar, punctuation, sentence structure, people, culture, customs, etc., etc., I would email Ingrid right away and she would reply with a prompt and satisfactory answer. Some questions required several email exchanges before we figured out the answers! Our common goal was East-West cooperation, cultural exchange, and completing the translation. As an American and a Taiwanese working closely together for the first time, we learned much from each other—it was a mutually enriching experience!

During the translation process, I benefitted from the help of many people. My third step was to recruit some good friends to review my draft. Writers, translators, and artists must repeatedly review their work, constantly fine-tune it, and then seek feedback from others. Others can always provide different perspectives from different angles. I had the help of four qualified reviewers: Z, Yun Yang, Lily Liang, and Lydia Liu Tien. Writing a good poem is difficult. It requires one thousand revisions. Grandmas, like teenage girls, will not be seen until she finishes combing her hair. In contrast, Grandma Chin allowed (even urged) his four good friends to see his unfinished work. Ha! Each reviewer was able to provide constructive comments on the draft, to correct my errors, and to spot things I missed. This was exactly what I needed for my draft. You may think I was taking advantage of them. Well, I was!

英文系畢業的Z在臺北從事翻譯工作多年，是專業的翻譯家，本身又出過書，她在專業術語、臺灣慣用語上，對我的譯作有畫龍點睛之效。我譯好數章後，就email給她，因為是間接認識、又從未謀面，她改得很客氣，常常輕飄拂面、蜻蜓點水、點到為止，有時她回「一個字都沒改，你翻得很完美！」或回「能寫文言文式現代文，大概很少人有這樣的功力吧！」謬讚之語、溢美之辭，私下我封她是鼓舞士氣型的審稿者！有時我嫌她改得太少(我膽大包天呀？！)她則回：「沒大幅修改，是覺得你翻得太好了，無大修之必要。文學本來就是見仁見智，蜻蜓點水，不表示不認真，翻譯家也是另一種型態的文學家，你的文筆功力會輸給那些給你審稿的人嗎？」她也不忘讚許小說：「作者雖然平鋪直敘，但也高潮迭起，真感謝她如此巨細靡遺，將她可貴的臺灣經驗忠實呈現！」

楊云是公司的同事，她是名左腦寫軟體、右腦讀小說的才女！她來自中國大陸，肯定能對我的翻譯、用語提供些大陸觀點、另類視野；但她對譯作客客氣氣，倒是對小說原著提供不少她身為資深小說迷的深入見解！我封她為小說才女型的審稿者、並回她：「譯文是我的，我可以動刀弄斧；小說是作者的，我只能反應意見！」楊云常在不疑處抓到小瑕疵，例如：小說中over a cup of steaming hot water，她就提供了稍微不同的譯法 ，導致我深入細究此一極其普通的一句話，原來此句是over a cup of coffee的變形，老 美愛喝咖啡，over a cup of coffee引伸為自在隨興之意，小說主角凱初到臺灣時，對於 臺灣人、中國人喝熱水，很不能適應，但在最後幾章時，她已能入境隨俗、隨興自在地端著熱水杯啜飲了！

羅盛陵是我成功大學的學長，已退休，大部分時間在康乃迪克州的女兒家幫忙帶兩個外孫。她含飴弄孫之餘，仍抽空為我審稿，晚上得空時再打電話告知她的修稿意見。她是逐字斧正型的審稿者（她一直都是如此），小刀細斧、淩波微步，錯字、虛字、白字、別字，字字不放過，例如，鞠躬還是鞠躬，我倆在電話中找到答案；譯作中我原寫著60顆餃子、幾粒餃子等，她堅持餃子的量詞是個、不可用粒、也不可用顆，我懷疑，說，我從小到大都是包幾粒水餃、吃幾顆水餃呀！她在電話那頭立即查字典（紙本字典喔），誰怕誰，我在電話這頭也馬上查zdic.net及Yahoo！為了粒、顆、個，我們重新鑽研中文！羅學長退休前是會計、週末是中文學校老師，一數字、一文字，務求字字精雕細琢、精益求精、精準到位。當然，品質總在細微處發光。

Z has been a professional translator for years in Taipei. She majored in English in college and has published her own book. She was able to put the finishing touches on my work with technical terms and the modern parlance of Taiwan. I would email her several chapters at a time. She was referred to me by a friend and we had never actually met. She would review my draft with a polite touch, like a gentle breeze on the face or a dragonfly touching the surface of the water. Once she replied, I did not change a word, you translated it perfectly! and It is a rare skill to be able to write in such a modern way, but with a classical style! Because of her kind words of encouragement, I began thinking of her as my morale-boosting reviewer. I once accused her of changing too little (so audacious of me!) and she replied, I made no substantial revisions because you translated it well. There is no need to further overhaul it. Literature is always a matter of opinion. Being a dragonfly touching the surface of the water does not mean I did not seriously review your work. A translator is another type of writer. Why do you think your writing ability is inferior to that of your reviewers??!! She also had high praise for the novel itself, saying, The author tells a straightforward story but it is full of climaxes. I appreciate her meticulous attention to detail and her honesty in relating her Taiwan experiences.

Yang Yun is my co-worker, a talented lady who uses her left brain to write software and her right brain to read novels. Coming from Mainland China and also being an ardent fiction fan, she provided a very valuable perspective and alternative viewpoints. She graciously reviewed my draft and did not offer many major revisions. However, she did provide valuable comments. I referred to her as the experienced novel reviewer and told her, The translation is mine, I can get the ax and fix it any way I want; but the plot belongs to the author. I can only pass on your comments! Yang Yun often caught minor flaws in unexpected places. For example, the novel mentions a conversation over a cup of steaming hot water. She offered a slightly different translation than mine, resulting in my closer examination of the expression, which derives from the idiom, over a cup of coffee. Americans love to drink coffee. Over a cup of coffee implies a casual and relaxed conversation. When Kat first arrived in Taiwan, she could not believe the Tainese would drink plain hot water. But in the last few chapters, Kat is able to do as the Romans do and have casual conversations over a cup of steaming hot water.

Lily Liang is a fellow alumna of the National Cheng Kung University. She has been retired for years and spends most of her time at her daughter’s home in Connecticut, helping with her two grandchildren. She took time away from her busy grandparenting schedule to help review my draft. She called me many evenings with her comments. A verbatim style reviewer (she always was!), she went through my work with a scalpel, excising typos, incorrect characters, and wrong words. We re-learned 鞠躬(bow) or 鞠躬(bow) over the phone. Speaking over the phone, we realized that I used the wrong measure word for dumplings. In my draft, I wrote, "60 顆 (kē) dumplings, or a few 粒 (lì) dumplings," and she insisted the measure word for dumplings was 個 (gè). I thought about this and told her I’ve been using 顆 and 粒 my whole life! She checked the dictionary (a paper dictionary) on one end of the phone, while I on the other end checked zdic.net and Yahoo! This project had us restudying Chinese! It turns out, she was right. In her professional life, she was an accountant during the week and a Chinese teacher at a Chinese school on the weekends. As a result, she gets every number and every word correct; her work glows with quality and precision.

劉一麟是我成功大學同系的學長，也剛退休（哈，正好有時間為我大力審稿），自動晉升為大刀闊斧型的審稿者（令我也嚮往退休生活呀）！她逐字點撥、逐句糾纏，紅筆點染，圈點刪補，字詞的更換，句段的挪移，頗能一字見真意，一語透精神。她細針密縷，是除誤能手，就舉些小例子，leave for school，這國中的英文，我也不慎而誤譯，被她糾出；春雨菲菲，被改正為春雨霏霏；不受歡迎的客人，被精簡為不速之客；piece of piss在小說中不同場合出現四次，此成語的意思就是很方便、很容易的意思，根據上下文 的適切性，有一處我成語對成語，翻為易如反掌、有三處我模仿原成語一樣玩文字趣味而翻為如小便般方便，但，其中一處被她改為真方便或太容易了，觀其上下文的連串性，此糾正更為恰當。

第四步驟是最後總校閱，自己從頭至尾，地毯式地再一次細心品讀、微調。翻譯是一項漫長的細膩藝術、細緻工程，是文字學習、也是文化交流，過程有趣又充實，令我獲益匪淺，對於作者及四位審稿者，我是滿心感謝！現在，金阿婆頭已梳成，臉紅心跳，靦腆出場與世見面！

《2014年10月4日於華府》

Lydia Liu Tien is another fellow alumna of the National Cheng Kung University. We majored in the same subject. Having just retired, she had plenty of time to be my reviewer. Ha! She quickly became known as my strictest reviewer (now I am also longing for retirement!) She reviewed the draft thoroughly. She detangled sentences, marked the draft with red pen, circled errors, deleted the unnecessary, replaced words, and moved whole sentences. With one flick of her wrist, she unlocked the true meaning of a sentence and revealed the spirit of a phrase. With her intricate word weaving style, she debugged my manuscript. For example, I mis-translated leave for school, a phrase we learned in middle school. She corrected spring rain from this 菲菲 (fēi fēi) to this 霏霏 (fēi fēi). She changed 不受歡迎的客人 (bù shòu huān yíng de kè ren—an unwanted guest) to 不速之客 (bù sù zhī kè—an uninvited guest). The New Zealand idiom piece of piss appears four times in the novel on different occasions; it means convenient and easy. Based on the context, I used 易如反掌 (yì rú fǎn zhǎng—as easy as flipping one’s hand) in one place, translating an idiom with an idiom. In three other places, I imitated the original idiom with word and sound play, translating it into 如小便般方便 (rú xiǎo biàn bān fang biàn—as easy as urine). But she changed these to 真方便(zhēn fang biàn—really convenient) or 太容易了(tài róng yì le—too easy). By closely reviewing the expression in context, I realized she was correct.

The fourth and final step was the complete re-review. I proofread the novel from start to finish, further fine-tuning it. Translation is a combination of delicate art and detailed engineering; it is the study of words and language, but it is also cultural exchange. It is a fun and fulfilling process from which I have greatly benefitted. I am full of gratitude to the author and the four reviewers. Now, Grandma Chin (Ha!) is finished combing his hair. Blushing and with a fluttering heart, he presents his work to the world.

(10/4/2014 in Washington D.C.)

目錄

譯者序

Translator’s Note

Chapter One: The Little Girl

第一章 小女孩

Chapter Two: Dr. Napolo

第二章 拿破鑼醫生

Chapter Three: Uncle Otto

第三章 奧托舅舅

Chapter Four: Mr. Zhang

第四章 張先生

Chapter Five: Charlotte

第五章 Charlotte

Chapter Six: Candy

第六章 Candy

Chapter Seven: May

第七章 May

Chapter Eight: Bobby

第八章 Bobby

Chapter Nine: Henrik

第九章 亨瑞克

Chapter Ten: Dana

第十章 丹娜

Chapter Eleven: Beethoven

第十一章 貝多芬

Chapter Twelve: Jess

第十二章 潔絲

Chapter Thirteen: Pete

第十三章 皮特

Chapter Fourteen: Chiang Kai-shek

第十四章 蔣介石

Chapter Fifteen: Kitten

第十五章 Kitten

Chapter Sixteen: The Tailor

第十六章 裁縫師

Chapter Seventeen: The Plumber

第十七章 水管工人

Chapter Eighteen: Illa

第十八章 愛啦

Chapter Nineteen: Leroy and Randal

第十九章 Leroy和Randal

Chapter Twenty: Grace

第二十章 Grace

Chapter Twenty-One: Mr. Hsu

第二十一章 許先生

Chapter Twenty-Two: Sabine

第二十二章 莎冰

Chapter Twenty-Three: Vince

第二十三章 文斯

Chapter Twenty-Four: Jim

第二十四章 Jim

Chapter Twenty-Five: Tomoko

第二十五章 智子

Chapter Twenty-Six: Wayne

二十六章 Wayne

Chapter Twenty-Seven: Mike

第二十七章 Mike

Chapter Twenty-Eight: Santa Claus

第二十八章 聖誕老人

Chapter Twenty-Nine: Puyi

第二十九章 溥儀

Chapter Thirty: Elder Berry

第三十章 貝瑞長老

Chapter Thirty-One: Saranya

第三十一章 莎嫩芽

Chapter Thirty-Two: Elton

第三十二章 Elton

Chapter Thirty-Three: Kat Vespucci

第三十三章 凱·偉斯泊奇

Chapter Thirty-Four: Ariel

第三十四章 Ariel

THE END

結束

Chapter One: The Little Girl

God, get me off this bus before I get whiplash.

The gaunt driver with erect, ink-black hair is slamming his foot alternately on the gas and brake pedals as if he’s auditioning for the musical STOMP. I sway forward and backward with the collective passenger mass, our bodies sliding frictionless against each other. My hair and necklace pendulate against my damp neck and shoulders.

The air feels like steam on my skin. A swarm of motor scooters buzzes around the bus. Out the window, I catch glimpses of palm trees and signs I can’t read flashing by. It is my first time ever seeing live palm trees. I’ve seen signs like these before in Chinatown in New York City but never this many.

The bus bangs to a halt, and the doors crash open. Tái běi shì zhèng fǔ! the bus driver yaps into the microphone. A wave of passengers disembarks, and I struggle to not separate from my two large suitcases. The second wave of passengers embarks and sweeps me back into place. I look desperately at the electronic scroll at the front of the bus.

Where am I?

臺北市政府 it says. Greek to me. I am lost.

A little girl standing next to me has her eyes fixed on me without blinking. Her mother also has her eyes fixed on me without blinking. So does everybody else on the bus.

Hello! says a man with a briefcase. You are from where?

I’m from America, I answer him. And you?

Oh! America good! he exclaims, giving me a thumbs-up.

Oh, thank you, I answer.

My English so poor, he says.

No, your English is very good, I lie.

No, no! Very poor, he says, and gives me a big smile that he holds for a long time without blinking. Others around me also give me big smiles that they hold for a long time without blinking.

Suddenly, I feel the sensation of a spider crawling on my left arm. I jerk my arm away and look to see the tiny fingers of the little girl inspecting my skin. She persists, reaching out again for my arm.

"Wèi shén me tā de pí fū nà me bái?" she asks her mother.

"Yīn wèi tā shì wài guó rén, her mother explains. I give them an expectant look, waiting for a translation that never comes. The mother gives me a big smile that she holds for a long time without blinking. Then she finally says, You are very far from home."

Yes, I nod in agreement. I am very far from home.

The little girl is petting my arm and staring up at my hair. "Wèi shén me tā de tóu fa nà me jīn sè?" the little girl asks her mother.

"Yīn wèi wài guó rén de tóu fa dōu shì zhè yàng," her mother explains.

Again, no translation. There is nothing I can contribute to the conversation, so I turn my glance back to the front of the bus.

What the hell was I thinking moving here? When I moved to Germany, I had studied German for years. Why didn’t I at least take some Mandarin classes before moving to Taiwan?

Am I nuts?

第一章 小女孩

上帝，在我的脖子被震斷之前，讓我下車吧。

憔悴的公車司機，有著豎立的黑髮，他的腳在剎車、油門間輪流重踏，好像在為STOMP樂團試鏡打拍。我與所有乘客前前後後整齊一致地擺動，身體之間零距離、零摩擦。我的頭髮、項鍊在我濕黏的頸部、肩上像鐘擺一樣左右晃動。

感覺上，蒸汽般的空氣就像是我的第二層皮膚。公車外熱鬧非凡，一群摩托車呼嘯而過；窗外，我瞥見棕櫚樹及一閃而過、看不清楚的招牌。這是我第一次看到真的棕櫚樹，我在紐約的中國城也見過類似的招牌，但沒見過這麼多！

公車砰然而停、車門轟然而開。「臺北市政府」公車司機對著麥克風吼叫。一波乘客下車，我努力地抓住我的兩個大行李箱；另一波乘客上車，並將我捲回原位。我努力地看著前面滾動的電子告示。

我在哪裡？

告示上寫著臺北市政府。對我而言，那是希臘文。我迷路了。

有一個小女孩站在我旁邊，她一眼不眨地盯著我看；她的母親也是一眼不眨地盯著我看；車上其他人也都如此。

「哈囉！」一位提著公事包的男人說，「妳從哪裡來？」

「我從美國來，」我回答他，「你呢？」

「哦！美國好！」他叫道，並豎起了大拇指。

「哦，謝謝你，」我回答。

「我的英語很差，」他說。

「不，你的英語非常好，」我撒了謊。

「沒有，沒有！很差呢！」他說，並給了我一個大大的微笑，我周圍的人也給我大大的微笑，大夥都不眨一眼地持續了很長的一段時間瞪著我笑。

突然，我覺得左臂上有蜘蛛爬行的感覺。我搐動我的胳膊，看到小女孩的小手指正在探視我的皮膚，很認真地檢查到我的胳膊。

「為什麼她的皮膚那麼白？」她問她的母親。

「因為她是外國人，」她的母親解釋。我面露期待的表情，等待著永遠不會到來的翻譯。她的母親給了我一個大大的微笑，不眨一眼地持續了很長的一段時間瞪著我笑。然後，她終於說：「你離家很遠呢。」

「是的，」我同意地點頭，「我是離家很遠。」

小女孩正在撫摸我的胳膊，並向上盯著我的頭髮，「為什麼她的頭髮是金色？」小女孩問她的母親。

「因為外國人的頭髮都是這樣，」她的母親解釋。

依舊沒有翻譯。她倆的談話我無法插嘴，所以我回頭望著公車前面。

當初我是怎麼想的啊，為何要來這裡呢？當我去德國時，我已研究過德國多年。為什麼我不至少修一些中文課再來臺灣呢？

我瘋了嗎？

The bus bangs to a halt and the doors crash open.

Yǒng chūn! the driver yaps into the microphone. The mother and the little girl are swept away in the wave of disembarking passengers. In the wave of embarking passengers is a Caucasian face, the site of which hits me like the beam of a rescue light. The woman notices me too and nods. I give her a desperate look.

You right, mate? she asks.

Hi! Yes, I think so. It’s so good to see you, I say, as if I’ve known her for years.

You’re looking a bit knackered. Just get here?

Yeah, I just touched down.

Work or holiday?

I’m sorry?

Are you here for work or holiday?

Um, I came here to teach English. Is today a holiday?

She laughs. First time outside America?

No, I’ve been to Europe before.

Right. Well, welcome to the renegade province.

Thanks. It’s good to be here—I think.

This is a great place for foreigners to teach English.

Really? Why is that?

Because there are so many foreigners here.

I look around the bus. There are?

Yes, she says. You’ll fit right in.

I look around the bus again. I will?

She laughs. No worries. Just give it some time. Where are you off to? I reckon I might be able to help you get there.

Tianmu.

Cripes! You’re way past it. You should have connected about five stops ago.

You don’t say. I have the stop names written down here, I show her my printed directions, and somehow I thought I’d be able to identify the stops when I got there.

Oh, do you read Chinese? the woman asks, pointing to the electronic scroll at the front of the bus. 永春, it says.

Um … no. I shake my head. But I managed the public transportation system fine in Germany, so I thought … my voice trails off.

Right. Well. Welcome to the land of nonphonetic script, she says, laughing.

Yeah, I don’t know what I was thinking, getting on this bus.

No worries. You’re just in for a little adventure, that’s all. In the future, if you can, definitely take the MRT.

The what?

The metro. It’s new and superfast. And the stops are transcribed into Western letters.

Oh my God, if I had only known.

I reckon a cab is your best bet at this point though. Let me help you get your things off the bus.

Okay, thank you.

公車砰然而停、車門轟然而開。

「永春！」公車司機對著麥克風吼叫。那母親和小女孩在一波下車的乘客中消失，上車的乘客群中有一白人臉孔，當場就像救世主的光芒照亮了我，那女人也注意到我並對我點了頭，我給她一個絕望的眼神。

「你還好吧，伙伴？」她問。

「嗨！是的，我想還好吧，見到你真好，」我說著，好像認識她好幾年了。

「你看起來有點疲倦，剛來嗎？」

「是啊，剛落地。」

「工作或度假？」

「什麼？」

「你來這裡是工作、還是度假？」

「嗯，我來這裡教英語。今天是個假日嗎？」

她笑著說，「第一次到美國以外的地方嗎？」

「不，我曾去過歐洲。」

「喔，好吧，歡迎來到離經叛道的一省。」

「謝謝，我覺得•••到這裡很好。」

「這是外國人教英語的好地方。」

「真的嗎？為什麼？」

「因為有很多的外國人在這裡。」

我環顧車內四周，「有嗎？」

「是的，」她說，「你會適應很好的。」

我再次環顧車內四周，「會嗎？」

她笑著說，「不用擔心，只需一些時間。你要到哪？我想我或許可以幫幫你。」

「天母。」

「天哪！你早已過站了，你應該在大約五站前下車轉車的。」

「你別說，我的站名已寫在這裡了，」我給她看我印出的路線圖，「我以為當我到站時，我就能夠知道站名。」

「哦，你看得懂中文嗎？」女人問，並指著公車前面滾動的電子標示永春。

「嗯•••不行，」我搖搖頭。

「不過，我在德國時都可毫無失誤地搭乘公共交通系統，所以，我想•••」我的聲音漸漸變慢、變小了。

「沒錯。好，歡迎來到非拼音系統的地方，」她笑著說。

「是啊，我不知道我搭上這輛公車時，是在想什麼呢。」

「不用擔心，妳只是有點冒險。如果可以的話，以後絕對要搭MRT。」

「什麼？」

「捷運。新建的、又超快，各站都有西方的文字。」

「噢，我的上帝，早知道就好了。」

「我想你目前最好的選擇就是計程車，讓我幫你抬你的行李吧。」

「Ok，謝謝你。」

When the bus bangs to a halt at the next stop and the doors crash open, the woman helps me lift my suitcases, and we let the wave of disembarking passengers sweep us off the bus. Once out on the street, she hails a taxicab. I hand her my printed directions, and she says something to the driver in Chinese. Then she helps me lift my suitcases into the trunk.

When the bus bangs to a halt at the next stop and the doors crash open, the woman helps me lift my suitcases, and we let the wave of disembarking passengers sweep us off the bus. Once out on the street, she hails a taxicab. I hand her my printed directions, and she says something to the driver in Chinese. Then she helps me lift my suitcases into the trunk.

I told the driver your address. You should be sorted.

Thank you so much.

No worries. Glad to help.

You have no idea.

Oh, yes I do, she says. When I was new here, I thought it was the dodgiest place ever. But you’ll get the hang of it.

You think so?

Suddenly the fifteen cars, buses, and motor scooters behind, next to, and in front of us punch their horns in rapid succession. My eardrums strain under the volume. I give the girl an abrupt hug and board the taxi.

Don’t worry! she says. Whatever you were doing back home, this will beat it.

The taxicab springs forward. I stare at the woman standing on the curb through the rear window, wishing she were inside with me. My fingers wrap around the crucifix dangling from the silver chain around my neck. I sure hope she’s right. I think about what I was doing back home in New Jersey.

Yeah. She’s right.

當下一站公車砰然而停、車門轟然而開時，這女人幫我抬著行李箱，讓一波下車的乘客擁著我們下了車。到大街上，她招來一輛計程車。我遞給她我的路線圖，她用中文和司機說了些話，然後幫我抬行李箱、放入車後箱內。

「我告訴司機你的地址，你應已進入排班系統。」

「非常感謝你。」

「小意思，很高興能協助你。」

「你不知道‧‧‧」

「哦，我知道的，」她說，「我初來乍到時，我認為這是個最不靠譜的地方，但你會得到竅門的。」

「你真的這麼認為嗎？」

突然，前後左右，汽車、巴士、摩托車共15輛，猛鳴喇叭快速前衝，我的耳膜受損，我突然地擁抱那女孩，之後，才坐上計程車。

「別擔心！」她說，「不管你在家鄉做什麼，這裡教英文肯定會更好。」

計程車彈衝前進。我由後視鏡注視著站在路邊的女人，希望她也坐在車內。我的手指握著我脖子上銀項鍊垂掛下來的十字架，我當然希望她是對的。我想著我在家鄉紐澤西州工作上的挫折。

嗯，她是對的。

Chapter Two: Dr. Napolo

Kat Vespucci, the doctor will see you now.

Oh, thank you, I say to the receptionist as I put down the waiting room magazine and pick up my bulky sample bag.

Dr. Napolo, the drug rep is on her way in, the receptionist says into the telephone. Raritan Pharmaceuticals, I think. Kat Vespucci. Yes. Very good, I’ll send her in.

The receptionist points me down the hallway, Right that way. Third door on your right.

Dr. Napolo greets me inside the third door on the right. Always a pleasure to do business with Raritan, he says as we both sit down in his consultation room. He is much handsomer than I expected.

Oh, thank you, Doctor, I reply. I hope this is the beginning of a long relationship between us.

Dr. Napolo raises an eyebrow.

I mean a long business relationship. Between your office and Raritan Pharmaceuticals’ office. Not between—

Dr. Napolo smirks.

Us.

So, what have you brought for me today, Ms. Vespucci?

Right. Here is a box of samples. It’s our latest, newest drug, Durabone, which is a treatment for osteoporosis in adults.

Durabone, Dr. Napolo repeats, turning the sample box around in his hands.

Yes, it, um, decreases the pace of bone loss, keeping bones thick and hard.

Dr. Napolo smirks and then stiffens his lip. I see.

It can be administered by injection or taken in the … Oh crap. I forget the details of this drug.

Taken in the … Dr. Napolo repeats.

I hurry my bulky pharmaceutical binder out of my sample bag and start flipping through the pages. I don’t want Dr. Napolo to think I don’t know this stuff, which, of course, I don’t. Taken in the … flipping, flipping, flipping, mouth! I exclaim.

Dr. Napolo pretends to cough to disguise his laughter. Ah, taken in the mouth, he says. Oral administration, I think, is what you mean.

Yes, yes, oral administration, I repeat. With liquid.

Yes, of course.

Liquid to ensure penetration—

Absorption, he corrects.

Yes, absorption—into the bones.

…

…

And the side effects, Ms. Vespucci?

Yes, of course. The side effects of Durabone may include, but are not limited to, I close my eyes and attempt to quote from memory, gum pain, itchy eyes, swelling of the earlobes, discomfort while swallowing, burning in the chest, crippling migraines, heart palpitations, discoloration of vomit, back acne, spontaneous fainting, lung paralysis, premature death, and extreme pain in the …

第二章 拿破鑼醫生

「凱·偉斯泊奇，醫生現在可以見你了。」

「哦，謝謝你，」我放下候診室內的雜誌、拿起我那笨重的樣品袋，對著接待員說。

「拿破鑼醫生，藥廠代表就進去了，」接待員對著電話說，「我想是熱力登製藥。凱·偉斯泊奇。是。很好，我這就請她進去。」

接待員指示我沿著走廊走，「就在那，右邊第三扇門。」

在右側第三扇門內，拿破鑼醫生招呼著我，我們在他的諮詢室內坐下，他說：「與熱力登製藥做生意，一直是一件愉快的事。」他比我預期的帥得多。

「哦，謝謝你，醫生，」我答著，「我希望這是我們之間長期關係的開始。」

拿破鑼醫生豎起眉毛。

「我的意思是，一個長期的業務合作關係。你的辦公室與熱力登製藥公司的辦公室之間。而不是•••」

拿破鑼醫生傻笑著。

「我們之間。」

「那麼，偉斯泊奇小姐，你今天有給我帶來什麼東西嗎？」

「當然。這是一盒樣品，是我們最近、最新的藥品，耐固骨，是一種治療成年人骨質疏鬆症的藥物。」

「耐固骨，」拿破鑼醫生重複著，手中並轉動著樣品盒。

「是的，嗯，它減緩骨質流失的速度，保持骨骼粗壯、強硬。」

拿破鑼醫生傻笑著，然後僵著唇：「原來如此。」

「它可以注射使用、或取自•••」哦，笨蛋，我忘了這藥物的細節。

「取自•••」拿破鑼醫生重複。

我趕緊從我的樣品袋中拿出笨重的醫藥資料夾，開始一頁頁翻閱。我不想讓拿破鑼醫生以為我不知道這玩意，雖然，我真的不知道。「取自•••」翻、翻、翻，「嘴！」我高興地叫了起來。

拿破鑼醫生假裝咳嗽以掩飾他的笑聲。「嗯，取自嘴，」他說，「我想你的意思是口服使用。」

「是的、是的，是口服使用，」我重複，「隨著液體口服使用。」

「是的，當然。」

「液體確保滲透•••」

「吸收，」他糾正。

「是的，吸收•••到骨頭內。」

「•••」

「•••」

「副作用呢？偉斯泊奇小姐。」

「是的，當然。耐固骨的副作用可能包括，但不限於，」我閉上眼睛、試著依記憶背出，「眼睛癢、牙齦疼痛、耳垂腫脹、吞嚥不順、胸口燒熱、弱偏頭痛、心臟心悸、嘔吐物變色、背部痤瘡、隨時昏厥、肺麻痺、早死，還有•••什麼什麼很痛？」

???

Crap, crap! Why can’t I remember this stuff?

One second. I scan the open page in the pharmaceutical binder for the side effects of Durabone. Extreme pain in the … scanning, scanning, scanning.

Dr. Napolo looks at me with keen interest. Extreme pain in the …

Bones! I exclaim triumphantly.

Dr. Napolo lets a full laugh escape. I might have guessed. Durabone may cause extreme pain in the bones.

Well, only in some cases, I explain.

Yes, of course, only in some cases. Otherwise it would hardly be worth it, would it?

Indeed. On the up side, Durabone has also done well in clinical tests for erectile dysfunction—if that is something you’re interested in.

Dr. Napolo frowns.

Your patients, I clarify, if that is something your patients are interested in. Not you personally.

Right. Of course. I suppose my patients might be interested in that, except that—

We’ve got a promotion going now, I interrupt him, sensing he is going to turn me down, where you can get a month’s supply for free when you—

Yes, I understand, Ms. Vespucci, but you see—

Order a year’s supply. And of course we will give you a money-back guarantee if any of your patients are unsatisfied—

I’m afraid I’m not the kind of—

With the result. I can’t blow this sale, I can’t blow this sale. I’ll tell you what, I can have an additional box of samples sent to your office and you can try them—

Ms. Vespucci.

Just to see how your patients react—

Ms. Vespucci!

I stop, blinking at him.

This is all well and good—but I am a dentist.

Oh shit. I flip to the front of my bulky pharmaceutical binder where I keep my call list of doctors. Sure enough, Anthony Napolo, DDS.

Right. Um. Ha, ha! I reach across the desk and take the sample box of Durabone out of Dr. Napolo’s hands and put it back in my sample bag. I locate the other sample box in the bag, take it out, and hand it to him. Here is a box of samples. It is our latest, newest drug, Duradent.

「？？？」

笨蛋、笨蛋！為什麼我記不住這玩意？

「等一會，」我在醫藥資料夾的頁面上搜尋耐固骨的副作用，「•••什麼什麼很痛？」搜尋、搜尋、搜尋。

拿破鑼醫生滿心期待地看著我，「•••什麼什麼很痛？」

「骨頭！」我勝利的歡呼。

拿破鑼醫生開懷大笑，「我應該也猜得到，耐固骨可能導致骨頭很痛。」

「但，只是在某些情況下，」我解釋。

「是的，當然是在某些情況下。否則，它幾乎是沒價值的，不是嗎？」

「的確如此。正面來看，在勃起障礙的臨床試驗上，耐固骨的成效也很好，如果那是你感興趣的話。」

拿破鑼醫生皺起眉頭。

「我是指你的病人，」我澄清，「如果那是你的病人感興趣的話。不是你個人。」

「沒錯，當然。我想，我的病人可能會感興趣的，只是•••」

「我們正在促銷期間，」感覺他正要拒絕我，我打斷他的話，「此時你可以得到一個月免費的供應量，如果你•••」

「是的，我明白，偉斯泊奇小姐，但你要瞭解•••」

「訂購一年的供應量。當然，如果你的病人不滿意，我們保證退錢。」

「恐怕，我不是那種•••」

我可不能搞砸了這個買賣、我可不能搞砸了這個買賣，「我可以告訴你，我會先送一盒額外的樣本到你的辦公室，你可以試試•••」

「偉斯泊奇小姐。」

「你病人的反應。」

「偉斯泊奇小姐！」

我停了下來，眨著眼看他。

「聽起來一切都很好，•••但我是一名牙醫。」

哦，媽的。我翻到我那笨重醫藥資料夾的最前面，醫生通話單的那一頁，果然，安東尼·拿破鑼，牙醫生。

「沒錯，嗯，哈、哈！」我手伸過桌面，將耐固骨的樣品盒由拿破鑼醫生的手中拿回，並把它放回我的樣品袋，在袋中找到了另一個樣品盒，拿出交給他，「這是一盒樣品，是我們最近、最新的藥品，耐固牙。」

Chapter Three: Uncle Otto

I suck at pharmaceutical sales, I say to my best friend Dana over coffee at the diner.

I know, Kat. But don’t beat yourself up about it. It’s not for everyone, Dana replies.

What?

Pharmaceutical sales. It’s not for everyone.

I never told you before that I sucked at it. How did you know?

Um … Dana looks away from me.

How did you know I sucked at pharmaceutical sales, Dana?

You know … I don’t know. Dana shrugs her shoulders and continues to avoid my gaze. People talk.

Oh, great. So everyone knows?

I wouldn’t say everyone.

Great. Why couldn’t you just have said, ‘No, Kat, you don’t suck at pharmaceutical sales, I’m sure it’s all in your head?’

Dana shrugs her shoulders. Don’t beat yourself up about it, Kat. Like I said, pharmaceutical sales is not for everyone.

…

"Although in your case, I don’t think it’s that you can’t do it.